• Member Since 2nd Sep, 2014
  • offline last seen Apr 7th, 2017

eLLen


She's just the dirty-by-trade tomboy.

E

A girl made a mistake.

Now she talks to her sister about it.


Since people are being put off by the title, I'll say it here. The title is not directly related to the fic's contents. Don't be expecting a story about someone dying. It's metaphorical, not literal.


Now with a reading by Short Stories. Click here to view.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 108 )

That was super sweet! :fluttershysad::twilightsmile:

Cute little fic. Sequel?

It's a nice story. Not a lot happens, but that's like life, right?

I was expecting death I suppose. Even though I love Rarity and Sweetie Belle and wouldn't want them to die in a story.

Oh well, have my upvote.

D'awwwww :rainbowkiss:

:rainbowlaugh: Sweetie got angry?
:duck: Why yes she did.
:rainbowlaugh: What she do?
:raritywink: She barrowed Spikey Wikey. . .
:rainbowhuh: Wut?
:unsuresweetie: I sure did
:rainbowderp: ???????
:moustache: I gave him the 'claw'. . .
:rainbowlaugh: The middle feather?!
:raritystarry::twilightoops::pinkiegasp::flutterrage::ajbemused:

Third time in a row something’s been fine.

If she think it was fine why is she worrying?
or its just me who dont understand

Watching her trudge up the stairs, Rarit only waited a second before following behind.

you forgot the Y

Grammar nazi things aside.:derpytongue2:
i liked it.
good story
and keep on the good work

6100098 She says it's fine because she doesn't want to talk about it.
Thanks for reading.

Sweet and simple. It makes sense. Artistic temperaments can come with a certain sensitivity to criticism, and Sweetie seems to be on the path to being as artistic as her sister, albeit in another medium. Combine that with a private hope that maybe, just maybe, this could lead to a cutie mark, and it's no wonder Sweetie did what she did. A beautiful character moment with a reasonable cause and a good message. That said, I'm not sure about the title. Still, thank you for this.

Not what I expected from the title, but good nonetheless.

The title is misleading, but still nice story, also the title gave me an idea... I must think :eeyup:

6100146 6100211 6100306 Yeah, I had a feeling people would say that. But I liked it and wanted to use it.

That was cute :raritywink:
for some reason I thought Sweetie was gonna end her story of the days event with, "I think I died and now I'm a ghost."
not sure why I thought that though. :twilightsheepish:

6100098 When a child says their "fine" what they mean is "I'm trying not to burst into tears/throw a tantrum/or both."

6100109 i know but isnt it Rarity's thinking

One more for the pile that thought the story nice but the title confusing.

My money was on a ghost-story with luck finally having caught up with the CMC, and Sweetie's spirit saying goodbye to Rarity.

So, yeah, quite a bit off mark, that guess.

Wow...somepony made a mistake but no one was gruesomely murdered as happens so often in pony fiction (I'll never understand why).

Sweetie has made a child's mistake because she is a child. And Rarity is right...at the end of the day everything is going to be all right.

Thank you for writing this sweet story!:raritystarry::raritywink:

Confused by the title? Yes. Enjoyed the read it presented? Thoroughly.

The way the story was going, I thought the title was a quote Sweetie Belle would be using near the expend to express how she's upset that her temper got the better of her. Like she realized she's not what she wants to believe she is, and her mental image on herself has been shaken, leaving her self interpretation dead.

But then again I tend to over think stuff.

Hrm. Good little story. Your dialogue is nice. Misleading title feels like it's there just to bait people in. Certainly no thumbs down, but no thumbs up either.

It felt like this story might have been alright, but it wasn't what I was expecting because of the title. It made me read the whole story wrong, and I ended it with a feeling of "what?". It's probably symbolic, but to be honest I kinda hate abstract symbolism like this. Thus, I give my honest opinion and a downvote.

6100742
6101391 As I've said earlier, this title was chosen because I liked it. It really doesn't mean much. It connects to the story at best as a metaphor, but there's not any substance to that either.

Honestly, it's just a title. I've seen stories by professional authors with even stranger ones.

Edit: I've added a disclaimer in the description. Better?

That wasn't what I was expecting at all!

It was better!

Pretty good, but I don't understand why the Sad tag is up there. This seems entirely Slice of Life.

Good stuff, I enjoyed it. :twilightsmile:

Comment posted by CommisarSilver deleted Jun 17th, 2015

Despite the fact that you say the title isn't a large part of the story, I absolutely adore the metaphorical connection it has (if I'm right in what I think it is). Either way very well written.

I'm glad so many people liked it. :) I found it alright, but it felt like there was something more that would happen after, like it was just a start of a story that didn't have any real arc to it.


But hey, it's well-liked, so what do I know?

That was a nice little slice of life. I love your sense of detail, you have a strong ability of showing without telling.

6101645
Seems better, yeah.

However, with a title like "I Think I Died Today" - just from the title, a reader gets all sorts of expectations. I am all for not judging a book by its cover, but the title implies things. First off, the statement is made from the first person. The one who died is speaking. And unsure. One could even take from it that it's figurative, that something horrible happened. However, the story itself is just a simple argument with an unnamed other student. It's not like a boy she'd been crushing on destroyed her heart. And if you want to go into the literal sense, perhaps one would think this is a story about one who is dead and does not know it. I was hearkened a bit back to a story I read about Rarity and Sweeite Belle that involved them being reborn over and over until a certain wish was made. In any case, the title, whether you intended it or not, contains such implications that it makes the imagination soar with expectation. A title like this is not something you can just slap on something and say "Oh and by the way, it's not related." - You could have named it "Tomato Salami Sandwich" and it would have at least not built a certain level of expectation.

I hope you take this all as constructive. I'd like to think you thought about this and knew the title would attract viewers. Not unlike the text that is put upon advertisements that peak the curiosity. "Doctors hate him! Learn why with this one simple health secret!" - The reader of such a blurb wants that secret. They want to know why Doctors hold this man in such contempt! But in the end, it is all hyperbole. Nothing but an empty promise for a story herein that could stand on its own merits.

And ironically, by using such a title, attracting such attention, and being put into the feature box, the eyes of the FimFiction world are upon you. I hope the fact that I, too, fell for such a title, built up such expectations from one brilliantly-crafted line of text, is appreciated and that you will remember it. In the future, if you can craft such an eye-catching title and use it on a story that it pertains to in a more meaningful manner, you will truly have hit gold.

In the end, though, you shared this touching story with me, and I am still grateful. it was a good read, and I did enjoy it. So while psychologically, I feel cheated, I can assure you that it wasn't all bad.

It's nice, simple, and probably a plight we've all been in, good story! Also I love how the title describes entirely how Sweetie Belle is feeling, way more interesting than just "A bad day for Sweetie Belle" or some straight title like that.

Good Job!

6101645 Thank you for doing that. Really the only reason I downvoted was because I was feeling somber wanted to read a story about death (or just sad things in general). Since I went in with that psyche I came out angry that the story failed to fulfill what I had come for. The story itself is nothing special (to me at least), but not deserving of a downvote minus the title. So I'm glad to see you've rectified that. :twilightsmile:

On an even sadder note than this story (no offense intended), I cannot un-downvote you, I can only change it to an upvote. I only give stories that overly impressed me an upvote, so I'm sorry to say that I cannot, in good conscience to my own rules, change that vote. So sorry about that, but let me instead give you the power of mustache to overcome your deep sorrow.
:moustache:
:moustache:
:moustache:
:moustache:
:moustache:
:moustache:
:moustache:
:moustache:
:moustache:
:moustache:

Aww, how cute :twilightsmile:

This is a scene than an actual story. Sweetie already learned her lesson, and Rarity is basically there to say "life moves on." Something that Sweetie already realized, therefore Rarity is just a shoulder to cry on; making this just a scene.

Also, Rarity's dialogue just seemed off. I know she's trying to comfort Sweetie, but it just didn't feel like Rarity speaking.

Aside form that though, I still enjoyed this. Ironically though, I have no gripes about the title. Am I the only one who didn't take it literally?

Now that we've seen the metaphorical version, let's see the literal version! :twilightsmile:

I second all the "d'aaaaaaaaaawws" in the comment section!

Chapter 2 -
:unsuresweetie: Also, I'm a ghost now.
:raritystarry: I was wondering why I could see through you...
...
:raritywink: You're still going to school tomorrow.

“Did you paint it all by yourself? Or did you have help from friends? I’m sure they…”

Rarity trailed off, her eyes catching the slight flinch her sister had at the words. Within moments, her confusion shifted into understanding. There it is.

Am I the only one that thought the problem was going to be Sweetie's friends not feeling the same way after Sweetie's painting revealed that she had a crush on them?

6102688 huh? Did I missing something?

6102830 Probably not. My mind goes places it really shouldn't sometimes, such as the gutter.

Very cute story.

Good story, but the title has absolutely nothing to do with the story.

6103572 The description said so itself. It's a metaphor, most likely.

Your title, description, and formatting all need a SERIOUS once-over.

That aside, this was more a scene than a story. I wonder if something happened to you, author, and this is your way of getting it off of your chest? If so, good for you for finding a creative outlet. If not, you've some lessons to learn on story structure, presentation and title-context.

That conflict was incredibly stupid....

....but SO REAL LIFE.

6102844 ah, I know what you mean. My own head has been there multiple times. :raritywink:

And over the next few weeks or so that colt is going to get more and more irritating, not mean,
just getting under her fur. When suddenly one day a dialog something like this occurs.

SB “WHY DO YOU BOTHER ME SO MUCH. You’re always around and when you're not in school I keep looking for you and and an........

Colt what ! All I did was tell you that your painting was good and that you're friends are cool and that I really like your mane.

SB I know, its just that you're so irritating and I don't know what to do about it and I really like you..................................................................?

Both …....................................?

Both Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

As for me, I just died in your arms tonight.

It must have been something you said.

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