Dear Twilight Sparkle:
Okay, we said nice things about you to help your reputation. Can you let us out now?
Sincerely, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie.
Dear Rainbow and Pinkie Pie:
First off, that's Princess Twilight Sparkle. Second, let you go? Are you kidding me? We still have several study sessions to go! Of course, you ponies probably know exactly what I mean by “study sessions,” right?
Love, Princess Twilight Sparkle.
Dear Rainbow Dash:
Since you're my big sister, you should be helping me break out of juvy right now. I mean, can't you at least send me a cake?
I mean, the food's not that bad, but it's getting kind of lonely here. And some of the ponies creep me out.
Your favorite little sister, Scootaloo.
Dear Scootaloo:
First off, I'm doing everything that big sisters are supposed to do. Just ask Princess Celestia. She'll be able to tell you how she treats Luna in the most sisterly way possible.
And second, even if I wanted to help, I'm currently trapped in Twilight's dungeon of fun. And by “fun” I mean she's trying to rape us.
Your loyal big sister, Rainbow Dash.
P.S.: Don't drop the soap.
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Don't act like you don't enjoy it RD!
One crazy world this takes place in which make me sad I can't be in it to fully see just how crazy it is. Guess reading about it will have to do.
This line had me cracking up:
As if it wasn't obvious already? But for the record, Rainbow Dash, I don't think it's a good idea to be exposing Scootaloo to such things at her age. She's only a filly, let her have some innocence.
4217791
Given the circumstances, I think it's best she knows sooner rather than later.
4217500
As one of the bald apes? You wouldn't last long once Celestia found you.
Seriously, Pinkie and Rainbow, you really need to learn your places. The faster you accept that you are now nothing more than the pets and playthings of the
amorousglorious Princess Twilight Sparkle, the sooner you will be able to live a life full of ecstasy and bliss that few will ever know. The pain will become pleasurable and you will writhe in wonderful agony as you beg for more. Does that not sound wonderful?Submit... Submit... Submit... save me.
KBO.
4241320
You've never read Sexcapades, have you? Twilight is a selfish fuck (and I mean that in every possible interpretation), and based on one recurring joke that I seem to remember from the first two seasons of Letters, she's apparently about as sexy as a mule with chlamydia. That life full of ecstasy and bliss you speak of? A wishful delusion.
Dear Rainbow Dash,
Don't drop soap? Too late for that, I already did by mistake and got rutted by some colt with one eye closed from a scar. He also called me Susan.
P.S. You might be getting niece/nephew in nine months.
Love, your little mother-to-be sister Scootaloo
4241320 What the hell does it say after submit?
4401013
Try copy-pasting it:
Wait.. wasn't it Applejack?
“I find Twilight to be a very passionate, sensual study partner. I enjoy our study sessions every night at six. In fact, I'd like to see if we can add some more partners. So if there are any handsome stallions looking to brush up on some reading, please feel free to come by the library tomorrow at six. We could really use the help getting this problem solved,” close friend Applejack stated, curiously winking a lot during that last sentence.