Responses To A Disgruntled Friendship Student

by keaton-furman-prower

Hiatus Bonus Chapter: Racial Freedom Restoration Act Passed

Author's Note:

Original chapter here.

Also, if you don't like politics and/or flame wars, don't read this.

Oh, who am I kidding, of course you're going to read this. (Grabs fireproof suit)

FOAL FREE PRESS
PONYVILLE PIZZERIA CLOSES FOLLOWING OUTRAGE OVER DISCRIMINATION

A local pizzeria has become one of the first establishments to take advantage of the newly-passed Religious Freedom act. Mare-mories Pizza owner, a crystal unicorn named O’Trottor, has publicly stated that they will not cater to weddings between ponies and non-ponies.

“It was written by Lord Hasbro in Celesticus 19:19: Thou shalt not mate different kinds of animals. We do not wish to have any part in the erosion of our country’s moral values.”

Needless to say, many ponies have been outraged by this, claiming that O’Trotter is merely using her religion as a way to justify her own bigotries.

“She wants to deny service to those who she disagrees with, and she believes that rules written thousands of years ago give her the right to discriminate,” says local hippie leader Fluttershy.

“Who even orders pizza for a wedding?!” says weather manager Rainbow Dash. “I mean, I love pizza as much as anypony else, but ponies don’t eat pizza at weddings!”

In the face of public outrage, Mare-mories Pizza has been forced to close down until further notice. In response, Princess Twilight Sparkle began a campaign to gather money to support them. Although nopony from Ponyville has contributed, citizens of Canterlot have already donated well over half a million bits to the cause.

“I refuse to stand idly while another pony is abused for following a righteous path,” says Princess Twilight Sparkle. “And besides, we all know that having sex with non-ponies is icky.”

In response, Anthropomorphic Believer Lyra Heartstrings pointed out the recent allegations of Twilight’s activities involving the mysterious portal located within her castle, claiming that the princess has herself engaged in interspecies affairs. Princess Twilight then proceeded to toss Ms. Heartstrings into a mirror.

Meanwhile, local party planner Pinkie Pie has offered to help Mare-mories Pizza install a number of high-quality animatronics, including a bear, a rabbit, and a chicken, claiming that they are “exactly what a Pizza Place like this deserves!”

Comments

[meerkat8472]

Meanwhile, local party planner Pinkie Pie has offered to help Mare-mories Pizza install a number of high-quality animatronics, including a bear, a rabbit, and a chicken, claiming that they are “exactly what a Pizza Place like this deserves!”

Okay, that part was brilliant.

[Vigriff]

EQUESTRIA IS NOT READY FOR FREDDY!!!

[Neko Majin C]

Dear pizza shit pizza place (see what i did there?),

You were the only place in all of Ponyville that sold food that contained MEAT. Every other place here either serves vegetables, hay, flowers, cakes, or candies. You would think you would want as meaty many inter-species couples coming in as possible. Everyone knows how delicious animals are. Especially on top of pizza. But no, you had to go and be stupid morons and discriminate calf half of your customer base. PETA already discriminates, because it is ponies only. But PETA was already a peta shit anyway (huh, huh). Now I do not know when I will get my next meat. Though Applejack does not really watch those pigs of hers...

Signed Mistress Princess Tasty Twilight Sparkle's carnivorous slave going through some serious meat withdrawals,
Neko Meatjin Majin C.

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~KBO.

[SuperPinkBrony12]

5827987 They never will be.

[Xuncu]

a bear, a rabbit, and a chicken

But there's just one thing I want to know....
[youtube=K6cFdmDeY0s]

[Kage no Brony]

5829761

Yaryaryaryaryaryaryar!

[Circut Breaker]

5828286 I did! Gonna steal that for later use.