“Say….Magnus?” The Emperor began. The red giant in question walked up to him.
“Yes, Father?” He asked, absently flipping through a book.
“Could you bring me that suit of Centurion armor? I want to check something.” The Emperor asked, and Magnus nodded, before walking off to the armory as Twilight entered the Throne Room.
“I wonder what Father wants that old Centurion Armor for? Not like he can wear it or use it, and I doubt he will try to possess it and use it as a body…..” Magnus pondered, reaching the armory. To the left, a massive pile of weapons sat, unorganized since the last time they were touched. To the right was the Centurion armor, standing up in it's armor stand. Magnus floated it over, before noting how heavy it was.
“Is there a body in there or something? I wonder….” Magnus examined the armor more carefully, before noticing a strange switch with the words ‘DO NOT FLIP’ above it. Magnus chuckled. “Well, forbidden knowledge is always my Forte!” He flipped the switch, letting the armor down to the ground as he waited.
It was then that the helmet hissed, before splitting into three pieces and folding into the armor. A familiar face greeted Magnus, with blonde hair and sharp features. Magnus gasped as the person opened his eyes.
“R-roboute?!” He asked. The Primarch of the Ultramarines looked at him for a second, before opening his mouth to speak.
“TRAAAIIITTTOOOOR!!!”
“So, you want my help with preparing this ‘Grand Galloping Gala’ thing for a bunch of stuck-up nobles?” The Emperor repeated what the purple alicorn had asked of him.
“Yeah, pretty much. I'm not all that good at planning these things, even with Celestia helping me.” Twilight confirmed, shifting to her side.
“Just slap a bunch of gold all over the place. Turn the room into gold. Nobles love gold. It is the greatest color to ever exist anyways.” The Emperor suggested.
“What!?” Twilight exclaimed. “We don't have the gold for that! Nor would we waste such a large amount on a single party!”
“Just get that pink pony that sometimes appears in this room. She will handle everything.” The Emperor replied, wishing he could shrug.
“Pinkie Pie? How would she be able to do that?!” Twilight fumed, unsure of what the Emperor was getting at. In fact, her hair was smoking.
“Didn't you say in one of those little stories of yours that she does the impossible, and defies all logic? Just trust me on this.” The Emperor pointed out, and Twilight sighed.
“Fine….. I'll go tell her…..” She muttered, turning around and walking out. “That still doesn't explain how this will help.”
“Look. Sparkleass. Just trust Papa Emperor. I know what I'm doing. Give me a little faith, would ya?” The Emperor stated.
“Fiiiinnee.” She groaned, trotting out the door and closing it behind her.
After a few seconds, The Emperor spoke again.
“ HAHAHAHAHA She is doomed, if what my powers predicted will come true. Now then, where the fuck is Magnus?” The side wall exploded, and two bodies flew out, beating the shit out of each other. “Magnus, what the fuuuuck are you doing to the Centurion? I told you to get the armor, not fight it to the death.”
“That probably would have been -ow!- simple, if fucking Roboute here wasn't in the damn thing!!!!” Magnus growled, blocking another punch from the Centurion.
“What? Roboute? As in, Papa fucking Smurf?” The Emperor asked, confused.
“DIE, TRAITOR!”
“Yep, that's fucking Smurf Boy.”
“Mind -ow! Fuck you Guilliman!- Mind actually helping, Father?!” Magnus growled, blasting Guilliman back with a blast of psychic energy.
“Oh? What's wrong, can't handle a little Ultrasmurf? Poor little fucking bookworm, fine.” The Emperor replied, before smacking Guilliman into a corner with with a psychic fist. A box of psychic energy surrounded him, keeping him immobile. The Ultramarine Primarch growled, trying to break through the barrier.
“Release me, you cursed traitor!” He roared.
“Shut your fucking mouth Guillismurf. Bookworm over here isn't the one putting you in the Time-out Corner.” The Emperor stated, causing Guilliman to stop for a moment, blinking his eyes as he stared at The Emperor.
“F-father? You can speak?” He asked.
“Well no shit smurf-boy. I did just tell you to shut the fuck up.” The Emperor stated, rolling his nonexistent eyes.
“Then Father, aid me in destroying this traitor!” Guilliman said.
“Don't tell me what to fucking do you Smurfy bastard. Magnus here is back from being manipulated by a creepy tentacle Chaos Daemon who offered him drugs.”
“He did not offer me drugs!” Magnus complained.
“To many, power is a drug. Therefore, you took the drugs. Fucking bookworm.”
“I...don't follow.” Guilliman said, completely confused on what was going on.
“Sigh. Fucking smurfs. The short version is that Magnus has seen the error of his ways, and is back with me.”
“Oh…. so, can I please be let out of this cage?” Guilliman asked.
“Well….since you asked nicely.” The barriers vanished, letting Guilliman step back up to full height.
“So wait, what the hell were you doing in the Centurion Armor?! I thought you were on Life Support and on display back on Macragge!” Magnus began, walking up to his brother.
“What, did you really think I'd let those morons put me on fucking display?” Guilliman asked, with a Ultra Chuckle. “No, I swapped myself out with a fake. A bomb, I should mention. Set to detonate when I woke up…..speaking of which….”
MEANWHILE, ON MACRAGGE
“Why is everything on fucking fire?!” Augustus, the Chapter Master, screamed as he looked at the now-on-fire area where they held the Primarch.
“M-my Lord! The Primarch’s body exploded in a cascade of flames!” An Ultramarine shouted.
“He exploded?! How does a Primarch, who has been on Life Support, just randomly explode?!” Augustus roared, stepping towards the Ultramarine who had spoken up.
“I don't know sir! Perhaps we have been infiltrated by Chaos!” The Ultramarine replied.
“Then fucking find the one who did this before I ram my power fist so far up your ass you will explode in a similar fashion!!!” Augustus growled, and the Ultramarine quickly ran away.
“My Chapter Master!” A annoying voice called out. “I believe I have found something!”
“*Ultrasigh* What is it Sicarius?” Augustus asked, walking over to where his eternal torment was holding a piece of the Primarch….wait, what?! “Why the hell are you holding a piece of our Primarch?!”
“Look! It is fake! The Primarch on life support was never our Primarch at all! He wasn't even alive!”
“Let me see that!” Augustus snatched the item out of Sicarius’ hand, before examining it.
“By the God Emperor…. He is right!” Augustus stated.
“I think that, with this discovery, I should be made the new Chapter Master!” Sicarius said. Augustus simply growled, raising his power fist. Sicarius then ran like hell.
“ULTRAMARINES!” Augustus roared into a vox channel, “THE PRIMARCH IS NOT ON MACRAGGE, LIKE WE THOUGHT. HE IS SOMEWHERE ELSE IN THE GALAXY. WE SHALL START A CRUSADE TO FIND HIM AND RETURN HIM TO MACRAGGE! GLORY AND HONOR!”
[hr ]
“Are you certain that that is a good idea?” The Emperor asked.
“Oh please, I'm completely certain.” Guilliman shrugged, glancing around. “So, we are on Holy Terra, right?”
“Actually…..” Magnus trailed off as the doors opened, and Twilight walked in.
“Hey, Emperor? How did you know that Pinkie would somehow find enough gold to cover the entire Gala room?” She asked, while Guilliman stared at her.
“Dirty Xenos! Have at thee!” He growled, charging towards Twilight, with a fist raised to cave her skull in. She screamed.
“What the buck?!”
“Sigh.” The Emperor used his powers to backhand Guilliman back into the corner, and the barrier formed again.
“Father! What is the meaning of this?! That is a filthy xeno! By your decree, all xenos must be purged, in the name of humanity!” Guilliman growled.
“For fucks sake Guillifuck. These xenos are not our enemy. They are stupid, ignorant xenos, yes, but they are our fucking hosts you damn blue-balled shittard. They have made no acts of aggression whatsoever. They are the only xenos I would willingly allow to live. Plus, we are underneath their castle. Play nice, or else I will put you in a box and ship you to the Eye of Terror.”
“But...Father….” Guilliman whined. “The Codex Astartes does not support this action.”
“No buts. Do not hurt the stupid equine xeno. And fuck your Codex. Understood?”
“....Fine….” The barrier vanished again.
“Um….Emperor? What was that all about?” Twilight asked, now over her paralyzing fear.
“Just teaching my son some discipline. And some good fucking manners.” The Emperor replied, before turning back to Guilliman. “Now, what do you say?”
“Are you really making me do this, Father?” Guilliman groaned. Then received a psychic smack to the back of his head. “Ow! Fine. I….I'm sorry….filthy fucking xeno…”
“Apology….mostly accepted.” Twilight smiled. “So Emperor, how did you know Pinkie would be able to get all that gold?”
“Because I am the Motherfucking Emperor and I have super powerful foresight abilities and shit.” The Emperor replied.
“.....Of course that's why….” Twilight groaned, hanging her head in disappointment.
“Hey! Don't criticize my Father, you filthy xenos scum!” Guilliman growled, glaring daggers at Twilight.
“You'll get used to it Twilight….now, was there anything else you needed?” Magnus comforted the Alicorn.
“Yes… some mailpony dropped off a box full of letters for you. I have a party to plan. Bye!” Twilight teleported away.
“What did she mean by letters, Father?” Guilliman asked, looking up at the Emperor's Corpse.
“Well, Guillishit, the creatures of this world, and somehow some fucking Tau worshippers, have been sending me questions and shit. I mostly do this so I can teach these fuckers some common fucking sense, and not be so damn trusting of aliens.” The Emperor replied.
“So...Why not just… I don't know, wipe out their capital? That would teach them to not be so damn naive.”
“Because you fucking Smurfy Bastard, do I fucking look like I can do that? I might be the Motherfucking Emperor, but if I try anything, like say, use my powers to see what the fuck these idiotic equines are doing, or get myself a new body, like a fucking Titan, my soul will split up into so many fragments that I won't even exist anymore.” The Emperor stated, giving a psychic glare to the audience. “Now, let's fucking answer some damn questions. Smurf-dick, since you are new, you will read them.”
“What? Oh fine….” Guilliman shifted through the letters, before picking a Navy blue one and opening it.
“Hm….Atlas55, who names their kids that? Anyways, Atlas55 asks….
Dear Emperor,
Have you heard about the Thestrals? The super badass Ponies with Bat Wings that eat meat and blood. lf you have, what's your opinion on them?” Guilliman looked up from the letter. “What the fuck is a pony?”
“Well, Mr. Toilet Seat, a pony is one of the things you just tried to kill. As for the question….” The Emperor started, “I have never heard of these ‘Thestrals’, but they actually somewhat sound fucking cool. I should have Sparkleass bring me one, to see what they are like. Next.”
“Umm….okay...let's see here..” Guilliman dug through the letters, before pulling out another one. “Warsmith Keagan….sounds like some Iron Warrior Traitorous scumbag…. Anyway, they ask…
Dear Corpse Emperor
What did you really think of the Iron Warrior Legion during the Great Crusade?
(P.S Also Imperial Fists suck, Iron warrior's rule)
Sent to you by Warsmith Keagan (Grand Triarch, Warmaster of Equestria and butcher of the Crystal Empire).” Guilliman shook his head. “Fucking called it. So, Father, what do you think?”
“I at first thought they were somewhat decent. A bit too campy, but still decent. Then Fucking Horus happened, and they became a bunch of whiny little campers who were angry at me for some fucking reason. I probably took their artillery away from them. Next.”
“Hm...That Volksblob Guy….seriously, what the fuck is up with these pathetic xenos and naming?!” Guilliman exclaimed.
“They are probably using aliases, you fucking blind Smurf.”
“....anyways, they ask:
My lord, you do realize that normal missiles are nukes? well if you don't the more you know. In fact I'm on a derelict spaceship right now. Please send help…” Guilliman sighed. “Seriously.”
“To the equine population, missiles might as well be nukes. But they aren't. Missiles are missiles, nukes are giant fucking bombs that fuck a lot of shit up. Though I wonder how they got themselves into space….and no, I can't send help. Fucking Throne, remember?”
“Okay then….next question! Iron War….sounds like another Iron Warrior Traitor...anyways, they ask:
Dear Emperor,
I would wish to know what's your standpoint cybertronians or transformers and the hybrid teno-organics or Teno for short. If you don't know what Teno are they are cybertronians that wall in their protoforms were touched by human DNA and became hybrids of human and transformers. They are very powerful and each has a unique special ability that let them doing different tasks. Like talking to machines or reanimating the dead and bring them back to life. As with this letter is something to help keep your mind from getting broad are the 1-13 seasons for red vs blue and a cybertronian divers that let's you watch this and it has wi-fi connection.
From the Iron War.
p.s. I think that a Teno can kill a ultrasmurfs for you. Their crazy OP when puberty hits. They start getting kills on titan like beings then.
p.s.s. Hellsing sends their regards.” Guilliman stared at the paper. “What the fuck is a cybertronian, and who had the bright idea of breeding them with humans? And also, what are they talking about with my Ultramarines?”
“For once we agree on something, Guiltyman. I too do not know what the fuck a cybertronian is, and I do not condone the interspecies breeding. Like, what the fuck. Humanity is pure, and you want to ruin that by breeding with some alien species? Disturbing. Next.”
“Answer my question, Father!” Guilliman ordered.
“Later. Next question.”
“Urgghhh, fine. Deeed22 asks ‘Dear Emperor, Have you ever considered temporary possessing a body to use and what are your thoughts on Uraskar E. Creed?’ I do not know who Creed is. Should I?”
“The first part of the question is simple. If I wanted to, I might have. Stop asking me these fucking questions about possession and titan bodies.” The Emperor stated. “As for the second part, he might be a cheater, but he has his uses.”
“Seriously who the fuck is Creed.”
“You will know in due time, Guillishit.”
“Of course I will. Anyways, Amethyst Blade asks, ‘Dear Emperor. When will there be enough dakka?’ Is this one part Ork or something?”
“When the universe is filled with enough bullets that everything dies, planets explode, and all that's left are bullets, then yes, then there will be enough.”
“Your just ignoring my questions now, aren't you?” Guilliman groaned.
“Yep.”
“Of course you are...when did you become such an asshole?”
“The moment I was put on this fucking Throne.”
“Well anyway, next question…. Iron Comet, what is it with these xenos and iron? Anyway, he asks, ‘I have a question for the next time he answers questions. What us your thought on Cypher? And the Fallen? Particularly those who were Terran Born and we're exiled to Caliban by the Lion and got swept up in Luthor little revolution? Could these long lost 1st Legionaires someday be brought back into the Imperium service? And the Lion, any plans on waking him up to counterbalance the magic using Magnus?’ How the hell did they know about these fucking people?” Guilliman asked, deeply troubled by all this.
“I don't fucking know. Anyways, who the fuck is Cypher, and who the fuck are the Fallen?”
“Well, from what I can remember, they are a bunch of filthy traitors from the Dark Angels Legion that betrayed the Imperium either during, before, or after the Horus Heresy. That's about it.” Guilliman shrugged. “You wouldn't really pardon them, would you?”
“Well. Probably not. I mean, if they fucking wanted to return to my service, they could probably have done it at any fucking time. They'd probably be killed, but with the state of the Imperium, and how Astartes are, they would fucking still walk in and ask to be returned to their duties. If I was able to talk back then, I fucking would have just given them a year or three of community service. As for Lion….how the fuck would I ‘wake him up’ if I don't even know where the fuck he is? And plus, I've got Guillishit over here in case Magnus gets angry. Next fucking question Smurf.”
“Hmm….Emerald Leafeon asks…. Wait, what the fuck is a Leafeon?”
“Like hell I'd know.”
“Anyways, they ask, ‘Dear Emperor, Who is the pony that you like the best? Or to put it simply, who is best pony? -Emeraldleafeon.’ father, your not really going to answer such a horrible question, are you?” Guilliman looked up at the Emperor.
“This question is pointless, since it all goes down to opinion, but I will answer anyways. My favorite pony is fucking Magnus.”
“Wait, Magnus is a fucking xeno?!”
“Calm the Smurfy Tits, Grumpy. Magnus at first didn't have enough energy to keep his human form, and the laws of this world turned him into a pony until he got his strength back.”
“I….guess that makes sense?” Guilliman said, still unsure.
“Good. Next fucking question.”
“Um….’The….Spanish Inquisition asks… or, more like declares, ‘Dear Emperor and Celestia,
NOPONY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION
Signed the SPANISH INQUISITION.’ …..These xenos are all idiots….”
“No one expects it except me. Because I got crazy prophet powers and awesome shit. Now, stop spamming my mail. Next.”
“Delta238 asks….’Dear Emperor of Mankind, Would you want the Space Wolves on planet with you? From, a secret pyromaniac, Delta238.’ Well Father, your thoughts?”
“No, I would not. Because Magnus will get all fucking pissed about them and go on a tantrum. Plus, they are a bit too furry.”
“Right…. Anyways, The Almighty Being 0, who sounds like a guy with a huge ego, asks….’you can do many things but fighting chuck Norris is not one of them and batman, because he's BATMAN!.’ Again, these fucking xenos are incredibly stupid with their questions.”
“Chuck Norris was pretty much my only biological son during that age. I could still kick his ass ten ways from the Eye of Terror. And Batman was a fucking cool guy, but was too obsessed with bats. And I could easily fucking kill him. I could simply make his head explode. Guillidick, after this, your on filter duty. You get to filter out all the fucking spam that I am getting. Understand?”
“Father, I'm not a fucking invalid.”
“And yet your Ultrasmurfs are, and they have your genetic fucking code in them. Next question.”
“But-! But I- rrrgghhh...fine, next question it is.” Guilliman pulled out a new and machine-ish looking letter. “Um….The Inactive Techpriest Eh asks…’Dear Emperor
In relation to you saying that the AdMech is ok, I now want snuggles. Will you give me the snuggles?’” He looked up at The Emperor. “Wha?”
“If I could, I'd give you your fucking snuggles. But I am stuck to this throne. And I would probably accidentally crush you. Sigh. Next question.”
“Sentinel053 asks….’Dear Emperor,
Why hasn't the Mechanicus reverse engineered any of the alien technology humanity has encountered? Wouldn't it help to restart the advancement of humanity’s current level of technology? P.S do you know where I can get a Baneblade every store I go to never have any. Your loyal follower.’ I can answer that one actually. Because it's fucking xenos technology, and it is inferior to the craftsmanship of humankind.”
“Actually, it's because everyone is so fucking steeped in religious bullshit that they consider alien tech heretical and shit. Next.”
“Ugh… oh, it seems like that's all of them. For now at least.” Guilliman pulled up an empty box.
“Oh. I was nearing my headache limit anyways. Go play around with Magnus for a little while, I need to concentrate for a bit.”
“Alright Father, if you insist…” Guilliman walked away.
“Good. Now I can finally finish that fucking game.”
Dear Mr. Emperor,
I was wondering if during your life span you had ever encountered we the Doctors of Plague, and if so. What do you think of us? because I have honestly been wondering that and every marine I talk to is always saying that I have to die for being a plague spreader or some shit like that,
Sincerely, Trithtale
/message start/
Die you TAU!
Whew... Glad I finally got that out of my system! Oh, wait is that tau recording crystal active? To THE EMPEROR!
My lord, grand marshal Verox of the black Templars reporting!
We have captured 75% of insurectionest and xeno planets including the invasion of this TAU fortress world!
Just out of curiosity... Do you favor us and our goals along with our methods!
*Ok now to just send this and hopes he gets it*
(Heavy blast door imploding followed by giant mech arm reaching in to destroy him)
*Oh no, you were not messing with my stuff!*
(Grabs Verox)
Oh and emperor, before I go I would like to know what space marine chapter you favor most?
Now if you will excuse me I need to take care of this thorn in my side...
/Message end/
A response to the Emperor of mankind
cybertrons are a race of robots that were made by a race that are like the tua and used them to fight and do EVERYTHING for them but the robots AI ,for lack of a better word, came to life and fight them off the factory world called cybertron (there makers fear your kind do to being unpredictable). For the ones that are hybrids of them don't know that they are part robot teil they are of a certain age. Here's a picture of some of their kind.
tfwiki.net/mediawiki/images2/thumb/5/5d/MenasorCyb-Biggun.jpg/300px-MenasorCyb-Biggun.jpg
There home world is a dead plant due to a civil war that killed the plant and spread the transformers to the stars like dust in the wind. This is the time when accidental hybrids are born and if they have to pick to be human or cybertronians they usually pick humans.
So in short they human/alien cyborgs that have 1/56 of your power.
From The Iron War, a member of the displaced which is where you're getting all this letters from.
P.s. It's said with "the' in The Iron War, It just a nitpick of my when people don't say it right.
I'm a xenos? I may be short but I'm no squat!
Would you like a CRAM cannon? Why? Because CRAM cannon. The dakka will be doubled!
Dear God Emperor
Just how bad do you think it would be if the Black Templars suddenly arrive. Also I thought the reason the ban on xeno tech was because of all sorts of bad things keep happening in every attempt to study like insanity, mind control, and various but deadly traps.
P.S. What's your opinion about the Astra Militarum (Imperial Guard).
Hey Emperor, if you were to be given the ability to shape shift into any of the creatures of Equestria, which one would it be?
Dear Emperor.
What do you think of the author who is writing you? Or is it you are writing him writing you? Or is he just another version of you?
Also, what kind of gun do you prefer on a battleship? Rail cannon or Energy cannon? (Kinetic energy vs Direct energy)
On another matter. Which do you prefer? An Energy Melee weapon or a Physical Melee weapon or some combination of the two?
Sign,
The guy who still haven't got his magical sword back.
Or Amethyst Blade if you prefer.
Dear Fast Food Franchise,
I hope this letter reaches you...
The burger I ordered got cold after
I got home.Please replace it for me.
Dear Emperor
Why is abaddon the despoiler such an asshole, is it true that he may be a clone of your son who's name starts with H?
P.S dear Magnus if you are such a powerful pysker why haven't you used your powers to regrow your missing eye
Dear corpse Emperor
Please have twilight and the other elements hit you with thir super weapon thingy, because they know fuck all about using it it's basicaly set on the fix this setting so their Is a chance you might be able to either reform your body or at least reduce the pain. Please do so so that Horus can kick your ass again.
7025234 Blame the transfer thing from a Google doc to this.
I'll fix it eventually
Dear Emperor,
If the Legion of the Damned came to assist you in whatever you needed, would you except they're request? I am part of them and know we get shit done when others don't, but I wish to know your thoughts.
Sincerely, a Damned Legionnaire.
Dear, Holy God Emperor
What would you do if their were Orgryns on the planet? and would you unleash Magnus and Guilliman outside just to annoy the ponies?
Sincerly
Deeed22
Dear Emperor
How would you feel if your text-to-speech device got broken and the only form of communication was through Pinkie Pie?
I didn't mean ballistic missiles no the missiles we use are all nukes well the normal ones don't really know about other types but anyway I mean teleport some food or something i'm nearly out somebody there has a teleporter right? maybe some guns because I think theirs a 'nid on board if so please persevere my soul
Dear Emperor of Mankind,
There is a version of yourself in the multiverse that managed to get off golden throne and wreck the chaos gods. He was tricked by his universe's Tzeentch into being sent to another universe turned into that universe's version of Celestia. What would you do if you met them?
Sincerely, a multiverse traveling gryphon.
Dear Emperor,
Now that you have Guilliman will you order him to start fixing up your throne room and what ever else that's left of the Imperial Palace?
Also, did you fight the Void Dragon on Mars?
Dear Emperor,
Have you ever heard of the Fall of Equestria Universe? If you have not, then it is a Universe of Anthro Ponies who have been enslaved and have become Slaves for another Species called the Caribou. If possible, could you shit out a Warp Storm on those Filthy Xeno Slavers and send them back to whatever Hell they came from?
~Your Loyal Follower,
Chapter Master, AtlasAtlas55P.S: I think they are allied with Slaanesh
Dear Emperor,
How does it feel when you use the warp? And my brother Chaos say here have a Chaos kitten which from what he tells me are very psychic and warp immune and are strangely adorable anyways you'll find it in your lap after your done reading this.
Fellow Elder God, Mr. Nightmare
P.S. War say thanks for all the Warp storms
Dear Emperor,
I'm writing to you from some kind of an ass of the world. I am a loyalist astartes who survived during Istvaan atrocity alongside with few others. Right now me and a guy from Emperor's Children are stuck on a planet with some multicoloured xenos, that remind me horses from Terra. I hope you could help us a little (send a titan legio for example), because they are sooooooo annoying. Especially pink one. We are out of ammo and use a stick and a power fist as our weapons. Is there a way to get out of here? Please, save us or we will die cause of using powerfist to facepalm.
Sincerely, Crysos Morturg, XIV legion
To: The Emporer
If you encountered a human that was sent to another reality like you were, but was turned into a Tyranid Genestealer, what would you do? If they figured out how to tell the Hivemind to fuck off, how would your reaction change?
Also, the Protoss use close quarters combat weapons for their assassins and basic troops, with others being purely mechanical, cybernetic in the same fashion as Dreadnoughts or active psykers who spam warp lightning and a devastating trick that discharges all stored electrical and psychic energy in the target. The Tau similarities in behavior are due to a low strength Hivemind that makes it impossible for them to hide their emotions from each other. Their main enemies are the Zerg, who are essentially a weaker version of the Tyranids that adapt more quickly, and several groups of mid 3rd millennium humans who reverse engineer Protoss tech and Zerg biology to level the playing field.
Signed; a crazy bio-warp-tech user (totally not a heretical Techpriest who made an Alpha Plus class psyker just to see if they could)
To the Emperor.
Hi! Do you know my daddy? You look like you could be my granddad. Also Daddy tell me not to play with the holo screens. I think your red friend is funny, I'd like to meet you. I have to go now Mummy want to play games with Daddy bye!
From Pupa Hellbringer.
7135479
Interesting that you should mention that...
I was and still am human... Just in a TAU body...
I wonder if each faction has a human leading it...
Because if the chaos are led by my chaos factioned friend... Then we may have a problem... Now if you will excuse me I need to see if the rule set for this universe is ultimate apocalypse and subversion... So these black Templar I have tortured for about 2 months can finally be under my rule!
dear corpse emperor
i wanted to send you this friendly little letter to inform you of you imminent demise if your curious about the frequency of which i've send these letters its merely to instill as much fear as i can as if basting a turkey which i will then proceed to have sex with
thats right i'm going to fuck the fear turkey
follow me on twitter at @thecrimsonfuckr
sincerely alucard
Good stuff... though could have been so much better had it not been a displaced story and had there been a little more original content
Don't get me wrong it was funny, it just could have been much better.... MUCH better
7196900 I plan to deviate from the actual series once I get back to writing. I'll probably try to come up with something slightly original. And it might be a Displaced story, but I only ever had one crossover with this story, and that's about the most I plan on doing. I plan to make this entertaining for as many people as possible
7268302 perhaps... and I'm new to this whole displaced thing but it just feels like cheating the characters and the story. It just feels like it means less now that I see its not actually the emperor... TwT
So Emperor, you ever skip on leg day?
My Glorious Emperor,
Have you met the pillar men in your travels across ancient Terra? I only ask this question, because your custodians largely resemble them in their choice of attire.
Sincerely Ignotus
Dear Golden Emperor of the chair, if you were able to have a pet by your side that has absolute loyalty and obedience to you, would you have a common pet, a exotic pet-- or in the strangest of cases, a self-aware pet that could talk? Or one of those pony xenos as a pet? I know it's a odd and disturbing question-- but I was 'persuaded' to asked it from a favor I owed. Trust me, I rather not add that last part, but...let just say they were specific in their 'request' to me. Also have you thought of using the changelings yet? With your charisma and vast knowledge-- it should be easy to be planning on persuading them to join you and your cause? They're quite useful in subtle spying, impersonations, assassination, and interrogation if you know how to deal with them right and make sure they're fed in positive emotions, or love in layman terms.
P.S. if Papa Smurf is questioning, just use your Emperor all knowing powers to recall information on them and tell him in the way a narrowminded xeno hunting idiot that he is on how useful changelings are.
P.S.S. Please make sure your minions, Papa Smurf and Magnus, doesn't activate or find those odd Displace trinkets-- they're as annoying as ever when they pop up every single minute across the bloody Multiverse. Especially half the senders that do send out the trinkets!
From, that Meddler who travels among the Multiverse.
The Imperium during the Great Crusade disdained alien technology because a focal point of the Imperium was the recovery and revitalization of human technology, art, science, philospy, etc. So, using or reverse-engineerig xeno-tech was viewed as a contemptuous deviance. After everyone worshipped the Emperor, it became heretical. Which is itself hilarious because the Emperor left standing orders to summarily execute anyone who worshipped him.
Also, the AdMech plays with this. Using alien engineering is heretekal (meh spelling of heretical, canon). Using the science behind alien technology is fine because the Mechanicus argues that scientific knowledge is universal and humanity already discovered all science anyway.
One Forge World, saved by Eldar during the Horus Heresy (after Ulthran realized he fucked up and pushed Fulgrim into Chaos by jumping to conclusions), studies and reverse-engineers Eldar technology in secret. Better is that the Imperium allowed the Mechanicus to study the remains of the Necron World-Engine.
Its "TECNO-ORGANICS"
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Hey man I used reply to try to get your attention sorry but I had a question..... why does the emperor not use his powers to Just lift the throne and fly himself around? Or at least the ground under it?
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This question has already been sorta answered.
Also, don’t use a reply to get attention. All that’s doing is putting two notifications for the same thing in my notification box.
1/3 chapter content, 2/3 questions filler
I was laughing my ass off this. I expected dorn not guilliman