Responses To A Disgruntled Friendship Student

by keaton-furman-prower

Hearthbreakers

Original letter here.

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Dear Limestone Pie:

You have Boulder cleaning duty today. Good luck getting all the sticky stuff off.

Your very happy sister, Marble Pie.

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Dear Holder's Boulder:

I feel your pain.

Sincerely, King Grover.

P.S.: Tell Marble Pie that her sister needs to clean me. Nogriffin want to do it unless they get paid. Or even if they get paid, for that matter.

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Dear Big Macintosh:

Doesn't it bother you that you're in love with your cousin?

Sincerely, Apple Bloom.

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Dear Apple Bloom:

Your parents were cousins too, so you should shut up.

Sincerely, Twilight.

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Dear Applejack:

Did you hear that Lunabucks has forgone its usual Hearth's Warming decorative cups and released cups that are just red all over?! This is clearly an attempt to destroy the deeply-held Celestian values that we hold to be the center of our Hearth's Warming celebration! We cannot allow the Hasbro-haters to wage their war on Hearth's Warming! It is blasphemy!

Your worried fellow Celestian, Limestone Pie.

P.S.: Please tell your brother to stop fucking my sister. Pre-marital sex is clearly forbidden.

Author's Note:

If those of you who live under a rock, there's been a controversy with Starbucks and their red cups. In a nutshell, the "Yahweh-or-the-highway" people say that the lack of Christmas-y things on their cups is part of the so-called "War on Christmas."

Me? I think they're great for doing this:

Comments

[ShadowLDrago]

Doesn't it bother you that you're in love with your cousin?

They're so far removed it really doesn't count. So

[Alex Warlorn]

It's little things that matter most.

[Phazon]

Did you hear that Lunabucks has forgone its usual Hearth's Warming decorative cups and released cups that are just red all over?! This is clearly an attempt to destroy the deeply-held Celes-

Oh, SHUT UP! I know I'm risking dislikes and some disciplinary action from keaton for this, but of all the bullshit War on Christmas stories there have been in the last few years, this had to have been by far the most inane, most petty one I've ever heard. It's made worse by the fact that, between the green in Starbuck's logo and the red on the rest of the cup, they pretty much had their Christmas colors covered.

[keaton-furman-prower]

6715995 Finally someone who gets it!

BTW, you might want to read the Author's notes next time.

[BronyWriter]

As a devout Christian who loves the Christmas season, I must say...

Oh for goodness sakes, people. "War on Christmas?" Puh-leeze. "Oh no, Starbucks changed their whatever so that it doesn't have snowflakes or..."

Yeah, I think it's so stupid I haven't even bothered to get fully updated on it. Christians, we literally had the most powerful empire in the world try to wipe us out when the Romans set their mind to it. You really think some fictional Atheist Scrooge is gonna do it? Or... anyone? War on Christmas. Give me a break.

My hope is that we look back on moments like these and facepalm. Most people I know do it already.

Anyway, chapter. Good chapter. MarbleMac FTW.

[JimboTex]

Dear Applejack:

Did you hear that Lunabucks has forgone its usual Hearth's Warming decorative cups and released cups that are just red all over?! This is clearly an attempt to destroy the deeply-held Celestian values that we hold to be the center of our Hearth's Warming celebration! We cannot allow the Hasbro-haters to wage their war on Hearth's Warming! It is blasphemy!

Your worried fellow Celestian, Limestone Pie.

P.S.: Please tell your brother to stop fucking my sister. Pre-marital sex is clearly forbidden.

Dear Limestone Pie,

Why you think Big Mac is saying "Yep" all the time? Didn't you know he's part Russian?

Sincerely,
Yakov Smirnoff

[Biker_Dash]

6716302
memepile.com/pics/5865.png

[Neko Majin C]

Dear Fax Machine,

I hope you enjoyed Hearths Warming. Our Mistress told me that Twilatheists do not celebrate Celestial or Lunar holidays. And since I am the first, and only one (so far), I had no one else to not celebrate it with. It was just me, alone, in the lean-to our Mistress allowed me to build behind the castle for the winter that only lasts about a week or so. I hope our Mistress did not the hate the gift she told me to buy her. If I survive, I will see you and our Mistress next week, in the Fall.

Signed Mistress Princess Twilight Sparkle's favorite slave who is determined to not lose his toes to frostbite,
Neko Majin C.

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~KBO.

[SuperPinkBrony12]

Rather than drag out an unecessary debate about something that never should've been a news story in the first place, I'm going to respond to one of the letters.

Dear Limestone Pie:
You have Boulder cleaning duty today. Good luck getting all the sticky stuff off.
Your very happy sister, Marble Pie.

First Maud, and now Marble? The Pie siblings seem to have a thing for doing it on rocks.

[Voldine]

6717392 ummmm, Limestone has to CLEAN the rock. It's implied that MARBLE had sex on it.

[wolfdreamer]

Me I don't go to Starbucks so I don't care either way.

[Snowdrifter]

The red Starbucks cups - especially the example image - are Sonata problem.

[Circut Breaker]

King Grover, King Grover...

Where have I heard that name!?