One of these days we'll form a union, and get the fair and equitable treatment we deserve. Then we'll go too far, and become corrupt and shiftless, and the Japonies will eat us alive.
You find love where you find it, and Sunset Shimmer found it somewhere she never thought to even look. But happy as she is, she just can't bring herself to tell her friends about it.
A tale about stolen moments and beef jerky kisses. A down and dirty, good old fashioned love story.
An entry for Oro's Sunset Shimmer Shipping Contest ("Journeys" Edition)
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It's wonderful to see a new story from you! Thank you for sharing. :)
Okay, I'm not ashamed to admit that I was laughing far harder throughout this than I probably should.
That, was good. Lots of good humor, but also enough drama and romance. I like it. Do wish though we got to see their meeting at the end but it was still really good.
Awwe i was hoping she would enlarge the portal and sneak through or something
This might be the first time that a story both melted my heart and made my face scrunch in disgust at the same time. Congratulations?
Flawless execution. I definitely loved this.
Would you consider writing a sequel after the contest at some point? I'm dying to see what happens with these versions of the characters.
This really does cry for a sequel. It's well written, especially given it's...setting. Good job.
Sweet Faust, I sure could go for a sequel right about now.
Wow.
Just wow.
I wanted to treat this story as a joke, 'cause, y'know, it started out as one, but I got so fucking invested. This legit deserves a sequel even if it may not get one. Insta-fuckin'-favorite, this.
Just take a fucking axe and Jack Nicholson the shit out the gloryhole until it's big enough to walk through. "Heeeeere's Sunset!"
Twilights first Question to Big MacIntosh:"What did it feel like when you stuck your . . thingie . . through the portal?"
Also, Sunset says it wasn't a human one on her side, so the portal is at least different in that it does not change things.
I had no idea what to expect from this story, but this was honestly great. I'd really like to see a sequel; it feels really weird not getting to see any of the fallout of this one.
9163190
That's a real plot twist right there. Pun intended.
I am going to point out one error:
It seems someone forgot about Apple Bloom, who would be the baby sister since she's the youngest.
Aside from that, it's well-written and well-done. Some of the idea is a bit strange, but it is put together and explained well enough to make sense in context of the story.
That said... it didn't really appeal to me. There was nothing bad about it, and it hit all the right beats from what I could tell. There was enough to develop an emotional interest in the characters as well. But, at the same time... I just don't really have a strong interest in it.
Gross. So so gross, but that just makes me love it more!
This is very good, very pleasant to read for what it is. It does beg for a sequel though.
First I was curious.
Then I was confused.
Then I was hella intrigued.
Needs sequel badly.
Also...
Is it wrong that I actually wanted/expected her to service him through the portal?
This needs a Sequel!
9163747
I dunno, Apple Bloom might be scarier if you think about it, because she lacks some of AJ's restraint and stability. AJ might beat the deserving within an inch of their life, but she'll make darn certain that's what's needed first. AB? She'll lash out impulsively, then apologize once she finds out she was in the wrong.
Now, imagine both sets of CMC together. How well stocked IS your fallout shelter?
Also, sequel?
This Sunset may not have made up with Celestia yet either, which would explain a lot.
9164883
Maybe, but the problem is that Applejack is being referred to as baby sister, not Apple Bloom. The entire conversation at that point is about how Big Macintosh is worried about what Applejack would do.
I would buy he would be worried about how Bloom would react. Controversy aside, Brotherhooves Social showed that Mac cared very much about how she saw him. It's just that she was not brought up, and the reference was not to her.
9164897
I see your point. Gotta agree, then.
You win
It's like Heloise and Abelard. Except in a disgusting men's room toilet. That's romantigusting.
Well, It's lack one or two chapter to mark it "complete".
- one with explanation in front of the portal
- one with explanation in equestria
It isn't the language taken but the structure of the story that make me doubts and double check your chapter.
moaar chapter ! I like it so far.
Otherwise
very creative, I loved it. Interdimensional gloryhole romance.
Man, this was just fantastic. And so heavy for something occurring in that setting.
Seems we both fell victim to some people who decided to toss downvotes at whatever Sunset shipping stuff they saw in the feature box last night. Sorry, man.
9165835
Man thanks, but it's all good. I don't care about that. Maybe they just disliked the story, who knows. I still had fun writing it and the people who like it still liked it. No worries. And it's not even a lot of downvotes. The first 9 are free.
9165921
I'll own up to it possibly being people who don't like the stories, but it sure looks suspicious. I went through the contest group and clicked on stories by authors I was familiar with, which wasn't that many. But I saw a pretty disappointing pattern of them having more downvotes than I'd assume they'd warrant, given average quality those authors are capable of, but then also looking up the stories' stats and seeing rather large numbers of downvotes on the first and/or second day they'd been posted, i.e., when they would have been in the feature box. And I only saw one such story where a commenter said what he didn't like, and even then, it was pretty mild. Not too surprising, I suppose, but still very disappointing.
I don't suppose there will be one of them sequel things will there?
Because I'd like that very much.
Man I was hoping for their eventual actual meeting at Twilight's castle. I was expecting something appropriately cheesy like Mac greeting Sunset with something like "knock knock" and then sloppy makeouts which make Twilight go "DAFUQISGOINONRIGHTNAO"
Gross. But a good story.
Kind do want to see them meet up and have that conversation.
Well done. You have just won the prize for the best line to ever appear in a FiMFiction story! 😄
Well, this was something else. Gross, and funny, and with a lot of heart. I hope AJ likes those Twinkies!
Hey, this was great! Funny and heartfelt, who'd a thunk
I almost missed this story because I recognized the cover art from some other story. Luckily, I saw your name attached to it.
This was a fun little story with a fascinatingly bizarre premise. I really enjoyed it, and look forward to your future endeavors.
At the beginning it was so bizarre I thought it would be something like squirm. But that would of course not really fit the contest topic, so it should have been less of a surprise how serious things suddenly got. Great story!
Well, that was a novel experience.
A bizarre blend of ribald humor and sincere emotion that turned out nothing like what I expected. And yet I loved it. (And you know you've hit rock bottom when you're using mariachi music to defend your dignity.)
Thank you for this, and best of luck in the judging.
This was utterly bizarre, and disgusting in several ways, and far better than anything with this setup should be. Well done.
I do wonder if it's skirting a bit too close to the top of the Teen rating. It's not a clopfic by any means, but it's pretty explicit; I think I've seen M-rated fics that were less so.
Quite different than what I expected, but also far better and way funnier.
It is likely one if the best stories I've read and every fibre of my being longs for a sequel were Sunset meets the Apple family.
On some level... I found this absolutely adorable. I wouldn't mind seeing this get a sequel or continuation!
It did take me a bit to figure out why you were switching between human and pony analogs for body parts and such haha.
Goddamn, this story. This was so raw and so real and so just what the fuck even is this setup? But it all holds together so nicely that despite its flaws and despite the oddity that is the initial premise—a glory holes in a rundown reststop bathroom—it actually worked. This is the first story so far in the contest that made me not want to stop reading when some little thing that needed doing popped up.
Also, coincidence being a thing the universe does so well, I just watched The Holiday yesterday. You should, too, if you haven't yet. You might appreciate the similarities.
Congratulations on your win!
I have to read it again, because there was so many good stories, as yours, but as I didn't know you before the contest, I may have not read closely your story and remember the plot to enjoy it fully, as others were on my mind much more :|
Not that I'm dislike it, but as I said, I'll read your story to understand better the 1st place it got.
And by being picked as the 1st, it shows how great your work is and that you deserve recognition.
Congratulations, and keep going for this story with Fav Pony Girl Sunset Shimmer ❤💛 !
Okay you winned the thing, can we has TSotRG3 now please
Grats by the way!
Yeah, because she didn't say Neighlson Ponedela. :V
Damn, you are a good write. Grats on the win, it was well-deserved.
But can you write an EQG fic without mentioning boobs just once?Well after reading this I only wish I had something worthwhile to say. Normally, if I feel like it, I can fill a comment with enough constructive criticism to challenge a character limit, but this is so clean I can't really complain about anything honestly. I think the best I can do is say that I might have enjoyed it more if the pacing was 10% tighter or so, but there's not a whole lot worth cutting. It feels like every sentence has a particular purpose, even the little one where there's mention of a cockroach skittering across the tarp at the bathroom. That serves to sorta reinforce that their setting is awkward and just not suited to romance. It keeps this raw, natural feel to things and I personally loved that, and didn't' think it was gross at all.
For pros, I'd say the character interactions are incredibly strong, the prose flow is next to perfect, and there's that introspective narrative that frames a lot of what Sunset does that doesn't feel like it's in the way because it has depth and adds so much to the story.
S'about all I can say.
He was wrong. It was big enough for their hearts. And for mine. My heart, I mean. The goodness was positively dripping from the walls of this one.
I think this was a very good story.
I would be wary of the effects of fire on the portal personally.