Dear Twilight Sparkle:
Unfortunately, my aunt has had to attend to an emergency involving rabid comic book fanponies raging about some superhero named The Sentry or something like that. Therefore, the duty of responding to your stupid letters has been passed on to me. To say it pisses me off is a huge understatement. I mean, I could be spending my Hearts and Hooves day railing your brother till we both collapsed from exhaustion rather than dealing with your shit.
Oh well, let’s get this over with. First off, hello pot, I’m kettle. Have we met?
No seriously. Don’t you dare rant about how forcing ponies to fall in love is sick and wrong. I mean, isn't that what you try to do with other ponies and yourself? Don’t try to act like you don’t spend all your free time trying to get other ponies in your bed, you slut. And don’t pretend that other ponies want to reenact your fanfics, because I’ve read them enough to know that nopony would be crazy enough to do so.
Secondly, perhaps you haven’t considered the possibility that little ponies like those three simply want to do something nice for their teacher? The fact that you’re an egotistical bitch doesn’t mean that everypony else is going to be as selfish as you. As misinformed as the little fillies may have been when trying to set up those two ponies, there’s no doubt that their hearts are in the right place. I might even invite them over to be my flower fillies when I get married.
Finally, you really need to bring your libido under control. If you get horny whenever you think of sexy stallions, then you’re never going to get them to take you seriously. Unless you become a prostitute, in which case you could have all the sex you wanted. Come to think of it, there’s a great career choice for you.
Your sexually-realizing former foalsitter, Cadance Notevil Goodpony.
P.S.: I'll make sure to put Cheerilee on guard whenever you see Big Mac.
Oh, you mean Flash Sentry?
I hate him with all my heart. Twilight belongs with Rarity, not you, Sir Gary Stu.
Dear Cadence Notevil Goodpony,
That is all. Watch out for the knives in your back.
Sincerely, Twilight Sparkle.
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Dear Cadence,
Why not let Philomena deal with Twiley's letters? She'll never tell the difference. Now how about you get back over here? We have better things to do today.
Your knight,
Shining Armor.
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Dear Twilight,
Caw Caw Caw Caw Caw Caw Caw Caw Caw Caw Caw Caw Caw Caw Caw Caw .
Caw Caw Caw Caw Caw Caw .
Caw Caw Caw Caw ! Caw Caw Caw Caw !
Caw Caw !
Sincerely,
Philomena.
P.S. Fluttershy can translate.
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Dear Twilight,
Umm...I'm not translating this. Besides, if she actually did attempt this, I'm pretty sure it would be painful. Fire does not go there.
Fluttershy.
PS Stay away from my chickens, and out of my shed.
3849493 I heard he's in a comic that actually gives him some personality. Now, I might approve the shipping if he actually has a personality, instead of just being a Stu.
3849586 Same here. Twi deserves a mare like Rarity.
3849493 I don't hate Flash Sentry, but you're right about his lack of character. Also, does anyone find it weird how his human self is a rockstar, but his pony self is a royal guard? How are those even remotely similar?
3849493 3849586 3850302 What really irritates me is when people hate Flash Sentry solely for interfering with their Twilight shippings, rather than his lack of depth.
Personally, I actually like him, though I must agree that he really could have used some more personality.
And I also think he should've been Scootaloo's older brother.On the plus side, he can now take the place of your stupid OC in any silly fanfic you write (Which, in hindsight, actually makes a lot of sense; he's really just a parody of all our bad OCs!)
3850771 I suppose that's one way to look at it.
3851323 It'll be the series that never ends.
What is the matter Cadance, do you not like it when ponies shit all over your job? Eat a dick, Cadance, eat all the dicks.
KBO.
3849537 This video response linked to "Sweetie Bot's Mental Breakdown," where Rarity dismisses the robot's concerns. The ending is priceless as we hear her falling down the stairs, going, "Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow," with soft thuds as she hits each step on the staircase.
Flash Sentry best pony. I'm just looking forward to having a cute Twilight crush plot and hopefully another interesting male character, maybe we'll actually see a royal guard lay some smack down. Just have to wait and see what they do in season 5, and the third equestria girls movie/ potential EG series. Since they'd have to wrap up the loose ends there.
5408348 Me too, bro. Me too.