Responses To A Disgruntled Friendship Student

by keaton-furman-prower

Apple Family Reunion

Author's Note:

Original letter here.

Dear Applejack:

Oh, so you think that just because I want to rut my brother senseless I’m as dirty and perverted as you? Well, at least I know how to perform contraceptive spells and prevent any potential inbreeding! This, of course, is just one of the many reasons why we unicorns are the master race.

By the way, good work with those fruit bats. Just make sure they don’t try to eat all your apples next year.

Your racist-er-than-thou "friend," Twilight Sparkle.

P.S.: While you and I may disagree about many things, it's definitely true that Zecora should be shunned whenever possible.

---

Dear Twilight Sparkle:

We don't allow snobby Unicorn floozies either. And the last time I checked, there was no such thing as a contraceptive spell.

Besides, even if I was crass enough to rut Big Macintosh, we have pills to prevent that sort of thing.

Your unfriendly neighborhood redneck, Applejack.

---

Dear Applejack and Twilight:

Please stop arguing. I’m quite certain we can all live together in harmony... as long as everypony remembers who the superior race is. And no, Twilight, it’s not the unicorns.

Your superior-race ruler, Princess Celestia.

P.S.: I like that song, Applejack.

P.P.S.: Don’t listen to her, Twilight. That contraceptive spell I taught you all those years ago is totally legit. Like, 120 percent legit.

---

My dearest sister:

Superior race, huh? Is that supposed to explain why we are never allowed to speak to other ponies outside of dreams?

Thy disgruntled sister, Princess Luna.

Comments

[Scurvy]

Poor Luna.

[milesprower06]

Celestia is trying to get Twilight pregnant, lol

[Pyromaniac]

P.P.S.: Don’t listen to her, Twilight. That contraceptive spell I taught you all those years ago is totally legit. Like, 120 percent legit.

You think it's funny now, Celestia. Just wait until she reproduces.

[SuperPinkBrony12]

4035030 Disgruntled Twilight reproducing?

[Dawn-Designs-Art]

Brilliant

[SpacePaladin]

Dear everyone who keeps sending letters and talking about who is better than who:

Just remember which race can become a building-sized engine of destruction even from childhood just by picking up a few goodies.

Your constantly abused dragon, Spike.

[Tamamo4Life]

4035578 that is just perfect my friend perfect

[keaton-furman-prower]

4034871 4035030 If Celestia trying to trick Twilight into becoming a mother isn't a dick move, I don't know what is

[keaton-furman-prower]

4035040 4034871 4035030 And lo, Disgruntled Nyx was born

[Pyromaniac]

4036164

PleasepleasePLEASEplease write a letter about that at some point.

[blazikenking]

4035578 Dear Spike:

You may be able to become a giant engine of destruction, but we have many ways to counter you if you do, and we are far from the only ones of our kind. Even if we fall, you'll have more than 90 other giant mecha to fight off, and some of them can even combine with each other to make bigger and stronger mecha. Keep that in mind before you sound the dragon war horn.

Sincerely, Pony Sentai Harmonger

[Neko Majin C]

Chapter sixty-one: Apple Family Reunion:

Well, at least I know how to perform Contraceptive spells and prevent any potential inbreeding!

Possible accidental capitalization.

My dearest sister:

Superior race, huh? Is that supposed to explain why we are never allowed to speak to other ponies outside of dreams?

Thy disgruntled sister, Princess Luna.

Oh, Luna. Alicorns are the superior race, that is quite true. However, some alicorns are more superior than others. For example, there is a Celestia emoticon, but no Luna emoticon. Suggesting that the white alicorn is superior above all other alicorns.

KBO.

[keaton-furman-prower]

4225024 Oh.

[user123]

It's true, alicorns are physically and magically superior.