Responses To A Disgruntled Friendship Student

by keaton-furman-prower

One Bad Apple

Author's Note:

Original letter here.

Dear Applejack:

First of all, I'm so happy for you! Learning all about life raising your sister and her friends… it warms my heart!

Sucks about your family, though. On the other hoof, you could probably become a great superhero. I mean, you already have the crappy-ass family life, the incredible athleticism, and that costume you used to screw Rainbow Dash over. What more do you need?

Oh yeah. A babysitter. I’m sure your granny would be happy to take care of them all. If not, you could always take them on a field trip through the Rainbow Factory, then “accidentally” forget them. I’m sure they’d be happy to take care of those kids.

Also, I admire the way you ponies deal with bullying. If your foal is being a bully, then they are clearly at the top of the pecking order and should be treated with respect. If another foal is being bullied, then they are either unworthy of attention or somepony else’s problem. Unfortunately for you, it seems that Bad Seed is your problem now.

I must admit, however, that Bad Seed is a credit to the earth pony race. Rather than stick around with the genetic rejects she immediately goes to the side that will get her to the top of the pecking order. At this point, the snooty snark evaders could probably have asked the old milkshake and movie spirits to help them in their time of need, or summoned up a twinkle to blind their enemies. But then again, that would probably have just had them singing about how she “sees bad” or something like that.

It probably would have gotten a million hits on YouTube, though.

So anyway, I must give credit to you for giving them information on her bullying problem right during the most essential part of their revenge plan. Otherwise, it would all have simply proceeded as planned, and then Bad Seed would have hated the genetic rejects more intensely than ever before, and so they’d never have become friends, thus ensuring that you never had to see her in Ponyville ever again.

Oh well. I have a feeling that this will all be great preparation for that one night when you and your brother end up forgetting to use protection.

Your nation's parental substitute, Princess Celestia.

P.S.: I saw what you did in that clubhouse!

Comments

[memy7]

I this story!

[SuperPinkBrony12]

Sucks about your family, though. On the other hoof, you could probably become a great superhero. I mean, you already have the crappy-ass family life, the incredible athleticism, and that costume you used to screw Rainbow Dash over. What more do you need?

The funny thing is I'm actually working on a fanfic that makes Applejack Batman as this comment is being typed up.

If your foal is being a bully, then they are clearly at the top of the pecking order and should be treated with respect.

Let me guess, the pecking order goes something like this:

[Cerulean Voice]

that would probably have just had them singing about how she “sees bad” or something like that.

*Commence applause*

[Clem]

I challenge you... to not make a Friendship is Witchcraft reference

[ShadowLDrago]

4002715

You're probably right.

[Neko Majin C]

On the other hoof, you could probably become a great superhero. I mean, you already have the crappy-ass family life, the incredible athleticism, and that costume you used to screw Rainbow Dash over.

Applejack would make an awesome Darkwing Duck. Let's get dangerous!

...Or would that be Darkwing Buck? Ooh, and Big Macintosh could be Launchpad McQuack. (McMac?) That would make Apple Bloom, Gosalyn. I suppose that Granny Smith could be Gizmo Duck. She does seem to be the one most likely to shout "Blathering Blatherskite!" as a expletive.

KBO.