Pinkie Pie accidentally places herself in a precarious position when she plants her palate on a pole.

Perfect cover art and priceless inspiration courtesy of the perpetually phenomenal alittleofsomething.

Perfect punctuation provided by Tired Old Man.

After his staff of security officers come down with the billygoat flu, Iron Will desperately seeks replacements. With only a few hours before his seminar, he reluctantly hires four fillies to assist. Iron Will is skeptical, but he doesn't have much of a choice.

But does he really have anything to worry about? After all, it's just an assertiveness seminar. His new hires will just have to check tickets. Security is easy, isn't it? Nothing bad will happen.

Right?

Isn't this the CMC we're talking about?

Thanks to Biker_Dash and ValorlordV5 for editing.

Now Featured on Equestria Daily!

Rated Teen for raunchy humor, language, and four fillies abusing their authority.

A secret unknown to any hornless pony, unicorn horns are made of candy. Pinkie Pie found out, and now she wants to try every flavor!

Warning: contains awkward moments and far too much non-consensual horn licking. Proceed at the risk of your horn and your dignity.

Available in Chinese, courtesy of Hell Organist.
Available in Russian, courtesy of boatOV.
Audio Reading by CaptainBron3y.
Second Audio Reading by Kanjigirl.
Featured on Equestria Daily.

Based on this story:
Pegasus Wings Are Made Of Ice Cream
The Taste Of Madness
Lyra's Candy Shoppe
Candy Is Made Of Unicorn Horns
How Many Licks?
To Prevent Horn Decay
Unicorn Horns Are Made of Heroin
Over His Dead Body
A Luscious Loophole
Dr. Doofenshirtz's Sweet Revenge
That Thing We Do
#DealWithIt
Unicorn Horns are...
Unicorn Horns Are Loaded With Calories
Charlie The Unicorn's Horn Is Made Of Candy

No one asked for it! No one demanded it! But here it is anyway: pure, distilled essence of badfic, satirized for your protection and diluted with enough water to keep you from going blind. In addition to the two terrible and wildly unoriginal shots that have been available separately on Elric's blog, this collection contains a previously untasted third chug of intentionally painful and derivative awfulness. (Do not operate heavy machinery while under the influence of bad fanfiction.)

Universally admired original characters, show characters acting out of character, stupid names, implausible shipping, gratuitous tragedy, and more -- it's all right here. Read if you dare.

Any resemblance between these OCs and any other OCs, living or dead, is purely coincidental maliciously intentional.

There’s a pest in Carousel Boutique that only Fluttershy can deal with. But what happens when it’s the one animal, the one thing in all Equestria, that Fluttershy hates more than anything? The answer: absolute bucking destruction!

Princess Cadance, just like everypony else, needs some time of leisure from her many duties. While Shining Armor is taking care of their daughter, Cadance enjoys her lone trips to the nearby Nephrite Forest, where she can be away from all of her burdens and obligations for at least a short while.

She was simply destined to get mugged eventually, wasn’t she? Why not by somepony who takes his job very seriously.

Also available in Mandarin Chinese (translation by keplebletbett) and Spanish (translation by SPANIARD KIWI).

This story is a sequel to MLP: FML

An insane and illogical sequel parody of your favorite ponies.

It's been months since Twilight Sparkle stopped Nightmare Moon and moved to Ponyville. In that time, she's gone on many adventures with her friends and has finally gotten used to their insane antics.

However, new enemies are coming to destroy them. Can Twilight and her friends survive a mad god, an evil plan to take over Equestria, and an author who's finally adding a plot to this story?

Rated T for cartoon horse violence, strong language, and suggestive humor.

Cover art generously provided by Script!

Two outlaws get more than they bargained for when they kidnap a young Pinkie Pie for ransom.

(Fusion crossover with O. Henry's short story "The Ransom Of Red Chief" Featured on EQD 2/15/14)

The Apple family farm is in trouble. It was once underwater, but Discord fixed that. Now it’s underwater with a horrible, evil, greedy creature: a bank. Big Mac has only one day to get the bits together. After overhearing the flower mares talk about him, he gets an idea. It’s the oldest profession in the world, so how hard could it be?

All he has to do is keep quiet while he conducts business. So long as the customers are happy, and the bits are flowing, it’s all worth it. It’s just his reputation, self-esteem, health, and dignity on the line. It’s just a roll in the hay— it doesn’t mean anything…

Right?

Featured on EQD! (7/16/14)

Edited by: Level Dasher
Cover Art by: Anonymoose

Twilight's just received her official government escort license, which allows her to legally take on passengers during a teleport. Unfortunately, the fee was hideously expensive -- enough to completely wipe out all her spare bits. And there's a major purchase coming up which she refuses to put off. So what better way to raise the money than by giving her freshly-approved skill a workout? After all, it's winter, it's cold, ponies will get home all the faster, and since Twilight knows what 'escort' means, so will everypony else.

It's probably best not to bet on that last part.

(Part of the Triptych Continuum, which has its own TVTropes page and FIMFiction group -- but can be read as a stand-alone, and no knowledge of the other stories is required. New members and trope edits are welcome.)

Now with author Patreon and Ko-Fi pages.

Current cover art by Harwick: please contact him for commission rates. Original cover art by EquesTRON.