The Emperor’s (Mobile) Throne Room
Another explosion ripped a hole out of the Changeling Hive, missile turrets blasting anything that moved...which, for some reason, included the Hive itself. Changelings exploded left and right as The Emperor watched from the eternal torment of his chair as Guilliman ripped a Changeling in two with his armored hands, which were equipped with Power Fists. The Emperor could have sworn that he had heard the Primarch of the Toilet-Seat Smurfs yell something similar to “It’s fisting time!” when he had ran outside.
”Well, this is going pretty well.” The Emperor said. ”If I wasn't stuck in this fucking throne, I would be able to join in killing these Tzeentch-loving bugs as well. Sigh.”
Another explosion ripped into the Changeling’s Home, this time from a failed Warp strike.
“Dammit! Another double six!” Magnus yelled as he flew into the sky, purple smoke wafting off of him like wings.
”Wonder what's taking those secondary characters so long? Are they that useless?” The Emperor asked no one in particular. The Bolter Turrets roared, ripping into the Changeling Swarm like a turkey rammed through with an oversized bullet.
”If I have to take matters into my own hands, I'm gonna pop a few planets.” The Emperor groaned as the battle continued.
Suddenly, a whistling sound crash landed into the ground around the Mobile Throne Room. Slightly confused, The Emperor used his powers to check what had happened.
Outside, sixteen blue-colored drop pods had fallen from the sky, the image of the Greek Omega symbol plastered on the sides.
Had there been anyone paying attention, they would have heard a very angry yell of rage from inside the Throne Room, as if a Necron had gained a voice, and decided to tell the world how it felt about the universe it hated.
”Nope nope nope nope. When I said I wanted the battle to be over quicker, I did NOT mean send in the Toilet Smurfs. Fuck that and fuck their annoying chants.” The Emperor growled. Just as the pods began to open, Tears in the Material Realm ripped open underneath them, dropping them to Emperor knows where.
Up in orbit, the UltraMarine Battle Barge that had arrived suddenly found itself getting an up close interview with a Space Hulk that was tired of their shit. As the Space Hulk crashed into the ship, another rift in the fabric of reality opened, and the two ships fell inside, never to be seen again.
At least, until the Ultramarines destroy all the Genestealers, took over the Space Hulk, and fly out of the Warp guns blazing above an Ork-controlled planet.
The Emperor sighed in happiness as the latest problem was fixed. As he did so, the world shook once again, and a bunch of rainbow-pony-magic-Bullshit ripped the top of the Hive apart.
”About damn time.” The Emperor growled.
Starlight Glimmer watched with disappointment as Queen Chrysalis flew away. She turned to see Twilight and the others start to get up, and begin looking around at the new Changelings.
“What happened?” Twilight asked as she approached her student.
“Well, I gathered a group of ponies to rescue you, we defeated Queen Chrysalis, and the Changelings are all...good now.” Starlight explained, giving a small, sheepish smile.
”Oh holy fuck. Ow ow ow ow.” A deep, rich voice complained. ”Why in the fuck are those fucking things so fucking colorful? They put the damn ponies to shame! Though at least the ponies have some form of decency with their color schemes. It's like a fucking toddler splashed a bunch of paint buckets on them. What the fuck! Who thought that was a good fucking idea?”
Twilight groaned in exasperation. “Mr. Emperor, my student just saved the day. Could you please not-” She stopped when she turned around, as a fierce and golden bright light blinded her temporarily. “Stop with your stupid light show!”
”What in the fuck are you talking about, Sparkly-Vampire?” The voice asked again, making Twilight’s legs weaken from how smooth it was to her ears.
“What happened? Why is there a-” Magnus’s voice called out from somewhere, before Twilight felt the ground shake as Magnus knelt. “F….Father?”
“What the fuck do you want Magnus?” The Emperor asked, turning his attention to the red-skinned cyclops.
“You… walk among us again?” Magnus asked, not raising his head.
“What? What the fuck do you--” The Emperor looked down at himself, seeing flesh and rippling muscles where once nothing but bones and cloth lay uncovered. He felt his black hair flow in the wind, and actually felt the wind smacking his face. “Oh. How the fuck did I not notice that?” He then also noticed that he was butt-naked. Snapping his fingers, golden armor covered his body. “Okay, now how the fuck do I disable my flashlight mode?”
“Flashlight mode..?” Twilight asked, snickering somewhat.
“Yes. The big bright and golden light show. How the fuck do I stop it.”
“The real question is, how did you get off the Throne?” Magnus asked.
“Fuck if I know. Probably some Warp Fuckery bullshit by myself. One moment I'm stuck as a skeleton on a pain-inducing throne, the next my eyes are being assaulted by those things.” He pointed to the Changelings. “I want to fucking exterminate them for being such a fucking eyesore.”
“Father, wouldn't it be wiser to not immediately start a war?” Magnus asked.
“Fine. Fuck you all, I'm going to do the one fucking thing I've wanted to do ever since I fucking arrived here on that damn throne ten thousand years ago.” The Emperor said, walking off.
“And what would that be?” Celestia asked, confused.
“Step one: take the longest and most needed piss in history.” The Emperor began. “Step two: take a fucking nap. Step three: find something to do.” With that, the Emperor teleported the Throne Room back to Canterlot, and ran off to find a Toilet.
END OF SEASON 1
…..
Later
……….
“So, what now?” Twilight asked suddenly. “You want to answer some of those questions piling up?”
“Are you fucking kidding me?!” The Emperor asked, though Twilight could not discern whether or not he was being sarcastic. “I just got off that fucking throne. I'm gonna hit up all the fucking bars and get more drunk than a Corgie on Daemon Beer.”
“Umm...what's beer? And what do you mean ‘bar’? Like a candy bar?” Twilight asked. The Emperor stared at her, speechless.
“It is a fucking wonder I haven't destroyed this planet and all of its inhabitants already.” The Emperor said, walking off as several planets in random systems across the galaxy vanished with a pop. “If they don't have a fucking bar here, I'll make my own.”
Twilight had a sense of dread tip-toe across her back. She glanced behind her, and found Fluttershy perched on her back like a bird, tip-hoofing across her back, eyes wide. Twilight sighed, placing a hoof to her head in exasperation. This was her life now.
Will he be making moonshine?
Dear Emperor of Mankind,
I have found a material from the 2nd millennium that looks as if it can help dim 'flashlight mode'. It is called Vantablack and absorbs an insane about of light giving a void look. I have crafted a spell on this letter to send you enough for what ever you want to make with it.
Sincerly,
A multiversal traveler
PS: Tell magus to move about 3m. The spell uses him as an amplifier.
Oh my god, HE'SAW OFF THE THRONE!!!!! RUN!
Dear Emperor what has powered your throne for 10000 years of being buried in Equestria? Doesn't it take the sacrifice of 1000 psykers per day to power the golden throne?
I'm back! :)
Also if we are going by the time frame... me and my Tau show up in say about a week then proceed to drop off Horus who is now free and warp controlling us to the point that your space corgis look sober... and the emperor try's to flip us the physical and warp infused bird that will miss for plot reasons and Horus heresy pt 2. Begins...
Or you are less of an ass now that your full body perpetual migraine is gone and you get to have Horus, the remote control corgi treat and the infinite beer keg that I keep lying around for sober and ignorant species...
Also I found 3 guys floating around... the first is a banana man with no personality, the second is a secretary with a phalic hat and finally the last one is a generic tech priest... ok where have I seen this before...
Holy mother of his gloriousness! Thank fucking fuck, he's finally off!
hey man-emperor the Apple family has "non-alcoholic"Cider you should go get some.
7808576 Just then, Fucking Horus showed up.
Damn warp fuckery
NOW I'M STUCK IN MY BED!
MAKE VODKA!!!!! GOOD FOR ALL DRINKING OCCASIONS!!!!!
Wut............................
Dear Oh holy emperor
I where's my fire support? My portions been getting over run ever since our titan fell to their fire support?
from a guy under a lot of ork Dekkal from behind the werk of a destroyed titan
I totally see the Emperor sitting on his throne again with Rarity in his lap like a friggin cat.
"He is an Emperor Darlings!"
Dear good emperor,
This is a continuation from my previous letter involving Grote, he gotten a little bigger and there are some smaller then him that are about half my height. However, they love to smash the Timberwolfs still, especially one by grabbing one Timberwolf and using it to hit another one and saying it was a 'Tuff for one deal' as he would say. The small group of seven (myself included to keep them from hurting anybody*) so that way they can see you.
Hope our travels are to your blessing and not that sun butts.
From, unlimited blades
P.S. Yes, I said anybody, not anypony due to you sir are not a pony as well as the other races and now I have an excuse to do it. HAHA Sun butt, just got schooled. Also, Magnus, kick your brothers butt in a board game, it will release those tensions you have, it helped me against my family.
Dear Emperor
What are you thoughts on my race the Xenomorphs and no we are not like THE FUCKING XENO PONIES we are aliens with spear tails and two mouths with acid for blood. We are something from a nightmare and I am there rightful king.
Sincerely Khyax King of Xenomorphs
P.S. I'm still stuck in my mind I have traveled to my nightmare section it is like the fucking further from insidious in here please send some sort of light maybe a lantern and attach a note to it for some kind of comedy.
[youtube=https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=L5zYBA5M5fw]
By The Emperor, By The Emperor, By The Emperor! It's You The God Emperor!
I think...... oh well...Wait!..........what do mean this is the multidimensional planet of existence, sorry wrong God Emperor of Mankind!
7946067 I know, I did that mostly as, how to put it, as the base of the story. Now that season one of this fic is done, I'll try to come up with my own original storyline for this!
Worry not! I'm, for the most part, good at this kind of thing!
7946134 Can't wait for season 2, seeing as he might get called upon, and we get to see him instantly kill everything causing problems.
it's this story dead or?....
8119340 Nope!
I'm planning to release Season 2 Chapter One on the 4th of May, the day I first joined Fimfiction a few years ago!
8119884 oh
Most amusing is that the ponies who have met the Emperor know he is so OP that all they can do is go along with him and obey whatever orders he gives. He has even ordered around Celestia like a go-for and she obeyed without hesitation. Or maybe his commanding aura is overpowering...whatever.
Wait, why didn't he scratch his nose?
That was the biggest lampshading in the history of ever.
Ha.
How does that even work anyway?