//------------------------------// // Chapter Four: Nightmare Moon Inquisitorial Spam // Story: If The Emperor was in Equestria // by The Warmaster //------------------------------// Twilight's  POV      There was actual steam coming out of the Emperor's  ear area.     "Umm, are you alright?" I asked.      The steam vanished.         "Yes. I'm just Absolutely  Livid right now." He replied, his eyes bursting into light at the word 'absolutely'.       "Wh-why?" I asked.     "Simple. Your angsty ass princess saw it fit to send her younger sister to the fucking  moon just because she might have been having a bad day.  Or was on her period. Whichever. Oh, and then, not only does she remove almost all history relating to her sister, she proclaims  complete leadership of the entire country.  She also makes up a damn children's bedtime story about her sister, and saying of how she's  evil and all that bullshit. I mean, it was just a single day. So what if the moon stayed out a little longer?  Nothing would change. And now, Celestia is worshipped as a goddess. Fucking Inquisitorial  Spam Filters. It's  time to make myself known to this shitfest  of a country you got here. I want you to record everything I say, then send it to the closest newspaper company you can find. I want this fucking sent all over Equestria by the end of the day. No Inquisitorial  Spam Filter will stop my knowledge from getting out."  The Emperor ranted. I sighed, pulling out a piece of paper and a quill.     "Hello, ponies of Equestria. My name is The Emperor.  I have been living underneath Canterlot mountain since this rock you call a planet was still  mostly molten magma.   I stopped paying attention to it after the seventeenth  millennia after it was born. When I get back, what do I find?  A bunch of crazy horses who worship their princess like a god. Religion is not the way to go. I have seen what that crap does to countries. Tears them apart, that's  what.  Religious Wars turned family against itself, and nearly killed my species.   There is no 'god'  or 'goddess' in this universe. There is only  strange Magic and science.  So, go sit down and rethink your life for a day or so." The Emperor spoke. I scribbled each word down, and, nodding to the Emperor, ran off to deliver it. ÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷ Emperor  POV    "Sigh. Why does every species I come across always have a damn religion. Hell, I leave my own species alone for a couple thousand years, and they became a bunch of asshole religious people who wasted valuable resources on simple luxuries. Or just blowing up the whole planet because it didn't give them it's  shiny shit." I stated.    "Wow. What brilliant insight." The pony guard, who stubbornly  stuck around, said.    "You're still here? Sigh. I wish I had my Centurion." I groaned.    "I could be your Centurion." He offered.    "I will set you on fire with my mind and take pleasure in watching you burn to ashes." I told  him. He backed away quickly. ÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷ Meanwhile............    "Uh, my lord, the newspaper." The servant said, hoofing  the paper over to his lord.     "What is it now? I'm busy  making this asshole go bankrupt  for not giving me his shiny shit." The Mare on the massive throne replied, before levitating the paper over with her magic. She quickly read through it, before snarling, the  paper bursting into flame.     "This is HERESY!" Fleur-de-lis  roared.