Responses To A Disgruntled Friendship Student

by keaton-furman-prower

Equestria Games

Author's Note:

Original Letter Here.

Dear Princess Celestia:

Okay, I spent the whole games stuck here watching your boring hunger games. Nopony actually killed anypony else, so I want my money back.

Anyway, I’ve held up my end of the bargain. I now demand that you hand over Flash Sentry.

The great and horny Princess Twilight Sparkle.

---

Dear Twilight Sparkle:

What? I never made any sort of deal! There would have been a document detailing such an agreement, would there not?

The great Equestrian Hunger Games organizer, Princess Celestia.

P.S.: Don't bother looking through my wastebasket. I burn all unnecessary documents.

P.P.S.: You know, looking at you and your beloved Fax Machine, I can't help but remember all the fun times you and I had together.

---

Dear Shining Armor:

The number of ponies who have the bodily strength to hurl a full-grown mare several hundred feet into the air is limited. The number of ponies with wives who are willing to be thrown is even smaller. And there are many ponies who would find a sport based around tossing live ponies, regardless of consent, to be morally reprehensible. Therefore, I have decided to remove wife-tossing from the list of events.

Sincerely, Miss Harshwinny.

---

Dear Harshwinny:

I was looking forward to seeing the wife-tossing at the games. Do you not see the comedic potential in the athletes tossing mares across the stadium?! It would have been priceless!

Ah well, there's still plenty of real estate on the moon.

Sincerely, Princess Celestia.

---

Dear Twilight Sparkle:

Why should I tell you anything? You would probably have tried to ruin everything just to make yourself look good or something.

Anyway, while there were a couple hiccups here and there, I'd say these games were pretty successful. Especially when Spike saved all those ponies. I almost feel like I should make another stained glass window in his honor. Maybe I could hang it up in your bedroom. It would always be there to remind you of how successful he can be and how utterly pathetic you are compared to him.

Sincerely, Princess Mi Amore “Candy” Cadenza.

Comments

[ShadowLDrago]

Hehehe, this Twilight simply cannot win, can she? Well, she's a jerk, so, understandable.

[SuperPinkBrony12]

5033803 True, but this universe's Celestia is an even bigger jerk.

[Neko Majin C]

Dear Candy Ass and Cake Butt,

Both of you need to learn some respect. Her title is "Princess Twilight Sparkle." Addressing her in such a casual and familiar manner is disrespectful. If you ever want to be included in her future empire, you need to treat her as the glorious goddess she is. You should treasure every moment you are allowed to bask in her refulgent light. Because even though her beauty, love and memory are eternal, her patience is not. And one day she will take over and repay every injustice visited upon her ten thousandfold.

Signed,
Princess Twilight Sparkle's faithful knight and loyal slave,
Neko Majin C.

---

KBO.

[Kage no Brony]

5033803
5035621

So you're saying we should kill 'em all and let Luna take over?