Responses To A Disgruntled Friendship Student

by keaton-furman-prower

Swarm of the Century

Author's Note:

Original letter here.

Dear Twilight Sparkle:

First off, if being asked to deliver your report in person was such a bother, then why didn't you just say so? That way, I'll come over every week just to hear what you have to say!

Secondly, I always knew what those creatures were. It's just that it was so cute to see you struggling to bring order to the unstoppable chaos unfolding in Ponyville that I just had to let you have your fun!

It's a shame I couldn't attend the party, though. I was looking forward to seeing the book fort you'd promised me. Also, that banner would have given me a great way to point out how the ponies who live there are always messing up. I'm kind of pissed that Pinkie ate my cake though. Nopony eats my cake.

Oh well, it was probably full of drugs, anyway.

It's a shame (for you) I never taught you about parasprites, though. If you had known how to deal with them, none of this would have happened. It's even more of a shame (again, for you) that the only one who did know was the town gypsy, so you'd never care about anything she says.

No, wait, I meant junkie, not gypsy. Those are completely different.

Or are they?

In any case, It was probably a bad idea to leave that parasprite with your fax machine. Fairies are super-effective against dragons, and immune to them too. Fax machine could easily have been murdered in his sleep, so you really dodged a bullet there.

On the other hoof, Fluttershy's desire to spread her demon spawn all over town clearly meant there was going to be trouble. She may seem weak and helpless, but she sure knows how to create catastrophes. I swear, the next thing you know she'll be the one who ends up summoning Smooze and damning us all.

But I digress. I was actually quite impressed at how you managed to round up all those parasprites and roll them into the next town. It would have been quite disappointing if it had ended there, but once again, the “weak and helpless” Fluttershy does not disappoint! Thanks to her, a parasprite survived, and so the apocalypse began.

I must admit, I was quite surprised when those little fairy bugs began to eat the town itself. And even more so when you somehow managed to create an exact replica of Ponyville. But what surprised me most was Pinkie Pie's ability to somehow put together a one-pony polka band and single-hoofedly lead the parasprites out of town. Anypony else would say it was impossible, but being high probably warps your definition of “impossible”.

Seeing how well you and your friends worked together, I think you will really enjoy rebuilding together!

Your Faithful Team-playing Teacher, Princess Celestia.

P.S.: The water tower survived? Well, you might want to make sure it's still a water tower...

Comments

[milesprower06]

You MIGHT want to pace out the FiW references. It is kind of overkill at the moment. Just sayin'.

[keaton-furman-prower]

3641630 I'll try to limit them to FiW-related episodes.

[SuperPinkBrony12]

Dare I ask what you mean by "Make sure it's still a water tower" Princess Celestia?

[Gold Heartbell]

lol love fiw references try an few less tough!

[ApparitionsShadow]

is it wrong of me that I like this Celestia? I mean the twilight in this story is such a bitch that I keep cheering Celestia on.

[Changeling-Drone]

3641696 I'll give a hint a yellow stream

[Lag Incarnate]

Fax machine could easily have been murdered in his sleep

Nice.

[ShadeTail]

Typos ahoy:

I swear, the next thin you know she'll be the one who ends up summoning Smooze and damning us all.

I was actually quite impressed at how you managed to round up all that parasprites and roll them into the next town.

[Cerulean Voice]

Fairies are super-effective against dragons, and immune to them too. Fax machine could easily have been murdered in his sleep, so you really dodged a bullet there.

Damn you, my sides will never be the same.

[DarkSonicTrail]

Wow, it's raining FiW references.

[Larger Seagull]

Why am I just now finding this story

I'm glad the FiW references will be cut down though. Too much of a good thing is never good.

Fairies are super-effective against dragons, and immune to them too. Fax machine could easily have been murdered in his sleep, so you really dodged a bullet there.

Brilliant-as-Tartarus Pokémon logic right there

[Skeeter The Lurker]

Make sure it's a water tower...?

Not gonna ask. Not gonna ask AT ALL.

~Skeeter The Lurker

[Neko Majin C]

Talk about eye candy.

One joke to rule them all, one joke to find them. One joke to bring them all, and in the fandom, bind them.

KBO.

[ShadowLDrago]

FIW and Pokemon references, loving this!

[Phazon]

In any case, It was probably a bad idea to leave that parasprite with your fax machine. Fairies are super-effective against dragons, and immune to them too.

Hmm, Bug/Fairy... eh, kill it with fire.

First off, if being asked to deliver your report in person was such a bother, then why didn't you just say so? That way, I'll come over every week just to hear what you have to say!

Celestia then realizes that doing so would mean going out of her way every week to visit a backwater town filled with morons and inbred hicks just to listen to Twilight bitch nonstop. "On second thought, it's not worth it. At least when she sends me her 'friendship reports,' they come in toilet paper form."

[xanderman1201]

You may want to cut back on the Fiw References, If you're still doing this fic,