Edited by: SilentCarto
Proofreader: Coandco
Disclaimer: This is not my fault.
Dear Celestia,
Okay, so I think we might have gotten off on the wrong hoof, what with me attempting to conquer your country and enslave your citizens. I will admit that was my bad, and so there’s no real grudge on my part. Still, seeing as how we changelings need love and taking it by overwhelming surprise/force didn’t work, I’d like to make you an offer. There’s no reason we can’t work together on this.
To wit, I propose letting my Hive handle all prisoner storage (or whatever you call it) for Equestria. Think about it, we’d be perfect for that. Your criminals and other ‘undesirables’ could be delivered to us, and we would quickly and safely seal them into a hardened ichor cocoon full of dream slime. The ponies (or whatever species happened to break your laws, we aren’t choosy) would sleep away their sentences in a comfortable, happy dream, and we could soak up all that love that would otherwise be going to waste. Now, as for the benefits to you, it would take a real load off of the Royal Treasury, because we wouldn’t charge a bit. Think of the good things you could put that money towards. Like law enforcement, so you could catch even more criminals. Just a thought, you know. Keep it in mind.
Anyway, another benefit is that escape would be impossible. There’s no way the prisoners could wake up inside their cocoons, and even if they did, they couldn’t break out, and even if they somehow broke out, they’d have to navigate our ever-shifting tunnels while avoiding patrols of my changelings. So, totally impossible, am I right? They couldn’t even escape with outside help, because all the entrances are guarded, any attack would alert the entire swarm, and changelings are incapable of being bribed. Seriously, we have zero use for money. I’ve got a storage room practically overflowing with the bits and jewels we’ve taken off of travelers and other ponies we’ve captured. Sure, I give them out to infiltrators so they can move through pony society without having to steal, but that’s just a drop in the bucket.
You’re probably thinking to yourself, ‘Can I really trust that beautiful-but-wily Chrysalis? She’s so cunning and such a model leader that surely this is clever plot against which I have no chance.’ Well, I thank you for the flattery, but I can decisively state that ‘yes, you can trust me’. There is absolutely no chance I would betray you and send my changelings to infiltrate Equestria as the ‘released’ prisoners while keeping and draining the real prisoners for the rest of their natural lives. No chance at all. I don’t even know why you thought of that. Kind of rude to bring it up, even.
Also, as a side benefit to using Hive Warden, Inc. (I’d have to incorporate under Equestrian laws, according to my law-drones. What do you think of the company name?) we’d freely do whatever illegal acts you wanted us to. Where ponies might have moral qualms about their prisoners, I can guarantee you that we have none. If you wanted a prisoner conveniently ‘lost in the paperwork’ and detained for several more years, I’d be perfectly okay with that. You prefer that a certain prisoner spend his years trapped in a haze of nightmares instead of a pleasant dream? It would reduce love production, but I’m willing to make that sacrifice if it means securing this deal. I could even arrange certain ‘accidents’ (if you know what I mean) for prisoners you don’t want returning (wink wink, nudge nudge).
Does all this sound too good to be true? Can you scarcely believe your luck? Do you wonder if it could ever work out as well as I’m promising? Rest at ease, because I’ve got good news. Not only can it work, it’s already working! For years now, fugitives and criminals have been our top targets. Often, they only have a tenuous connection to normal society and nopony misses them when they’re gone, so it was a win-win. Doesn’t it feel good to know that those dangerous ponies on all the ‘Wanted’ posters never really got away and have already been ‘doing time’, often for years? I’d like to put changelings in a position to guarantee that everypony in Equestria can rest easy, knowing that the criminal element is under control.
You might be wondering why I would approach you if things are already going so well. Being legitimately recognized by your country instead being referred to as a ‘hostile nation’ would be a real plus. Also, under the current system my changelings have to hunt down the criminals themselves, all while making certain your law enforcement officers don’t catch them or their prey. Frankly, that’s a lot of work, and having you deliver the ponies would make things much easier for us.
So here’s hoping for a long and very successful partnership.
To reply, just give your response to your newest chambermaid, the one with the pink mane. She’s one of mine, and she’ll make certain I get it.