• Member Since 24th Jan, 2012
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"Gold for the merchant, silver for the maid / Copper for the craftsman, cunning in his trade / 'Good', laughed the Baron, sitting in his hall / But iron - cold iron - shall be the master of them all."


Dear Celestia,

If you're reading this it means my infiltrators are better than your guards. Boom! Point to Chrysalis. But seriously, don't take it too hard. Changelings are just naturally better than ponies at so many things. That being true, wouldn't it be a lot easier to work with us instead of against us? Don't worry, I'm not talking about another coup. I'm talking about a real partnership, an opportunity that you just can't afford to pass up.

Art by: NCMares

Chapters (6)
Comments ( 144 )

Looks pretty awesome. I will read it when I get home.

This is exceptionally amusing. Good job.

I agree with Chrysalis, goat eyes are really creepy. There's just something alien about them.

Bed Bugs, that's kinda sorta clever even. Not bad Chrysalis.

So many people just don't appreciate art.

Yeah, that's the problem with anti-magic fields, unless they're also anti-momentum fields they aren't going to do a thing against projectiles.

Hive lawyers really are obsessed with Inc, aren't they?

Okay, I like Bed Bugs but these lawyers are determined :rainbowlaugh:

Good job!

I really liked how the final chapter flipped things on its head, and the hive bombardment was thoughtfully handled. Only thing I'd say there along the lines of criticism is that it might have been nice to see even more of a difference in character between the real Chrysalis and Discord's version of her, like having the real one be all the more ruthless and cunning. Loved the reference to the new changeling designs and how angry it made Chrysalis (and rightly so!).

One struggles to think of ways in which she can turn things around from there. Depends how effective the new detection spells are, I suppose - retreat and rebuild seems the safest option, but if there's a chance of fooling the spells, then Chrysalis disguising herself among the captured ponies in the basement wouldn't be a bad move.

Is this title a Godfather reference?

Well... damn. Discord turned the entire nation against Chrysalis. For a bad bet. At least she's still evil so...


The above story has a good cover pic that might work even better with your fic, but unfortunately, the artist still hasn't been found I don't think...

A good first chapter, looking forward to the next ones!

Edit: Found these: https://www.tineye.com/search/1285c83bf93fee0e7230c203d79876711d01ab4e/

Good luck (if you want to use that photo)

Disclaimer: He put a banana to my head and threatened me!

I think that these disclaimers really make your stories.

C'mon Chryssi, reign in your monologues for once and you'll have a done deal!

Disclaimer: I know that Father McClain drinks like a fish. It's just an expression.

Yet again, I've started laughing before the main story. Well done dude.

Chryssi really just needs to forget about her legal workers and just kill that one dictation worker.

What a :twistnerd:! I can't believe I actually didn't see it coming! :rainbowlaugh:

Chryssi, I don't see why Celestia isn't taking any of these reasonable and awesome deals.

I was expecting a rebellious daughter. This is even better!

Upvoted for the "bed bugs" pun.

No, I didn't like this chapter much. The way that Celestia was said to have reacted in between chapters made it seem like those events actually happened.

How would Discord get "compromising photos of Celestia + Luna and Twilight" anyways, without his "chaos magic"? It's just too Deus Ex Machina-y.

The rest of the story was good, but this ending really didn't do much for me.

I want a changeling as a girlfriend. I'd give the ling as much love as she wanted.

8065983 You'd want an emotional vampire as a girlfriend? Mind you they are a real concept.

Some relationships are positive and mood elevating. Others can suck optimism and serenity right out of you. I call these draining people emotional vampires. They do more than drain your physical energy. The most malignant ones can make you believe you're unworthy and unlovable. Others inflict damage with smaller digs to make you feel bad about yourself—"Dear, I see you've put on a few pounds" or "You're overly sensitive!" Just like that, they've thrown you off-center by prodding areas of shaky self-worth.

Emotional vampires feed on love and validation. They demand LOVE, not just sex from their partners, with no intention of returning it.

Love these chapter titles.

Good story! I have no idea how it has only 51 likes; it's deserving of many times that. :fluttercry:

8065866 Maybe he painted them? Of course, this is Discord we're talking about. He's a rule breaker by nature, including rules of nature. I could see him cheating on this bet just a little. And in the end he didn't win the bet anyway, so it doesn't really matter.

Overly-Attached Enemy? Loving it!

The punchline sold this beautifully.

And this just shows how amusing and clever the Season 6 finale could have been.

I need to slip Psychoscoobydriver onto the writing staff. (Alondro's bad with names)

So this whole thing has been written two weeks ago and I see it in the top shelf just now?

Mysterious are the workings of this community.

I wonder what Chrysalis' punishment will be.

Ah, Chryssi. She’s evil, and when she tries to be good, she’s even more evil! :twilightsmile:

:pinkiegasp: It was Discord all along! Good show, you got me.

In life, there are people you can afford to have enemies and those you really don't want to have as enemies. Pissing off a being that can twirl reality like a glowstick at a rave party is someone you don't want to have on your list of enemies.

These letters all read as if Crysalis was replaced by Cave Johnson.

I sorta-kinda-definitely-want to hear this fic voiced over by the charming melodious dulcet tones of [Insert Lady Name Here]! Also I laughed. A lot. Thank you!

You wouldn't happen to be a reader of Diaries of a Madman, would you?

Julie Newmar as Catwoman

ok, that was definitly awesome and unexpected :rainbowlaugh:

you deserve a like and fave for this :pinkiehappy:

I was laughing riotously as I read this story. Right up until the last chapter, anyway. It kind of ruins the humor to find out that thousands have been attacked, killed, imprisoned, and the survivors are facing imminent destruction for the sake of a bet and that the actual perpetrator is going to get off scot free. It... honestly just sucked the enjoyment out of everything that led up to this point. Pranks are only funny if no one gets hurt.

But that might just be me.

Is it weird that I somehow feel sorry for the poor law-drones?

Or wait, was it the one where those two changelings looked like you and your sister in a compromising position? I guess I can see where that wouldn’t sit well with you. Still, from what my spy network says, the stallions in Equestria certainly seemed to enjoy it.
And what is Twilight Sparkle so mad about? I assigned all of my very best changelings to imitate her, and the results were spectacular! There’s a reason why half of those pictures featured changelings using her body. She should be flattered!

Where can I get copies of those pictures?
For "research" and "science" only, of course. (Please don't come after me, Twilight!)

Seriously what is disabling my spy network and stopping the abductions going to do for you? Besides guarantee a safe future for hundreds of ponies. And earn the respect of the international community that my previous letter angered. And remove hostile agents from your military, bureaucracy, and politics. And give you a chance to, ugh, reform me.
Aside from those trifles you get nothing, so is it really even worth it?

:trollestia:: "Well, if you put it this way..."

“Fine,” he said with a pout. “I didn’t manage what I said I could. There.”
“Great,” Chrysalis said, unsteadily. “What do I win?”
At that Discord gave her a pitying smile. “The satisfaction of being right.” Then he disappeared with a snap of his fingers.

Chrysalis: "It's something."

Is it weird that I somehow feel a tiny little bit bad for her?


Discord never did get that "nobody hurt" part down pat.

Amazing i read the first chapter liked it so far! keep up the amazing work :heart:

I kinda feel bad for Chrysalis here. :twilightsheepish:
But she won , so it's all good , since victory is everything. :rainbowdetermined2:

If you’re worried about diseases or physical incompatibility, don’t you worry. There are absolutely no concerns on either account. But just in case you wanted more detail, I am including a full and comprehensive analysis on it, complete with pictures. A lot of pictures. In fact, the entire analysis is just pictures of changelings in suggestive poses, but I still feel that it makes my point very nicely.

That must have been a wierd day at the hive.

*Changeling takes a pose*
*Changeling acts sad*
*Several photos taken*
*Lather, rinse, repeat*
"Now... I go!" :coolphoto:

Bear in mind that they are lawyers, so...

... I'm only liking this story because of all of the other chapters. I'm just going to pretend that this one doesn't exist, because Discord caused the harm, deaths, and who knows what all else, all for the sake of a bet, and not even one he managed to win. That's just... There's nothing funny about this with the last chapter included, which is rather sad, considering that little "Comedy" tag is the only one you have...

and those sideways eyes are super creepy.

She isn't wrong...

Celestia would be a fool not to take this offer!

An upvote for the first 95% of the story, which I found hilariously amusing. :rainbowlaugh:

The other 5% is the part where it's revealed that Discord's behind the whole thing; I do not think that this story benefited from his inclusion at all. It was running perfectly fine on the absurd humour (like those 'Twilight accidentally kills everypony' stories), until the twist yanked all of that away.

Instead of Chrysalis Bug Genius, we get a somewhat less inspiring prankster Discord.

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