Responses To A Disgruntled Friendship Student

by keaton-furman-prower

Hiatus Bonus Chapter: Researching The Crystal Heart

Author's Note:

Original Letter Here.

Also, let's go with "On Hiatus." If it's good enough for Miles, it's good enough for me.

Dear Princess Candy:

If you may, I'd like to borrow your crystal heart for a minute or two-thousand. it's the only power capable of pranking your auntie sun-butt.

Your faithful prank-buddy, Discord.

---

To my dearest niece:

I shall require your crystal heart for a few hours. I need it to pull off the ultimate prank on Discord.

Your favorite aunt, Princess Celestia.

---

Dear Princess Cadance:

If you don’t mind, could I borrow the Crystal Heart? I’m going to try to find Flash Sentry.

Your sister-in-law, Princess Twilight Sparkle.

P.S.: If not, could I at least have one of your crystal ponies? I have an operating table set up at my castle, and it shouldn’t be too hard to extract their hearts. And I do wish for payback against them for creating that stupid castle.

---

FOAL FREE PRESS
CIRCULATION OF TOURISM TO CRYSTAL HEART CUT OFF

Princess Mi Amore Cadenza has just announced that the Crystal Heart area is now closed for civilian view. Tourists and crystal ponies alike have been baffled by her mysterious decision.

“It has come to my attention that there are several dangerous beings who wish to possess this powerful artifact,” the Princess said in an official statement. “I have made the decision to prevent any unauthorized visits to the crystal heart until the threat has passed. I make this decision for the good of my crystal ponies and for all Equestria.”

When asked whether the other princesses would be assisting in the protection of the Heart, Princess Cadenza repeatedly attempted to dodge the question. Finally, she managed to teleport away, but not before one crystal pony asked if there would be any investigation into the mysterious flashes that the Heart emits during the night.

In other news, Princess Twilight Sparkle was seen carrying a large groaning bag out of the Crystal Empire. When asked about it, she stated that she was attending to “Official Princess Business.” She then threatened to feed the reporters to her fax machine.

Comments

[Twidashforever]

But Twi... why go after flash when you have five sex slaves... I mean friends back home?

If it's a size thing, I doubt any pony is going to beat big mac

[Phazon]

Why not just take a page out of Twilight's book and pass a law banning non-Crystal Ponies from viewing the Heart?

[SuperPinkBrony12]

5052794 Maybe she thinks Flash is better than Big Macintosh because he's a pegasus. Remember, this Twilight is incredibly racist.

[Alticron]

I found a very minor thing you may want to edit.

“It has come to my attention that there are several dangerous being who wish to possess this powerful artifact,”

"Beings".

[keaton-furman-prower]

5053054 Ah.

[Neko Majin C]

To whom it may concern at the Foal Free Press,

The groaning bag has nothing to do with the castle or any future plans that Princess Twilight Sparkle may or may not have. For your own not being eaten by a dragon safety, Stop. Asking. Questions. Princess Twilight Sparkle is always looking out for her little ponies. She knows what is best for them and strives to show them what they need to do to improve their lives. Her pleasure is their pleasure.

Signed Princess Twilight Sparkle's loyal Spin Doctor and faithful slave,
Neko Majin C.

---

KBO.

[SpacePaladin]

I want a story about the Changelings trying to steal the Crystal Heart.

[milesprower06]

Lol. Several dangerous beings. Could not have put it better myself.

[ShadowLDrago]

5052838

Because of Discord. He turned into a unicorn in the Season 4 finale, what's to say he can't turn into a crystal pony and steal the heart if she did that?

[cosmofur]

I know the DFS version of Twilight is a races, b*tchy, nasty but murder? I don't this she's stooped that low before.

[Web of Hope]

5054263 generally speaking, murder victims don't groan, no matter what you carry them in.