• Member Since 17th Jan, 2012
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loves tiaras.


Applejack mourns the loss of one of the last 67,986 links she had to her dead father.

(Contains spoilers for "Made in Manehattan.")

Audiobook versions:
Scarlett Blade

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 172 )
Bookish #1 · Oct 1st, 2015 · · 1 ·

...I love you.


Fate had continued to conspire to put Rarity and Applejack in bed together; this time it had been a booking error in the reservation combined with a complete lack of rollaway beds in stock. A.J. didn't mind it as much as she once had. It was actually kind of enjoyable sleeping next to a friend. Not in that way, of course. A.J.'s barn door famously swung only one way. And besides, even if she were to some day decide to install double-acting hinges on it, she would definitely hit up Twilight first. To A.J.'s appreciative eye, that mare really put the "ass" in "Asperger's Syndrome."

This killed me. I died reading this. I am typing this while dead. With fingers made of ghosts.

Fuck. :rainbowlaugh:


You win the freakin' internet for today, and it's only 26 past midnight. XD XD XD

"So hot," it said, in its weird Northern monkey-tongue.

Applejack + Rarity shipping, I suppose? :rainbowlaugh:

It's very late and I've had a couple of drinks and I can't tell if that makes this better or worse

You know, I was waiting for a story like this since last Saturday.

You did not disappoint.



Where do I begin?

Well, first of all, you do realise that 67986 hats is enough for Pa to wear one every day for 186.26 years?

But perhaps he wore a different merely every hour, so 7.7 years (well, let's divide that by 2/3, since one assume Honey Badger would... dislike... him changing hats duirng sleep, so 11.5 years.)

"Ass" in "Asperger's Syndrome." I would find a newspaper or something to hit you with for that level of word play, but unfortunately I appear to be to be incapacitated due to laughing too hard.

The whole flashback, in fact. Glorious! I didn't know you had that level of dark humour in you!

This, though: "executing the capricious whims of an unspeaking, unfeeling artifact of Harmony and all" knocked it out of the park, though.

Superlative and stupendous work, and exactly the sort of thing to delightfully find before retiring to meditate for the night.

Lithl #7 · Oct 1st, 2015 · · ·

Obviously, the statement is a precursor to the breezie warning AJ and Rarity that there's a fire. He's just doing his job!


Good point. Still makes it sound like the breezy thinks they look hot together tho. :pinkiecrazy:


Well. You've done it again, Sky.


...Huh. :D

I came here to say literally these exact words.

The ones Bookish said, not the ones I typed. Though I guess in the grand scheme of things I technically came here to say literally these exact words.

Amazing. :rainbowlaugh:

> Breezie smoke detectors
Headcanon accepted. :moustache: :trollestia:

Well, that was delightful on numerous levels. Thank you both for a hilarious read and making me feel less guilty about a stupid story of my own I have planned.

that mare really put the "ass" in "Asperger's Syndrome

I nearly had the restaurantstaff calling an ambulance for me at that line! :rainbowlaugh:

I had just taken a bite out of this 1 lb black pepper Cajun & blue cheese burger when I read that...

This is absolutely insane. And I love it.

Besides, Rarity if anypony would understand and appreciate the importance of having an abundance of hats.

This is some fine crack. But I wonder now what the property tax on hats comes to. :derpytongue2:

This is ridiculous
I love it

This is why you are awesome.

~Skeeter The Lurker

We were all thinking it. :rainbowlaugh:

Oh Sky, you're so silly. Please never change. :pinkiehappy:

Are you proud of yourself? :derpytongue2:
Because you should be.


"Almost, Honey Badger."

I lost it here.

Finally! I nearly spit my teeth out when AJ's hat got shredded. It's about time this tragedy was recognized.

Also, this was freakin hilarious. So deliciously irreverent I loved it.

sorry about ur life

s'fine i didn't have much of one to begin with

I see that someone got into the liquor cabinet.

I can clearly see the Charme of the earth pony way, stupid unicorns don't understand apple family traditions.:ajsmug:

Delightfully, frothingly, burstingly, perfectly insane, borderline-irreverent, and tragicomedic. An irreducible fusion of outlandishness and grounded profundity.

There may be enough thanks for this, but getting them all in a reasonable length of time may involve tetration.

No sequence of words in the english language could ever adequately describe the madness that is this story. Just... just take the upvote :facehoof:

The smoke detector breezie by itself was enough to justify this story being written. Everything else was just a nice bonus. :rainbowlaugh:



67,986 hats off to you, Skywriter.

This was either clever in the stupidest of ways, or stupid in the cleverest of ways, and I'll get back to you when I work out which.

Well that was a thing.
I am entertained.

I had few higher goals than that.

A.J.'s barn door famously swung only one way

200 years later, Littlepip has a crush on Velvet Remedy and steals Homage's heart.

This is amusing.

After a while, the smoke detector waved back.

"Sorry," she whispered, a bit sheepishly.

I laughed at the absurd joke, then again when the story actually went with it. :rainbowlaugh:

Pictures of tiny adorable bottles filled with tiny adorable fairy-horse pee filled her mind's eye, and she actually let them linger there for longer than any sane mare probably should.

You see, the smoke detectors also double as sprinklers.

"Smoke detectin's a good job, mate. Easy work, indoors, and I'll guarantee you'll not go hungry. Cause at the end of the day, long as there's a house left on the planet, somepony's gonna want to set it on fire."

And this is what happens when you filter My Little Pony through tequila and Invader Zim. :rainbowlaugh:

I laughed several times, and that rarely happens. Good on ya!

Doin' stupid stuff to kill ourselves off is a proud Apple Family tradition


Smoke detector waving back? Dafuq. Concept of breezie smoke detectors? Hilarious. Smoke detector shipping Rarijack? Priceless.

It also raises some interesting questions about the rights of breezies and where they fall on the 'are they people?' tree, since I assume a fair few of them get to be passive bystanders to... events.

that mare really put the "ass" in "Asperger's Syndrome."

As an Asp myself, I am NOT morally outraged by this joke! I am, however, now desperately in need of someone to tell me if my butt is nice, because otherwise it might be a really long time before I get to use this joke in 'polite' conversation.

"They called it the 'Night of Knives,'" said Applejack, staring out at the harbor. "To this day, it holds the record for 'Most Members of the Apple Family Killed Off in a Six-Hour Span.'"

Was... all of that for tax reasons? Or is it just what Fillyjack did when she heard the news?

Pony scientists are at a loss to explain or even understand the totality of the catastrophe known as the Night of Knives.

I suspect Skywriter is trying to tell us something. Perhaps that he doesn't like maudlin stories about hats.




It would render me a bit of a hypocrite since I've got at least two stories where the plot point features prominently. :raritywink:

6484856 Only a bit. I don't recall any fics where you went full-on SadHat, but maybe it's buried in Contraptionology somewhere. An excuse to re-read! Why not.

6484826 So, this?

Also, I now have the urge to try and write the Night of Knives.

If Breezies are smoke detectors, what other things are going on? Are breezies equipped with tiny tin can telephones used as cradle monitors for new parents? Are the fireflies in firefly lamps sapient creatures? Is there a labor union? Can they go on strike? How are they paid? So many questions. Isn't it Wonderful!

I think I have basically just introduced Flintstones Tech, yes.

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