• Member Since 19th Mar, 2022

Stalin with Da Spoon


Greetings, I am comrade Stalin, a man with swag and a giant spoon who smokes weed, here to make fan-fictions like dumb shitposts, random crossovers, and references. Enjoy the show, and stay swaggy.

The Good Stuff 251 stories
Found 217 stories in 61ms

Total Words: 22,222,234
Estimated Reading: 8 weeks

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T

This story is a sequel to Factory of the Magical Variety


Running Factory Diagnostic...

Input: 0%
Power Generation: Offline
Production: Offline
Output: 0%
Defenses: Minimal

Estimated time till planetary invasion... 15000 hours.

Total progress on planetary control... 4%

Get to work!


The long awaited sequel to one of my more successful fics on this site. Once again, this story is going to be based off a combination of the games "Terratech" and "Factorio". There may be some other large references as well.

Chapters (18)
T

Today just seemed like any other day on Sweet Apple Acre for Applejack. She tilled the fields, fed the farm animals, fixed broken pieces of the barn but then, she saw something she'll never forget.

Just on the edge of the Everfree Forest, there was a bloodied and bruised filly on the verge of death. Applejack's world would soon be changed forever after she decided to foster this young and very unique foal, who's current condition suggest a terrible background. A background that is catching up to them.

Now, this filly will have to learn to move on from her old life, make new friends and find her special talent. A difficult task made even harder by the monsters of her past, lingering in her mind like ghosts. They'll come back for her, and they'll burn everything down to achieve...

Anarchy.


Also, the cover art was revamped. I felt like the old one had too much dead space, so I figured something out! Let's see if you can guess who's on the cover art now!

Chapters (51)
E

This story is a sequel to Kung-Fu Equestria 2


In the Spirit Realm Master Celestia is meditating peacefully when she is attacked by a Spirit Warrior: a horned beast named Tirek who fought against Celestia five hundred years previously. The two battle, and Celestia learns that Tirek has increased his strength by stealing the Chi of every creature in the Spirit Realm, and only needs Celestia's to become strong enough to return to the mortal realm. Claiming victory, Tirek is nevertheless warned that Celestia was never Destined to defeat him, but that she has set someone else on that path. Meanwhile, in the Ponyville, Twilight and the Furious Five learn that Luna will no longer be responsible for overseeing their training: that responsibility now falls to Twilight.

Updates with accur Fridays and Saturdays.[and no not every Fri and Sat]

Featured
5: 30pm 8/21/23
10pm 9/2/23

Chapters (9)
E

A boy steals a pair of Snow Leopard claws at Comic-Con and is transported to Equestria as a infant with no memory of his former self, Luna finds and raises him as her own and teaches him the many arts of Kung-Fu, only for him to betray her when he is denied what was rightfully his. Stopped by Celestia he is sent to Tartarus, a inescapable prison designed to hold the martial artist.

20 years later Luna has trained five of the greatest warriors Equestria has ever seen the Furious 5, each trained in their own style of Kung-Fu. Upon receiving a Frightening Vision Celestia beleives that it is time to find and train The Celestial Warrior, During the Selection a Unicorn Girl falls in front of Celestia

Luna having no faith in the girl begins to train her vigorously in hopes she quits so that the real Warrior may be choosen

Chapters (9)
T

This story is a sequel to Kung-Fu Equestria


A year has past and Twilight Sparkle, now known as the Celestial Warrior protects Ponyville alongside her friends and fellow Kung-Fu masters, the Furious Five. However, a dangerous villain returns and threatens Twilight's new life with plans to use a secret weapon to wipe out the martial art and conquer all of Equestria. In order to defeat the new enemy, Twilight finds she must recall her past and unlock secrets of her mysterious origins; only then will he find the strength to vanquish his foe.

Chapters (9)
T

Here's EAW's timeline btw

And here is an image of the map of EAW + Europe.


Technical summary:

Late Victorian era Europe of 1888 is inserted into the EAW universe in their respective year of 774ALB (Just after Grover I fails his invasion of Sicameon). Also, none of the Europeans remain human. Discord blushes.


Grover I, or the soon-to-be, "The Blessed," rests his creaky bones as he receives news of the defeat against Sicameon. Grover II will remember that. He pays little mind to this advancement, after all, he expected as much considering he only sent a meagre force mostly comprised of levies and Acquilean sellswords in his so-called 'military expedition,' though, he regrets the unifying effect he inadvertently initiated on the Parishes.

Across the sea, Celestia, as always carefully schemes and manipulates the fates of her neighbours, namely, Severyana, of which royal family and attached royal court she had been patiently nudging into a hyperbolic pit of Tartarus every generation or so to orchestrate a succession crisis. She figured they would blow up in 22 years. Of course, she could just ditch the mind-numbingly slow subtlety and just kick the Tzar in the flank and turn the boyars into ash, but she doubted the proud burghers and peasants of Severyana would appreciate that one bit.


Meanwhile, in Europe.

The Brits wept at the loss of their source of tea.

The Russians purchased a noose upon realising there was nothing past the Ural mountains.

The French erupted in civil disobedience, protests, riots; political and regular violence epidemic, Paris was in ru- oh wait, sorry, France was completely normal.

The Germans drowned themselves in beer. To their wives, 'it was because they had turned into mythical lion-eagle hybrids'. But really, they always finding excuses to get plastered.

The Austro-Hungarians continued to be a tongue-twister, and the powderkeg they sat on turned into a RBMK reactor with Dyatlov in charge.

The Italians surrendered to their mirrors when they awoke.

The Swiss became dragons.

The Spanish pretended that they had lost alot.

The Nords ate glue & paste.

The Balkans became Balkan-ier.

And the Portuguese... Uh, they existed.


Written on a phone.

I don't check my work. (It drains my motivation)

About my writing style: Why yes, I enjoy the mass assault doctrine. How could you tell???

I'm creatively bankrupt and have been playing an unhealthy amount of Victoria III and Equestria at War, and after my 9th playthrough of genocidal Suntail and Funni black flag Russia, I had the brilliant idea of writing a fic with the premise of Victorian Europe tryna scramble up the continents of Equus, Griffonia and Zebrica during their kinda-Renaissance.

It is very niche, but this story is mostly for me. I had to make a part of my brain shut up and unfortunately, my lobotomist got arrested, so I gotta do this now.

Yay, I got featured.

The shitty title pic is mine.

Chapters (18)
T

Sablewing the Wicked, a black-hearted dragon with an immunity to magic, invades Canterlot with his army of diamond dogs, goblins, and kobolds. As they attempt to defend their kingdom, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna are captured and imprisoned by the foul reptile, and he proceeds to take over the entire city. A rescue attempt made by Princess Cadence and Twilight Sparkle is then performed, and immediately thwarted, resulting in their capture as well.

Having used the Elements of Harmony to save the Tree of Harmony recently, and being one pony short of using them anyhow, Twilight Sparkle's friends find themselves in the worst predicament imaginable. After raiding the library in the Castle of the Two Sisters in search of an answer to their problem, they happen upon, and then proceed to use a spell that shoots out into the multiverse in search of brave, suitable heroes to combat this monster.

Answering the call, four strange characters come forth: The Green Knight, Orange Knight, Red Knight, and Blue Knight; each powerful warriors in their own separate rights, who have honed their expertise in the field of beating the ever-living crap out of anything that has the sheer balls to simply be standing in their way.

Having been bored out of their minds in their home dimension (and being threatened that they would never return should they decide not to help), the four knights jump to the challenge to RIP AND TEAR and rescue some more princesses. They set off, weapons and sandwiches in hand, to kick some monster butt, crash some castles, and take names as violently as physically possible!

...Oh, and a certain mailmare with strabismus joins along on the mad adventure.

Rated T for scenes of gore, swearing, and an overdose of testosterone poisoning

Featured!

Chapters (14)
T

(This is a Displaced Story. If you hate them, please leave)
People don't know how agonizing it is being alone for a few thousand years, stuck in a chair the whole time. Let me tell you, it's not fun. Then, this teeny weeny 'Princess' shows up and acts like she's the boss. Oh, and Sparklebutt is there too.

So, how did this happen? It's was probably that angsty Merchant asshole. Should never have bought from him. News flash kids: when a creepy Merchant guy walks up to you with very desirable wares, walk the fuck away. It's a damn trap.



But the worst part of my endless torment? I'm a fucking corpse sitting on a golden throne, writhing in agony as I slowly decay into nothingness.

....fuck you, Merchant Asshole.

And Sparklebutt, JUST. FUCKING. STOP.

(If The Emperor Had a Text-to-Speech Device)

Chapters (23)
E
Source

While Celestia and Luna were the rulers of ponykind of many centuries, they were not the only alicorn leaders of their people's ancient past. Through the power of modern technology, they find a way to restore their father, Solaris, to be able to speak to them once more. As it turns out, this might not have been the best idea.

Chapters (25)
T

When a pair of Federation mobile suits appear in Equestria by accident - all their pilots can hope to do is figure out a way to regroup with any and all allied forces in this completely alien land. What they didn't expect - or at least they were hoping to avoid - was the attention from the ponies, dragons, and other wide varieties of creatures all around them.

It's more of a hassle than they'd like to admit.

Edit: Somehow made it on Featured. H O W

Chapters (8)