Responses To A Disgruntled Friendship Student

by keaton-furman-prower

Dragonshy

Author's Note:

Original letter here.

Dear Twilight Sparkle:

How the hell did you manage to survive?!

I mean... I'm so glad you're back safe and sound! I knew I could count on you. Was there any ever doubt? Nope, none at all.

...Okay, I was honestly planning on nuking the entire mountain from orbit (It's the only way to be sure, you know). But then, I remembered that I just so happened to have a particularly unfaithful student who I could send off to her doom. Two birds killed with one stone! Easy!

But I'm confused as to why Rainbow would want to look fabulous if she's the element of honesty loyalty. Isn't Rarity the element of fabulosity? Of course, I might have gotten those elements mixed up at some point. It's confusing.

But what confuses me is that you actually wanted to bring Fluttershy along. Heck, even Pinkie Pie sort of made sense, with her desire to go jihad on the dragon. Yes, I know that she could have been sacrificed to the dragon if things got bad, but I'm certain that those inbred colts you mentioned in your last letter could have done the job quite well. And they wouldn't have been missed by the local fauna (although you could have made a bunny fire if that was the case). But then again, as the great and powerful former student that you are, I'm sure you had some good reasons for doing so.

And by now you ought to know that you don't get paid for this. It's just that, unlike the many fools who have tried and failed to overthrow me, you understand the price of not listening to my commands. Not to mention that, as a non-alicorn, you're not exactly capable of surviving on the moon. So next time you get crushed under an ABBA-lanche, remember what happens should you refuse.

But tell me, Twilight Sparkle: If you're so smart, then why were you the first to go in and meet the dragon? Didn't it ever occur to you that he might, I don't know, eat you? Not that I'm complaining, though; it's your funeral, not mine. Of course, maybe you just wanted it to put you out of your misery. That would have been great.

Of course, I thought that the dragon would snap eventually, and try to kill you. Believe me, I was very eager for this, but alas, it was not to be. I must find out what drugs Pinkie Pie has, however, as I've come to realize just what a powerful weapon something could be if it can turn a ferocious dragon into a pussy.

Your Faithful Tyrant ruler, Princess Celestia.

P.S.: I have no desire to see your ball, no matter how amazing it may be.

Comments

[SuperPinkBrony12]

So many Friendship is Witchcraft references.

[Bad_Seed_72]

3636359

Lovin' 'em!

[Lag Incarnate]

An answer to your question Celestia.

P.S.: Could be used as a form of torture should the need arise.

[JimboTex]

Didn't it ever occur to you that he might, I don't know, eat you?

Given how desperately horny Twibitch is, maybe she wanted the dragon to eat her.

heatheruntethered.files.wordpress.com/2013/02/if_you_know_what_i_mean1.png?w=320&h=241

[The Princess Rarity]

PLEASE. NO MORE.
i'm just kidding where's the new chapter

[Skeeter The Lurker]

ABBA-lanche.

...Just yes.

~Skeeter The Lurker

[Neko Majin C]

This is not Witchcraft, but it is Ultra Fast:

It is still pretty racist, though.

KBO.

[Streakofscarlet]

4159549 I'm a little late to say this, but thank you.

You leading me to that video was the first time I ever watched Ultra Fast Pony on June 23rd, and it is now my favorite abridged series.