Responses To A Disgruntled Friendship Student

by keaton-furman-prower

The Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000

Author's Note:

Original letter here.

Dear Applejack:

Your family has run the farm successfully for generations, and yet you have no idea how to run a business properly? You're more inbred than I thought. Then again, Rainbow isn't too much better off is she doesn't realize that getting the first sip means camping out all night.

But I'm getting off topic. You need to learn how to run a business, baby! I mean, letting ponies hog all the cider, thus creating a large amount of unsatisfied customers? Allowing the competition use your land, your resources, and set the rules to a contest they set up to win all your property? Well, I'd be terribly sorry for you if I had any fucks to give. I mean, any pony with half a brain would have done the sensible thing and accepted their help, then murdered them in their sleep, burned the bodies, and kept the awesome machine. Successful business forever!

In any case, you're lucky that those two unicorns are complete morons. I mean, allowing 'honorary family members' to participate? Those ponies are hardly even your friends, how do they count as family?! I mean, that could have been forgivable, since they probably didn't know anything about your friends, but it doesn't change the fact that they gave themselves an extra challenge just because they thought it was too easy.

Of course, they still technically won, but they had to ruin it by running away. If you don't mind, tell me the identities of these unicorns so that I may punish them for being an insult to the unicorn race.

Now, to finish, I must ask you about Rainbow Dash. She clearly has problems. I mean, is she so insanely obsessed with cider that she's willing to fill her mouth with cider-drenched mud? That's crazy! I mean, I don't find it hard to believe at all that she would lick all the cider off your body if-

If you don't mind, please give me a dozen barrels of cider. I'll make sure to pay you soon. But for now, I must write an invitation for Rainbow Dash.

Your super-sexy-sovereign, Princess Celestia.

P.S.: Don't tell Twilight about the cider.

Comments

[SuperPinkBrony12]

Your family has run the farm successfully for generations, and yet you have no idea how to run a business properly? You're more inbred than I thought. Then again, Rainbow isn't too much better off is she doesn't realize that getting the first sip means camping out all night.

But I'm getting off topic. You need to learn how to run a business, baby! I mean, letting ponies hog all the cider, thus creating a large amount of unsatisfied customers? Allowing the competition use your land, your resources, and set the rules to a contest they set up to win all your property? Well, I'd be terribly sorry for you if I had any fucks to give.

You have pointed out the very flaws in this episode. And I applaud you for it.

[Starlight Shadow]

If you don't mind, please give me a dozen barrels of cider. I'll makes sure to pay you soon. But for now, I must write an invitation for Rainbow Dash.

CelesDash. Make it happen, ponies!

[keaton-furman-prower]

3819235 I'm just following the original letters

[Changeling-Drone]

Niiiiiiice

[keaton-furman-prower]

3820681 It actually does

3821568 No pics yet. On his appearance, though... refer to chapter three

[Neko Majin C]

I mean, any pony with half a brain would have done the sensible thing and accepted their help, then murdered them in their sleep, burned the bodies, and kept the awesome machine. Successful business forever!

Except that the Flim Flam brothers' magic was what actually powered the the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000.

That's crazy!I mean, I don't find it hard to believe at all that she would lick all the cider off your body if-

You need a space between the exclamation point and the "I."

Silly super-sexy-sadistic-sovereign, Celestia, cider sucks as something to sit and bathe in.

KBO.

[keaton-furman-prower]

4212495 Thanks for that.