Responses To A Disgruntled Friendship Student

by keaton-furman-prower

Friend in Deed

Author's Note:

Original letter here.

Dear Twilight Sparkle:

Pinkie’s normal friend-making system is usually a surefire way to get ponies to become her friends. In your case, however, I specifically instructed somepony to instruct her to deviate from it in the knowledge that it would have no effect on you. That way, there was at least some chance you’d be able to use the elements.

Also, you just placed a hilarious image in my head. One day, you’re just walking down the streets and Pinkie says “Twilight is really horny!” Thus, everypony freaks out and runs away, or they lock you in a dungeon far away from which you can never escape. Or they do what they did in the good old days and burn the bitch.

I should totally talk Pinkie into doing that someday, assuming she doesn’t think “horny” refers to that tumor growing out of your skull.

But anyway, I must really have Pinkie captured and dissected examined to discover the source of her power. I mean, her ability to chase a donkey all around Equestria with no regard for physics will surely be of assistance when the time comes to exterminate the lower races. On the other hoof, her determination to annoy the hell out of anypony (and donkey) in her path is surely an obstruction to our plans, and so must be dealt with.

Of course, now we know of her one weakness: tripping! This will be of great help when we try to catch her.

Anyway, I guess what you’re trying to say is that it’s okay for her to be an obnoxious sack of ADD as long as she gets her friends laid in the end. As long as she doesn’t get you laid, I’m okay with that.

As for you trying to get a threesome with the donkeys, don't try. Remember, they are donkeys, and, just like other inferior races such as the proto-dragons, hairy elephants, bald apes, insect-pony shapeshifters, and the buffalo, we are planning their mass genocide.

Your face-bucking former teacher, Princess Celestia

P.S.: I really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really enjoy watching your failures.

Comments

[ultra1437]

and dissected examined

Missing a strikeout there on dissected.

Eh, this one was kind of miss for me, but it's not a big deal. Must not've been my kind of humor this chapter.

[SuperPinkBrony12]

Anyway, I guess what you’re trying to say is that it’s okay for her to be an obnoxious sack of ADD as long as she gets her friends laid in the end.

A nod to "What I Learned Today", nice!

[Farista Sairuv]

... our do what they did in the good old days and burn the bitch

ROFL

[INACTIVE_ACCOUNT]

"Anyway, I guess what you’re trying to say is that it’s okay for her to be an obnoxious sack of ADD as long as she gets her friends laid in the end. As long as she doesn’t get you laid, I’m okay with that." I applaud you.

[Neko Majin C]

I have a feeling that Celestia is either jealous or fearful of how pretty, powerful, young, nubile, sultry, graceful, charming, talented, enticing, witty, smart, and all around awesome Twilight is.

KBO.