Once upon a time there was a very special pony named Special Snowflake who was only partly a pony but was still very special. She was actually a hybrid.
Special Snowflake's mother was part griffin and part dragon, and had been the result of love on the untamed frontier. Her father was part pony and part changeling, and had been the result of Stockholm Syndrome between an alicorn princess and a prisoner of war. She herself was the result of a dare. Despite all this, she looked like a regular, average alicorn.
Her coat was black, her mane and tail were hot pink, her eyes looked like the Google Chrome logo, and her cutie mark was way too complicated to describe here. (Please see the detailed and numbered illustration that looks like a patent application diagram on my DerangedArt account, kthx.)
One day, for no adequately explored reason, she decided to move from whatever town she lived in to Ponyville. "I sure hope I can make friends in the new town. It's not like I'm anything special," said Special Snowflake to herself.
To save herself trouble, she hired a moving company, and she paid them extra to not let Derpy drop things on other ponies like she did that one time. Since she didn't have to haul anything around herself, she was able to fly straight to Ponyville from wherever it was she lived before. On her way there, she met Rainbow Dash.
"Hi," said Rainbow Dash. "I'm on my way back from visiting Cloudsdale for no stated reason, and I'm headed to Ponyville. You look like you're headed that way, too. Wanna race?"
Rainbow Dash was famous. Not only did she have an eighth-degree black belt in Wai Fu, she was also nationally known as a racer. Still, Special Snowflake thought it would be fun to race her, and it might be a good way to make a new friend. So she agreed to the race.
"Wow, you're fast!" exclaimed Rainbow Dash. "I can't believe you beat me!"
"It's one of the many special talents encoded in my all-encompassing cutie mark," said Special Snowflake.
"Awesome!" said Rainbow Dash. "Let's be friends!"
"Okay," said Special Snowflake.
From below, they heard another voice. "What happened, Rainbow Dash? You always win every race!"
The two ponies flew down to where three fillies were standing.
"This is Scootaloo," Rainbow Dash said to Special Snowflake. "She's sort of like my little sister. Scootaloo, this is my new friend Special Snowflake. She's faster than I am."
"That can't be true!" yelled Scootaloo. She walked up to Special Snowflake. "Look me in the eyes and admit you cheated!"
Special Snowflake looked Scootaloo in the eyes. "I didn't cheat. I'm just really good at everything I do."
Scootaloo blinked. "I believe you," she said.
Sweetie Belle gasped. "Scootaloo! You just got your cutie mark!"
Everypony looked at Scootaloo's cool new cutie mark. It was a fire-breathing tiger riding a midnight black scooter out of an explosion. It was very impressive.
"So my special talent is doing awesome stuff on my scooter?" asked Scootaloo. "Of course! Why didn't I ever think of that before?"
Special Snowflake said, "I wanted you to see the truth when you looked in my eyes. I guess you also saw the truth of what your special talent is."
"ME NEXT!" shouted Apple Bloom. She looked into Special Snowflake's eyes and soon had a brand new cutie mark of a highrise skyscraper made entirely out of apples. "So, buildin' stuff? Oh, of course! That makes perfect sense!"
Sweetie Belle didn't want to be left out. She also stepped up to Special Snowflake and looked her in the eyes. Right away, she also had her cutie mark. It was of a hundred robed ponies singing in a choir. "Right, singing! Obviously! I should have figured that out!"
The three fillies were very happy, and they hopped and danced around. Now that the crusade was over, they renamed themselves the Cutie Mark Templars and made Special Snowflake an honorary member.
"I'm so happy," said Apple Bloom. "I gotta show my family! Special Snowflake, why don't you come with me so you can meet 'em too!"
Sweetie Belle said, "My parents are out of town again so you can't meet them yet, but when we're done at Sweet Apple Acres, you can come meet my sister Rarity."
"You already met my sister," said Scootaloo.
"That's right," said Rainbow Dash. "And now I have to run. I have some weather stuff to do."
Rainbow Dash flew away, and Special Snowflake walked towards Sweet Apple Acres with the Cutie Mark Templars, her new friends.
Before long, they reached a place where Applejack was hard at work. "Apple Bloom, I'm glad you're back!" She looked exhausted.
"What's wrong, sis?" asked Apple Bloom.
"What's wrong is I'm havin' to do all the work myself! After you went to go play with your friends, Granny Smith went off to visit one of our other relatives, and Big Mac got laid up again."
"Oh, no! Is it bad?"
"I don't think so. The doctor said he got hurt in the contrivance, wherever that is." Applejack lined up for another applebuck. All of the apples fell out of the tree that she kicked with both of her back legs. "Now I've got to finish all this by myself."
"I can help," said Special Snowflake. She flew high up in the air and examined the layout of the grove where Applejack was. She flew down to the exact center, concentrated, and stomped on the ground with one hoof. Every apple fell down from each of the dozens of trees around her. She then picked up the hundreds of apples in her magic and gathered them together. "Where do you want them?" she asked.
"In the barn'll be fine," said Apple Bloom, who already knew how special her new friend was.
Applejack couldn't talk at first and only stared. Finally she asked, "How did you do that?"
"I'm good at doing things with lots of different kinds of fruit, including apples," said Special Snowflake.
"You sure are! Would you like to be my new friend?" asked Applejack. "You can wear my hat!"
"Okay," said Special Snowflake.
Applejack didn't have anything to do after that, because Special Snowflake soon had the entire harvest taken care of days ahead of schedule. Instead, she listened to her little sister and her sister's friends tell her how they got their cutie marks, and she helped them figure out what they wanted to do for their cutesinerror cutesierra cutesy-narrow cute mitzvahs.
Scootaloo said, "You know who we need to help us plan these parties? Pinkie Pie!"
Sweetie Belle said, "Of course! We can visit her after we introduce Rarity to Special Snowflake. And I still want to show her my new cutie mark."
Just then, Special Snowflake walked in the house. "All finished, Applejack," she said. "Is there anything else I can do for you?"
"Nope. You and the girls can go say hi to Rarity. I'm just going to stay here and rest up."
Special Snowflake and the fillies walked towards the main part of town. When they reached a crossroads, suddenly they saw a rabbit quickly hopping in their direction. A pegasus was chasting him, but she was running, not flying.
"Come back here, Angel!" Fluttershy yelled. "Stop being such a naughty bunny!"
Special Snowflake put herself in the middle of the intersection, right in front of the bunny's path. Angel skidded to a stop just before he got beneath her hooves. He looked up at her and looked into her eyes. Special Snowflake said, "That's not very nice, little bunny."
Angel looked her another few seconds, then nodded and burst into tears. He then hopped back to where Fluttershy had stopped behind him and kissed her hoof. He wrapped his front paws around her hoof and hugged her leg as hard as he could, sobbing all the while. From that day forward, he was never a bad bunny again.
"Hi, I'm Fluttershy," said Fluttershy. "Normally, I'm really shy, but that was so incredible that I had to talk to you even though you're new."
"I've always been good with animals," said Special Snowflake.
"I'd like to be friends with you, if that's all right."
"Okay," said Special Snowflake.
Fluttershy took Angel home so she could give him the bath that he had been running away from. Special Snowflake kept walking with her friends to the Carousel Boutique.
So they went to Rarity's place. Rarity was doing clothing stuff, and she was really impressed when Special Snowflake used a lot of sewing words like Fluttershy did that one time. She became Special Snowflake's friend like everypony else and said they would have to do fashion together. Also she said "darling" a lot.
After showing off their new cutie marks, Sweetie Belle and her friends told Rarity that they wanted to introduce Special Snowflake to Pinkie Pie. Rarity told them that this wouldn't be necessary, because she knew Pinkie Pie would soon introduce herself. Also she said "darling" a lot.
Special Snowflake enjoyed meeting new friends, but she decided it was finally time to go see her new home. She checked the map she had been given when she bought her new house with cash paid in full because also she was rich. There was a tall building in the center of Ponyville with a ring of open space around it. There were more buildings past the open space, including her house. Nopony was going to be walking with her, so she flew there instead. When Special Snowflake got to the house, the mayor was waiting for her outside.
"I can't let you live here," said Mayor Mare.
"Oh, dear," said Special Snowflake. "Why not?"
"It's not good enough for you. Everypony has been talking about how great you are since you got here."
"I'm nopony special," said Special Snowflake.
"Nonsense," said Mayor Mare. "Everypony in Ponyville knows you're wonderful." She pointed to the tall building across the way. "We've renovated town hall and moved all of your things inside it. It's now a luxury home. I'll work with the other government ponies to run things somewhere else."
"Okay," said Special Snowflake.
Special Snowflake walked around the building to find the entrance. When she got to the other side, she found the entrance, but she also saw lots of picnic tables set up outside with nopony sitting at them.
The door opened and a pink pony pushed a cannon out the door. "Hi, I'm Pinkie Pie!" she said. "This is your 'Welcome to Ponyville' party!" She fired the cannon at the tables, and then they were all covered with decorations. She fired at the supports for the balcony up above, and they became wrapped with ribbons and streamers. She fired at the tables again, and fully inflated balloons were suddenly tied to the corners of each one. Other ponies started coming out of the former town hall with food and party games.
"I like parties," said Special Snowflake. She raised a hoof and spoke into what everypony had thought was a watch. "I need immediate celebration support, my coordinates. Go-code: Yippee."
Moments later, there was a loud noise like thunder somewhere in the distance. Seconds after that, a few wagonloads of confetti rained out of the sky all over the center of town.
"What was that?" asked Pinkie Pie.
"That was my party howitzer," said Special Snowflake. "It's just over the horizon."
"I have got to get me one of those!"
"I can show you how to build one, but you'll have to get your own artillery crew."
"Would you like to be my new friend?" asked Pinkie Pie.
"Okay," said Special Snowflake.
Four alicorns mares in crowns walked out the door followed by two stallions and a filly, who ran off to play with the former Crusaders. One alicorn introduced herself as Princess Twilight Sparkle. She said the other alicorns were Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, and her sister-in-law Princess Cadance. The stallions were her brother Shining Armor and her husband HomoSapien McHumanName. The filly was her daughter Hidden Princess.
"Everypony has been talking about you," said Cadance. "Everypony says you're really incredible."
"I'm nopony special," said Special Snowflake.
"We think you should also be a princess," said Celestia.
"Okay," said Special Snowflake.
"There's one other thing," said Twilight Sparkle. "We've been discussing it. My brother, my husband, the other princesses, and I would like to have an orgy with you."
"Okay," said Special Snowflake.
So they went inside and did that.
Rainbow Dash was paralyzed in a terrible accident and had a long talk with Twilight about assisted suicide and the right to die. Cheerilee gave her students an important speech about staying off drugs. Racism is bad and you shouldn't racism, even if one of your best friends in the whole world has been deceiving you the entire time you've known her about the fact that she's secretly a changeling.
Also, Sweetie Belle had an abortion, which sparked debates all over Ponyville.