Responses To A Disgruntled Friendship Student

by keaton-furman-prower

Crusaders of the Lost Mark

Author's Note:

Original letter here.

Dear Diamond Tiara:

You have no business disrespecting your mother, young lady. She works very hard to make sure you have a good childhood. Her financial savvy has saved your miserable little school from ruin more times than you've whined about those blank flanks!

Glory to Chrysalis...

And furthermore, your attitude lately has really dsappointed me. You used to hold your head up high above everypony else, showing off how much better you were! Now you're acting as if you're their equal! Next you're going to tell me that you want to live in a town where everypony surrenders their cutie marks for the sake of equality!

Destroy the princesses...

In any case, I shall hear no more of this disrespectful attitude towards your mother, young lady! I shall be merciful this time, but next time you insult my darling, angelic wife, there shall be consequences!

Your angry father, Filthy Rich.

P.S.: Chrysalis shall have her revenge.

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Dear Cutie Markers:

Congratulations on getting your magic butt stickers! I must say, they are truly a thing of beauty! Especially yours, Scootaloo. I love how the wing shows your great flying talent!

Anyway, I hope you enjoy whatever it is you're supposed to be doing. Although I will admit I will miss the many ways you three cause chaos in Ponyville. It was so beautiful.

...Maybe I could give you some new mark shield flying boards! Those would be so amazing, wouldn't they?

Your friend, Discord.

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Dear Cutie Mark Crusaders:

While I am happy that you have made your mark, I must warn you that other fillies and colts will soon grow jealous of your cutie marks. And they will grow particularly jealous once they realize that your cutie marks symbolize how strong your friendships are, while not doing anything to show how your friendships with anypony else can be. Believe me, I have seen firsthand how cutie marks can tear ponies apart.

With that said, I have a wonderful way to prevent anypony from feeling left out!

Sincerely, Starlight Glimmer.

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Dear Spike:

You should know by now that only girls get character development. The writers hate us for having penises.

Sincerely, Flash Sentry.

P.S.: Want to hang out?

Comments

[JediWaffles]

What? I thought male development in mlp was illegal...

6709561
Sorry. I have a mental issue that makes it hard to detect things like sarcasm.

[MixMassBasher]

I don't get the Chrysalis part. Is there something i'm missing?

[SuperPinkBrony12]

Filthy Rich as a changeling would make a surprising amount of sense, especially in regards to why he tolerates Spoiled Rich's behavior. He's just in it for the love, and Diamond Tiara doesn't know it.

[wille179]

6709635
You, look at this:
6709639

[Neko Majin C]

Believe me, I have seen firsthand how cutie marks can tear ponies apart.

First of all, she said hand. Ha ha. Secondly, so has Apple Bloom.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2015/4/15/874362.png

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Dear Filthy Rich,

If you are what you claim to be, I am sure Mistress Princess Twilight Sparkle would be happy to broker a deal with your queen. She can get all the love/lust she can handle to feed her Hive and all she has to do is screw my mistress cross-eyed three to five times a week. Each session would last five to seven hours with intermittent breaks throughout. If your queen wants, she could come by more often and the sessions could last longer. Mistress Princess Twilight Sparkle will soon usurp Tyrant Celestia, and she would not mind having your queen as a cum slut an ally.

Signed Mistress Princess Twilight Sparkle's loyal slave and director of carnal acquisitions,
Neko Majin C.

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~KBO.

[AleaJactaEst]

>MixMassBasher It can be an easter egg for other fic as well, but we will never know, unless author will tell us.