• Published 29th Jul 2020
  • 3,185 Views, 72 Comments

Kung-Fu Equestria - Lady Umbra



When Celestia sees a frightening vision she and her sister must train one to rise up and defeat this horrible Evil and become The Celestial Warrior

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Tai Lung's Escape

Following Pinkie’s word, the gong pony rang his gong, and the citizens cheered, drowning out Luna’s attempts to chew out Pinkie and then the gong pony, and then the ponies bringing a palanquin down to the arena. Twilight stood frozen to the floor, utterly flabbergasted and unable to resist as several ponies pushed her onto the carried platform

"Celestia!" Luna yelled, racing to her sister’s side. "That Unicorn can't possibly be the answer to…” she paused, glancing around.

Spike and the Furious Five were still staring after Twilight with mixtures of shock, concern, barely concealed rage in Rainbow Dash’s case, or happily conducting the cheerful ponies, in Pinkie’s case. Despite them all appearing distracted, Luna still kept her voice low.

“That unicorn can’t be the answer to our problem.”

But Celestia barely regarded her, walking along as Twilight was carted into the Celestial Palace. Her chances of stopping this were fading fast. Luna vaguely pointed back at Rainbow Dash, who jumped when she mentioned her name.

"You were about to point at Rainbow Dash and then… that… she fell in front of her!" Luna argued. "That was just an accident!"

But Celestia’s grin remained serene and unbothered. "There are no accidents,” she said calmly.

THUD!

At first, Luna spun, thinking Twilight had fallen off the palanquin. But instead, it had only been the dragon Garble, Smolder glowering down at him before gliding over to Spike, who was still gaping in alarm as his surrogate sister was carted inside. With a mutual fearful look at Luna, the dragons sidled off to the side, while Rainbow Dash shot Twilight an envious, frustrated look before reluctantly turning back to her master.

“Forgive us, Master,” Rainbow Dash choked the words out. At her words, the others – even Pinkie Pie – bowed their heads in regret. "We failed you."

"No," Luna said grimly, raising a hand to wave off the girls’ apologies. "If that unicorn has not quit by morning, then I will have failed you.”


Meanwhile, dressed in warm clothing, Derpy flapped her wings through the air, happily riding the wind currents before nearly bopping her head against the doors set into a cavern on one of the snow-tipped mountains. As she banked in the air, the wall-eyed pegasus was suddenly surrounded by spears.

“Hello,” she replied in a cheerful tone. Her optimism confused the minotaurs holding the spears long enough for her to reach into her bag and pull out a scroll. “Special Delivery from Master Luna to Captain Iron Will?”

The minotaur guards glanced at each other, before lowering their spears, nudging the gray pegasus through the doors and into the vast cavern that lay underneath the stone.

“Iron Will, sir!” one of the guards bellowed like a bull. “This pony has a message for you!”

The biggest of the minotaurs stomped up, his fur cobalt blue in the limited light.

“Oh…” Derpy whispered, tilting her head in awe at the minotaurs golden horns, which stood out among the other minotaurs and their normal white horns.

Derpy always considered herself to be an optimist; someone who could just look on the bright side of life, and assume everything was going to be okay. It wasn’t as easy to think that when Iron Will read her message.

“WHAT?!” he boomed, his angry voice alone nearly knocking the smile off Derpy’s face.

“Double the Guard? Extra precautions?! Iron Will’s prison may not be adequate?!"
Iron Will threw the message aside and bore down on Derpy, who shivered as she tried to keep up a small smile. "You doubt Iron Will's prison security?"

“Of course not,” Derpy assured him, looking around. “Master Luna does.”

Iron Will hummed, the anger fading from his eyes as he regarded the wall-eyed pegasus.

“Then let Iron Will give you a message for your ‘Master Luna,’” Iron Will declared, seizing Derpy by the nape and pulling her deeper into the prison.

“Escape from Tartarus Prison… is IMPOSSIBLE!”

He pulled her onto a bridge, letting her see over the edge. Derpy swallowed at the height. Bridges crisscrossed below like spider webs, each one stacked with minotaurs decked out in armor and carrying weapons that looked like they could shear through the mountain itself.

Iron Will laughed at Derpy’s shocked expression, and set her down roughly, dislodging some of her feathers and sending some of them drifting down into the pit.

“Impressive, isn’t it?” Iron Will demanded.

“Very impressive,” Derpy replied, her voice quiet, but trying to remain cheerful.

"One way in,” Iron Will continued. “One way out. One thousand Guards…” he indicated the rough faces of the guards all around them. “And one prisoner.”

“Right,” Derpy said with a nod. “Tai Lung.” She noticed some of the guards still glowering at her, and tried to grin sheepishly at them. She just didn’t know what she was doing wrong to make them so cranky.
Reaching a wooden elevator, Derpy and Iron Will descended to the lowest level of the prison.

“Behold,” Iron Will declared, opening the elevator to the lower-most floor. “Tai Lung!”

Tai Lung’s ‘cell’ was more of an island in the middle of the pit, barely big enough to stand and move in a circle around. In the middle of the island sat Tai Lung, a large shell encasing his chest, with jade spikes extending from his back. Both his arms were bound and chained to heavy boulders that hung over the edge of his platform. Tai Lung’s head was bowed, his arms limp. It was hard to tell if he was even breathing.

Derpy nodded. “Very… nice,” she said, turning to Iron Will with a grin. “Can I just stay here?”

The warden chuckled at her barely hidden fear. “Nothing to fear, little pony,” he assured her. “It’s perfectly safe.”

Despite his soft tone, he still shoved the pegasus onto the rickety bridge that led to Tai Lung’s prison. As Derpy reluctantly walked towards the bound criminal, Iron Will’s voice boomed behind her.

"Crossbows at the ready!”

Derpy stared around in fear as massive crossbows – more ballista than crossbows – locked into place, aimed at the apparently unconscious snow leopard. Derpy was already scared beyond belief. As Iron Will joined her on the island, he only made it harder for her to conceal her fear.

"Hey tough guy,” Iron Will barked at the bound snow leopard. “Did you hear? Celestia's finally going to give someone the Celestial Scroll and it’s not going to be you!"

Derpy winced. “Please don’t make him mad,” she pleaded.

"What's he going to do?" the minotaur demanded. "Iron Will has him completely immobilized."

To prove his point, Iron Will slammed his hoof onto Tai Lung's tail. Derpy winced, holding her own tail with worry, but Tai Lung didn’t even wince. Not even when Iron Will brought his head closer to the bound leopard.

"Aw, did Iron Will step on the wittle kitties tail?” Iron Will mocked. “Aww…"

“I… think I’ve seen enough,” Derpy insisted, unable to keep the fear out of her voice. “I’ll tell Master Luna she has nothing to worry about.”

"No, she doesn't" Iron Will confirmed as both he and the pegasus left the cell. As they left, neither of them noticed the pegasus feather softly land right in front of Tai Lung

Tai Lung opened his eyes, both golden orbs burning with anger. They flicked down to the feather that had fallen before him. Moving his tail, he wrapped it around the feather, and pulled it closer. He looked up with a grim smile.


By the time Twilight managed to cobble together a feasible argument for why all of this was a huge mistake, she was already inside the Celestial Palace. Twilight got off the palanquin, and moved to protest… only to find the ponies hastily leaving.

“Wait-WAIT!” Twilight cried, only for the door to shut in her face. “There’s a huge mistake! I’m not…”

But Twilight’s voice failed her once more, as her brain processed what had happened. She was inside the Celestial Palace! And more…

“This…” she whispered, turning around as her eyes widened in awe. “This is the Sacred Hall of Warriors!”

With stars in her eyes, Twilight approached a red suit of armor

"Master Bright Mac's Flying Rhino Armor," Twilight whispered in awe. "With authentic battle damage!"

Catching a reflection of green in the armor, Twilight spun and gravitated towards a sword imprinted with a green dragon.

"The Sword of Heroes," Twilight whispered, longing for the weapon. "Said to be so sharp you can cut yourself just by… YOWCH!” She quickly pulled her hand back, staring in awe as blood ran down her fingers. “Just by looking at it,” she whispered.

Looking up from her damaged hand, the pain quickly fled Twilight’s mind as she beheld a weapon rack. Initially, it seemed to hold nothing, but Twilight spotted the shadow that proved otherwise.

“The Invisible Trident of Destiny,” Twilight squeaked in awe. “Wielded by Former Master Stygian!”

The inner Kung-Fu fangirl in her dying from joy overload, Twilight spun on her heels, catching sight of a painting depicting a previous master who had passed from the mortal realm

"I've only seen painting of that painting!" Her voice was so high-pitched, she could’ve reserved it for calling dogs. And it only got higher when she spotted a medium sized jug with a depiction of grapes across it.

"The Bottomless Gourd of Master Berry Punch!" Twilight squeaked in glee. "Master and Creator of the Drunken Fist"

Then Twilight spotted it.

“No! Way!” she cooed in utter ecstasy, scampering like a school girl over to an urn with several mismatched creatures on the outside.

"The Legendary Urn of Chaotic Evil!” Twilight said in a hushed voice. "Said to contain the souls of the entire draconequus race… with the exception of Discord," she added with a fearful look around. However, her gaze was soon drawn back to the urn. Trying to quell her shivering limbs, Twilight leaned right to the urn’s opening.

“Hello?” Twilight whispered.

She wasn’t sure what she expected. For something like Discord to reply back? Imagine her surprise when it did.

"Have you finished sightseeing?" a voice asked.

Twilight jumped back in alarm. Granted, the voice didn’t sound like a draconequus. But at that moment, Twilight was too overwhelmed to notice.

"I'm so sorry," Twilight apologized. "I should have noticed you first. It’s just…” she gazed around in awe. “Oh, I never thought I’d get to see any of these in real life!” she squeaked in glee.

“My patience is wearing thin,” the voice growled, agitated.

Twilight looked back at the urn in confusion.

“Wait… really?” she asked. “But… I’m sorry, but were you planning to go somewhere?”

"Turn around," the voice ordered.

Blinking, Twilight turned. At the end of the Hall, situated before the Moon Pool, Master Luna glared at her with an irritated gaze.

“Oh!” Twilight stammered. “H-Hello, Master Luna.” As she bowed, her eyes darted back to the urn and to the alicorn master, slowly making the connection. “Oh, boy…” Twilight mumbled worriedly.

Her nervousness was more than justified. As Luna glared at the purple unicorn, bitterness and anger battled each other in the alicorn master’s mind.

This is the Celestial Warrior? Luna wanted to shriek. This is who my son got passed over for?!

But, Luna managed to contain herself for the most part. She forced herself to grin at the purple unicorn.

"So, you're the Legendary Celestial Warrior?" Luna asked through gritted teeth.

"Um,” Twilight whimpered, more than sensing the agitation and anger emanating from the dark blue alicorn. “I… think. So?”

“WRONG!” Luna boomed, sending Twilight back into a frightened bow. So much for containing herself.

“Okay,” she squeaked.

"You are not the Celestial Warrior,” Luna hissed. “And you will never be the Celestial Warrior until…” she pointed upward at the scroll in the dragon’s mouth. “You have learned the secret of the Celestial Scroll.”

Twilight looked up at the scroll, before darting her eyes over to Luna. Cautiously, she flared up her magic, reaching out with an aura to seize the scroll.

Instantly, her magic backfired. Twilight was send skidding across the Hall of Warriors, with Luna bearing down on her.

"You really think it would have been that simple?” Luna demanded. “That you could just take the secret to limitless power?!” Luna indicated the scroll again… and the golden runes that glowed around the dragon sculpture. “Celestia herself placed a barrier to prevent any magic from getting to the scroll as well as the spell that prevents any pegasus from flying above the moon pool!"

“Oh-Okay,” Twilight squeaked.

"To acquire the scroll,” Luna continued, marching around Twilight’s bowing form. “One must first master the highest levels of Kung-Fu.” She glowered down at Twilight as she circled her. “And that is clearly impossible if that someone is someone like you.”

Twilight stared up at Luna, equal parts confused and insulted.

“Someone like me?” she demanded.

“Yes!” Luna snapped. “Look at you!” She smacked Twilight’s side with her flute. “This fragile body!”

“OW!” Twilight complained, only for Luna to whack her arm.

“These skinny arms!”

“Sensitive skinny arms!” Twilight protested, clutching at her arms, only for Luna to go for her legs.

“These knobby knees!” Luna complained.

“Stop it!” Twilight whined, dodging away from Luna’s flute.

"And utter disregard to personal care!" Luna concluded, pointing at Twilight's hair. Twilight smoothed her hair back with an indignant expression.

“That’s uncalled for…” Twilight started to complain, only for Luna to turn her head away from her.

“When was the last time you brushed your teeth?” Luna demanded. “I can smell your breath from here!”

“Alright, listen!” Twilight burst out, her anger briefly making her forget who she was speaking to. She pointed angrily at Luna. “I don’t know why Master Celestia chose…”

But her voice quickly died in her throat. Not just because she remembered who she was yelling at. But because Luna had just seized Twilight’s finger between her index finger and thumb while holding her pinkie up right. The familiar hand sign called Twilight back to one of her many scrolls. And as her heart raced in her chest, Twilight fell to her knees in a state of pure panic.

"The Wuxie Finger Hold," Twilight whispered in a scared tone. "Not the Wuxie Finger hold," she begged the alicorn.

"Oh-ho-ho,” Luna chuckled darkly. “You know this hold?"

"Developed by Masters Starswirl and Wuxie in the 3rd dynasty,” Twilight recited in a rapid-fire tone, before admitting, “Yes,” with a flurry of nods.

"Well then,” Luna declared. “You must know what will happen when I flex my pinkie." She wiggled her pinkie for emphasis, only sending Twilight into a near burst of helpless hysteria.

"No-no-please-anything-but-that!" begged Twilight.

But Luna’s grip on her finger didn’t fade. If anything, it got tighter.

"You know what the hardest part of this technique?" Luna questioned. "The hardest part is cleaning up afterwards." She chuckled grimly, as Twilight’s fear rose.

“Okay-please,” Twilight began to cry. “Just-please… don’t…”

“Listen close, unicorn,” Luna growled darkly at her. “Celestia may have chosen you.” She jutted her head forward. “But when I’m done with you, I promise you. You’re going to wish she hadn’t!” She leaned back. “Are we clear?”

Twilight swallowed. “Crystal,” she whimpered.

Luna smirked. “Good.”

She released Twilight’s finger. The mare clutched her hand to her chest, breathing heavily. Luna smiled, staring down at the trembling unicorn.

“I can’t wait to get started,” Luna declared. This is going to be easier than I thought, she thought darkly.


Twilight had thought the Hall of Warriors was amazing. But that had simply contained relics. Artifacts from times of glory long past. As Luna led her into the Training Hall, Twilight nearly suffered another joy overload as she saw the current heroes of her time in action.

Rainbow Dash sparred with Fluttershy on top of a sapphire blue bowl, their limbs blurring as they dodged, ducked and parried each other while keeping the bowl from spilling each other out onto the combat floor. Their blurs of yellow and blue almost seemed to mix to create a strange green blur.

Just beyond them, Pinkie Pie was cackling with glee, jumping along a series of pipes as fire tried to blast her into ash. Yet the pink mare was untouched; not a single strand of ash dotted her perfect figure.

Ahead of both of them, Applejack was barreling through multiple training dummies, leaving a flurry of shrapnel and wood chips in her path.

Above all of them, Rarity maneuvered on several swinging rings, practically dancing around and even through the metal obstacles.

As Twilight stared, awed at the white unicorn’s grace, she failed to notice that Rainbow Dash leap away from Fluttershy and land on a spinning platform just ahead of the purple unicorn. Spiked balls swung back and forth, attempting to dislodge the cyan pegasus, but Rainbow Dash was untouchable. Slamming both her hands into one of the obstacles, she blasted the training tool into wooden chunks, one of which bounced off Twilight’s horn with a spark.

“Oh, sweet Celestia…” Twilight whimpered, shivering as Luna chuckled at her discomfort.

“Let’s get started,” Luna declared, indicating for Twilight to take to the training grounds.

Twilight swallowed, gazing with fear upon the many tools of training. The spiked balls, the spewing fire. Even the training dummies were spiked.

“Uh…” Twilight squeaked. “Now?”

"Yes now," Luna snapped. "Unless you think that Master Celestia was wrong, and you are not the Celestial Warrior."

"Well... Um... No..” Twilight whimpered. “It’s just that… I’ve always been more of a scholar.” She pointed vacantly at the training room floor. “I don’t think I can do all of those… well… um…”

"Well,” Luna said, “We won’t know, if we never try.”

“I mean… yes,” Twilight admitted, running after Luna as she began to walk the edge of the hall. “I’m just wondering if we could… try something more on my… level.”

"And what level would that be?" Master Luna asked tiredly.

“Well, obviously not a master,” Twilight admitted with a breathless chuckle. “So… maybe Level… Zero?”

Luna chuckled. "There is no such thing as level Zero.”

But as Twilight looked desperately around the room, her eyes lit up.

“Here. I can practice on this!” Twilight said, bounding her way over to a plush, round, bouncy dummy.

“That?!” Luna demanded, following after her. “We use that for training children! And for propping the door open when it’s hot.” She rolled her eyes. “But, if you insist…”

But the latter half of Luna’s explanation fell on deaf ears. For in the time Twilight had taken, the Furious Five had noticed the unicorn that had upstaged them, and had left the training room floor to check her out.

"The…” Twilight gulped. “The Furious Five!" She bowed low to them. "It is such a great honor to meet you all,” she whispered with absolute reverence.

Pinkie giggled at the unicorn’s humility, and bounded forth to introduce herself, only to be stepped by Applejack, who had noticed Luna’s glare. As Applejack held Pinkie back, donning her Stetson with worry, Fluttershy gave a nervous wave. Though due to her blindfold, she ended up waving at Luna. Rarity managed a light bow of respect, though Rainbow Dash scoffed and looked away with her arms crossed.

"Master Luna,” Rainbow Dash asked. “I believe it’s time for me to train the others."

"Very well Rainbow,” Luna replied with a nod. “You are dismissed.”

Giving a quick bow, Rainbow Dash shot Twilight another look of loathing before marching out of the hall. Twilight whimpered at the Cyan Master’s harsh look, before Luna’s harsher voice yanked her from her worried thoughts.

"Now, unicorn," Luna snarled. "Hit the dummy!"

"Y-Yes, Master Luna," Twilight stammered with a quick bow. She took a stance, and exhaled slowly, as her horn began to glow. However, her concentration was interrupted when Luna seized her horn in an iron grip.

"There is no magic allowed in this hall,” Luna barked at her. “In here, you train to hone your physical skills!”

She strained Twilight’s horn to the point that the unicorn whimpered in pain.

“Disobey that rule again,” Luna warned. “And I snap your horn off like I did a previous student!" She threw Twilight back. "Now hit the dummy!"

Twilight regained her footing and retook her stance, though she couldn’t stop the trembling in her arms. Twilight reared her arm back and struck the dummy with her open palm. The dummy bounced back towards the unicorn, but Twilight immediately spun around and performed a crescent kick. She glanced at Luna with a hopeful look, only for that hopeful look to evaporate as Luna glowered at her.

So much for this being easy, Luna thought, as Twilight turned back to the dummy, and continued to practice.


Even when night finally came, and with it, blessed relief from Luna’s training, Twilight’s problems didn’t end. The Furious Five left her behind, many of them giving worried looks to Luna, and Twilight was forced to slowly follow them to where hopefully the living quarters were. As Rainbow Dash joined them outside the training hall, talk quickly turned to the purple unicorn walking behind them. Twilight’s head hung as she heard every word.

“Well, The Celestial Warrior sure was… something,” Applejack muttered.

“I… suppose,” Fluttershy mumbled.

“Well, I like her,” Pinkie Pie said. “Just don’t let Master Luna know. I think she still thinks…”

“Pinkie, sh!” Rarity hissed. “Truly, I don’t know what Master Celestia was thinking.”

“Well…” Fluttershy said. “She did fall out of the sky on a ball of fire.”

“That was them dragons,” Applejack pointed out. “All that Twilight was-was in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

Rainbow Dash huffed. “Well, you’d think that Master Celestia would choose someone who actually knew Kung-Fu. Practicality over spectacle, maybe?”

“Oh, don’t be cross, Rainbow Dash,” Rarity declared. “Even Masters have to have an eye for the spectacle.”

“Eh, I’m with Rainbow on this one, Rares,” Applejack said. “Style’s nice, but pretty useless if ya got nothing else.”

The words weren’t totally mean, but it still hurt Twilight to hear. As they reached the living quarters, Twilight waited by the door, hoping that one of them would show her where she was supposed to sleep. But instead, they all retreated into various rooms. And one by one, the lights were snuffed out, until only Rainbow Dash’s was still alight.

Gulping, Twilight tried to make her way through the hall to what she hoped was an empty room. Despite her best efforts, Twilight tripped over a loose board. She groaned as her sore body began to fall… but she never hit the ground.

Gasping, Twilight found herself in the grip of Fluttershy, who had stopped her from face-planting into the floor.

"You should be more careful," Fluttershy whispered.

"Thank you, Master…" Twilight’s thanks was cut off in a hiss as she put pressure on the foot that had kicked the loose floorboard. Fluttershy gave her foot a nervous glance, before motioning into her room.

"Come inside," Fluttershy said, pulling her into her room. Settling her on the soft bed, Fluttershy placed a hand on Twilight’s ankle.

"Master Fluttershy?” Twilight asked. “I-If I may ask… how did you know I was going to fall?"

"I heard the board you stepped on,” Fluttershy said, reaching up to untie her blindfold. She smiled softly. “Relying on one's other senses tends to have its moments here and there.”

Despite her kind words, Twilight winced as she pulled off her blindfold. Many of her scrolls had given the impression that the yellow pegasus was blind, and that her eyes would be clouded… if they were there at all. But, to Twilight’s shock, her eyes were fine. A beautiful whole azure color. Though, she still kept her head low, and didn’t make eye contact.

Twilight blinked. “Y-Your eyes,” Twilight whispered.

“Hm?” Fluttershy asked, still not meeting Twilight’s eyes.

“W-Why would you wear a blindfold if your eyesight is fine?”

Fluttershy smiled softly, examining Twilight’s ankle.

"It becomes less scary when you can't see what you fear,” she replied, before her smile faded. “And… like some I was born with a gift, one where my eyesight can be used to petrify those who look into them.” Fluttershy sighed softly, releasing Twilight’s foot. "It’s just a light scratch,” she said, wrapping a bandage over a small red cut. “You’ll be fine."

Twilight looked around before exhaling deeply.

"I don't belong here,” Twilight mumbled. “Do I?"

Fluttershy sighed, putting her blindfold back on.

"I’m afraid not," Fluttershy mumbled softly. Despite the apologetic tone in her voice, Twilight’s head still hung in defeat.

"I was afraid of that,” she admitted. "I should've just stayed in my library, and…"

Fluttershy's head snapped up in horror.

"Oh, no!" Fluttershy stammered, swinging her arms in front of her. "No-no-no, that's not what I meant.”

Twilight looked at her in confusion, as Fluttershy glanced around in worry. Despite technically not being able to see anymore.

“I… meant… here!” Fluttershy gasped out. “You don’t belong here. I-in this room.” She grinned. “See, this is my room, so technically… you don't belong in here.” She smiled and pointed down the hall. “Y-Your room will be two doors down."

Twilight stepped back out into the hallway, quickly finding the door Fluttershy was talking about.

“Oh,” Twilight said in relief. She grinned at the yellow pegasus. “Thank you.”

"Oh, but be careful,” Fluttershy cautioned. "You must stay away from the sealed room at the end of the hall. Lest we wish to ensure the wrath of Master Luna." Glancing around to make sure the others hadn’t eavesdropped, Fluttershy gave one final grin to Twilight. “Good night,” she said before shutting the door.

Smiling at Fluttershy’s kindness, Twilight made her way to her room. But before she could open the door, Rainbow Dash yanked open the door to her room.

"You don’t belong here," Rainbow Dash growled.

Twilight spun, trembling as she beheld the cyan master’s hostile rose-colored eyes.

“I-I know,” Twilight stammered. “T-This is your room, and…” Her voice trailed off as she spotted a sleeping filly with orange fur in Rainbow Dash’s room. Cuddling up to a green tortoise.

Rainbow Dash stepped in front of Twilight, and almost pinned her against the adjacent door.

“I mean,” Rainbow Dash growled. “You don’t belong in the Celestial Palace. If you had any respect for who we are and what we do?” Rainbow Dash shoved away from Twilight and stormed back into her room. “Then you’ll be gone by morning.”

With a hard THUD, she slid her door closed, leaving Twilight leaning against the opposite wall. For a moment, Twilight almost slid to the ground, curled up and cried. But, she had enough strength to wobble out of the building, and out towards a peach tree at the end of a cliff. Finding peace in the bright pink blossoms and the solid trunk, Twilight slid down next to the tree… and started to weep.

As Twilight privately mourned the loss of her former life, and feared for her dragon brother, she was unaware of an alicorn ascending the stairs to the tree. A lantern was in one hand, her staff in the other. In the light of the full moon, her hair looked more like silver than ever before.

"It would seem another student has found The Sacred Peach Tree of Heavenly Wisdom," Celestia commented.

Twilight gasped, yanking herself from her grief.

“M-Master Celestia!” Twilight jumped up and bowed to the alicorn. “I-Is that what this is? I didn’t know it… wait? Another one? Who else?” She gasped. “N-Not that you need to answer that. I-I mean, who am I to… um…” She awkwardly sunk into another bow.

Celestia eyes grew heavy with regret. She lifted Twilight’s chin.

“You can ask me anything,” Celestia replied. “As for who found this tree first…” she gave the tree a wistful gaze. “It was one… I could not save.” She gazed down at Twilight. “But maybe it’s not too late for you.” She knelt next to Twilight. “Tell me what bothers you, my little pony?”

Twilight looked away from the old master, and sighed, sinking back against the tree trunk. When she spoke, she worried her voice sounded petulant. But she couldn’t stop the grief from coming back.

“Why did you choose me?” she whispered. “I-I’ve never… I’ve looked up to the Furious Five for so long.” She looked down, tears brimming in her eyes again. “And they all hate me.”

“All of them?” Celestia asked. Her tone was coy, but the worry in her eyes was real.

“Well,” Twilight admitted. “Fluttershy was nice. And Pinkie Pie…” she chuckled. “I don’t know if she even knows how to ‘hate.’” Her smile faded. “But Master Luna… and Master Rainbow Dash…” she looked back up at Celestia. “I’m not like them. I’m not strong… or brave… or…” She shrugged. “Reckless?” She leaned her back up against the tree with a sigh. “I really feel like I should just quit. Go back to sorting books at my library… and let them be the real heroes.”

Celestia sighed, gazing out at the moon.

“Quit… don’t quit,” Celestia said, almost whimsically. “Sort. Don’t sort.” She brushed the tears from Twilight’s eyes, making her look up at the old master. “You are too concerned with what was and what will be, my little pony.”

Twilight tilted her head.

“There’s a saying,” Celestia continued. “’Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. But today is a gift" Celestia stood. “That is why it is called the present,” she whispered, before turning away.

She paused, and tapped the tree with her staff. A peach fell into Twilight’s hand. And as Twilight gazed after the elder master, she began to smile. A plan was already forming in her mind.


His plan was working to perfection. With several flicks of his tail, the snow leopard knocked the feather back and forth, turning it through the key hole to his shell restrain. His ears flicked as the lock clicked. He was close. So, close.

With one final flick, the lock was turned. The spikes inside Tai Lung’s shell spun out of the contraption. And after almost twenty years of being still as a statue, the snow leopard felt feeling flood back into his core.

He let out a long slow breath. His claws sprouted, and he cracked the frozen joints in his arms.

He clenched up his body, and forced the spikes out of the shell. With a final flex, Tai Lung broke the shell off his body, only for the boulder restraints to nearly drag him back down.

But the boulder restraints were the least of his problems. High above him, Iron Will raced to the balcony, staring down in disbelief, and a hint of fear.

"Oh, no…” Iron Will muttered, only for Derpy to canter up next to him.

"What’s down there?" Derpy asked. However, she was quickly reminded when she looked down, and saw Tai Lung’s golden eyes glaring up at her and Iron Will. She let out a small squeak of fear.

On the levels below her, guards scrambled back and forth across the bridges, readying weapons. Tai Lung tried to raise his arms, but the boulders, along with gravity’s cruel hold on them, dissuaded his attempts.

"Fire Crossbows," Iron Will ordered, the order carrying down to the minotaurs at the ballista.

One ballista fired a bolt like a spear. Tai Lung dodged it. More bolts fired upon the prisoner, slowly pinning him in a cage of wood. But as the fifth crossbow tried to fire, Tai Lung managed to shift his arm just enough.

And the spear broke the restraint around his right arm.

The minotaur guards gaped in horror, unable to do anything other than stare as Tai Lung ripped the other chain on his left wrist free, and snarled up at the guards.

“Um… is he… freeing himself?” Derpy asked, shades of panic entering her voice. “Should I tell Master Luna about…”

Before she could finish, Iron Will seized her by the neck.

"You're not going anywhere and neither is he!" the prison warden yelled.

“Um… okay?” Derpy squeaked, as Iron Will turned to the elevator operators.

"Bring it up!" he ordered.

The wooden elevator lifted into the air, leaving two of the guards down below.

"No, wait" one of them said, “Bring it back.”

Tai Lung watched in amusement, before his enhanced hearing picked up the click of another ballista. The guards tried to take advantage of him having his back to them. Unfortunately for them, Tai Lung was more than ready. Striking the spear with the palm of his right paw, he redirected it before sending it right back with a kick, destroying the crossbow and embedding it into the wall.

Glancing at the other spears with intrigue, Tai Lung tossed up four of the five spears into the air before delivering a kick to each of the spears, embedding each of them into the wall. With his path to the slow-moving elevator assured, Tai Lung cracked his neck, and used the last spear as a pole vault, launching him towards the wall. From spear to spear, Tai Lung jumped towards the elevator.

"Um… he's coming this way!” Derpy noted, trying valiantly to keep the fear out of her voice.

"He won't get far," Iron Will snarled before turning to his minotaurs. "Archers!"

Across the highest bridge, Iron Will's guards fired a slew of arrows, turning the sky above Tai Lung red. Tai Lung glared at the raining arrows and quickened his pace. Making it to the final spear, he spun around the shaft before launching himself at the elevator.

For a split second, it looked like he’d be too late. But when the arrows coated the upper part of the elevator, the snow leopard was nowhere to be seen.

Without hesitation, the Minotaurs guarding the top of the elevator swung their axes, severing the chain and causing the elevator to fall below. For a brief moment, there was relief. The guards laugh and clapped their axes together in celebration.

Then Tai Lung reappeared. Without warning, he downed the two guards with a split kick. Seizing the chain and hitting the release, Tai Lung used the chain to swing out onto the bridge above.

The minotaurs raced to subdue him, but their axes, maces, swords, and guillotine axes were no match for physical prowess of one that had mastered the thousand scrolls of Kung Fu. With a single blow, Tai Lung shattered a minotaurs shield and sent him into a crowd of minotaurs like a bowling ball, scattering the guards and giving him access to the stairs leading to the next bridge.

Two of the minotaurs tried to hold the door shut trying to keep the prisoner from escaping. Tai Lung simply busted the door off its hinges, crushing the minotaurs underneath. Two more guards charged at Tai Lung. He threw them both off the bridge with a spinning maneuver. One guard struck at Tai Lung with a mace. Tai Lung ended up taking the mace for himself.

With a weapon in hand, Tai Lung made short work of three guards in a matter of seconds. A fourth rushed him with a roar, only for Tai Lung to shove the mace in his mouth.

For a brief moment of levity, he hushed the minotaur with a grin, before kicking him into the air. The minotaur didn’t even get to hit the ground before Tai Lung carved through the rest of his friends and caught the silenced minotaur. Throwing him throw the doorway and into the reinforcements those doors held, Tai Lung scrambled up to the top and gained access to the final bridge.

The minotaurs that hadn’t been downed yet stood in a crowd before the snow leopard. At the head of the crowd was Iron Will, Derpy still getting squeezed in his iron grip.

Iron Will snorted in defiance.

Tai Lung snarled in aggression.

Derpy neighed in fear.

For a brief moment, though, Tai Lung didn’t move. He paced on the bridge, gauging the minotaurs before him.

“So…” Derpy whimpered. “Are we dead?” Iron Will laughed defiantly.

“Not yet,” he declared, turning to one final minotaur archer with a flaming arrow. “Now!”

The minotaur archer fired… and hit a chuck of dynamite tied to the stalactites above. As the first stalactite fell, Tai Lung noticed other explosives connected to the other stalactites, fuses set alight from the first explosion heading to destroy the rest of the ceiling spikes.

A glimmer of fear briefly appeared on Tai Lung’s face before he stamped it down. He rushed for the end of the bridge, but the cave spikes slammed into the stone structure, bringing down his path to freedom. Tai Lung dodged the stalactites and made a mighty lunge…

But his claws sparked off the edge of the cliff, and he plummeted back into darkness.

Iron Will roared with laughter, mockingly waving goodbye to the snow leopard. But Tai Lung wasn’t out of the game yet. Looking up, the Kung-Fu master saw a group of explosives that had yet to go off. Jumping up, Tai Lung climbed up the falling debris, challenging gravity for control of his fate. With a mighty leap, he launched himself off the latest stalactite to fall… and caught the still last still intact ceiling spike.

The minotaurs and pegasus could only stare in mute disbelief as the snow leopard began to climb the stone. The fuse burned lower and lower. Every guard yearned for it to go off before Tai Lung reached it. But their yearning was for nothing. And the fuse was still hopelessly far from the explosive when Tai Lung caught it, and yanked it from the stone. before jumping up and grabbing hold of the intact stalactite, using his claws Tai Lung Pulling the explosive down, Tai Lung plummeted towards Derpy and Iron Will, both of them with pinpricked pupils wide with fear and disbelief.

"W-What went wrong?" Derpy whimpered in fear.

“I-Iron Will… just doesn’t know,” Iron Will whimpered, his voice cracking in defeat as Tai Lung hurled the explosives at them.


Derpy pulled her head from the ground with a moaning cough. She shivered as she beheld the destruction:

The doors to Tartarus had been blown wide open. Ash mixed with snow, scattering over the eerily still bodies of the minotaurs. Derpy whimpered as she beheld a familiar pair of golden horns, piercing the ground before her.

Before Derpy could even figure out how she felt about the fate of the prison warden, a clawed paw seized her by the back of her neck.

“Oh, not again,” Derpy whimpered, as she was lifted off her hooves. But this time, instead of the rough Iron Will, Derpy’s eyes widened in terror as she was lifted before the cruel, burning yellow eyes of Tai Lung.

Tai Lung lifted his free claw towards her, and the pegasus flinched. But all he did was remove a stone from her hair before setting her on her hooves. When she opened her eyes, she blinked as she found the snow leopard… smiling.

“I’m glad Mother sent you,” Tai Lung said amicably. He lifted her message bag, tapping out a flaming ember before handing it back to Derpy. “After she stopped visiting 15 years ago…” he looked down in sadness. “I was beginning to think she’d forgot about me.”

Derpy held her message bag to her chest, fear and relief battling each other at the snow leopard’s show of kindness.

“Fly back to the Celestia Palace,” Tai Lung requested. “And tell my mother and all her little students… that the Real Celestial Warrior is coming home.”

Derpy nodded, relieved that she was going to escape with her life. Spinning around, she took to the air at a speed that would rival the mighty Rainbow Dash.

Tai Lung watched her go, his smile turning more malicious as his gaze centered on where she was going.

"Mother" Tai Lung said to himself. "I'm Coming Home!"

Author's Note:

“Disobey that rule again,” Luna warned. “And I snap your horn off like I did a previous student!" She threw Twilight back. "Now hit the dummy!"

Brownie points if you can figure out who Luna is referring to

Live Long, Have Fun, and Never Make Sense

Because

What Fun Is There in Making Sense?