If The Emperor was in Equestria

by The Warmaster


Season 2, Chapter Four: Dragons (and how to tame them)

The Emperor sat back in his throne, a new one that he had created after fiddling with the old one, watching with amusement as the ponies went to work stripping the gold off of the wall. It was proving much more difficult than what they had previously thought.

“What in Tartarus is going on?!” One of the workers yelled. “This stuff is like diamond!”

“I’ve broken five tools trying to tear off this chunk!” Another one complained, pointing to a nearly unscratched segment of the wall.

“Emperor… is this your doing?” Celestia asked, standing in front of him and gesturing to the nearly impervious wall.

”Actually you can thank my son Rogal Dorn for that.” The Emperor smirked. ”Leave it to that funless robot to make a golden wall almost entirely impervious. I’d give him a medal if he was still alive.” He paused, then turned to Magnus, who, like Roboute, were standing to the side, watching the workers and their futile efforts. ”Is he still alive?”

“Hmmm…. not sure about that, Father. If you’d like I would be happy to go look around for him. Or his soul, if it still exists.”

”No, I’d rather you not run off and possibly disappear.” The Emperor stated, standing up. “If Rogal is still alive, he’ll turn up eventually. I’ll leave you ponies to finding a way to remove the gold. I’m going for a walk.”

“Emperor… if you burn down another forest…” Celestia warned.

”What, are you gonna blow up several planets in your anger?” The Emperor asked with a smug look. ”Oh wait, I’m thinking of myself. You can’t do anything like that.” He waved her off with his massive golden claw. ”Don’t worry, no trees will be harmed in this walk. Probably. Might go visit one of the other countries.”

“Father, we should come with you.” Magnus said, stepping up. The Emperor turned back to him and shook his head.

”No, you and Girlyman should… I dunno, help their government. Make it efficient or some shit. Just don’t make any deals with Tzeentch and turn this world into a Daemon World or another Planet if the Sorcerers.”

Magnus twitched, But Roboute have a rare smile. “Of course, Father. When you return, Celestia’s government will make even that of the Imperium pale in comparison!”

”That isn’t a very high standard. Later!” The Emperor left the Throne Room.

“So, Princess Celestia, what is the current state of your nation’s government?” Roboute asked.

“Um… my sister and I co-rule Equestria with a gentle touch, giving our ponies the freedom they deserve in life.” Celestia said, looking at Guilliman with a slightly fearful look.

“No, no, that’s hardly efficient at all!” Guilliman grumbled. “Firstly, make yourself the sole ruler of Equestria, then give Luna the role of leading a council of high lords specifically chosen by you.”

“What? I could never be the better of my sister!” Celestia replied, appalled. “She is my equal, and I would never give her a position of lower value than I.”

“I see… well, it looks like we have a lot of work ahead of us…” Guilliman grinned, and Magnus groaned.

“If you need me, I’ll be… somewhere that isn’t here.” He grumbled, before teleporting away.


”So this is the realm of the dragons.” The Emperor mused, standing atop a cliff overlooking the Badlands. ”It’s just as shitty as I expected it to be… well, let’s go find some dragons.” He jumped off the cliff, falling into a shallow river of lava. The lava sizzled against his armored legs, but that was about it. The Emperor then began trudging through, scanning the skies and the ground for any dragons.

After thirty minutes, he eventually found a group of the reptilian creatures at another river of lava, this one flowing down at an angle.

”Oh, they’re surfing on lava. That’s cute.” The Emperor smiled, before walking towards them. It didn’t take long for them to spot him. After all, he was practically a handsome golden beacon of light moving towards them as they stopped what they were doing to gape.

”Greetings, lizards. What frivolous activities are you up to?” The Emperor asked. The dragons differed in size, shape, and color. One of them, a somewhat thin red dragon, flared its wings in anger.

“Who you callin a lizard?” The obvious male growled, balling his claws into fists. The others followed suit, heat crackling from their fanged jaws.

”I suppose that if you hadn’t bashed your head against rocks since you were born, you’d have probably realized that I was calling you and your little group lizards.” The Emperor replied. Twilight had said these things were hoarders of treasure, and he was hoping she was right.

“Oh? Hey guys, I think I just thought of a new game!” The Red Dragon grinned as the others surrounded the Emperor.

“And wassat, Garble?” A fat green dragon asked, a wicked grin stretched across its fangs.

“See who can rip the most gold off of this moron! Get him!” ‘Garble’ yelled, and they all rushed at the Emperor, claws and jaws seeking to pierce the Emperor’s armor.

To the eyes of a mortal, it was as if the Emperor simply vanished, and reappeared several feet away with a dragon’s throat in his hand. Garble choked as The Emperor looked up at him with disinterest. He backhanded another dragon with his clawed arm, breaking many bones and sending it flying into a nearby rock. He then whirled around, smacking three other dragons with the dragon in his grasp before tossing the red dragon into a wall. The wall then promptly exploded in a glorious ball of fire.

The three dragons that he had hit slowly recovered, before basting the Emperor in their flames. But as they did, they felt the temperature around them drop rapidly, their flames sputtering slightly as they shivered. Then the flames froze, defying all physics as they turned to ice.

”I have a question for you lizards.” The Emperor grumbled, bursting through the ice and holding his razor sharp talon in front of their faces, each claw capable of cutting through adamantium.

The remaining three dragons scampered backwards, terror in their slitted eyes. “D-don’t hurt us!”

”Then take me to whatever lizard runs this dump.” The Emperor growled, his intimidating presence haloed by the setting sun behind him. ”And you may live without a broken jawline.”


Ember grumbled as she watched three dragons fight below her. They were fighting over a pile of gold that they were supposed to share.

She was trying to teach the dragons friendship, like Spike did to her, but, if the fight below meant anything, it was that it would be extremely difficult. Of course, she didn’t actually intend to let them keep any of the gold. Especially not now, since they had failed the sharing program so horribly.

“Enough!” Ember declared, standing form her throne. The three dragons immediately stopped, looking over to her in surprise and fear. That was good. “I can’t understand how you morons managed to screw this up so badly! You could have just taken equal shares, but nooooo, you just had to try to take more than the others. Get lost, losers! And if I find even a single bit missing, I will find you and have your heads!” They scattered once she finished, whimpering as they fled. It was probably because she had begun releasing flames from between her teeth, giving her an intimidating appearance.

“Good grief. How do the ponies do it? It seems so freaking easy for them!” Ember grumbled, stomping back to her throne. She sat down, huffing angrily as she crossed her arms. “Maybe I should talk to Spike about this…”

As she mulled over her options, the doors to her throne room reopened, with three dragons whimpering like Diamond Dogs as they scuttled into the Chamber.

“H-here we are, s-Sir! Th-this is Lord Ember’s Throne Room! Pl-please don’t hurt us!” One of them called to a figure outside. Ember raised an eyebrow, sitting up in her throne in curiosity as she heard loud footfalls echo into the Throne Room.

Her eyes soon widened to the size of dinner plates as a giant clad in pure gold armor stepped through the large gateway, his head only a few feet from the top of the gates as he moved forward. The giant’s left hand was a massive claw, blades fingers likely capable of ripping through anything in the room. And his other hand was gripped around a flaming sword. A flaming sword!

“Wh-who in Tartarus are you?” Ember asked, the urge to kneel before this glorious being almost too powerful to hold back.

”I am the motherfucking Emperor of Mankind.” He said, his deep, masculine, yet silky voice warming every fiber of Ember’s soul. She didn’t know what a ‘motherfucker’ was, but it sounded absolutely amazing coming from him. ”This is actually a lot better than the dump I was expecting, considering the barren fucking wasteland outside.” Ember was glad she was sitting. She would have fallen to her knees had she been standing.

“I… th-thank you for the compliment, Emperor…” Ember muttered, barely managing to form coherent thoughts.

”Oh. Right. I always forget to turn off Emperor Presence.” Ember felt… something lift from her mind. It felt like a warm golden blanket had risen up from her mind, and she could suddenly think clearly. Well, as clearly as someone could when standing in front of a golden giant of pure incredibility.

“Wha… what just happened?” Ember asked, shaking her head.

”I call it Emperor Presence. It’s basically a passive Psyker ability of mine that makes everyone around me extremely submissive and loyal and shit like that.” The Emperor put his flaming blade away, walking towards Ember’s throne, the stairs cracking under his boots. ”This Throne Room is a bit bland though. A rocky dome for a ceiling, a simple grand mansion staircase? The lava flows in the back and the pile of gold in the middle do give you a few style points, and the throne is nice, but the rest of it is meh at best.” He rattled off, examining the large chamber with boredom.

“I… excuse me? My throne room is great!” Ember replied. “It’s nice and roomy for flying, and makes me look powerful!”

”Sure, if you’re comparing it to a dirt house.” The Emperor replied, reaching the top of the stairs and looking down at Ember. ”I’d give your little room a three out of ten.”

Ember was getting a little bit angry. “And what about you? I bet you don’t even have a Throne Room!”

”I have a great fucking throne room. It’s entirely gold and covered in skulls.” The Emperor replied, raising an eyebrow.

“Prove it.” Ember grunted, crossing her arms. The Emperor smirked, snapping his right hand’s fingers, and suddenly they were in another place. Gold. All Ember could see was gold. It was everywhere. It coated everything. Even the skulls lining pretty much every wall were gold.

“What… h-how…” Ember had never seen so much gold. Not even the most ancient of the dragon lords ever had this much gold.

”Yep. Feel insignificant yet?” The Emperor asked, and it was then that Ember finally noticed the things in the room that weren’t gold.

“Why are there ponies trying to take your gold?” She asked in surprise. A dragon would NEVER let anyone take their gold without a fight.

”They think I owe them for burning down a forest.” The Emperor shrugged. ”Even though I did it to destroy a planetary threat. But it doesn’t matter. I’ll just use the gold in their treasury to replace it if they can actually break any off.”

“Oh, so you’ll just take back whatever they steal? That’s definitely what any dragon would do.” Ember nodded appreciatively. “After burning them to a crisp, of course, but I’m guessing there’s a reason why you wouldn’t.”

”Yep. Because it’d be a complete waste of my powers.” The Emperor shrugged, smiling in amusement as he saw Celestia on the floor, hooves clamped to her ears as Guilliman continued prattling off the hundreds of ways he could improve her government. A fitting punishment for assuming the Emperor owed her anything. He ended the vision, returning them to the previous (and inferior) Throne Room.

“So, what’s a creature such as yourself doing in the Dragon lands?” Ember asked after getting her balance once again. “Surely you have better things to do than pay visit to us.”

”Actually, I don’t.” The Emperor shrugged. ”My Imperium is probably millions of lightyears away from this planet, and probably being led by my oh so handsome twin.”


Thousands of lightyears away, Holy Terra

”Achoo.” The Emperor Of Mankind sneezed through the Text-To-Speech Device.

“Is everything alright, my lord?” The golden banana Custodes that was his caretaker asked in worry. “Are you getting a cold?”

”No I am not you fucking moron.” The Emperor chided. ”I am a spooky skeleton. I do not get colds.”

“Then… why did you sneeze?” The Custode, Kitten, asked.

”Because someone was probably talking about me.” The Emperor stated, as if it were obvious.

“Uh… I don’t follow.” Kitten replied after a moment, confused.

”Of course you fucking don’t. You really need to learn more about tropes.” The Emperor grumbled, seeing that this was going nowhere. ”Any ways, when is that redhead fucking cyclops nerd getting back? It has been fucking months since he left.”

“I don’t know, my lord. He said he was going to investigate a weird energy in the Warp, and then disappeared.” Kitten replied, unable to move his arms to shrug. “Perhaps we could send the Ultramarines to go find him again?”

”Sure, why not. Now, let us end this supposedly comedic scene before it gets too long and get back to what we’re supposed to be doing.” The Emperor said.


Back in Equestria

”And so I thought I might find something fun to do with the dragons.” The Emperor shrugged. ”Maybe I ought to take over and get used to leading things again.”

“I… uh, well, I wouldn’t give up my reign without a fight…” Ember knew fully well that she stood no chance against The Emperor. He radiated power like the inside of a volcano radiates heat.

”And you’d probably die immediately.” The Emperor confirmed. ”How about we try co-ruling? It apparently worked for the ponies, and it’s obvious that the dragons are better than them.”

“I mean, that could work… but dragons have only ever had one ruler for… well, ever!” Ember replied. “We can’t just break tradition whenever we want to!”

”We sure as hell can.” The Emperor grinned. ”And with me helping you lead, I can assure you that the dragons will be more powerful than any other nation out there. We could even take over the entire planet.” He extended his not clawed hand. ”How about it? I could just slaughter you all and assert my dominance, but I’m in a chipper mood.”

“Uh… I guess I can agree with that…” she took his hand and shook it. “So, what’s your first plan for the dragons?”


The Emperor’s Throne Room

“Seriously? This is why you wanted me to join you?” Ember grumbled as she stepped over to the still relatively unscratched golden wall.

”Well, it’s a part of the reason. Ponies breaking tools against the wall is getting annoying.” The Emperor sat down in his throne, looking over at Celestia and Guilliman as Ember got to work heating up the gold with her flame breath. ”Girlyman, you can stop torturing her. I think she’s suffered enough.”

“Torture her? She’s torturing me! She has shot down every change I’ve offered!” Guilliman replied, appalled. “She’s worse than any tribal I’ve ever encountered!”

“Thank you, Emperor… I fear I would have attempted to burn your son to a crisp had he continued any longer…” Celestia smiled weakly, slowly sitting up.

”You deserved it.” The Emperor shrugged, watching as Ember finished what she had been tasked with. The now glowing hot golden wall simmered slightly, and Ember sighed.

“Have at it, ponies.” She grumbled, walking back over to the Emperor. “So, what REAL plans do you have to help the dragons?”

”We’ll gather them all together and form a proper fucking empire.” The Emperor said. ”Any who refuse to comply will be driven out of Imperial territory.”

“I… I’m sorry, Lord Ember, but what’s happening here?” Celestia asked, rubbing her neck nervously.

“I’ve agreed to allow the Emperor join me in ruling the dragon lands so he can make us a better nation.” Ember shrugged. “Forcefully uniting them all does sound pretty good, Emperor, but we’d be better off killing any who refuse to comply.”

”....” The Emperor looked down at her with a blank expression, whereas Celestia looked at her with horror.

“Kill them? Why in Equestria would you do that just because they refuse to comply?!” Celestia asked, horrified.

”You are my type of dragon.” The Emperor broke out into a rare grin. ”Fucking finally, someone who actually gets it! Kill them all it is!”