Sequel
Long Description
It was an ordinary bit. Like all the others, bearing the face of the new Sovereign. No longer the naïve young alicorn Capper once knew. Older. Wiser. Aware now, of just what kind of a place Klugetown was. Aware of what Capper almost did.
A fitting thing for Capper to contemplate while ruminating over his past. While wondering what is to come. He would find out soon enough.
Continuity
Based on a couple of lines in and set in the past of Companion, though it is not a direct prequel.
Author's Note
I mean, I'm not the only viewer of the MLP movie to think that the implications of its depiction of Klugetown are kinda messed up, right?
Based off a prompt from Bean's Writing Group Discord server, "Arrival". Thanks to Bean, Short-tale, Gay For Gadot, Thesmokingguy, and Mykola for their feedback.
Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh
Finally!
In the site at last!
And given that I already read it, and most importantly, liked it, I earned the right to give this a thumbs up.
This really gave sovereign Twilight the justice she deserves.
Already said everything that had to be said about this on the critics, but will repeat it once again: terrific job!
Well. That gave me chills. And while Klugetown does have a number of worrisome implications—I've personally called it the lovechild of Zootopia and Mos Eisley—seeing Twilight this cold as she rides a world-consuming wave of cultural homogenization is sending all kinds of warning signals. Twilight may weep about this in Rarity's forelegs, but right now...
Yeah, this is how you get myths about the vengeful, violet goddess. Excellent work.
Twilight, I think you need a Snickers.
10674481
Thanks, Smokes! I really appreciated your critique writeup.
10674486
Thanks, FoME! And, yep, homogenization indeed. There are a lot of "fun" real-world historical examples to draw on for this and future works, too!
That was something else. I'm trying to decide whose style it reminds me of, but it's not coming to me...
Regardless, wow! This was spectacular.
Reviewing this and reflecting on this for the third time, I can see what you are doing here. I second FoME here with the conclusion regarding the implications, this is really well done. It reminds me a lot of history, and the question would become whether or not in years past, these things will be considered for best or for worst.
Well done.
While I DON'T care for that Slave Trader Mole!
But, I'm more concern with Capper and some of the other Resident's Safety?
Is Twilight becoming dark? And not acting like her "Princess Of Friendship" self??!!
10674486
This kind of Equestrian Pony's Burden thinking - the thinking behind the School of Friendship - would always imply external armed conquest.
... Meh. Yes. Klugetown deserved everything Twilight does to it. Maybe not everyone in it. But anyone with any kind of sense would know it needs to be erased as the shitstain it is.
If you're trying to say more, then you didn't do it enough. Or at least I didn't see it. If this is how Twilight conquers all of Equus. By doing what should have been done a long time ago by Celestia if she'd had any sense at all.
Great. The planet is better off with her in charge anyway. Equestria doesn't need to conquer the world after this. This is Twilight's one and only message to the rest.
"Fuck with My Little Ponies, or me. And it will be the last thing you ever do. Let this be your lesson."
10674608
that's not the way someone who derives their power from friendship and harmony works
Twilight had to put on her "Big Princess" crown for this, got a feeling she'll be mentally exhausted afterward, haveing to be Serious Princess Twilight for a long. As for Capper I don't think he'll be up in prison or anything, he did after all help in the end and even showed up to help fight "Legion of Doom" and he just turned in Verko. Also in the comics he served directly under Luna for an important mission, he gets off by the a decent margin, still Twi must present her most intimidating face to get the message across, which means not ackowlageing Capper during the operation.. The story tells us this is when Twilight really took charge, playing hardball with what amounts to international criminals. I'm sure any unrepentant remnants of the Storm King's army were next.
Why are some people uncomfortable with Twilight's actions here? Klugetown is a slave state. It should have been burned to the ground. Twilight is being shockingly nice here. Everyone of those slave sellers and slave owners deserve to have their heads chopped off. Twilight is doing the RIGHT THING.
Then again, Im a Redwall fan, so maybe im. A little biased.
10674625
People who partake in slavery dont deserve friendship. They deserve death.
10674533
10674565
What the hay is wrong with you. It's slavery! How would like to be a slave? Being constantly whipped until you're bleeding, always starving, possibly sexually abused.
10674625
Nope, but international politics makes many strange bedfellows and sometime the message is just THAT important ...
10674625
Neither is what she's doing here. Twilight isn't being the Princess of Friendship here, She's being the Princess of Equestria. Which means teaching Klugetown a lesson it will never forget. And by extension, the rest of the world.
because this is not the real world and creating a story like this shows a lack of respect for the abilities and characterization of the show
10674889
Twilight is only the Princess of Equestria because she is the Princess of Friendship
10674879
It's not like either Twilight or Equestria has any problem with unfree labor. Spike is Twilight's slave, and Twilight was going to countenance Rainbow's indenture of Fluttershy.
So...is she annexing the slave trading town? Or is she murdering everything in it that supports the trade? Considering her own history of forgiving villains, some of which have done...well not worse but similar crimes to slave trading, it seems out of character not to give them a chance to repent for their own misdeeds.
10674519
Thank you for noticing me, Sock-senpai!
10674533
From you, this really is a high compliment, since I know that you do similar themes well.
10674960
derpicdn.net/img/view/2019/4/6/2004478.gif
The trajectory is already present.
Oooooh-kaaaay. Twilight is scary here.
I love it.
So this is Equestria under Twilight going full Royal Navy West Africa Squadron on Kludgetown. I can see it.
I'm confused... what happened?
This was a well presented idea, in an intriguing setting, marred by an incredibly uncharacteristic portrayal, of a well known character. I think you wanted to present your story, because you knew your story was good, (and indeed it was good), but you forgot to make it fit the setting.
Had the sovereign not been called Twilight Sparkle, and had her country not been named Equestria this would have been a great story. Such as it is, this is a resounding meh.
Hmm. Yeah, this feels more tonally in line with Companion. Nicely told through Capper's eyes. If I may ask, what specifically inspired this take on Twilight's reign? I mean, I could take a guess, but to me, Twilight's arc in season nine more suggested she'd be a disastrously incompetent ruler rather than a coldly efficient one, so I'm wondering what exactly you had in mind when characterising her this way.
10674872
I don't think anyone's saying that Klugetown doesn't deserve a reckoning. It's more the underlying implication from how Twilight is presented here that she's going down a dark path that could potentially escalate to worse further down the line (and indeed, years later in Companion, she's definitely not in a good place emotionally).
It actually reminds me a little of Daenerys Targaryen's arc in Game of Thrones. She started out killing slavers too, and the audience loved her for it. Me, I was always a little concerned by her habit of burning her enemies alive.
10674872
I guess it's because because this Twilight reminds too much to Justice Lord Superman: started killing or lobotomizing villains and doing "what must be done" for the sake of peace and prosperity...and ended taking over the world as a ruthless dictator.
The way Capper ponders about the event and the increasing expansion of Equestria seems to support that vision: he is not "cheering for the good guys", but watching another conqueror making History.
10675154
I don't think she did enough in this story to draw this conclusion. She showed up and delivered an ultimatum in the face of evil -- and we aren't privvy to what was said. We don't know about the buildup, and we don't know about the aftermath. All we know for sure is that something happened that our POV character realized was coming a long time ago.
10674874
Seeing this comment get a downvote really makes me question the reality we live in.
10675215
Yeah this story is quite weird from that perspective. On one hand it's obviously well established in the show, how powerful Arch-princess Twilight can be, moving celestial bodies, having the Elements of Harmony at her disposal, being the element of magic. All that power at he proverbial fingertips.
We also know that Equeastria actively tries to turn every nations ideology into her own. So that part also checks out.
But would she resort to these means? Would she use the combined power of all her subjects and whatever other lackeys she picked up throughout the show to bring any city or state to its knees, just because they don't conform to her ideology? I would say no, and I would dare anyone to bring any counter examples from the show.
This wouldn't be a problem writers regularly bend the rules of the universe to fit their need, but that requires a lot of work. To slowly show the reader the ways in which they changed the rules, and why those changes make sense in the confines of the story. Work that has not been done here, I think. We pretty much agree that this work doesn't work as a story about Twilight as a sort of "Villain"
But as story about the sheer power of Twilight and Equestria looming over anyone who has any reason to fear them? That way this story works perfectly.
I guess that juxtaposition, is why half the people gave my previous answer a thumbs up and half of them gave a thumbs down.
Ayo great job Bike congrats in first place featured!
10675315
couldn't you say the same of a lot of crimes? Like the changelings who would essentially raping ponies. physically or mentally? Or Discord who violates ponies on the deepest level and also pretty much tortures them? Yet the show went with reform over death
Brilliant
10675525
The changelings did what they did because of Chrysalis. Normally the only following orders defense is pretty worthless but given how they reacted to freedom I kind of suspect they were written in such a way as to imply being basically children. Chrysalis meanwhile was imprisoned in stone, presumably forever. Which I can only imagine is either death or the equivalent of solitary confinement forever.
Also with Discord I can only assume it would be near impossible to punish him in a meaningful way that didn’t just involve stone again. If nothing else he was given 1000 years of a punishment that didn’t work so I can see how they may have just assumed they should bear the burden so he didn’t attack future generations.
I don't think that Twilight is going to have any slavers put to death here. Forced labor seems to be the most appropriate karmic punishment, making the slavers perform tasks for the sake of their captors without regard to their own desires.
Of course, she might just use a reforming spell on all of them like she tried to do to Discord in Keep Calm and Flutter On.
So what? Twilight was going Daenerys now?
Oh my I read this and it’s really interesting and very cool and cliffhanger whyyyyy
10675315
As abhorrent and punishment-worthy the practice is, I suppose some downvotes are put off by the uncompromising stance of how to deal with it and how fitting and proportional death as a punishment is. Not to mention practicality. Kludgetown is a small town of degenerates that a ruler can burn down with virtually no consequences. But it might be impractical (for reasons other than her ability) if Twilight tried it on an Equestrian equivalent of the Confederate States of America where generations of children are brought into ignorance and institutionalized acceptance of the practice. There are reasons you don't put every detestable person to the sword after you've won. Not unless you want instability.
10675614
Fair. As well there are many who would say that there are no crimes that would warrant the death penalty.
No mercy from the Princess of "Friendship." I hope Capper wasn't hurt.
10675315
Slopes, my friend.
Uncompeomisingly kill everyone in a town and you'll start to wonder if you should wipe out entire nations next.
Radicalism is never welcome in any space of sense.
10675784
Looking back on it I read it as more that slave traders should die rather than the other interpretation that anyone even vaguely involved. That said I find most uses of the slippery slope argument to be unconvincing at best.
I dont get it. someone explain what happened
I think this story should get an A.U. tag, given that it specifies "5 ATS" which makes it seem not aligned at all with The Last Problem. Though to be fair, regarding how that episode goes, most stories nowadays would need A.U. tag anyway.
Between this and Companion, it shows some potential to be expanded into an intriguing verse. However, there are a lot of big gaps that need to be filled in for the readers to buy the significant transition from the pacifist, friendship oriented Twilight we know to the coldhearted militarist conqueress depicted here, especially given such a short 5-year time gap.
This premise is not new. There have been a few stories exploring these transitions of some innocent characters in the show into their dark alter egos in some alternative futures. This story, however, lacks the most important element. What makes or breaks stories like this is the very explanation of how the characters end up like that. It's what gives feels to the readers, depending on how plausible and "tragic" it is. Most of the other stories, regardless of how long they are, at least try to give some subtle hints or contexts for the readers to infer what happened and bridge between the past and the present. Companion itself has some at least.
This story has nothing. We're basically just shown how magnificent and terrifying Twilight was, and are expected to be awestruck by that. Even the motivation for Capper to refuse "the deal" is also not given any substantial explanation. This would need some serious work to answer the questions, if the author ever plans to expand on this verse. As it is now, it is more raising eyebrow than providing anything meaningful.
10675810
Your personal interpretation is your own, but history itself has proven the idiom to be more than true, opinion has no basis in fact nor does it erase the evidence of atrocities committed in times past.
"as if trying get a sense"
"as if trying to get a sense"?
I found the story interesting and enjoyed it but am currently quite tired and low on time (I accidentally read about fifty-five thousand words of another story earlier, as one does.), so I don't have much else to say at the moment. Thank you for writing, though. :)
Interesting. It suppose one would see it as a good thing for Twi to come in and "fix" Klugetown considering it practices slavery. Though judging by the way Twi is described, along with caravans being burned by dragons and Capper saying there is no escape because of the desert does give the impression that Twilight has come showing no mercy.
Does feel kind strange for Twilight, especially considering this is only 5 years into her rule. Just make you wonder what happened to Twilight to make her become so ruthless. Or the fic is implying that Twilight doesn't care for any form of civilization outside of Equestria, though I can't see that happening unless something major changed her stance.
Like I said, and interesting read and very well written. Nice work
10674608
Its kinda made clear its very hard to leave. I Imagine the poor mixed with the slaveowners and possibly worse can't exactly board a airship out? Not to mention possibly held slaves.
Basically: no you can't nuke it
This was a fun concept to explore, and one I rarely see, great job!
10675848
You do realize an idiom is not a fact it’s an opinion. If it were fact there would be numbers that could be brought up. In a lot of cases just because someone didn’t start with the worst possible action doesn’t mean that they felt emboldened by committing lesser actions. History is filled with instances of one culture committing terrible actions of all levels against other cultures over a span of centuries or even millennia.