• Member Since 4th Dec, 2014
  • offline last seen Jan 18th, 2018

calmcalmcalm


"You've got a real problem all right, and a banjo is the only answer."

T

"Howdy, it's Applejack. Sorry I missed your call, leave a message after the beep and I'll get back to you as soon as I can!"

Why isn't Applejack answering her phone?

And why is her inbox so full?

A short story told through voicemails.



pre-read/edited by PegaSista101

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 170 )

Hi, this is Chicago Ted.

I'm calling due to your unusual storytelling style. It's rather gripping how the phone messages line up with the current chain of events-- no wonder law enforcement uses them for investigations!

Anyway, I'll be watching this story, so you best keep writing.

If you have any questions, my number is http://www.fimfiction.net/user/Chicago%20Ted

[END]

Oh my God....that was heavy.... I'm never going to put off charging my phone ever again :raritydespair: This needs a sequel if there is one....I...need to cope with this....DARN YOU, WRITER!!! :twilightangry2: :fluttershbad:

[whimper]
*sniff* just...keep up the good work! T-this was great!
[bawling]

I don't know how to feel about this story...

Wow... I did not expect that twist. I mean, I expected something, but wow, it certainly wasn't that! (Granted, I neglected to look at the tags for some reason, but that just made it so much more effective.)

Seriously though, great job with the build up. The pacing felt really good, and you captured the different moods really well. It was heartwrenching to read Pinkie's later messages. And I can't even imagine being Applejack and listening to all that. To be able to hear the moment your friend lost their life, over and over again in a recording, and wondering if it wouldn't have happened if you had just charged your phone... chilling. And that blissfully unaware message from Rarity and Twilight just makes it all that much worse! Fantastic work.

:rainbowderp: Well... That was heart-wrenching and painfully hard to read...BECAUSE MY FEELS:raritycry:. It kinda left me wondering why Aj wasn't answering her phone...But that fact aside, That made me feel my feels in the feeliest way.

Don't care that feeliest isn't a word. I'am using it.

Honestly, I thought I wasn't going to like this when I started reading it because of the...unconventional style. Turns out, this was really effective and sad. :fluttershyouch:

This story sure is something and had me begging for more!:rainbowderp:


Good job on writing such an awesome story!!!!

That was pretty heartbreaking.

I thought this was going to be just another answering machine story, like a dozen or so I've read before.

I was surprised. I can't call it a pleasant surprise given the tragedy, but...

Anyway, well played.

Wow. I just... Wow. That was excellent and heart breaking and wonderfully well written. You've earned a like, favorite, and a follow. I hope to see more stories from you soon, just hopefully with a little bit happier endings.

Wow, I wasn't expecting that... I thought from the description we'd read as the Mane 6 find out something's wrong with Applejack over the course of days or something. Unconventional, effective, emotive... and what a twist. At first, I thought there was going to be a second tragedy when Big Mac and AB were outside Applejack's door. I also really like that the end comes back to the beginning.
I don't see why Pinkie didn't answer Twilight/Rarity's calls and txts, but I guess she was pretty shaken up to respond rationally. I honestly could not have guessed Rainbow would actually die.

The story never really answered the questions in the description. Still a good story though.

Isseus #14 · Jun 25th, 2015 · · 15 ·

Good attempt at a storytelling gimmick done to death.

This is mindblowing.

The amount of feels and depth behind the unusual way you tell this sad story is just.. wow.

I can't... I need to... give me a second.. :fluttershbad:

I just..

"She didn't answer. Should I leave a message?"

My god, wow, just... Wow, this story was sad, especially in the short amount of time given to present that feeling, and it was excellent.bbbbbbut sniff it was really ...:raritydespair:

Woah just woah so many emotions all packed into one story just woah

Okay, but why ponies?

I did love this story, and though it was a bit of a cliche, I really do feel sorry for Pinkie in the end. I feel like doing my own fanfic about these two now!
Thanks for the muse!

I did not see that coming. And I actually cried for a little bit. I liked the way the story was written and all the emotions that kind of hit you in the gut rather suddenly. It was beautiful.

Whoa, darker than I thought... But a great read anyways!

THE FEELS, AUTHOR!!!! ALL THOSE INNOCENT FEELS!!:raritycry:
YOU BROKE THEM ALL!!!:fluttershbad:

But feels aside,:fluttercry: this was an excellent read, with an unexpected twist at the end. So sad!:applecry:

Just woke up. Saw this and said to myself, this one seems harmless! Didn't read the tags. Blindsided by feels.

Hi there! I read your story-duh-and what I can say is: Have a favorite.

It may have helped if you used colored text for when the characters were using the phone, though.

You know this was featured, right?

Loved this story.

-ISP

[End Call]

Good story, (I usually don't cry at stories, and this one almost made me, so amazing job!)

There are a couple things, though.

Applebloom but her lip.

This should be

Applebloom bit her lip.

That's Ok, though. Just a small mistake. :)

Mac smiles sadly.

The whole story, you used pass-tense words, such as

Applejack's voice cracked slightly

so, maybe you should fix that back to a past-tense state?

I mean, if you meant it to be that way, then forget the last suggestion.

Really amazing story, totally would recommend, and keep it up! :D

Wow, that was really good. I liked it a lot! This is the second time I've read a story told in this kind of a fashion, and you pulled it off pretty well.

I do have one suggestion though. When Big Mac calls Applebloom "Little Bloom" and you say that he hadn't called her that since their father's funeral ... That felt really forced. Somewhat contrived.

Other than that though it was a brilliant read. Thank you for writing it. ^_^

Why didn't she just pick up the phone?

A1X

I love the whole idea of the story being told through the voicemails on Applejack's phone. The dialogue was excellent :) Thanks, I enjoyed that!

don't cry... I need to stay strong..





*sits in the corner and cries* MEEEHHHHH:fluttershbad::raritycry::applecry:

Okay. This is the second story I've read about a car crash this week; near the day that my Driver's Ed teacher was talking about crashes, and cell phones, and...now I'm thinking that this is an omen. O_O

Man, this was deep. Deeeeeeeep. I loved it as much as I fear it. (I'm probably being paranoid, so, whatev's)

-GTU

Unfortunatly, I can no longer cry,or I thought I couldn't, but this was a very intriguing story. hit me right where it hurts....

I don't get it. What's the point of this story?

6138521 I'd say it's most likely an effective exercise in telling a story only through answering machine messages. Also a brief exploration into the issue of Survivor's Guilt. It was pretty effective at its job.

Ummm, yeah. Not really impressed with this at all, to be honest.

The moral of the story: Never let Pinkie drive.

As if that needed to be said.

6137366 from what the last paragraph said it was dead but what i wanna know is why not just leave it on while charging and what phone takes an entire day to charge mines done in like an hour and a half

6138905 sunset was driving, pinkie was apprently in the back seat

6139198 They let the former villain drive?! :pinkiegasp: That's even worse that letting the delusional hypermaniac take the wheel! You never know when they'll suddenly become villains again! Especially if it's a Marvel comic...

:trollestia:

6139232 lol marvel gonna need some cream for that burn

Excellent story. I had wondered if this was going to be another run-of-the-mill answering machine story, or if it would have had a cliché ending. I had, and it seems weird to say this, but I had hoped it would be this particular ending, as it is an inversion of the normal ending to these style stories.

Fantastic work, got a sniffle out of me at the end.

Not bad, but towards the end where the feels should hit you hard was a tad rushed in pacing... Besides that it was pretty good.

~Crystalline Electrostatic~

Reeve #43 · Jun 27th, 2015 · · 2 ·

It's a very interesting, buuuuuuut.... it's not very good. Everything up to the crash was fine, but then Pinkie just kept calling Applejack and info dumping. Why wouldn't she call any of her other friends? Did she really call AJ before calling the ambulance? Pinkie is silly but she's not stupid. The whole time I was expecting the story to take a very different turn, that there would be some reason AJ wasn't answering her phone which was going to be gradually revealed, but no, apparently she had it on silence or something (or the battery was dead as it turns out). Like I said, it was a VERY good idea, I just think it was wasted on trying to get some easy feels.

Tis a fine story. My only problem with this story is that Pinkie made no attempt to call Twilight or Rarity to tell them what happened.

Comment posted by Mikey deleted Jun 27th, 2015

Spotted this story on the Featured list. Nice job!

I gotta admit, when I read the short summary I pretty much expected exactly this to happen.

6133079
Sure it answered the questions! "Why isn't Applejack answering her phone?" Because her phone was dead, I assume she didn't think she was missing much to just let it charge. "And why is her inbox so full?" Tragedy struck and Pinkie didn't know what to do but keep trying to call AJ... then and the other girls had no idea what was going on so they thought AJ might be able to help.

6139190
Old phones? My old flip phones would take several hours to fully charge, and I figure Applejack had better things to do than to sit there waiting... or so she though. :pinkiesad2:

Comment posted by Atreyu deleted Jun 28th, 2015
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