//------------------------------// // Season 2, Episode Two: The Emperor goes for a walk // Story: If The Emperor was in Equestria // by The Warmaster //------------------------------// “Mister Emperor, we all feel it is a pleasure to keep you here…” Twilight began, trying to keep a calm and cheerful expression on her face. “However, I feel that… uh… how to put this delicately…” “Are you going to say something that would anger me?” The Emperor asked. “Granted, you ponies are all about friendship, so I doubt anything your foolish minds can think up something even remotely insulting.” Twilight’s eye twitched, before she put a hoof to her chest, breathing deeply as she extended her hoof outwards. “I want you to exit my castle before you tick somepony off enough to actually consider an assassination attempt on your life.” Twilight stated calmly. The Emperor stared at her for a moment, before chuckling. “You were close to barely, minisculely irritating me. I could almost feel the molecules emanating from your voice trying to dig into my skin. Are you actually trying to tell me that that was your best attempt at bothering me?” The Emperor asked, not even dignifying her with a laugh. “Actually, Mister Emperor, that was my attempt at telling you to take your glowing hindquarters out of my castle before I… um… do something…” Twilight faltered, rerealizing who she was talking to. “Good effort, but you faltered at the end there. If this was a game of ‘Oh, Sir!’ You would have failed miserably by now.” The Emperor replied. “I'd give it a ‘five out of ten, it was okay’ review.” “Well it's not like I can actually do anything to you! You’re practically immortal!” Twilight yelled loudly. “Considering I survived eternity waiting for you asshats to evolve on a golden chair of eternal torment, not to mention as a skeleton, says a lot about my immortality.” The Emperor shrugged. “Totally not a god though.” “Yes, I know, you've said it a thousand times. I'm pretty sure everypony in the universe knows by now that you are not a god of anything, except being lazy and acting like an old timer at the retirement home!” Twilight retorted, and somewhere in the galaxy, a very important old man shuddered at the name. “You know, miss Sparkle, you shouldn't tell him you can't do anything against him.” Magnus said, finally choosing to interrupt the argument. “It just gives the old bastard more freedom. Actually, I recall a similar legend of an Ancient Terran war that had something similar.” “Do not start talking nerdy shit, Magnus, you have killed the mood almost as horribly as you crushed the hopes and dreams of your Father when you ruined everything.” The Emperor said, getting up. “I'm bored now, so I'm gonna go for a walk, and see what is going on in this town of plot conveniences.” The Emperor said, before vanishing. Magnus twitched at his words, before sighing. “No, Magnus, that line of thought is more than likely going to lead me right back into the tentacles of Tzeentch.” The Crimson King sighed, before looking at Twilight. “By the way, where is your student? Is she here, or did you actually kick her out now that she's graduated?” “She's hanging out with Trixie today.” Twilight sighed. “Oh, right, the pony with almost as bad of an ego as father.” Magnus sighed. “Honestly, I'm surprised you let her near your student in the first place. I would have sent her into the Warp the first chance I got.” “Her meeting Starlight wasn't intentional.” Twilight sighed, her head drooping. “I told her to go make a friend, and somehow this was the result.” “Ah. Well, you can’t really change fate. Unless of course you're that mollusk Tzeentch.” Magnus replied. “Anyways, I am sorry for my father's actions. I know he can be… let's say, spiritually taxing at times, but he has everyone’s best interests in mind.” He looked around, before sighing. “I hope.” The Emperor walked through Ponyville’s roads, earning many stares in wonder and fear as he did, however the glowing and not-divine being paid little attention to their measly lives. Instead, The Emperor was looking for something entertaining to do. He noticed that… what was her name, Starshit? Something like that. Starshit was currently wandering through the town with her blue friend, and The Emperor noticed that Starshit was looking oddly...down. Her hair was ragged, she had bags under her eyes, and her head drooped down. Shrugging, The Emperor walked up to them. “Hey, slightly less Purplebutt, do you ponies know of anywhere where there's something even slightly fun that I can fight?” He asked. Her eye twitched, with a red and black energy pooling around her horn, before floating off into a bottle in hr saddlebags. “I'm sure the Everfree Forest has something that can kill you…” Starlight grumbled angrily, before walking off with the blue one. “That's the forest outside of Ponyville… sounds like fun.” The Emperor said, before walking off towards the forest in question. He could see it just beyond the crater in the center of the town. “Why the fuck is there a crater in the center of the town?” The Emperor shrugged, before returning to his current objective. When he arrived at the entrance of the forest, he looked at the treeline, unimpressed. “What, is this place too spoopy for the tiny little ponies to venture inside? It's almost a letdown.” The Emperor sighed, before stepping through the bushes. Immediately, a creature leapt out at him, it's barbed stinger aiming for his chest. The Emperor stood still as the manticore’s tail broke on impact, the stinger shattering, not even leaving a scratch on the almost-divine being’s armor. The manticore yelped in pain, tears in its eyes as it's paws fumbled around the broken end of the tail. The Emperor gave it a blank and uninterested stare, before sighing as he drew his sword. “Is this really the reason why the Everfree is so scary to ponies? A freaking mutant lion? Honestly, I was hoping for more.” The Manticore, now utterly terrified, attempted to flee, only for a flaming gold sword to pop out of its chest. It paused, looking down, before falling to the ground, dead. The Emperor withdrew his sword from the meaty scabbard it had made out of the Manticore, and The Emperor carried on, looking for better game. After an hour of slaughtering more manticores, wooden wolves, and setting fire to the occasional tree for fun, The Emperor had grown bored. As he entered what he assumed to be the center of the forest, however, a loud roar emanated from a nearby cave. Curious, The Emperor stepped closer to the cave, only for a massive glowing bear to lunge out with its claws ready to tear the Emperor apart. The bear’s ‘fur’ shifted with the image of a beautiful night sky, and The Emperor was actually somewhat impressed with its design. “Let's see how you and momma bear fight! This is what I'd call a challenge!” The Emperor roared, his sword blazing brightly as he charged the beast. “So, that's your excuse.” Celestial stated blandly, unamused. “Yep.” “You took a walk into the Everfree Forest,” “Yep” “Killed about twenty five manticores and over fifty Timberwolves,” “Sounds about right.” “Set fire to half the damned forest,” “Only half? Huh, those trees are durable sons of bitches.” “Displaced the resident Zebra by destroying her home, not to mention the hundreds of other animals and insects residing in that forest,” “There was a zebra living in that forest? Never saw them.” “Killed the local Ursa Minor and Ursa Major,” “You mean the sparkly mega bears? Yeah, those were fun to kill. Know where any more of them are?” “And, to top it all off, thought that it would be a good idea to drag their skinned hides through both Ponyville and Canterlot, just to give to me and Princess Twilight as a ‘gift from humanity’.” Celestia finished, raising an eyebrow. “You need to not go on walks. Ever.” “And you need to invent television and videogames already.” The Emperor replied. “Besides, I'm certain guests visiting the castle would appreciate the fact that the rug looks like a perfect starry sky. Maybe then your sister would get some appreciation for her work.” The Lunar Princess, who had fumes coming out of her ears, paused at this, before shaking her head. “Appreciation doth not need to cometh from robbing a sacred beast such as an Ursa Major of its life!” Luna turned to Celestia. “Sister, surely thou, you, will arrest this belligerent fool before he causes any more damage!” “Diplomatic immunity. Either way, I'm not an official Equestrian citizen. You have nothing on me.” The Emperor raised his hand and Golden Claw, shrugging. “Well, technically we could arrest you for poaching on royal property, as our old castle resides in the Everfree…” Celestia mused. “However, I doubt you would peacefully go with the guards, and I don't want any casualties, so I'm forced to let you go free…” “Fuck you, Moonbutt!” The Emperor grinned, before teleporting away. “Sister, couldn't we find a practical use for that utter beast?” Luna asked. “I am tired of hearing his arrogant voice, especially when he gets away free for criminal activities.” “Perhaps, sister, perhaps.” Celestia sighed. “I just hope no other of his ilk arrive on this planet.” Meanwhile… “The Webway. FUCKING. SUCKS!” The Ultramarine Chapter Master, Augustus, growled, as he and an army of his Space Marines traversed the eerie void. “We should be looking for our glorious Primarch, Roboute Guilliman, but instead, Terra sends us on a mission. And to do what?! Dance off with some.. what, fhucking Xenos Clowns?!” “Our Glorious Chapter Master, are you questioning an order from Holy Terra?” An immensely irritating voice called out, as one of the Space Marines walked up to the Chapter Master. “I believe that I, Cato Sicarius, should execute you on such heretical things, and become the new Chapter Master!” “I'm not facking questioning orders, you cockroach!” The Chapter Master seethed. “I just feel that our efforts would be better used looking for our MISSING PRIMARCH!” “I understand, Chapter Master. I, Cato Sicarius, should take a squad to look for our glorious Primarch while you look for the Harlequinsssyaaaaah!” Cato Sicarius’ annoying voice turned to a high pitched squeal as a hole opened up in the floor beneath him, and the squealing Space Marine, plus the three grotesque equine-like creatures that were chained to him, fell through, the hole vanishing in an instant. “Huh… maybe the Webway isn't so bad…” Augustus muttered, staring at the place where Cato once stood. “Um, Chapter Master…” Another Space Marine spoke up. “I should probably mention the Ghost-Titan standing before you…” “The whut?” Augustus turned, and found a massive and transparent Eldar construct towering above him. “YOU PUNY MON-KEIGH DARE TREAD THE PATHS OF THE ELDAR WEBWAY?!” “... Nevermind, the Webway still fucking sucks…” Augustus groaned, as the Titan continued its speech. Meanwhile… “Oooogh… Where have I, Cato Sicarius, fallen to?!” The blue Space Marine groaned, standing up and looking around. “U-um, mister Sicarius-” One of the furless pony guards stuck with him spoke up, only for Cato to screech and jump back, knocking the pony that spoke up into his kneecap. “You xenos pets can speak?! Why then have you not spoken to I, Cato Sicarius, beforehand?” Cato asked. “Well, it's definitely not because of that ‘winning personality’ yours…” one of the guards grumbled. “A-anyway, Lord Sicarius, we believe that this place is near Las Pegasus, which is still pretty far from Canterlot. Surprising, considering we were tossed out by your Emperor to Macragge.” “The Almighty God-Emperor is here?! Cato practically squee’d. “Tell me, xenos, where is our great lord?” “Canterlot, capital of Equestria. Please do not kill anypony there…” the third member of the group groaned, their emotions gone after being exposed to Cato Sicarius for far too long. “To Canterlot then!” Cato yelled, drawing his sword and charging at a random direction. “Canterlot is the other way…” one of the ponies groaned, being dragged along. The Captain of the Ultramarines quickly turned around, and charged valiantly in the other direction. Meanwhile… again… Deep underneath the now-burning Everfree Forest, a figure stirred in his seat. His dark and cracked green armor glistened in the darkness of the chamber, his long hair falling to his sides as he awoke. “I haven't felt this presence since… Father…” the figure croaked, his voice ancient and unused for an eternity. He sat up, ancient servos screeching as they awoke to service their master as best they could. “I need to get outside… I think I've been sleeping for too long… the massive and armored man slowly moved towards the door, and opened it, only to find dirt, roots and stone blocking his exit. “How long has it been, that the world has grown over me?” The being asked, sighing. “I'm going to be here for a while as I try to dig myself out…”