Castle Sweet Castle
Dear Council of Friendship:
While watching your town, I have noticed a few strange occurrences throughout your little hellhole.
First off, Twilight seems to have deluded herself into thinking that she can join the Wonderbolts. Why else would she race Rainbow Dash 100 times? Did she make a bet with her in order to have her as a permanent sex slave? Well, I suppose it makes sense. Dash is quite a stunning pegasus specimen.
Second, she’s dug up a whole lot of graves over at Sweet Apple Acres. I mean, I know that there are plenty of ponies she wants to murder, but she ought to know that there are laws against burying ponies under our crops. They could rot and spread diseases to everypony that comes in contact with them.
Then there’s her spending an entire afternoon rearranging a single gem drawer. And her spending all night trying to find the perfect pancake recipe. And all the time she spent giving free baths for animals. That last one in particular boggles my mind the most; why would Twilight, smug princess extraordinaire, be so willing to get dirty with a bunch of animals?
So, it turns out she doesn’t like the castle. Big whoop, I don’t like her having a castle, and I’m not whining about it. Of course, I’m not sure why she even dislikes it. It’s a huge crystal castle shaped like a tree that practically screams “Look at me!” What more can Princess Twilight Sparkle want?
Oh, wait. I know. She wants Flash Sentry in her bed. Well, too bad, I’m keeping him in my fun-geon!
But why exactly would you want to help her? Are you hoping to make it look incredibly ugly so she hates it as much as everypony else? Or are you trying to hide weapons that will activate with no warning and kill her?
Well, that seems to be what Pinkie Pie wants, at least. Of course, there’s no way her confetti cannons will ever kill Twilight, unless they happen to be poison confetti cannons or something.
In any case, I must congratulate you for your complete lack of planning when it comes to house designs! You know how much easier it would have been to give each pony a single area to decorate? Rarity does the dining room and other formal areas, Applejack does the kitchen and other designated slave areas, Rainbow Dash does gym and other sports-related areas (If there isn’t one… uh… the library, I guess?), Fluttershy makes the bedroom look inviting (but not in a way that would attract any of Twilight’s potential suitors), and Pinkie… does whatever it is that she does.
Do you see how many headaches you could have saved yourselves?
But I digress. Your tree corpse chandelier was a stroke of genius. Now Twilight will never be able to enter that place without being mooned by the rotting corpse of the place she despised the most.
Sincerely, Princess Celestia.
“What is that?!”
Twilight’s eyes twitched at the sight of the chandelier hanging from the ceiling. It seemed to be made out of some sort of wood, from which several small gems were hanged.
However, what really shocked her was what was contained within those gems.
“Like it?” said Rarity.
“We made it from all the happy memories of your beloved Ponyville,” said Rainbow, her voice dripping with sarcasm.
“Like, remember when you first came here and you ate that delicious hot sauce cupcake?” said Pinkie.
“Or that one time you got turned into a statue by a cockatrice?” said Fluttershy.
“It also has that one time when the story about ya being a huge bitch got published in the Foal Free Press,” said Applejack.
“And did we mention that one time you spent a whole day chasing Celestia’s chicken, only to find out it had been trolling you the whole time?” said Rarity.
“Oh, and let’s not forget the time when I got to be part of a huge multi-Pinkie orgy and you weren’t invited,” said Rainbow.
“The point is, sugarcube,” said Applejack, “that this here chandelier will always be here to remind you just how much you hate Ponyville. And, just to hammer that point in like a nail in a barn, the whole thing is made with the roots of the Golden Oak library.”
“So you’ll always have a big tree zombie hanging out with you!” said Pinkie. “Get it? Hanging out!”
Twilight could barely hear the other ponies, however. The sheer anger she felt at seeing the atrocious thing was blurring everything else.
“This… thing has got to go NOW!!!”
In her anger, she blasted the tree with a huge amount of fire magic. However, to her shock, the tree chandelier was still perfectly intact.
“Oh, yes,” said Fluttershy. “Also, the whole Chandelier has been treated with a special magic-proof spray to prevent anypony from damaging it or taking it out. We thought you’d… need the precautions.”
Twilight screamed in rage and pointed her horn at her friends. However, at that moment, the confetti cannons went off, covering her from head to toe. As she shook it off, she once more tried to shoot her friends. When she tried, though, she found that her horn had become floppy.
“Oh, I forgot to mention,” said Pinkie. “I laced the confetti with a special Poison Joke-derived ointment which only works on alicorns. It basically neutralizes their magic and prevents them from using their magic to kill other ponies.”
“Wow, that was brilliant, Pinkie!” said Rainbow.
“You want brilliant?!” yelled Twilight. “How about I use all your skulls as lamps?! That’ll make this castle feel like a home!!!”
The other ponies ran away laughing as Twilight chased after them screaming bloody murder.
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Yes.
GLORIOUS.
Dear Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Rarity, and Applejack.
You girls are spectacularly evil and I love you for it!!
There were no survivors.
Dear Applejack,
The infertility in your soil should clear up in about thirteen months. However, your blighted apple trees dead and gone. Get over it.
Signed Mistress Princess Twilight Sparkle's loyal slave and revenging avenger,
Neko Majin C.
Dear Pinkie Pie,
Unfortunately, once your taste buds die there is no getting them back. You will never be able to taste anything ever again. From now on, everything will taste like cardboard. On the bright side, at least you will be able to eat Sugar Belle's baked bads now.
Signed Mistress Princess Twilight Sparkle's loyal slave and revenging avenger,
Neko Majin C.
Dear Rainbow Dash,
It really is unfortunate about your left wing. At least you can cosplay as Sephiroth now.
Signed Mistress Princess Twilight Sparkle's loyal slave and revenging avenger,
Neko Majin C.
Dear Rarity,
Asymmetry is beautiful on you. No left eye and no right ear? Sexy. And the green coat? Breathtaking.
Signed Mistress Princess Twilight Sparkle's loyal slave and revenging avenger,
Neko Majin C.
Dear Fluttershy,
I will admit that you were the most difficult. The only thing memorial about you is that you are quiet and your animal thing. There is absolutely nothing more to you than that. So I hope you like your new "stuffed animals". There is Angel, Hairy, Elizabeak, Hummingway, and a few others in your new menagerie scattered all about your cottage.
Signed Mistress Princess Twilight Sparkle's loyal slave and revenging avenger,
Neko Majin C.
My dearest Mistress Princess Twilight Sparkle,
I know that your "friends" made it so you could not destroy the chandelier, but they did nothing to stop you from replacing the pictures in the gems. I have five new pictures to put in the gems. I hope these new pictures will at least help a little bit to break you out of your doldrums. I apologize if I acted out of turn, but I have never seen you so angry and mournful. With what they did, I could not abide. I may be speaking out of turn, however, no one, and I mean no one is allowed to make you cry.
Signed your loyal slave, humble servant, and revenging avenger,
Neko Majin C.
~KBO.
BWAHAHHAHAHAHA
5858870 Dear Twilight Sparkle:
Could you please pick your stupid slave up? He's been blabbing in front of the castle doors for about an hour about what he plans to do to your friends. I think he tried to replace one of the pictures in your new chandelier and got zapped by an anti-idiot spell. It tends to leave the victim's brain messed up for a while
Sincerely, Princess Celestia.
P.S.: I do wonder how much brainwashing you had to do to get him like that. It's too bad you couldn't have done it to a sexier specimen, like that hunky pegasus guard
Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle:
Please keep Neko on a leash. During his idiot-zapper-induced hallucinations, he peed on all our doorsteps.
Your angry home decorators, Applejack, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, and Rarity.
Dear Neko Majin C:
If it were possible to do any of those things, don't you think I would have done them long ago?
Your Angry Mistress, Twilight Sparkle.
P.S.: I may have brainwashed you a bit too hard. You're a complete suck-up
Ha ha, wow dude, you pull off the dialogue segments even better than I do! Awesome-sauce!
5860191 As always, I'm glad you enjoyed it
Not necessarily. If my understanding of physics is correct, even if a gun is loaded with blank rounds, the sheer force of the gunpowder explosion is enough to kill someone if it's shot at point-blank range. The confetti cannons might kill her if she stands right up against one of them when it goes off. Then again, Pinkie Pie and Cheese Sandwich once shot Rainbow Dash out of a cannon, and she came out of it unharmed. Worst three-way ever.
I'm dying of laughter! This was hilarious!
Yeah Twilight. Let your inner bloodgod free and go to a rampage.
Love this series as much as the one of milespower
Ha ha wow...they really hate Twilight...a lot.
6024661
Blood for the Twilight! Skulls for the skull lamps!
Subsystem accessed. That enough of a demonstraton, Circuit?
-ctOS and DedSec
P.s. Or Prance and Hollowneigh, whatever you prefer.