Capper is invited to Ponyville to celebrate Hearth's Warming. It's a delightful holiday party for sure, but the suave Abyssinian gentlefeline can't help but think of one thing: Where's that fabulous fashionista with the purple mane?
Written for Nailah via Petrichord's 2017 Jinglemas gift-fic exchange event.
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Why isn't Sweetie Belle at Rarity's party?
This story is like if you put a romantic comedy on a roller coaster, and also the roller coaster broke apart halfway through and the cart went flying over a cliff and smashed through the roof of an explosion factory that was already in the process of burning down and about to be used as a test site for the latest bombs.
And I loved every damn second of it, you beautiful bastard. Thumbs up.
IF I SEE THAT GOD DAMN CAT ONE MORE TIME...
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Rarity's family, their coworkers, their friends, and their coworkers' friends all suuuuucccckkkk!!!!!!!
Also, Capper is such a cat.
Great story, loved it from beginning to end. 
I don't see a tag for Opal. I'll still read, but I am prepared to be disappointed.
This story was one long series of cat-astrophes. For all the right reasons.
"Gurl, the Storm King burned down every the dead mouse-and-bird boutique in Abyssinia! I thought you liked handmade gifts!"
She did that once. To her own sister. Because she'd gone completely insane and even then, she didn't WANT to do that, dumbass.
I was having a great time reading the story, but that ending fucking nailed it.
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Well they are clear parodies of Fundamentalist Right Wingers, all Fundamentalists are dumbasses regardless of stripe.
JESUS FUCK!
You fuck one goat and nothing else you do matters anymore.
I loved that ending.
This makes me think of a doujin that a friend told me about in high school, I will have to read this.
See people, this is what happens when you let SSnE shitpost. Stuff like this happens
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... but you live in a world where mares do basically everything already
HAHAHA that ending
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I don't know what you're talking about, this is A+ work here.
It pleases me in only vaguely inappropriate ways.
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Her presence was not required, and Rarity was generous enough not to inflict them on her.
A cat is fine too.
Oh man, that was something! My only disappointment is that I was really hoping Capper would meet Opal at some point.
I thought the gift was going to be a condom.
What?
Don't know what else I was expecting...
Meh, this wasn't terrible. Wouldn't read it again, but I don't really regret reading it.
You are welcome.
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I did not see that ending coming.
That was amazing. Well played.
Are we all just going to ignore the beauty of this line?
This was funny, and the end was... unexpected, to say the least, but it was a fun kind of unexpected
. And the, ahem, explicit parts were unexpected as well, although it was also kinda funny. 
Kinda saw the ending coming, but I thought it would be a mouse.
Also, it's depressing how much Rarity's guests remind me of my own family.
The end was certainly a twist.
I don't think Capper is the lewd type, but it's not impossible to see, I guess. And I could believe the way Rarity's parents are portrayed, too; I hate to say that, but they've appeared a total of three times in the show over seven seasons. I don't think they're willfully neglectful, but they do seem to be kind of absent. We haven't seen anyone's parents a whole lot, but...well, Sweetie's not grown yet, and it's implied they live in Ponyville. You'd think they'd at least make more background appearances.
Also, that bit at the end? I should have seen that coming. I had a cat that would bring in rabbits half her size.
Daaaw! How thoughtful of him! After all, he can't let his first friend starve to death. She's not a very good hunter like him, you know.
(That's legitimately how cats think, and why they bring their owners dead animals. They think you suck at hunting and they don't want you to to starve.)
I never want to hear the word "grape nuts" again so long as I live.
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heh
Hearthwarming and hilarious at the end.
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it looked like it was left and right fundamentalist as well as ideologues
left: the guy talking about pedophilia, as well as the person wanting to have scootaloo run over
right: the old colt, the couple talking about sanctuary clouds
the nerd is a bit of both to be honest, he talks about toxic feminism in the daring doo series and wanting to get rid of it (which would be far right) then complains to rarity that he knows what it's like being oppressed simply because she disagreed with him (which would be far left)
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I think my point stands, if your a fundamentalist anything your not very smart. Religious Fundamentalists, Political Fundamentalists, Philosophical Fundamentalists all equally terrible.
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that we can agree with