Responses To A Disgruntled Friendship Student

by keaton-furman-prower

A Canterlot Wedding, Part 1

Author's Note:

Original letter here.

Dear Twily:

First off, the world does not revolve around you. Canterlot is in danger, and it is my duty to protect it with my life. Sometimes that means I have to put off talking to my family, but if I didn't do it, I wouldn't even have a family, would I?

Obey Chrysalis...

Secondly, Cadance is a wonderful mare. She's kind, humorous, generous, honest, loyal, and she gives apple sacks to charity. Not to mention she's great in bed. In other words, Cadance is everything you're not.

Third, Princess Celestia thought it would be a wonderful idea to have all your friends help us get our wedding ready. If you have a problem with that, go tell her, not me. But given how you ditched her to live with those ponies you hate so much, I don't think she's going to pay much attention to you.

Glory to Chrysalis...

And for the record, you blackmailed me, you bitch. You watched me clop in bed at night, then took a photo and threatened to show everypony unless I helped you clop as well. I'm just glad you weren't crazy enough to actually try to rut me, or I'd still have scars today. I swear to Hasbro, you're the creepiest pony I've ever met.

And you know what? I'm glad you snapped at Cadance. Now everypony knows what a huge bitch you are and hopefully they'll never take anything you say seriously ever again. Hell, if Cadance drags you back down into hell, then that's even better because I'll never have to hear your bitching ever again.

The changelings shall rule all...

So, to sum it all up: fuck you. I'm marrying Cadance.

Love, your B.B.B.F.F. Your B.B.W.E.E. (Big Brother Worst Enemy Ever) Shining Armor.

P.S.: Pegasus Diarrhea? Oh Hasbro, now I know why they don't allow anypony into the Rainbow Factory!

P.P.S.: All hail Queen Chrysalis.

Comments

[Swift Decision]

she gives apple sacks to charity

I love you, man.

[SuperPinkBrony12]

And for the record, you blackmailed me, you bitch. You watched me clop in bed at night, then took a photo and threatened to show everypony unless I helped you clop as well. I'm just glad you weren't crazy enough to actually try to rut me, or I'd still have scars today.

Whoa! That's pure evil there Twilight.

[Neko Majin C]

ALL HAIL QUEEN CHEESE LEGS!

KBO.

[ShadowLDrago]

apple sacks to charity

I see what you did there, another Friendship is Witchcraft reference. Genius. 5 Spikestaches!

[Phenoix12]

P.P.S.: All hail Queen Chrysalis.

All the subtlety of a flaming brick to the face.