//------------------------------// // Chapter Fifteen: Shit Happens, SEASON ONE FINALE // Story: If The Emperor was in Equestria // by The Warmaster //------------------------------// The Emperor’s (Mobile) Throne Room    Another explosion ripped a hole out of the Changeling Hive, missile turrets blasting anything that moved...which, for some reason, included the Hive itself. Changelings exploded left and right as The Emperor watched from the eternal torment of his chair as Guilliman ripped a Changeling in two with his armored hands, which were equipped with Power Fists. The Emperor could have sworn that he had heard the Primarch of the Toilet-Seat Smurfs yell something similar to “It’s fisting time!” when he had ran outside.    ”Well, this is going pretty well.” The Emperor said. ”If I wasn't stuck in this fucking throne, I would be able to join in killing these Tzeentch-loving bugs as well. Sigh.”   Another explosion ripped into the Changeling’s Home, this time from a failed Warp strike.   “Dammit! Another double six!” Magnus yelled as he flew into the sky, purple smoke wafting off of him like wings.   ”Wonder what's taking those secondary characters so long? Are they that useless?” The Emperor asked no one in particular. The Bolter Turrets roared, ripping into the Changeling Swarm like a turkey rammed through with an oversized bullet. ”If I have to take matters into my own hands, I'm gonna pop a few planets.” The Emperor groaned as the battle continued.   Suddenly, a whistling sound crash landed into the ground around the Mobile Throne Room. Slightly confused, The Emperor used his powers to check what had happened.    Outside, sixteen blue-colored drop pods had fallen from the sky, the image of the Greek Omega symbol plastered on the sides.    Had there been anyone paying attention, they would have heard a very angry yell of rage from inside the Throne Room, as if a Necron had gained a voice, and decided to tell the world how it felt about the universe it hated.   ”Nope nope nope nope. When I said I wanted the battle to be over quicker, I did NOT mean send in the Toilet Smurfs. Fuck that and fuck their annoying chants.” The Emperor growled. Just as the pods began to open, Tears in the Material Realm ripped open underneath them, dropping them to Emperor knows where.   Up in orbit, the UltraMarine Battle Barge that had arrived suddenly found itself getting an up close interview with a Space Hulk that was tired of their shit. As the Space Hulk crashed into the ship, another rift in the fabric of reality opened, and the two ships fell inside, never to be seen again. At least, until the Ultramarines destroy all the Genestealers, took over the Space Hulk, and fly out of the Warp guns blazing above an Ork-controlled planet. The Emperor sighed in happiness as the latest problem was fixed. As he did so, the world shook once again, and a bunch of rainbow-pony-magic-Bullshit ripped the top of the Hive apart.   ”About damn time.” The Emperor growled. Starlight Glimmer watched with disappointment as Queen Chrysalis flew away. She turned to see Twilight and the others start to get up, and begin looking around at the new Changelings.   “What happened?” Twilight asked as she approached her student.   “Well, I gathered a group of ponies to rescue you, we defeated Queen Chrysalis, and the Changelings are all...good now.” Starlight explained, giving a small, sheepish smile.   ”Oh holy fuck. Ow ow ow ow.” A deep, rich voice complained. ”Why in the fuck are those fucking things so fucking colorful? They put the damn ponies to shame! Though at least the ponies have some form of decency with their color schemes. It's like a fucking toddler splashed a bunch of paint buckets on them. What the fuck! Who thought that was a good fucking idea?”   Twilight groaned in exasperation. “Mr. Emperor, my student just saved the day. Could you please not-” She stopped when she turned around, as a fierce and golden bright light blinded her temporarily. “Stop with your stupid light show!”   ”What in the fuck are you talking about, Sparkly-Vampire?” The voice asked again, making Twilight’s legs weaken from how smooth it was to her ears.   “What happened? Why is there a-” Magnus’s voice called out from somewhere, before Twilight felt the ground shake as Magnus knelt. “F….Father?”   “What the fuck do you want Magnus?” The Emperor asked, turning his attention to the red-skinned cyclops.   “You… walk among us again?” Magnus asked, not raising his head.   “What? What the fuck do you--” The Emperor looked down at himself, seeing flesh and rippling muscles where once nothing but bones and cloth lay uncovered. He felt his black hair flow in the wind, and actually felt the wind smacking his face. “Oh. How the fuck did I not notice that?” He then also noticed that he was butt-naked. Snapping his fingers, golden armor covered his body. “Okay, now how the fuck do I disable my flashlight mode?”  “Flashlight mode..?” Twilight asked, snickering somewhat.   “Yes. The big bright and golden light show. How the fuck do I stop it.”   “The real question is, how did you get off the Throne?” Magnus asked.   “Fuck if I know. Probably some Warp Fuckery bullshit by myself. One moment I'm stuck as a skeleton on a pain-inducing throne, the next my eyes are being assaulted by those things.” He pointed to the Changelings. “I want to fucking exterminate them for being such a fucking eyesore.” “Father, wouldn't it be wiser to not immediately start a war?” Magnus asked.   “Fine. Fuck you all, I'm going to do the one fucking thing I've wanted to do ever since I fucking arrived here on that damn throne ten thousand years ago.” The Emperor said, walking off.  “And what would that be?” Celestia asked, confused.   “Step one: take the longest and most needed piss in history.” The Emperor began. “Step two: take a fucking nap. Step three: find something to do.” With that, the Emperor teleported the Throne Room back to Canterlot, and ran off to find a Toilet. END OF SEASON 1 ….. Later ………. “So, what now?” Twilight asked suddenly. “You want to answer some of those questions piling up?” “Are you fucking kidding me?!” The Emperor asked, though Twilight could not discern whether or not he was being sarcastic. “I just got off that fucking throne. I'm gonna hit up all the fucking bars and get more drunk than a Corgie on Daemon Beer.”    “Umm...what's beer? And what do you mean ‘bar’? Like a candy bar?” Twilight asked. The Emperor stared at her, speechless.   “It is a fucking wonder I haven't destroyed this planet and all of its inhabitants already.” The Emperor said, walking off as several planets in random systems across the galaxy vanished with a pop. “If they don't have a fucking bar here, I'll make my own.” Twilight had a sense of dread tip-toe across her back. She glanced behind her, and found Fluttershy perched on her back like a bird, tip-hoofing across her back, eyes wide. Twilight sighed, placing a hoof to her head in exasperation. This was her life now.