Responses To A Disgruntled Friendship Student

by keaton-furman-prower

Simple Ways

Author's Note:

Original Chapter here.

Dear Trenderhoof:

Why exactly did you decide to visit Ponyville? I mean, it’s probably the most unbelievably boring town in all of Equestria! Even if they do have a Ponyville pony celebration for ponies, why would that be any more interesting than a celebration anywhere else in Equestria?

I mean, that town has its own princess and it’s still a cesspool. Does that not ring any alarm bells? Seriously, I don’t care how talented you are, nopony can make that relatable. You’d have better luck making Canterlot look ugly.

Or maybe you just wanted to get laid? I mean, you did seem to have a thing for Applejack. Of course, I think I should point out that she’s an earth pony, so she’s probably not worth rutting anyway. Also, she’s only interested in ponies who are related to her, such as her brother. Of course, if you had biceps like his, mares would be lining up to rut you.

In any case, I feel tempted to ask: if you were so turned on by Applejack, why didn't you ask Princess Twilight to turn you into an apple?

Your faithful ruler, Princess Celestia.

P.S.: Knife!

---

Dear Diary:

Good stallions are so difficult to come across nowadays. And then, when you think you’ve found the right one, it turns out he’s interested in somepony else. And then you end up making a fool out of yourself because you’re so desperate to get laid. I ended up getting covered in mud!

Maybe I should just give up. Then again, there’s always Twilight’s fax machine. He definitely has his eyes on me. But from what I’ve heard, he’s pretty lousy in bed, so there’s that.

I suppose beggars can’t be choosers, then.

-Rarity

---

Dear Trenderhoof:

Don’t ya dare lay yer dirty hooves on Applejack ever again. She’s mine! She ain’t interested in anypony else!

Sincerely, Big Macintosh.

Comments

[JDunk1971]

Trenderhoof: "Gallop faster! I hear banjos!"

[SpacePaladin]

Ponyville isn't boring. It's almost the embodiment of that curse "may you live in interesting times".

It's probably got the highest per-capita attacks by dangerous beings outside of the town of Dragonbait.

[Tatsurou]

Is it weird I could imagine it turning out that the reason Fax Machine is bad in bed with Princess Twilight because it's Twilight, and he'd likely rock Rarity's world? ...or cum in ten seconds flat...

[SuperPinkBrony12]

4582204 Trenderhoof, you are a dead stallion. Nopony can escape the wrath of Big Macintosh.

[JimboTex]

P.S.: Knife!

And then, when you think you’ve found the right one, it turns out he’s interested in somepony else.

Maybe he found out about your shrine, Rarity. At least you didn't invite him over for dinner to have his poop laminated for posterity.

[Neko Majin C]

And then you end up making a fool out of yourself because you’re so desperate to get laid. I ended up getting covered in mud!

Ha. Rarity is becoming a sad, pathetic, filthy, desperate, dumb, ugly, weak version of our glorious Princess Twilight Sparkle. So, basically, completely the opposite of our supreme ruler, Princess Twilight Sparkle. Long may she reign.

KBO.

[milesprower06]

4582687 I totally get it.

Reference:

[Bronze Statue]

4582983 I thought of this first.