Responses To A Disgruntled Friendship Student

by keaton-furman-prower

Princess Twilight Sparkle, Part 2

Original letter here.

---

Dear Princess Twilicorn:

Remember all those “don't do drugs” PSAs you saw when you were a filly? No? I didn't think so, given how many gallons of LSD-loaded milk you chugged today.

Or was it Fax Machine's nightly deposits?

Whatever it was, it certainly must have given you some funky dreams. Especially if you could see the past. Personally, I would've been more fascinated if you saw the future, but whatever. You got to see the mysterious tree of harmony. I honestly don't see why you needed to save it, though. You could've just stuck Fluttershy into the ground, hung up the elements like a Hearth's Warming tree, and then had her blow up the vines.

Actually, that would've cost me a fuck buddy, so maybe it's for the best.

Anyway, I don't understand why you didn't simply crush the crack-crock into powder with your magic. You're a fucking alicorn. And do you have any idea how much you could've sold that much crack for?! Honestly, you deserve to be tricked by your friends for that one. Still, I kind of dropped the ball when I helped you realize that, so yeah.

Oh, and by the way, thanks for that wonderful idea. There are plenty of sex-craving mares who need something special to satisfy their desires. Now, if only I could figure out how to make a fun-sized (and you know exactly what sort of fun I mean) vine, there's no limit to how much money I could make!

That, however, is something I can figure out later. Right now, I'm going to admit it's quite sad that we had to give up those pretty little jewels of yours. But then again, you got that nifty little box of yours, so I guess it all balances out. Now, if only you could find out where the keys are supposed to be.

And yeah, those seeds were my idea. And yeah, I'm not going to be punished for it, because I'm reformed now! In fact, I'm going to have fun with Fluttershy later tonight. Yeah, I'd say life is good right now. And you? You just farted out a giant cloud shaped like your magic butt sticker. No more burritos for you, Twily!

Your favorite vine grower, Discord.

P.S.: I'm going to keep this cute little cane now. I don't think you're going to need it much, honestly.

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My dear little ponies:

I am quite disappointed that you did not simply gang up on Twilight and hogtie her while she was walking back. You could have taken all the credit for yourselves and left Twilight in the forest to starve to death. Honestly, you've done nothing but prove that we alicorns are the superior race.

Your master-race leader, Princess Celestia.

Author's Note:

I can't be the only one who's curious as to why they call it a Crackidile

Or maybe the storyline has become so full of drugs that I'm beginning to be affected by it. Knowing Pinkie Pie, it wouldn't surprise me.

Comments

[DrakeyC]

Actually, they said Cragidile.

[keaton-furman-prower]

4395719 Po-tay-toe, Po-tah-toe.

[SuperPinkBrony12]

P.S.: I'm going to keep this cute little cane now. I don't think you're going to need it much, honestly.

Hm, now I wonder where I can find a proper place of appreciation for it?

[Changeling-Drone]

alicorns are the superior race.

excluding twilight

[PiMan]

4395770
I don't get that. No one pronounces potato like that; tomato has differences like that, potato doesn't.

[Clem]

4397173 That's the joke.

[Neko Majin C]

I can see through time!

-Princess Twilight Sparkle
Or was that Lisa Simpson?

KBO.

[Kage no Brony]

4397173
4400212

Alright, how about "Po-tay-to, spud"?