Responses To A Disgruntled Friendship Student

by keaton-furman-prower

Family Appreciation Day

Original letter here.

---

Dear future slave-pony Applesauce:

Me, a power-hoarder?! Blasphemy! I am a Princess who raises the sun, have ruled for thousands, nay, millions of years, and I could easily kill you and your entire Cutie Mark Illuminati. So shut up about your conspiracy theories and worship me.

That said, I'm happy you think I'm beautiful while all other old ponies are wrinkly and smelly. Also, you're surprisingly smart for somepony who lacks the brainpower to acquire a cutie mark. Truly you are a credit to the earth pony race.

So, Applesauce... sucks about your family. But you know who else lost his family? Bat-mane. You could end up becoming a great superhero, you know? Perhaps that could be your cutie mark!

...Ah, who am I kidding? As long as my father, King Hasbro, decrees that thou shalt not have thy cutie mark, you're gonna have a blank flank. And knowing Him, it's gonna be a loooooong time for you.

Or, you could waste all your time trying to prevent your granny from ever coming within a mile of your school. I mean, It wouldn't be that hard. All you'd have to do, honestly, would be slip some poison joke in her soup and tell your teacher she has Pinkie-itis, or something. It would probably get Pinkie arrested for smuggling illicit substances into Ponyville, but she has a problem anyway, so it wouldn't be too much of a loss.

That said, I really don't know how Family Appreciation Day is supposed to work. I mean, if there's 8 students in total, then they'd run out pretty fast. And if somepony's parents were busy (or, in Scootaloo's case, were currently napping six feet underground), they'd have serious issues. Then again, I guess you could always get some random pony to pretend to be your long-lost uncle or something.

Of course, I shouldn't ever have believed that the three of you would ever come up with a convincing plan to get rid of your granny. And for the record, if you were able to get your granny on that train, then perhaps you should have considered taking that trip instead, find your uncle, tell him a sad story about how your evil teacher and her two bitchy cronies tried to humiliate you in front of the whole class, then mooch off of him for the rest of your life.

But then you'd never have had the chance to get your revenge on bitchy crony #1, so I guess everything worked out in the end. Not to mention that she'll have to forever live with the knowledge that your family is the only reason her family isn't living on the streets selling her into prostitution for money.

Your eternally-observing and commanding Princess, Celestia.

P.S.: I know somepony who'd be willing to fuck a sassy stuck-up bitch.

Author's Note:

King Hasbro makes a lot of bad decisions that piss off a lot of ponies. Unfortunately, Celestia learned everything she knows about being a good ruler from Him.

Comments

[SuperPinkBrony12]

All hail King Hasbro!

[Starlight Shadow]

All hail the benevolent King Hasbro.

[Lag Incarnate]

Hasbro huh? That explains plenty. King Hasbro and Queen Faust met, had a world, a few kids, then Hasbro got sick of Faust and got a divorce, with him claiming custody of the world and kids, and her the fame and credit. Makes too much sense don't it?

[blazikenking]

Can we get a picture of King Hasbro? I'm fairly certain he's part robot.

[Neko Majin C]

Family Appreciation Day is just a FAD anyway. Huh? Eh, eh? Get it?

I shall stop now.

KBO.

[ShadowLDrago]

3820681

Eeyup.

4202536

*TFS Abridged Nappa voice* I get it!

[Vigriff]

4217852 Shut up, Nappa!

[Web of Hope]

3820681 also remember, troll.