Canterlot Crashers

by Orkus


Do You Believe in Magic? (No, I Believe in Quantifiable Physics)

"They are coming..." the Necromancer spoke to the hooded figure whom he kneeled before. It was not even thirty seconds after he outran his pursuers, and he managed to keep them temporarily at bay by slamming every door he came across shut on them. While he took in deep, choked breaths, he could hear the enraged fists of his pursuers slamming against the final door, which lied a few dozen meters behind him. "I am injured, my master. What shall I do?"

"Just leave them to me now, my valued servant," the Evil Wizard said evilly as he clasped his evil hands together upon his evil throne in an evil manner, all while evil thoughts coursed through his evil mind, already planning what evil things he wanted to do to his next victims with the evil implements he had planned out with evil care. Evilly. "Rest yourself up and heal your wounds. You have done enough."

He raised his wand overhead, and the tip glowed briefly. After the magical being swished it around twice in an almost fully halfhearted gesture, the Necromancer kneeling before him vanished like a dissolving cloud of smoke, just as the door was knocked down with a quaking groan and thunderous smash, the hinges giving way at long last. Seven figures entered, nearly scrambling over each other to enter the room, and once they had adjusted better, their wandering eyes all eventually met the figure watching them invade his room.

Each of the knights' faces were squinted in pure rage at who they saw. Derpy, Undyne, and Papyrus could practically hear them squeeze their knuckles over their unsheathed weapons in anger. The wizard whom they expressed such emotion to didn't seem to share it in reply, and he even possessed a most calm attitude to his being.

"Welcome at long last, my old enemies," he greeted, stretching his small arms out in a faux expression of goodness and charity. "I see you've all been busy saving the land and rescuing damsels in a most violent fashion. How incredulously dull and pointless, wouldn't you say?"

"The last time we met, you were falling through the air from what remained of your last castle," Green went on. "How are you still living?"

"I fell for a while, I'll admit that much," the squat robed sorcerer replied, pacing down from his hill-sized throne's steps, echoes accompanying each step until he reached the final one, bringing about only silence. "But I have methods of which I'm not at liberty to mention."

"What a terrible story," Red scoffed. "When will it end?"

"End? How can there be an end so soon, when we've only reached," he lifted his now-glowing wand sharply, "the climax."

With the spell he cast, the ground below them shook and quaked with the likes of the earth bearing an upset stomach. With a motion of being heaved upward, not unlike what one would feel on an elevator, all could sense that the castle they were inside of was no longer grounded; the sound of dirt far below them crunching as it was torn from its foundation like the roots of a tree. Upon being the first to gain his footing, Papyrus hastily dashed to a nearby window and shot his bare head out of it.

"UM... IT APPEARS AS THOUGH THE GROUND IS SHRINKING," he stated worriedly. "EITHER THAT, OR WE'RE GOING UP."

By this point, everyone else had also gotten a better balance. All the Evil Wizard did while he waited for them to recover was just stand there ...MENACINGLY! with a bland expression and wand by his side, as if waiting for them to attack first. Putting his own large, blunt instrument into his hands, Red obliged him and dashed forward.

"As I hate hell, all Montagues, and thee. Have at thee, coward!" he shouted, bringing it down upon his smaller shape, only to feel a strong force, not unlike a slab of raw iron, stop it. Confused, Red tried to discover what prematurely halted his attack, and saw that he had hit a large bubble that was enveloping the Evil Wizard in a blue glow. It stopped him like a wall, and the expression on the wizard's face looked quite unperturbed. Casually poking him in the gut with the yellow tip of his wand, the wizard cast another spell that threw Red off of him; blasting him away and against a wall in the far corner like a bellowing ragdoll.

Orange chucked several fireballs at the Wizard in reaction at seeing what had happened, but the orb surrounding him, which had changed into a red color, deflected each shot harmlessly. Reeling his wand back and pointing it forward again, a burst of pure, invisible force flew out at a rapid velocity, slapping the hapless knight off of his feet as if he were naught but a tin toy soldier before a toddler.

As Undyne, Blue, and Papyrus ran in fearlessly to confront their foe themselves, Green decided not to follow in his comrades' approach to the situation, and ducked behind a table he had just upturned. Looking about, ignoring the puling and pained cries of his friends, he spotted a hallway he had not noticed before, hidden a fair distance behind the Evil Wizard's throne. Looking beside him, he saw that Derpy had joined him, clearly unsure on what to do.

"Derpy, you said that the princess imprisoned here specializes in magic, yes?" Green hurriedly inquired to the pegasus. She nodded her head rapidly, letting her blonde mane swish up-and-down as well, like a wave.

"Yep! Well, that and friendship," she replied. "Why do you ask?"

"I think we could use her expertise in a battle such as this," he said again, taking a brief peek from his cover, only to duck down again as he heard the sound of something wooden shatter to splinters from just in front of them; no doubt collateral damage that had been thrown by the wizard's last attack so far. He peeked over and yelled something at the nearest ally within earshot. "Guys, me and Derpy are going to explore around here a bit. Is that fine with you?"

Blue had been tossed back, and was currently lying face-down nearby. With a moan, he lifted his head and looked at Green with a small glare. "Ugh... okay. But you better get back here soon!" he muttered in a semi-scold. Nodding sarcastically, Green abandoned his cover and made way for the hall on the other side of the room, Derpy flying after him in pursuit.

As the two ran off, the Evil Wizard was finding himself at odds with his attackers. He had to continue to adjust between his spell shield and physical damage shield at a great rapidity, if only to keep each attack off of him as he returned with his own. Finally, as the bubble around him had just flashed to red, Undyne, who was standing behind him and waiting for her moment to strike, did so. Her water spear swished forth, walloping the Evil Wizard upside the back of his hooded end with its blunt side, knocking him to the ground with a shriek of pain and sending his wand from his hand.

With a sickly flicker of yellow, the shield finally dissipated into nothingness. Undyne pointed her spear downard and thrust it in the same direction as her teeth became bared, intending to finish him in a swift motion. Her attack never landed though, for the wizard shouted something ominously indiscernible, and everyone nearby him was blown back by a bright flash, followed only by a whirlwind of magic. By the time each had recovered, adjusted to the room's lighting, and looked back at their foe, they saw something quite startling taking place.

A sword appeared, floating above everyone out of thin air. It bore the appearance of a raging, wolf-headed demon at its glimmering, flaming, razor-edged tip, while the base of it had a band of cloth wrapped around it. As if it had a will of its own, the demonic weapon began to float toward the Evil Wizard's outstretched hand, and the moment it made contact, the very atmosphere of the room seemed to change.

"I think I'll just skip the formalities and get straight to business, if you dunces don't mind," he said, the entire pitch of his once higher-than-normal voice sinking low. "Heh. The funny thing is, I know of great magic that causes others envy and sorrow. I bear the pleasure of carrying knowledge within my mind that would drive lesser creatures to insanity. But none of it... none of my lessons in the arcane and sorcerous excites me more than using this blade. THIS DEMON BLADE!"

He held it overhead, and screaming flames began to surround him, growing higher with every passing second. "RRRAAAAGGHHHHH!" the Evil Wizard roared while lifting the glowing demon sword high above with a newfound strength and vigor to his form, an inferno of fire and brimstone jutting off of it like a geyser, and enough heat radiating off of it to convince a blind person that they stumbled into a sauna. Glaring back at his enemies with his yellow, malevolent eyes, the Wizard brought it down in a single, powerful motion, and what could only be described as an impossibly gigantic pillar of orange energy went streaking from it across the room in a manner akin to the blade of a knife running through a birthday cake.

The beam homed in on where Blue and Papyrus were standing. With mutual shrieks of startled fear, the two only barely managed to jump out of its trajectory by separating from each other, allowing it to fly by between them at but a hair's distance and impact against the wall behind them. An explosion louder than thunder at point-blank sounded, and the part of the brick wall that was once there simply ceased to be. What was seen by everyone when the smoke parted, however, was a blue sky and a few clouds were now exposed to them all, shown through a large hole.

The Evil Wizard brought his sword back, more than ready to use it again. Red and Undyne had already started for him, mace and spear held and ready to inflict pain in their respective hands. Upon reaching the wizard, they simultaneously brought them down on his hooded shape. The Evil Wizard turned to them as he noticed their activity, and with as much care as a refined lord backhanding a lesser person of disinterest, he slashed his sword at them in a speedy, fiery display, punting them both back a fair ways. Undyne landed gracefully on her feet and flicked her crimson hair back with an annoyed breath, while Red smashed into a bookshelf, shattering the wood that made it up into meager splinters.

"We've gotta hold this creep off until Green and that pegasus get back with the princess," Undyne stated as Papyrus, Blue, and Orange ran to her and stood by her side, while Red dug himself out of the mound he was buried under. She formed another spear in her hand and got ready to lunge forth once more. "Together, everyone! With feeling! NGAAAH!"


There was only one door at the end of the long hallway Green and Derpy had spent the last five minutes running down. Without even consulting one another on how to open it, the pair barged through the wooden entrance, entering a pitch-black room.

There she sat, the princess, Twilight Sparkle, her winged back facing them from the lonely cage she sat inside of in otherwise complete darkness. Hearing the commotion, the purple alicorn shot her head in the opposite direction, and gave off what Green could only describe as the happiest face he had ever seen.

"Th-thank Celestia you found me!" she couldn't help but sigh in utter relief when they ran to her. "I almost thought I'd be trapped here forever! H-how are my friends doing? Do either of you know? They're alright, right?"

"They are A-okay, princess!" Derpy confirmed. "They've been protecting Ponyville while these knight-guys and I have been out rescuing the other princesses and yourself."

As she finished her sentence, Green had just completed breaking through the lock with the hilt of his sword. As soon as it noisily fell to the stone floor, the door creaked open and Twilight walked out, stretching her wings out in a way as if she had never done so before. With a hum, she let out an impressed look and rubbed a hoof over her chin. "You guys defeated the wizard, right? I sensed he was powerful, but by the looks of it, you must have-"

A powerful tremor that shook the entire building went out, interrupting her. Derpy chuckled as it ceased. "Um... we didn't beat him yet," she said. "He's probably still fighting the others. It's why Green and I came looking for you, so you could try to help us with him."

Twilight's expression instantly went serious. "We have to go now, then. Before someone gets seriously hurt."

"But he seems so much more powerful here than when we faced him back in our world. He's and old enemy of ours, see," Green explained in a manner that conveyed nothing but frustration and rage. "Even with you, I don't think we have a surefire chance of outmuscling him in the field of magic, and..." He looked to his left and found himself facing the princess's cage. A toothy smile, ever so slowly, began to etch onto his face, soon forming a grin that ran from ear to ear.

"...And I now have an idea."


Twilight, Derpy, and the Green Knight each flew through the dank hallways with speed to rival a bolt of lightning in motion. As the two ponies flapped their wings from ahead, Green was sprinting just behind them with the large cage the princess was formerly in hoisted over his back. Derpy didn't question how a such a comparatively smaller being like himself managed the feat, but she knew he was tiring from the taxing effort, as heard by the guttural wheezing that came with each step in the knight's effort to stay with them.

The sight of light - not the orange glow of the torches surrounding the hall, but true sunlight, no doubt from one of the exploded walls - came into view after a few minutes of running. Without a moment to lose, the three emerged from the cold hallway and entered the throne room once again, to find the sight of utter carnage and destruction lying like broken glass before them.

The throne was now nothing more than a pile of rubble; utterly desolated from what could only be guessed as collateral damage. With simple breaths the three could smell a small fire had started somewhere in the room, filling it with the smell of burning wood and molten rock. The injured, moaning bodies of the brave fighters were scattered about everywhere in the room, and finally, standing in between them all and cackling at his handiwork, was the Evil Wizard.

He looked weary with the demon sword clenched tightly in his palms, his chest expanding heavily as if he had given a lot of effort in using it. Infuriated at what he had wrought in her wake, Twilight reeled back on her hind legs, her horn glimmering with a bright purple color, and blasted forth a bolt of pink lightning as she shouted.

As the magic struck with unnerving accuracy, the Evil Wizard's sword was blown out of his grasp by the burst, sending it sliding to the other side of the room. Before the surprised sorcerer could fret about it any further, Twilight had sent another, much more solid and extended stream at him, forcing him to turn his full attention on it and catch the beam in his palms with a growl. His entire body lighting up in a red glow, the Evil Wizard began to form his own, crimson beam, and he pushed it back at Twilight.

"You hold him here just like that, and I'll be right back!" Green ordered, before turning his full attention to the cage he had been carrying. With a grunt, he tried to lift it, but to his tired ire, he found himself out of breath. He turned to Derpy with a pleading expression. "Derpy, come with me! I have need of you!"

"Um... okay," she said back in a hesitant manner, before looking to Twilight a final time. "Good luck, princess! I have faith in you!" With those parting words that served well in comforting the princess, she flew to Green, grabbed the cage by its top, and together they both began to heave it elsewhere.

Everyone that had been previously blown back shakily returned to their feet and eyed the beam battle happening before them. With a cry of "Get him!" from Red, a new assault was proposed and passed with a unanimous bout of rapid movement and upturning of debris from all corners. Lifting their swords, spears, axes and bones, everyone sprinted at their foe with deafening battle cries, but as they reached him, they were thrown back again by a shockwave of fire that exploded in a ring from the hooded maniac; sent out by will upon hearing them grow near.

"My power is unparalleled!" the Evil Wizard was now shrieking insanely as a final pulse began to expunge from his form, causing Twilight to growl and grunt; a bead of sweat falling from her forehead as she struggled with all her might to fight against the that was slowly overtaking her own, all while the wizard continued his rambling tirade. "My power is unlimited! NO ONE CAN MATCH ME! NOT EVEN THE PRINCESS OF FRIENDSHIP AND ELEMENT OF MAGIC HERSELF! HERE, I AM A GOD! MUAHAHAHAHA-"

He was so preoccupied with chortling out his maddened laughter that he failed to notice a pair of green and grey shapes that were tiptoeing behind him. Holding three of his fingers out as they were less than a foot behind him, Green counted down to Derpy, who watched with great excitement on her cross-eyed face. As he reached zero, Green yanked open the cage's door, and the two thrust it forward.

"...HAHA- What the-?" the wizard cried out in utter surprise as he found himself become enveloped in the small prison, and saw his beam of magic begin to fade and smother like a candle; the cage's metal severely weakening his power the second Green kicked its door shut. Seeing that she now had full control over the situation, Twilight unleashed the fullest extent of her abilities against him fearlessly.

Twilight's attack quickly overcame her enemy's, and it quickly sped to him like a missile, as he could only watch. Then, as if forgetting all he was worried about, the Evil Wizard's calm composure returned, and he let loose a grin as he whispered something to himself in a tone only he could hear.

"Well played, fools."

Then the stream hit, enveloping him completely in its purple haze. The lower portion of the cage, where most of the beam had touched, seemed to disappear entirely in the attack. It was only when the magic finally faded did everyone see what had transpired for their foe. Blue scratched his head in surprise as he looked into the cage with widened eyes.

"He's... gone?" he inquired, upon seeing the emptiness of the cage. "Whoa. Hey, princess, I think you disintegrated him. You sure were going ham with that blast, weren't you?"

"I... I wasn't trying to hurt him!" Twilight denied, running up to see for herself, spotting the same result. "That spell wouldn't have been strong enough to hurt anypony! It was made for paralysis."

"Perhaps he teleported out," Green suggested with a shrug, opening the cage and looking through it. "Methinks he made the things himself, therefore he would know how to get around their 'anti-magic stuff', but that's just my guess."

"UM... EITHER WAY, IF HE'S GONE, THEN... WHO'S HOLDING THE CASTLE UP?" Papyrus pointed out with a gloved hand. Very, very slowly, but also very, very surely, everyone's heads slowly looked up from the cage and looked directly at him. Blue was the first to act, breaking the stunned look he shared with the rest of the team.

He took a deep breath, raised a finger, and exhaled a single syllable before a dull expression of acceptance stretched over his face like a bland, colorless tarp. "Oh."

And then they fell.