In Which A Decision Is Regretted
In Which A Decision Is Regretted
"Alright! So, does everypony remember Iron Will's rules?"
Iron Will paced back and forth in front of the four fillies, all of whom were lined up side-by-side and equipped with batons, hoof-cuffs, mace, and ridiculous blue uniforms. The uniforms were similiar to those of a police officer—cyan with dark-blue pockets and silver buttons. While they were unused uniforms intended for the goat-guards, they fit the four decently enough, much to Iron Will's elation.
Iron Will stood with his new hires behind the stage of Ponyville's ampitheatre. A small crowd of paid attendees were finally starting to gather. It'd taken about an hour before the residents of Ponyville deemed the streets safe again, leaving only about an hour before the show was due to start. "Well?" he asked, crossing his arms and staring down at the fillies.
"Um... Nopony gets backstage without a ticket!" Scootaloo answered, confidently raising a forehoof.
"Good." Iron Will smiled. "That's one."
Sweetie nodded. "Oh, and if anypony gets rowdy, warn them three times that they need to calm down before we use justifiable legal force!"
"That's two."
"Dat's right!" Babs drew her baton and smacked it several times against her opposite forehoof. "An' if we see Fluttershy at all, she's not allowed in under any circumstances!"
"Right! Wait... what?" Apple Bloom blinked and shook herself awake. "Why ain't she allowed inta the seminar again, Mister Iron Will?"
"Nopony questions Iron Will!" he blurted, waving his hands. "Nopony! Treat me like a pushover, and you'll get the once-over!" Lurching forward, he raised a finger and growled to his guards, "Mayor Mare may have Iron Will in a corner, but not Fluttershy! There shall be no more 'incidents' after today, you four got that?"
"Uh-huh," the Crusaders mumbled, gulping.
"Good!" Iron Will rose to full height and grinned. "Now, what else did Iron Will tell you?"
"Attack the day!"
"Don't be shy, look 'em in the eye!"
"When somepony tries ta block, show 'em that ya rock!"
"Don't be sorry! Be assertive!"
"That's RIGHT!" Beating his chest with his fists, Iron Will roared, "Let's get this show on the road, ponies!"
"ALRIGHT!"
Four Crusaders raised their forehooves and hoof-bumped each other, fueled by adrenaline. This was the perfect plan! After this show and this little gig, they'd finally emerge with their cutiemarks, never to be called blankflanks again!
Iron Will smirked and chuckled to himself. Perhaps this was for the better after all! Turning around, he moved the stage's red curtain aside and glanced at the growing crowd. Soon, he would be commanding the stage once more, showing these ponies really how to be assertive!
Today was going to be perfect!
~
One hour later...
After a mostly uneventful round of ticket-taking and checking, the four security-fillies were stationed backstage, going over Iron Will's last-minute post orders. Iron Will was currently on stage, introducing himself with his roar of a voice. "Hello, everypony! Iron Will's my name, and trainin' ponies is my game!"
"Alright, Crusaders! Let's go over the list!" Apple Bloom clutched a clipboard and a hastily scrawn list in her forehooves. "Let's see... Everypony in the crowd has tickets, right?"
"Check!" Scootaloo fluttered her wings and smirked. "Me and Sweetie Belle made sure of that. Right, Sweetie Belle?"
"Right!"
"Alright!" Tapping her chin, Apple Bloom read off the next item on the list. "An' nopony's seen Fluttershy 'round here, right?"
"Check!" Babs stretched her hindhooves. "An' we're ready ta take her down if she tries ta change that!"
Her cousin frowned. "Babs, we can't jus' tackle everypony who breaks the rules immediately! We have ta warn 'em three times, 'member?"
"Oh," Babs said, visibly disappointed. She sat on her haunches and sighed. "Guess you're right."
"'Sides, Fluttershy's our friend!" Apple Bloom checked off the second item on the list. "If she does try ta get inta the seminar, we'll jus' politely ask her to leave."
Sweetie agreed, "Yea! Ponies always listen if you ask politely."
Babs mumbled, "You three neva been ta Manehatten, have ya?"
Apple Bloom narrowed her eyes. "What was that?"
"Nothin'!"
"Hmph." Moving down her list, only one item remained. "Alright, girls. It says here that once the seminar starts, we need ta split up. One pony backstage, one pony at the front entrance, one pony at the rear—"
Babs snorted.
Ignoring her, Apple Bloom finished, "An' one roamin' around, patrollin'. Alright. Who wants ta stay backstage?"
None of the others made a move.
Apple Bloom groaned. "C'mon, y'all, somepony has ta stay back here!"
"But backstage is boring!" Scootaloo whined.
"Jus' fer that, Scoots, yer stayin' backstage."
"Awww, c'mon!" Scootaloo crossed her forehooves and kicked at the floorboards. "Of course I get the boring job."
"Aww, don't be so glum, Scootie!" Sweetie Belle giggled. "I'll come back and keep you company!"
Blushing, Scootaloo hissed, "I told you not to use that name in public!"
Babs and Apple Bloom exchanged knowing glances before both fillies burst into laughter. "Scootie? Bahahaha!" Babs whooped, practically doubling over with chortles.
"Oh, very funny!" huffed Scoots, drawing her baton. "Remember: you laugh at me, I wrath at you!"
"Yea, whateva, tough guy," dismissed Babs, stomping the floor in glee. Struggling to compose herself, she said, "Apple Bloom, let's jus' pick da rest o' the positions. I'll giggle at the Scootie some otha time."
Wiping a tear from her eye, Apple Bloom said, "Heh, heh, alright. Alright! So! Who wants ta go guard the front entrance?"
"Guess I will." With a smirk, Babs Seed said, "I'll make sure nopony gets inta heeya without a ticket, o' at least a big box o' donuts!"
"No, Babs! No bribes!" Apple Bloom clicked her tongue and shook her muzzle. "We have ta take this job seriously!"
"Fiiiiiiiiine."
"Good." Returning to the list, Apple Bloom said, "Alright, so that jus' leaves me an' Sweetie. Sweetie Belle, would ya rather roam 'round o' guard the rear?"
Babs snort-laughed again, earning her a punch to the shoulder from Apple Bloom. Babs rolled her eyes and started making her way towards the front entrance.
Oblivious to it all, Sweetie Belle tapped her chin, deeply in thought. "Umm... hmmm... maybe... no... ummm—"
"Fer pony's sake, Sweetie, jus' pick one!"
"I'll guard your rear!"
"W-what?!" Apple Bloom took a step back.
"I mean," Sweetie corrected with a blush, "I'll guard the rear."
"O-okay, Sweetie."
With a quick salute and some awkward laughter, the four officers dispersed, each one heading towards their assigned post. Meanwhile, on stage, Iron Will brought a timid stallion on stage, demanding, "What kind of name is Caramel?!"
~
Sitting on her haunches, Babs Seed twirled her baton. The grass was cool and crisp beneath her hooves, serving as a refreshing contrast to the blaze of Celestia's sun above. It was a wonderful day in Ponyville for just about anything, including an assertiveness seminar. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, Iron Will was damaging the self-esteem of most of his audience...
And it was all so very, very boring.
Not a single pony had tried to muscle their way past Babs Seed and into the amphitheater. Not a single one!
Babs smacked her baton from one forehoof to the other, muttering under her breath, "C'mon, somepony, anypony... Hay, if dis was Manehatten, I'd have at least a few thugs try ta mosey dey way inta heeya by now. Ponyville's so booooring!"
With a frustrated sigh, Babs tucked her baton back into its sheath attached to her shoulder. Practically drowning in boredom, so took a forehoof to the grass and pawed at it, poking at the dirt beneath. "Stupid lil' town..."
"Oh, excuse me, young filly."
She glanced up to see an elderly gray stallion wearing an oversized bowtie trembling before her. He bore a strange cutiemark of a bubble pipe on his flank. The stallion brushed back the single strand of mane that remained on his otherwise-bald head. "Have you seen my spectacles, young filly?"
Babs stopped digging at the dirt and paused. "Say what now?"
"Oh, I think I lost my glasses somewhere around here! Have you seen them?"
"Um..." Biting her lip, Babs said, "Sorry, Pops. Can't say dat I have."
"Oh, well that's a shame." Trotting closer, the stallion squinted and peered past the front gate towards the amphitheater area. "Perhaps I lost them in the park?"
Rising to her hooves, she stated firmly, "Dat ain't a park, Grandpa. Now, if ya don't have a ticket ta the show, ya should move 'long, right 'bout now."
The stallion adjusted his bowtie and mused, each word shaking his great jowls, "Oh, yes, I think I must have lost them while I was walking in the park earlier today!" He edged closer to the gate and Babs Seed. "Yes, I'm sure that's where they are."
"Sir," Babs said, raising her voice, "if ya don't have a ticket, ya can't get past the gate heeya."
The stallion crinkled his snout. "T-ticket? But, young filly," he protested, pointing blindly towards the stage, "that's a park right there! Some blue elephant is playing in the sandbox, even!"
Face-hoofing, Babs grumbled, "You have one mo' chance, old man, befo' I have ta take legal action."
Grinning wildly, the elderly stallion placed one forehoof on the gate, rising up on his hindhooves to get a better look.
"Alright, dat's it!"
Poor Mister Waddles never saw what was coming.
Springing off her hindhooves, Babs drew her baton and launched into the elderly stallion. Weak in the hooves, Mister Waddles fell backwards off the gate and landed on his back with a loud "Oomph!"
"Code Tango! Code Tango! Code Tango!" Babs shouted, hoping her fellow officers would hear. "We've got a trespasser heeya!"
"Ahhhh! Please, get off me!"
Babs smacked the stallion across the shoulders.
"Ahhhhhh!"
"Ya gonna leave?!"
"Yes, yes! Please, stop!" he begged, curling up into a ball.
Several passing ponies stopped to stare at the sight. Babs Seed complied and crawled off him, swinging her baton between her forehooves. "Alright, buddy, move along!"
"Y-yes ma'am!" Struggling to his hooves, Mister Waddles panted and shook off his pain, limping towards the street.
A beige Earth pony mare with a blue-and-pink-streaked mane approached the young officer. "Hey! What do you think you're doing, kid?"
"I ain't no kid! I'm a security officer fo' Mister Iron Will's seminar!" Babs brandished her baton, twirling it back and forth. "An' unless ya got a ticket, ya'd best run off, unless ya wanna end up like dat guy."
"Hmph. Well, I never." The mare scoffed before turning away, holding her nose in the air.
Babs groaned. "Some ponies. Sheesh..."
~
Sweetie Belle hummed a joyful tune as she guarded the rear entrance to the seminar. The day had been beautiful and uneventful so far. Not too long ago, she thought she'd heard shouting from the other side of the amphitheater, but it was probably nothing. Shrugging it off, Sweetie Belle continued to hum, closing her eyes and relishing the sensation of the wind in her mane. Such a perfect day...
"Hey, you there!"
Sweetie Belle opened her eyes and looked up. A white unicorn with a two-tone blue mane and enormous sunglasses waved her over.
"S-sorry," Sweetie said, planting her hooves firmly on the ground, "I can't abandon my post."
"Oh! Well, in that case, I'll come talk to you."
"A-alright."
The unicorn sauntered over, a huge smile on her muzzle. "Say, kid, are you working this event?"
Visibly perking up, Sweetie exclaimed, "Sure am! I'm a security officer for Mister Iron Will's assertiveness seminar."
"Nice gig!" Chuckling, the unicorn extended a forehoof to the filly and introduced herself. "I'm Vinyl Scratch."
Sweetie Belle took her forehoof and shook it. "Nice to meet you, Miss Scratch! I'm Sweetie Belle!"
"Please, Sweetie, call me Vinyl!" she said with a laugh. "Now," Vinyl continued, lowering her sunglasses to reveal her bright, crimson eyes, "can you tell me if Mister Iron Will has a DJ for this event?"
Sweetie shook her head. "No, Vinyl, he doesn't."
"I see." Vinyl Scratch rubbed her forehooves together. "Do you know if he'd be interested in hiring one?"
"Um... I'm not sure. The show's already started."
"Already started?! Without music?" Vinyl gasped, placing a forehoof on her chest. "How could somepony have a show without music?"
Sweetie rubbed her nape, darting her eyes around. What was this strange mare getting at? "I'm... I'm not sure."
Crossing her forehooves, Vinyl scoffed and shook her head. "Nopony can, that's who! Tell you what, Sweetie Belle..."
Reaching into her wild mane, Vinyl withdrew a hoof-full of gold coins. "You take these nice, shiny bits and open that gate for me, and I'll go take care of this music situation."
"Um..." Avoiding Vinyl's piercing gaze, Sweetie muttered, "I'm not supposed to take any gifts anypony offers me. That's bribery."
"Bribery?" Vinyl scoffed, incredulous. She laughed and shook her head again. "Bribery! No, no, Sweetie Belle, this isn't bribery. Think of it as a little deal between friends."
"Uh... well..." Sweetie Belle bit her lip, nervous sweat dripping down her neck. "Uh, well, you see—"
"Is there a problem here, Sweetie Belle?"
Apple Bloom entered through the rear gate and joined Sweetie Belle's side, yielding her baton and glaring at Vinyl Scratch. Pointing her baton at the mare, Apple Bloom asked her fellow officer, "Is this one givin' ya any trouble?"
"Oh, another little security officer?"
"Who ya callin' lil'?" demanded Apple Bloom, rounding on Vinyl Scratch. She gave Vinyl a quick once-over. "Ah don't see any ticket in yer hooves."
"I don't need a ticket to ask questions, do I?" challenged Vinyl, directing her glare towards Apple Bloom.
"Ah dunno. Depends on what ma filly Sweetie Belle says you were doin'." She turned to Sweetie. "What was this here mare sayin' ta ya, Sweetie?"
Staring intensely at Vinyl, Sweetie replied, "She tried to bribe me."
"Bribe?!"
"Me, bribe?" Vinyl placed a forehoof on her forehead and scoffed in mock offense. "How dare you accuse me of bribery! Do you know who I am?"
Smacking her baton in her opposite forehoof, Apple Bloom spat, her anger seething, "Ya look like a troublemaker ta me."
With a flick of her mane, Vinyl tucked her bits back into that wilderness of two-tone blue, rolling her eyes. "Well then, I suppose you two are too good for my money." Glancing over the rear gate, she mused, "This gate isn't very strong. What if I just... jumped over it?"
Sweetie gasped. "You wouldn't dare!"
"The hay I wouldn't!"
"Oh yeah? Ya wanna do this the hard way, do ya?" Apple Bloom warned, "We're gonna give ya three chances. This is the first one. Leave, now."
Vinyl smirked.
Drawing her baton, Sweetie stammered, "G-go a-away. You don't have a ticket and you're trying to get in. You're trespassing."
Apple Bloom nodded, still staring at Vinyl. "That's two."
"Oooh! Two!" Vinyl Scratch stuck out her tongue and groaned. Ignoring the two security officers, she placed her hindhooves on the bottom railing of the fencing surrounding the amphitheater. "Enough playin' around, kiddos. It's time Vinyl Scratch gets herself a gig!"
"That's three!" exclaimed Sweetie Belle, wide-eyed.
"We gave her a fair chance! C'mon, Sweetie, let's git her!"
Springing into action, Apple Bloom leapt at Vinyl's hindhooves. Sweat rolled down Sweetie's neck profusely. She wasn't prepared for this!
Sweetie darted a forehoof to her baton, but it wouldn't budge. Panicking, she grabbed the small can of mace holstered to her opposite shoulder and freed it. Apple Bloom was clinging to one of Vinyl's hindlegs, swatting her great, bushy blue tail out of her face. "Stop it, ya varmint!"
Vinyl laughed and moved up on the fence, pulling Apple Bloom with her. "Stupid kids!"
"Sweetie! Get yer mace!"
"Already ahead of you!"
Gulping down her fear, Sweetie Belle scurried over and positioned herself against the fence, looking up at Vinyl Scratch. "Sorry, Miss Scratch, but you leave us no choice!"
With a simple press of a button, the security officer sprayed a cloud of mace into the face of her trespasser.
Howling, Vinyl Scratch brought her forehooves to her dazzling crimson eyes. A direct spray of hot-pepper extract pierced under her glasses, blinding her temporarily. "Ahhhhh! Celestia damn it! My eyes! Ahhhhh! What did you do?!" Flailing wildly, she released her grip on the fence and started to fall backwards.
"Apple Bloom, look out!"
In the nick of time, Apple Bloom jumped off the mare's hindleg and leapt to the side. Vinyl Scratch landed on her back, writhing and howling in agony. "My eyes! My eyes! You damn kids, my buckin' eyes!!"
"Oh, quit yer whinin'!" Snickering, Apple Bloom said coldly, "Ya deserve it, ya damn trespasser!"
Stashing her mace back in its holster, Sweetie Bell shook her head and put a forehoof on Apple Bloom's shoulder. "I've never heard you cuss like that, Apple Bloom! Are you alright?"
"Ah'm fine. Jus'..." Sighing, Apple Bloom looked towards the Ponyville skyline. "Jus'... jus' makes me sick, knowin' all the crime in ma town. Jus' breaks ma whole darn heart."
Meanwhile, Vinyl Scratch rubbed furiously at her eyes, hollering, "You damn kids! Get me some water, for cryin' out loud!"
"Oh, shut upppppppp!" Sweetie kicked Vinyl in the side. "You're so annoying!"
"You two little brats will pay for this!"
"What, with those bits you tried to bribe us with?"
Twitching, Vinyl Scratch rolled onto her side, curling away from the two fillies. "Whatever! I'll go! Just... just give me a sec, please?"
"No! Move along!" ordered Apple Bloom, smacking her in the side with the baton.
"Fine! Fine!" Standing shakily to her hooves, Vinyl shouted as she started to trot away, "You damn, filthy kids!"
Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom hoof-bumped.
~
Scootaloo groaned and paced from one side of the backstage to the other. Beyond the red curtain, Iron Will shouted, "If this timid little colt can learn to be assertive, so can anypony!"
Another voice shouted back, injecting courage into his voice, "I'm a stallion, sir!"
"That's the spirit!" boomed Iron Will.
Shortly afterwards, chants of "CARAMEL! CARAMEL!" followed.
"Arrrrgh!" Falling onto her back, Scootaloo spread her wings and stared at the sky, itching for flight. "We should've went and found Rainbow Dash anyway. She doesn't get into too much trouble. I don't know what's Applejack's problem."
Sighing, she rubbed her eyes, forcing herself to stay awake. This little security gig was proving to be one of their more boring Crusading adventures. Scootaloo thought she'd heard screams from both perimeter entrances, but figured she was just hearing things. After all, security sure was boring. It was just a bunch of sitting around and waiting for something to happen. So not cool.
Gazing up at the clouds, Scootaloo resorted to trying to form shapes out of them. Pointing up at the sky, she muttered, "I think that one looks like a pe—"
Clip-clop, clip-clop.
Startled, Scootaloo bolt upright, quickly rolling onto her stomach and then struggling to her hooves. There it was again. Clip-clop. Clip-clop. Was somepony trying to access the stage? "W-who's there?!" she demanded, feeling around her uniform for her baton.
The hoof-steps continued up the steps underneath the stage, climbing towards the trap-door in the middle. Rushing over, Scootaloo drew her baton and opened the trapdoor, squinting into the darkness below. "C-come out of there!"
A pleasant, feminine voice greeted, "Well, hello there, young filly."
Scootaloo blinked rapidly and rubbed her eyes. She looked again. She blinked once more. There was no way it could possibly be—
"Hello there!" Mayor Mare ascended the steps and pulled herself out of the passageway. Planting all four hooves firmly on the stage, she smiled warmly and asked, "Did Iron Will hire you to be his replacement security crew, young filly?"
"Y-yes m-ma'am!" Clearing her throat, Scootaloo puffed out her chest a little and said boldly, "Security Officer Scootaloo at your service!"
The Mayor chuckled. "Ahh, I should've known that Iron Will would do something like this." She rustled Scootaloo's mane, teasing a giggle from her. "How's the show going?"
"Good, I think," Scootaloo said uneasily. "I think I heard some stallion cry for a bit earlier, but other than that, it sounds like it's been okay."
"Good, good. Any security incidents?"
"Not that I know of, May—"
"Ruffians, brawlers, hooligans, thugs, bums, trespassers?"
Scootaloo stared at the Mayor in disbelief. Trespassing was entering an area without proper authorization to do so. Trespassing was a criminal offense. It was part of her job to prevent it from happening, or to punish those who committed this awful crime.
Glancing nervously around the backstage area, Scootaloo now realized that she'd been given the most important job of all. This was the most high-priority space in the enter amphitheater; if anypony could get backstage without a ticket, they could get anywhere. And that could mean bad things for her in the end. Very bad things, like, as Iron Will warned, cleaning the entire stage with her own toothbrush.
Mayor Mare was trespassing.
"Are you alright, Scootaloo?"
Scootaloo's eye twitched.
The Mayor was trespassing.
"Scootaloo?"
She was a criminal who needed to be apprehended.
"Scoo—"
"CODE TANGO! CODE TANGO! CODE TANGO!"
Mayor Mare tilted her head. "Code what?"
Scootaloo screeched from the top of her lungs, "CODE TANGO! CODE TANGO! CODE TANGO!"
Jumping away from the Mayor, she brandished her baton and ordered, "Mayor Mare, you are trespassing! Leave this area, now!"
"Trespassing?" The Mayor scoffed. "Young filly, I am the Mayor of this fair town. I can go wherever I please."
"No you can't!" Scootaloo objected. "You don't have a ticket!"
Mayor Mare rolled her eyes and face-hoofed. "I don't need a ticket."
"Yes you do! Everypony does!"
Starting to sweat, Scootaloo darted her eyes to both entrances. Hadn't Sweetie and Babs heard her? And where was Apple Bloom roaming around? While she admitted she was a pretty awesome filly, she doubted she could take on a full-grown, able-bodied mare all by herself. Especially the Mayor.
Strangely, Iron Will's boom and roar must've drowned out her screams. The show beyond the curtain proceeded normally. Well, as normally as it could.
Stepping towards her, Mayor Mare said gently, "Scootaloo, I understand you're just trying to do your job, but you must understand that there is an exception to every rule. I'm not here to cause trouble. I'm here to make sure everything is running smoothly." She smiled. "Honest."
"N-no! Trespasser!" Scootaloo pointed her baton at the Mayor. What if this actually wasn't Mayor Mare, but a pony in disguise? A magic spell! Or, worse, a Changeling! Maybe even Queen Chrysalis herself! Or Discord! Or Nightmare Moon! "T-this is your second warning! Don't make me go to t-three!"
"Seriously, young filly, I—"
"Scoots, ya alright?!"
"Scootie, are you okay?!"
Scootaloo's ears burned. "Sweetie! What did I say?!" she snapped, looking over her shoulder. Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom were rushing towards her, cutting through a row of bushes that lined the stage area. From her peripherals, she could see Babs running into the fray as well, her baton clutched between her jaws.
Sweetie climbed up onto the stage and joined Scootaloo. Apple Bloom followed. Lastly, Babs scrambled up onto the stage. Four security-fillies surrounded Mayor Mare.
"Heh, sorry," mumbled Sweetie Belle. "We heard your code, so we figured we had a real evildoer on our hooves!"
"We do!" Gesturing to the Mayor, Scootaloo exclaimed, "She snuck up here without a ticket, and she's on her second warning already!"
"Wait a second..." Babs tilted her head curiously, pointing at the beige mare. "Ain't dis ya mayor?"
"Yes, young fillies, I—"
"Who cares if she's the Mayor?!" Apple Bloom shrieked, throwing up her forehooves. "No excuses! Besides, what if she's really not Mayor Mare?"
"Yeah!" Scootaloo added, "What if she's a Changeling?"
Sweetie gasped. "Changelings? In our town?"
"It's more likely than you think." Flattening her ears, Scootaloo glared at the Mayor Mare Changeling and warned, "One last warning! Leave the stage, or we'll be forced to take action!"
Mayor Mare laughed into a forehoof, shaking her head in disbelief. "Oh, you silly little fillies! Me, a Changeling?"
"I betcha the real Mayor Mare wouldn't trespass." Babs tightened her grip on her baton.
"Yer right, cuz!" Apple Bloom drew her baton. "Ah think this one's tryin' ta pull a fast one on us!"
Mayor Mare ceased her laughter and looked blankly at the four fillies. "You're... you're kidding, right?"
"That's three!" Scootaloo cried, "CHARGE!"
In unison, four Crusaders launched towards one utterly bewildered mare. With the element of surprise on their side—along with batons and mace—the security officers tackled their trespasser.
Four sets of tiny hooves barreled into Mayor Mare, kicking her own hooves out from under her. She landed on her back, blinded by a cloud of dust and the pain of batons smacking across her shoulders, stomach, back, sides, and flanks. She howled and struggled, but the Crusaders hung tight. One of them (probably Babs) even had the audacity to bite her.
"Get off me! Get off me! GET OFF ME!" the Mayor screeched.
"Stop right there, criminal scum!" Grabbing the Mayor's forehooves, Scootaloo forced them behind her back and slapped a pair of hoof-cuffs around them. "We're making a citizen's arrest!"
"You can't arrest me!" protested Mayor Mare, rolling around in a vain attempt to shake her captors. "I'm the Mayor, for Celestia's sake!"
Sweetie Belle smacked her across the muzzle with a forehoof, bruising her snout. Mayor Mare howled. "Don't you take the name of our dear Princess in vain, Changeling scum!"
Wiggling with all her might, Mayor Mare pushed herself by her chin towards the curtain. Closer, closer, closer she inched, flailing her hindhooves. The Crusaders held tight to those hindhooves, trying to hold them down. "Hold her back hooves down so Ah can get the hoof-cuffs on!"
Lurching forward, Mayor Mare grabbed the curtain with her teeth, then yanked it back.
Iron Will, Caramel, and their audience turned their attention to the horrific sight of Mayor Mare, forehooves bound, crawling on her belly and screaming, "Help! Help! They've gone mad! The fillies have gone mad!"
"Mayor Mare!" Iron Will rushed over, pushing back the curtain. There, his four replacement security officers clung to Mayor Mare, two of them wrenching her hindhooves into an arrest hold. Iron Will grabbed his horns in horror. "What in Tartarus is going on here?!"
"'Ey boss!" Babs waved up at Iron Will. "Look what we caught!"
"It's a Changeling!" Apple Bloom beamed.
"It was trespassing, but we've saved the show!" added Scootaloo, fluttering her wings in triumph.
Mayor Mare chuckled darkly and looked up at Iron Will. "You horned, blue bastard! Look at what you've done! Get me out of here!"
Sweetie smacked Mayor Mare across the cheek. "Quiet, Chrysalis!"
Iron Will turned to his enraged audience. Looks of horror transformed into scowls and growls of anger, the mass of ponies beginning to advance towards the stage. "No! No! Iron Will can explain! Iron Will can—"
"He's trying to abduct the Mayor!"
"And he hired those four fillies to help!"
"Let's get them!"
"MY LEG!"
"Um, girls?" Apple Bloom turned to her friends, releasing one of Mayor Mare's hooves. "Should we...?"
In unison, they screamed, "RUN!" and bolted for the exit.
~
"Y'all should be ashamed o' yerselves!" Applejack paced back and forth in front of the four disgraced fillies. The four Crusaders sat on their haunches, staring at the floor, guilty expressions written across their muzzles. "Beatin' up the Mayor! Y'all should be in jail, ya know that?"
"Yes, Applejack," all four answered, keeping their muzzles low.
Applejack looked over to Mayor Mare. Other than a messy mane and tail, the Mayor appeared to be in fine shape, relaxing in her favorite office chair. "Ah can't say how sorry Ah am, Mayor. These four lil' brats will get punished, don't ya worry. Thank ya again fer droppin' the charges."
Mayor Mare chuckled warmly and dismissed her concerns with a forehoof. "Oh, Applejack, no harm done! They were just following orders."
Applejack raised an eyebrow. "An' that's a good excuse because...?"
"You'll understand when you're Mayor yourself someday, Applejack." Mayor Mare crossed her forehooves over her desk and looked at the fillies. "Yes, they did make some poor judgments today, but at least they stopped one pony from actually trespassing."
"Really?" Applejack asked, "Who was that?"
Mayor Mare blew a raspberry. "Oh, some Canterlot exile looking for fame. They also beat up an elderly stallion—"
Applejack gasped and glared at the Crusaders.
"But," Mayor Mare said, "it turns out there was a warrant for his arrest, so it really doesn't matter."
"Warrant? Fer what?"
"Um..." Mayor Mare bit her lip, looking first at Applejack, then at the fillies, then back to the elder Apple again. "Er... I'd rather not say in mixed company."
"Oh..." Realizing, Applejack snapped her head back. "Oh! Horseapples!" She quickly covered her mouth with a forehoof. "Um, Ah mean—"
"It's alright, Applejack. Again, no harm, no foul. Although, I do believe some extra chores are in order for these four."
Applejack grinned impishly and turned to her charges, rubbing her forehooves together. "Ah think yer right, Mayor Mare."
All four Crusaders slowly lifted their gaze from the floor and looked at each other, exchanging worried frowns.
Applejack and Mayor Mare burst into howling, cackling laughter, the noise echoing and resonating throughout the tiny office.
"Um... Is it just me, or did it just get colder in here?" Scootaloo asked.
Apple Bloom gulped. "Girls, Ah think we may be in fer it now..."
~
Iron Will huddled up on the floor next to old Ironhoof. "At least Iron Will has already paid for another few days in this hotel," he mumbled, sipping at his tea. "So much for that idea, Ironhoof." He sighed. "It looks like Iron Will shall no longer be able to host seminars in Ponyville. And this time, it wasn't even Fluttershy who was responsible!"
Ironhoof coughed and cleared his throat, whispering into his boss' ear, "Baa... Baaaaa baa, baaaaa baaaaaa baa baa."
Iron Will tapped his chin. "Hmm... Las Pegasus, you say?"
Ironhoof nodded, grinning. "Baa!"
A toothy grin spread across the minotaur's muzzle. "Las Pegasus! Nothing can ever go wrong there! Where would Iron Will be without you, Ironhoof?"
Ironhoof shrugged and slumped against one of the couches, closing his eyes for a nap.
Discouraged but not defeated, Iron Will twiddled his thumbs, dreaming up new seminar schemes. "Hmm. You know, Iron Will bets that Las Pegasus would be a great place to find some decent back-up security officers. Las Pegasus is full of good, wholesome ponies, who would never beat an innocent mare. Or accept a bribe..."
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This fanfic is just to funny!
But! Its so adroable, the cutie mark crusaders are always so adroable! and funny~ 
Its so awesome seeing you write Babs in another fanfic that is not SR or SAA and TR. Very interesting.
Babs is a badass pony but you know who else is badass? You!
I Love You Darling
and keep the good writing my sweet love 
Oh and btw, so cute shipping hints of "AppleSeed" and "ScootaBelle"
two of my fav ships 
aaaaannnddd I ship you and me ofc, Love ya 
And away we go!
And it's a good one so far!
~Skeeter The Lurker
I will read this in its entirety later. Until then...
sd.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk/i/keep-calm-and-fuck-the-police-1.png
This entire story, I was unable to determine if Babs' accent was supposed to be New Yorkish or ebonics.
I'm not entirely sure whether that's a bad thing.
3046651 READ IT NOW BIOTCH!!!
3046722 It's a Manehatten accent, and there is only ONE writer I have seen to pull it off correctly.
(Babs, you're a genius!)
oh man, this looks kick ass... I am busy writing my story, but when I finish it, I will totally be downloading this.
3046754
That being said, the first person to write an engaging MLP fanfiction entirely in Ebonics will get all of my internets.
BABS!
3046774 just threw down the challenge! You NEED to DO EET!!!
DO EET NOW!
3046774 Seriously, that idea is SO full of win, and if she does it, she wins all of my internets as well
3045932 dear christ so many emoticons
Just by reading the description, I can tell I'm in for a world of laughs.
3045932 3046035
3046633
Thanks, Skeeter!
3046651
Buck da police.
Hope you like the story!
3046754
Heh, thanks! I try.
3046771
Thanks! I hope you like it!
3046774 3046822 3046824
You know, I might just do this someday.
3047759
Wait until the second chapter!
3047788
Bro, be nice to my girlyfriend.
3048274
You better believe it!
3048996
Sweetie's been taking lessons from Pinkie about walls...
3049025
3046722
It's a combination of both, really. My own personal take on the Manehatten accent.
3049550
Interesting,
3049546 but there are so many
In order for you to pass, you will need 250 Awesome points to proceed.
+20 Fucking funny as all hell
+10 Sweetie Broke the 4th wall (something added to the list of characters that I saw do it... Discord, Vinyl Scratch, Pinkie Pie ... really? I can't believe something like Pinkie breaking the wall exists
)
-10 You never showed a scene where she is learning how to do it, or at least partially explain it (comments don't count as that was rather obvious)
So you now have 20 points... You need 230 points to contin... I mean pass.
You get +50 points for this sentence right here, but what was that word he wouldn't say... and if my mind is taking me where I think it is, I have two, very important questions... "They are removable now? What happened to make the old one stop working?
+90 Points! But where the hell would Scootaloo learn about that sort of thing with Sweetie
Does the internet exist in Equestria? Are they at the age to learn about it in school? Why doesn't Babs Seed have an Emoticon?
+90 Points! You made my dad yell at me for laughing too loud while he was watching classic Dr. Who
You successfully reached 250 points! (unless my math is off in which case you probably didn't) This story was easily worth it's hype I put on it in my head. I built up enough expectation to be thoroughly disappointed should it suck. I didn't much like Scootaloo being a Butt Monkey of misfortune
but it wasn't enough to dock points as the Scootabelle ship easily cancelled that nastiness out. As long as one of them don't die in their shipped story, you can make any story with the Crusaders better with that ship.
I wish you made Babs or Scootaloo like Cartman, but that's just me. This story was hysterical... Sweetie was the only one who really didn't abuse her power willingly or with as much of a smile on her face as the others. She was peer pressured into it, making her the only innocent one. I was kinda sad that it ended, but that doesn't really have anything to do with this.
Good job and hope the next comedy you decide to grace us with is just as funny. Though if it isn't I will sic something bad on you... probably a combination of Angry Pie and Sad Pie... or a vegetarian Pinkamina "Cupcake" Diane Pie...
3050613
But be nice!
3050824
Yay! I'm glad I passed!
As for what Iron Will was gonna say, it kinda rhymes (not exactly) with "pillow". That's the only clue I'll give you.
The Internet doesn't exist in this form of Equestria! Sex ed, maybe. I always have seen the CMC is around ten to twelve years old, even though they are probably younger. But if I'm correct about their ages, they would be starting to learn about that stuff.
ScootaBelle is indeed an awesome CMC ship. Sorry, but Scootaloo as a Butt Monkey is just kinda funny to me.
I'm happy to be forgiven though!
I guess Babs is kinda channeling Cartman! Maybe I should do a "Eric Cartman In Equestria" story at some point.
Thanks again, I hope my next comedy is just as funny!
3051516 but
Read that. Lost it.
I love you, you know that?
~Skeeter The Lurker
3051936
Like this?
data.whicdn.com/images/53924393/32628_thumb.jpg
3053506
Bro.
Don't make me spam you. 
3054555
Sweet, sweet diabetes.
3054572
Love you too, Lurker The Skeeting.
3054893
Huh... That's as badass as Bowser The Lurker...
Niiiiice!
~Skeeter The Lurker
3063933
It's a truly American affair.
Hahhaa!!! I couldn't stop laughing the whole time. Love it!
3071085
Haha thanks! Glad you liked it!
3171597
She does!
Didn't even give her a chance to pay a fine or go to jail.
3171697
Scootaloo is worst cop.
3171704
Heh. Great story by the way, loved the references, loved everything about it.
3171718
Glad you liked it! Thanks for the favorite too!
Finally got to read this one... twas hysterical! :D
3248415
Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it!
3391703
Noted. I'll have to remember to save future ones to one (hopefully) hilarious one. Thanks!
Still not sure what Mayor Mare was doing down there.
3391772
Just coming by to check on stuff. Unfortunately, a wild Scootaloo appeared!
3919834
Thanks, I'll fix that.
Should not have read this in school...
Teacher: WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT?!
This has 'glorious disaster' written all over it.
I pity the fool, Iron Will.
4143203
4143269
Iron Will didn't want to be a bad guy. He just wanted to be a dancer...
4143629
The question is... for whom?
4143771
Quite so!
4143821 Don't worry! It-
Oh wait. That was a rhetorical question. Nopony cares whether I get in trouble or not, they just laugh ...
4144821
Awww.
I care! 
god that was hilarious! Just be glad girls that you didn't mess with Celestia or Luna.
4147763
Thanks!
And yeah, they wouldn't have gotten off as easily if they did... 
4148270
Kool-Aid close enough?
i.newsrt.us/upload/news/large/13/03/Alg_fried_koolaid_jpg.jpg
3391772 Trespassing! That's what! *grabs a baton and starts beating the Mayor savagely!* DEATH TO THE CRIMINALS!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
I LOVE the 'Spongebob' reference!
I... I... I'm not sure what to open with here. I can't do anything witty. I can't form anything clever or humorous. I just... Cutie Mark Crusaders Security Officers? Iron Will? What what what what what?
Ugh...
Okay, let's try this again: That was entertaining. Incredibly entertaining. It was so weird and comical, yet so realistic to the show's themes that it was genius. It's the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Of course they'll mess something up. And Babs was here as well! They're just a catalyst for chaos doing this.
And that's what happened. Utter chaos. Not at the beginning, of course, when Scootaloo ended up in a heap of shi... that happened. I'm not even sure if Applejack had an idea of what trouble these four were going to cause when she sent them away. Somehow, keeping them around might have been better. Or it might not have been.
What can I say about the 'event'? Babs assaulting an old pony, Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom taking down Vinyl, and the lot of them attacking the Mayor. I... just... how did you come up with these? I come up with some crazy ideas at times, but this would have never been one of those. Babs with the baton... Vinyl attempting to bribe kids...
This was brilliant. And I noticed, that this Babs seems quite different from Tangled Roots Babs. She's more snarky, aggressive, and quite dirty here. And you know what? I love her. Then there's the Scootabelle. I swear you're doing this on purpose. There's so much teasing going on in these stories.
After reading this, I can see a correlation with Just Like Her. I'm going to go out on a whim here and say this is set in the same universe as that story, but takes place before? I strictly remember a part of that story effectively referencing this.
A nice list of references as well. You can rest assured I had fun with them, and with the story as a whole. I think it's going to go without saying that I will like every single one of your stories. I keep repeating that in different ways, though I doubt you hate seeing it. And I just know you read this comment with a grin. You know what you wrote. You know what I read. I know it's there.
Something I must point out is:
I was attempting to question what on earth kind of tradition this is. I was also trying to question how you even came up with such an idea. But then I remembered: This is Ponyville. This is magic horse land. They do weird things like this all the time. And yet, I still couldn't take it that seriously.
And now that I've experienced this, I move along and wonder what story awaits me next. It's been fun once again!
5612386
I forgot to comment on this a while back, but I do want to point out that deep-fried fruit punch is totally a thing here in the States.
No wonder we're fat.
Oh, and this takes place before Just Like Her, but it's not in the same universe as TR. The TR series is kind of self-contained, whereas I reference other stories outside of that universe within those texts.
Glad you enjoyed this one!
CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS CHAOS CREATORS YAAAYYY!!!