In the human world, Applejack’s parents are alive.
She has to meet them.
Written for the A Most Delightful Ponidox contest.
Chapters (2)
- Member Since 17th Jun, 2012
- offline last seen 1 hour ago
Rune Soldier Dan
Love is a verb, not a noun.
Rune Soldier Dan
Joined 17th Jun, 2012 ·
Offline
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Superb story. Probably one of my all time favorites. The part where AJ first meets the human parents almost feels like a horror story. The bittersweet resolution works well. I hope this gets a prize in the contest.
Commenting just on the summary: I have the same headcanon. Granted, in the story I have in mind it's Apple Bloom who goes the mirror route; Applejack gets to visit the real deals in the afterlife for Reasons™.
Pretty good.
One thing definitely stuck out to me, and it isn't even important to the story: Shepherd's Pie doesn't generally have a pie crust. The ingredients are put directly in the pie dish for baking. First the meat (or substitute) and whatever else goes with that; second the mashed potatoes; and on top has the cheese.
I'm not sure if I'm impressed or disappointed that you didn't go with "What's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost."
Stupid onion ninjas.
Trying to soften the blow with charts and index cards is such a painfully Twilight move. Excellent touch.
This policy held up until Twilight had to stop AJ from sending Appulj'kk, Consumer of Galaxies an invite to the reunion.
The characterization of the two AJs meeting is fantastic, especially the human's youthful enthusiasm at meeting her cool hero-of-the-realm alternate self. The similarity to Apple Bloom makes perfect sense. That you gave the pony some chances to tease her back, keeping things somewhat even despite the unspoken reason for the visit, makes it all the more enjoyable.
But then the Uncanny Valley hits, and pony Applejack takes a looong fall...
Wonderful atmospheric work in retracting her steps. The human world may not have much obvious, in-your-face magic, but there's definitely something. It's slow and subtle, but there if you know how to look. And what is that if not earth pony magic in a nutshell?
Outstanding work from start to finish. A bit heavier than episode-tone, but if they'd been able to mix the worlds more freely, I could see someone trying to slide this one past S&P. Thank you for it, and best of luck in the judging.
not sure what ship you're hinting at for pony aj
but whatever it is it's likely trash
Good story :)
https://i.imgur.com/ktfyQX5.jpg
That story image is effing amazing.
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[Appledash fans didn't like that]
This needs an AU tag.
10454469
Removed - this has no place in the comments section for a story. Kindly keep it decent.
10454514
that was as decent as i could make it
i coulda liberally peppered it with swears
You did a very good job at environmental construction and in building emotional states.
I would recommend one thing, though; there are a couple of segments in this story which have paragraphs of exposition that distract from the story. When you have sections like this you should either develop them to give them more active feel or a more direct connection to the core of the story, or else you should cut them entirely.
Other than that, good job.
Dangit, you just had to slip that bit of shipping at the end, didn't you? It has no reason to be there.
However, as annoying and unnecessary as it is, it's the only complaint I have about this story and it was nowhere near enough to ruin it for me. You've done an amazing job here. The other authors will be facing some stiff competition from this one.
I never found the Human 5 interesting, so I liked how you portrayed the Applejacks as having different personalities, as well as making the human's life more realistic. I also liked how you used mirrors as a motif.
While reading this, I discovered that the "dark red" chapter background goes really well with the cover.
Really good
This is really good (especially with the Chrono Cross ost), my only complaint is Applejack not saying anything to the rest of her pony family. Seems a tad unfair to them.
I slept on it, and I still don't have the words to leave much of a comment. Not unless I just want to repeat the sentiments expressed by others above. Everything here is so very Apple in the best way.
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It is certainly a line i could see Applejack use... unlike other characters.
Without proof my parents would call me a liar (and even with proof it often isn't enough). Preach the bible and punish me every time i spoke the truth. Such would continue until i admitted to the truth as they saw it.
10453672
Both at once? It's a perfect opportunity, but that line really has been done to death.
Dan, I must admit--I'm rather upset with you right now.
I've been wracking my brains for weeks now, trying to figure out how to write pretty much this exact story (i.e., cross-dimensional clones helping each other with their issues, except this time starring both Princess/Principal Celestia). You took that basic concept, made it work, and made it work better than I could have.
Bravo, Sir. Beautifully done. You should feel proud of this one.
This was great, interesting from the start to the end! Thank you for the story
However, I would suggest changing the short description to match the long one (to have the 'She has to meet them' part). If the story wasn't in the feature box, I would have probably never picked it up, because this alone:
Doesn't really tell me what it's about - it lacks the 'hook' ('She has to meet them.'), so to speak
.
Curse you for making a story that's this touching. Not only that, but making it so well.
I love the way the conflict of emotions is resolved for Applejack. Those on the other side of the mirror might not be her family, but in a way they're still her family. And if she comes over for a monthly visit, the notion will seem less strange to her.
But now this story is in desperate need of a sequel. One where Bright Mac and Pear Butter take a trip to Equestria and meet more of their extended family. A situation that would almost require Bright Mac meeting Granny Smith and commenting to Applejack "Ah reckon Ah understand what ya were goin' through the first time ya met us, Sugarcube."
That was so good, my heart must have broken like five times. Perfectly done
Wonder how the other siblings will take it. Applebloom likely doesn't have many memories so will probably be fine, but Big Mac is older than Applejack and may have even more of a problem than she did.
10456205
Gimme.
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I wish I could, I really do. I simply can't figure out how to make it gel. Either way, I have another idea I'm gonna work on for this context.
It's a great story, but now I can't stop wondering when Apple Bloom and Big Mac will get their turn with this new Aunt and Uncle.
This was amazing, you did a breathtaking job writing this and It tugged a bit on my heartstrings during it. Hope you make more stuff like this because it'd be great.
That was a nice story
This suprisingly was a amazing story! Would love to read it again.
Great story.
Man, I'm sorry I waited so long to read this. This was phenomenal. Love a good Applejack story, and this one is gonna be close to the top of my list. The scenes at dinner and in the orchard were so well-done. Great work.
aaaaaaaheeeeeeeehuuuuuuhhhhhhh ;____;
This story made me cry - in a good way. I'll be checking out more of your stories!
OOOF right in the feels
An oddball ghost happened across your fic and read it. Have a review!
Hello! Have a review. As I said elsewhere recently, it's been far too long since I've featured one of your fics. I hoped this would be a good choice, and so it proved. I particularly appreciated pony!Applejack's mixed-up emotions and the way you brought out human!AJ's inferiority in age. Faved!
11642592
I'm glad you liked it, thank you for the review! <3
A bittersweet story that could have made a great episode. I liked the fact that you didn't go the schmaltzy route some Pony on Earth or Human in Equestria stories do where everyone gets along right out of the gate. AJ'S attitude and inner turmoil made her break down feel like the old dam finally burst. To heal she needed to cry to vent not "suck it up" because of whatever excuses she told herself about duty, responsibilities, etc.
If you continued this AU you could maybe do more with the hints about Rarijack that as it currently stands does feel a bit out of left field but as I don't put much stock in the OTP notion I can live with it. Don't let the haters get you down.
This story was so good, and just what I was looking for. Now, if I could find one with the same premise but starring Rainbow Dash, Flutter Shy, or Rarity interacting with their EG counterparts, and as interesting and entertaining as this one, I would be very happy.