If Solaris had a Text-to-Speech Device

by Jay David

Dealing With Dad

"ALRIGHT THEN. IF I'M GOING TO BE STUCK HERE AS A GLORIFIED NIGHTMARE NIGHT DECORATION, THEN GO AHEAD. TELL ME HOW THINGS HAVE BEEN GOING."

The formerly-royal sisters glanced to one another, and his time it was Luna who took the initiative to speak to their long-absent parent. "I believe Celestia already informed you of our millennia of peace."

"WHOOP-DE-DOO," Solaris replied. "THAT JUST TRANSLATES AS A THOUSAND YEARS OF NOTHING INTERESTING HAPPENING."

Celestia frowned. "And 'interesting' just usually translates as some great upheaval the populace has to deal with. If things are uneventful, that means we're doing our job right, Father."

"AH YES, YOUR JOB. AND TELL ME, DEAR DAUGHTER, HAS THE GREAT WORK BEEN COMPLETED?"

To that, Celestia sighed. "Of course, the great work. I suppose I should have expected you to ask about that."

"YOU'RE DAMNED RIGHT I'D ASK ABOUT IT. IT WAS MY INTENDED GOAL FOR PONYKIND DURING MY TIME AS RULER. TO ENSURE THAT OUR KIND REACHED THE SAME GREAT HEIGHTS AS THE THREE OF US. TO ASCEND AND BASK IN THE LIGHT OF ALICORNHOOD. MORTALITY ABANDONED AND INSTEAD TO EMBRACE AN ERA WHERE PONIES STAND HIGH ABOVE ALL OTHERS."

"Putting aside some of the more...old-fashioned notions that goal implies, we regret to inform you that, no, that particular quest has not been fulfilled," Luna declared to him.

"I SUSPECTED AS MUCH," her father answered. "SO HOW MANY NEW ALICORNS HAVE THERE BEEN? A THOUSAND?"

"Well...no," Celestia admitted.

"A HUNDRED?" Solaris asked again.

Luna exhaled. "Father, I'll save you the trouble of going through every number. It's three."

"THREE?"

"Yes. Three new alicorns," Luna confirmed.

"...THERE'S DISAPPOINTMENT, AND THEN THERE'S THIS. WERE THE TWO OF YOU JUST SITTING AROUND PLAYING BOARD GAMES THIS WHOLE TIME?"

Celestia frowned to him. "I'll have you know, Father, that the two of us decided a long time ago that it wasn't right for us to impose such a lofty ideal on the whole of ponykind. Our concern was that they lived good, safe and happy lives. Not to sculpt the entirety of our race into some grand ideal like they were lumps of clay."

"YOU ARE THEIR RULERS," Solaris insisted. "JUST AS I WAS. IS IT NOT YOUR DUTY TO GUIDE YOUR PEOPLE TO BEING BETTER THAN THEY ARE?"

This time, it was Luna's turn to argue their case. "When we first came to power, ponies across the world lived in fear of dark forces, had no sense of community to one another, and often had to struggle in their day to day lives. Now? Their lives are ones of comfort, happiness and friendship. If you don't consider that 'better' then that just says worse things about you than us."

"OH JOY, GOOD TO KNOW OUR KIND HAS JUST STRAIGHT-UP ABANDONED THE GLORIOUS DESTINY I HAD ENVISIONED FOR THEM. THAT'S JUST FLIPPING WONDERFUL." A brief pause followed. "HOLD UP...WHY CAN'T I SAY FLIP?" Another pause. "...SHIRT? IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH THIS THING?"

Celestia shook her head. "No. I just remembered well enough that you cursed like a sailor, so I decided it might be best to...temper that when we gave you your voice back."

The room began to shake after he'd heard that. "YOU CENSORED ME?! YOUR OWN FATHER?!"

But Celestia held firm. "Father...throwing a tantrum won't change my mind."

After a moment, the room began to stabilize once more. "WELL THIS IS JUST FLIPPING GREAT. IT'S JUST LET-DOWN AFTER LET-DOWN TODAY, ISN'T IT?"

"Well," Luna began. "Sorry being reunited with your own daughters isn't making you happy," she remarked, with no small measure of irritation.

"...I SUPPOSE IS SHOULD BE GRATEFUL THAT AT LEAST I HAVE THREE NEW ALICORNS TO LOOK FORWARD TO MEETING. BETTER THAN NOTHING I GUESS. SO, TELL ME, HOW DID YOU RAISE THEM UP FROM WHAT THEY WERE?"

"Oh, we didn't. At least, not with all of them," Celestia explained.

"...EXPLAIN."

"I was a mentor for many years to a bright, brilliant mare. She became an alicorn by virtue of her talent and her innate goodness." A fond smile came to the elder sister. "She was like a daughter to me. And nothing made me prouder than to see her stand as my equal."

Solaris remained silent for a few moments, no doubt considering his daughter's story. "I WOULD LIKE TO HEAR MORE. BUT FIRST THINGS FIRST. THE OTHER TWO?"

Celestia shook her head. "I had little presence there. One was a mare who became one before I'd even met her. And the third...was her daughter."

"SO IN THE MANY CENTURIES YOU RULED, NOT ONLY HAS THE NUMBER OF NEW ALICORNS NOT ESCAPED SINGLE DIGITS, BUT THAT YOU HAD NEXT TO NO INVOLVEMENT IN MAKING TWO THIRDS OF THEM OCCUR?"

Celestia frowned. "There are new alicorns in the world, Father. Does it really matter about the numbers?"

"YES, DANGIT! WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE THE TOP RACE OF THE WORLD BY NOW!"

Luna buried her face in her hooves. "Father, for the love of all that's good and right, you can't say things like that anymore!"

"I CAN AND I WILL, UNLESS YOU'RE GONNA CENSOR THAT TOO!"

Celestia, having clearly had enough, gestured to her sister, and within moments the two mares had their backs to their reanimated parent, keeping their voices low so as to not be heard. "Lulu, I told myself I could cope with having Father back, but I realise now that was completely unfounded optimism on my part."

Luna smirked. "Well, Tia, I did tell you he was always best in small doses, so..."

Celestia hung her head. "We can't just stand here talking to him forever."

"Well, what do you suggest?" Luna enquired. "Get somepony else to do it?"

As if on cue, the doors of the chamber creaked open, and all eyes turned to it, just in time to see the head of one of the Royal Guard, a stallion pegasus of orange fur, enter. "Pardon the intrusion, your Majesties. But Princess Twilight wished to know if you were alright down here."

There was a silence, during which the two sisters glanced to one another. After a moment of understanding, they simultaneously smiled together, before turning in unison to the newly-arrived stallion. "Lieutenant Sentry, was it?" Celestia asked him.

"Yes, Ma'am," the younger pony replied with a salute.

The mare of the sun smiled wider "How would you feel about a promotion?"

Author's Note:

And thus the golden boy enters the picture

Comments

[Forcalor]

I'll be honest, this first and foremost reads like a comedy 😁
Kinda making you wonder, what spin you can put on the idea. Fun story!

[Just Defender]

One good thing about text-to-speech is that it doesn't imply tone. If it did, that device would break under all the sarcasm and narcissism this guy has been pooling over the years.

[Joe Toon]

11630259
Oh, okay. I thought I had a Twilight Zone moment there or something when I saw it only had two chapters.

[Autistic Techie]

I gotta side with pops on this one. Make everyone alicorns pls.

[droid]

There was a silence, during which the two sisters glanced to one another. After a moment of understanding, they simultaneously smiled together, before turning in unison to the newly-arrived stallion. "Lieutenant Sentry , was it?" Celestia asked him.

.......................rip sentry

[The Psychopath]