Today just seemed like any other day on Sweet Apple Acre for Applejack. She tilled the fields, fed the farm animals, fixed broken pieces of the barn but then, she saw something she'll never forget.
Just on the edge of the Everfree Forest, there was a bloodied and bruised filly on the verge of death. Applejack's world would soon be changed forever after she decided to foster this young and very unique foal, who's current condition suggest a terrible background. A background that is catching up to them.
Now, this filly will have to learn to move on from her old life, make new friends and find her special talent. A difficult task made even harder by the monsters of her past, lingering in her mind like ghosts. They'll come back for her, and they'll burn everything down to achieve...
Anarchy.
Also, the cover art was revamped. I felt like the old one had too much dead space, so I figured something out! Let's see if you can guess who's on the cover art now!
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Oh I like this, can tell that this is gonna be good.
This reminds me a bit of Lynwood's "What a Strange Little Colt." Which I loved. So, please keep it up!
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I don't know, reminds me more of Past Sins by Pen Stroke.
sees image OKAY MR SMILER! HOW DID YOU ESCAPE THE BACKROOMS!?
You have my curiosity and my attention. I look forward to reading more of this story.
Yes?
Smile?
I know what you mean
tell me everything
If it was a containment breach then i need to know
Dear Celestia that cover art o.o
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Huh, never heard of it. Any good?
Step 1: See new story.
Step 2: Read the story.
Step 3: Contact the DEA, because this stuff is amazing & addicting.
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It’s my favorite story, although the community opinion varies wildly.
It gets some flack because the main character in the story, Nyx, is an Alicorn OC, and was created during the fandom infancy, before even Twilight turned into an Alicorn herself. I feel like a lot of people disliked her simply because she was an Alicorn.
I would recommend giving it a read, because it’s the story that got me into the fandom in the first place. Give a child unrestricted internet access, amiright?
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What he/she said. Highly recommended.
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Really good, one of my favorites on this site.
someone correct me if im wrong, english isn't my first language, but in description there is phrase "She tenderized the fields" and i dont believe that is something you can do with a field, maybe you meant to say tend the fields? or if it was act of softening ground maybe "plow the fields" would be more accurate?
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Probably meant "tilled the fields."
Hm... can't be Cozy, possibly Discord?
Hum Thestrals maybe 🤔?
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I’m not sure there are any similarities with Past Sins other than a foal found in the woods.
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Yes. Me will make more good.
Honestly considering everything unicorns and pegasi would probably need something like fish to be put in their diet for the extra energy protein gives you and horses can eat meat in fact a small amount of protein is beneficial for them the easiest way to get it is meat
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Who said he ran away? But what if...
This is really getting interesting (as if the first chapter wasn't already).
I like it.
The young filly could be raised by Diamond Dogs? I mean Griffons aren't the only carnivores, there's hippogriffs who eat fish, dragons unless their entire diet is only gems.
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Oh, I know that colored text anywhere...
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I don't.
i am curious to see what happens next
Haven't read this story yet (though I plan to at some point), but can I just point out that the smile in the BG eerily reminds me of Darkness' face from Pajama Sam?
Okaynthere is alot more to looking Glass. Hownfast he respknded is worrying
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What does it mean?
Hard to swallow... Is Olive's father... A Naga?
jajajaja seeeep, xD se oyo bastaaaante mal eso de ser buena tragando, y no creo que sea el unico que lo piensa jajajaja.
-w- eeehhh muy buena historia, me tienes intrigado con lo que viene mas adelante, ¬w¬ para seguidos y mi like.
interesting so far.
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This line honestly got funnier for me now that I read it again. Almost got me laughing out loud while I was on the job.
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Trust me
They NEVER RUN AWAY!
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ummm how?
No offense but its like A FAMOUS FIC
OHHHHH!
OKAY!
SOOO...
yeah um Celestia im gonna need the ENTIRE ROYAL GUARD TO DROP ONTO WHOEVER THIS "FRIEND" IS!
GET OUT THE RESERVES IF NEEDED
Umm thats a lie!
THAT IS A LIE!
Ponyville gets a attack like Every other week!
...i understand you may have one
I have them myself
Alexa is one of them!
But this doesn't seem right
That voice
.
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If I said that I live under a rock, would that suffice?
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That's fair, I only learned about it when I found it by accident.
It kinda sounds like this filly escaped from a cult
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Okay, I'm really thinking now that her "daddy" I something supernatural. The coloration of the words is what's making me think that, and the cover photo too
yes! be dispensing with the MOAR GOODS!
"though she knows that her answers will come much later."
You don't need this part here. And, it's more like the author is stating "it" rather then a character's - more over, we don't need to be told we will get answer's later. (It play's your hand as the writer- in my opinion.)
Or...better...
This keep's the tension better and get's a reader's mind thinking : What happened? Who hurt the filly? Will AJ save the filly in time?
In truth, actually, getting answer's is not as important as getting the filly alive, so, you could have used descriptive word's and short
Clipped
Sentences
To
Tighten tension...to make a reader anxious.
You could even use another word then 'question's' ,though, such as "I need to ask for...Granny" (The elipisis is important. It creates tension in it's own way when used well.) (A single line sentence wouldn't be amiss here. Especially, with the reader moving past the sentence (barely) reading it and then it can hit them later when ,Granny, arrives. (MVP) This statement also hint's at familial ties (and, train's your writer brain to write as if no one know's ,Aj, and the gang. Further, it add's a secondary story at play in the past and (potential future) though, it has a potential to obscure detail's which done with a deliberate hand is what you want.
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Just finished re-reading "What a Strange Little Colt" and wanted to say thank you for being me back to that story. Now we just have to wait for the sequel to that story to be written, and the author of this one to finish this story :)
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Thanks for the feedback! I'll try to keep some of your suggestions in mind for future chapters.
Olive is a treasure! A cute little treasure who needs a whole batch of friends!
AJ had better call up the CMCs. They can sort this out within thirty minutes, although she'll want to watch them closely, with back-up.