- Member Since 24th Dec, 2011
- offline last seen 3 hours ago
Guardian Talon
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Guardian Talon
Joined 24th Dec, 2011 ·
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Guardian Talon · 1.7k words · 641 12 · 5.6k views
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Should be marked alternate universe, right?
Otherwise, excellent!
Heh. Amusing. :) I love her relatively cavalier attitude towards it all. Also first one of these I've seen to take her brother into account! Neat little one-shot.
A fun to read one-shot. Really enjoyed it and the casual attitude as well her evaluation of who is likely to go evil.
This was neat.
Huh. I don't think I've seen that one before, but it makes sense.
This is a neat reimagining. I like it!
Neat!
I imagine that the whole point of Magical Mystery Cure is so everypony recognized Twilight as an alicorn as soon as possible, and that CelestiA sped up the process of growing her wings out.
Reminds me of the excellent Rites of Ascension.
Though very different.
Enjoyable!
I choose to believe that the entire wedding fiasco in this setting was Chrysalis jealous that her little sister was not only getting married before her, but getting married to the stallion she's had a crush on for years.
That was weird.
I liked it.
Nicely done. I love it. I also like the ending bit with Twilight pointing out she is the more likely one to go nuts of the siblings.
...Cool.
Oh this SO needs to be stretched out into a full on story!
Though now I'm imagining "Kore wa Zombie desu ka" shenanigans with random missing limbs.
Some small typosits
here and 10 more times in whole ficConsider:
its not it's (= "it is" /"it has")
like:
"mine" not "I'm"/"I've"
-----
whose
(for neat grammar) there are still chunks
Let's
----------------------------------------------
EDIT.
Nicely cleaned, only one left ;)
Neat take on a concept ground into dust by canon marching on.
Not a fan of the 'born to greatness' trope myself, but this was a good use of it.
Still, kudos for believing enough in an idea like this too keep polishing it despite it now being contradicted by the show itself. That's something that takes guts as a writer.
A very interesting idea. I'd love to see where else this might go. Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
6562453 that adds up
Yay. I made people happy with a grotesque little story shortly before Halloween
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Thanks. There's always a few things that slip through.
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The idea has been rattling around in my head for this long with very little change, I just finally shared it. And if I wanted my stuff to match up with canon then I would just be copying the episodes. That's no fun.
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I have no idea where I would take this next.
I do know of another story where immortal alicorn Twilight brushes off grievous wounds. If that's what you want.
Just an Everyday Princess on hiatus
Quite literally.
Makes my day!
In other notes: There sould be an Alternate-Universe-Tag. Really.
But a good story!
Literally pulling herself together. It reminds me of Baccano.
A nice gory story that doesn't dip into grimdark? I'll take two!
Seriously though, good story and I would love to see it continued if you so chose.
6562453
That or being jealous of her marrying the only male alicorn that we know of.
Until the season 3 finale, this would have totally fit with the evidence. In feeling Pinkie Keen, Twi apparently recovered from multiple broken bones in just a few minutes.
It's an interesting take on things, but the tone seems a little off. The description of her injuries was almost flippant, but oddly graphic. I'm not sure if it was going for a horrifying or darkly humorous approach. Especially in a story with -
So.. neat, but confusing.
Well some interesting ideas I have seen in other fics brought together here. The Sunset series was the first time someone did the "Twilight suffers horrific injury and recovers" though there even Twilight didn't know she could regenerate so much, or what she was (not a Alicorn foal but still became an Alicorn), and the injury that exposed her was less.. graphic (broken bones a nearly severed leg). And the Cadance and Chrysalis are siblings idea I've seen before but always with them being Luna and Celestia's younger sisters as well.
As for The whole thing with Magical Mystery Cure in my mind Twilight's ascension was always a kind of extreme regeneration, her Unicorn body blowing up and be replaced by a new Alicorn one.
This is a really good one-shot.
Short & sweet.
Not only that, but it's ripe for creating an AU.
Given how the whole thing was treated, it needs a Comedy tag.
Seriously, I was laughing half the time I was reading it.
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this needs a sequel
What? No laughter from Pinkie at Twilight's 'Pull herself together' joke?
This- This is some excellent fodder for divergences! Forget "Fallout of Equestria," this should be the next series of copycat AU stories!
Most plz?
Nice story. Would love to see other stories in this setting, I'd be worried that Twilight would go through Wolverine syndrome; where a regenerator gets put through the meat grinder just to show off their healing abilities...
6563727 Agreed. I can already see a dozen 'young Alicorn' knock off fics...
I like this possibility. I like it a lot. Hope you don't mind if it gets used in a future story or something. (with credit given of course)
I'm not a writer. This isn't supposed to happen. I just had a strange idea I wanted to share.
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I always considered AU to be for stuff that cannot fit in canon, at all. For this, season 3 would just have them secretly knowing that she can't die and will grow wings someday. And since season 3 wasn't out when I first thought of this, then it didn't change anything.
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I was trying for a middle ground. I'll always pack jokes into anything I can, but the first half of the story is death and dismemberment. On the other side of things, I've been elbow deep in deer guts and salivating, so for me this is pretty mild as far as gore goes.
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As I said before, I have no idea what the next step would be. In my mind it was just, they keep quiet about it until the time comes. I didn't plan anything else.
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I imagine even Pinkie would be serious when looking at a half mangled friend who was dead a minute ago.
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Fine by me. If my ideas can inspire other people, that's awesome. And let me know so I can see what I helped create.
6563948
If you want ideas for a sequel, maybe Celestia could reveal other characters who are also Alicorn foals but don't know it? Maybe around the time of the present series? And charge Twilight with finding said foals and and making sure they are ready for what's to come?
As for alicorns always coming in pairs...how about Sunset and Moondancer?
This is the only story I've read on this site that doesn't paint Fluttershy as squeamish, cowardly or unable to follow through when it comes to euthanasia. She actually shows understanding the act. I like it.
6563948 You could always make a group, let people know the idea/setting is up for grabs, and watch the mayhem...
6564094 There was a HiE snippet someone wrote that had her bringing a moose carcass out of the Evergreen for her meat-eating friends. I don't remember who wrote it, but the concept was that any of her friends that were going to die anyway would be willing to 'donate' their remains in exchange for Flutters making it a quick death...
6563959 I like it maybe lyra and bob-bon as well
all the dialogue was really wooden, and none of the characters reacted all that badly to Twilight being spread across an acre of forest. That's the kind of thing that haunts trained medical personnel for years afterwards, and Rarity, the drama queen, doesn't react at all beyond "can you help her"? Your story would be much better served by a more subtle but equally deadly injury healing in front of them- something like a single impalement and multiple broken bones would work much better in the context, especially since that's what you'd expect to see from a full bod collision sending someone smashing into a tree.
The idea itself isn't bad, and I do like some of the ideas behind it, but Twilight is far too matter of fact in her descriptions, there's no hesitation in admitting her failings, no pride in her brother's successes, no... anything really. Your dialogue doesn't match the descriptions that go with it, no pauses for someone speaking with humour, no fretting for someone sick with worry, and no hesitation for someone delivering terrible news. I recommend finding a good pre-reader who isn't afraid to tell you where you fucked up, and setting him on your work. Your ideas have promise, but your writing needs some serious work.
Great for Halloween! I would have had Shining be an adopted brother from a foster family though, and made Sunset or Moondancer her counterpart. Leaning towards Sunset because she already has an evil streak and was also Celestia’s student, even though Moondancer and Twilight could easily be twins.
6563429 Ooh, that Sunset series sounds cool. Could you give me a title or a link?
6563948
>Not a writer.
Welp, too dang bad, cause this was beautifully written. I NEED a sequel now on this...
>In my mind it was just, they keep quiet about it
Well, theres your conflict for the sequel. Ponies find out, make a fuss, political stuff happens as an anchient cult tries to use the 'foals' as a way to summon Grogar or something.
Within the canon of this story, is Blueblood an alicorn foal? If not, he could be your scapegoat as main antagonist seeing as apparently he's a preffered choice. He could find out that he's not as special as he thought he was, and raise a stink.
What a fun concept. I really like the general idea behind this.
I nearly died of laughter at the "pull myself together" bit. That's gotta be a joke this Twilight just loves to use but never gets the opportunity.
6563948
Well as the writer it's your choice if you want to continue or not.
I'm just saying that if you did, I'd read it.
Gruesome and funny aaand begging for a sequel with tha Rarity 'thing'.
Huh. Despite the very vivid descriptions of disturbing mutilations, I still found myself enjoying it.
Even if that part was disgusting.
...I can't fault you for it, because I saw the Gore tag, and came in knowingly.
...I should have wrote this story years ago.
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Except that the way I set this up (Twilight being in her 50's, cutie mark in mid-late 30's) it would have to be the parents of newborn alicorns.
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I always imagined her to be the best at dealing with that stuff. It's part of life, and she does take care of carnivores. "Nature is so fascinating."
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You really think there's going to be enough stories to warrant a group?
I'll think about it. And if one is made, I can toss in some 'cutting room floor' stuff. (if I can remember it all.)
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Some things to think about. Thanks. Although I'm not sure how much I'm capable of improving myself.
Like you wouldn't believe. If they ever saw it, my highschool teachers would not believe that a story like this, came from me.
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When I came up with this idea, Sunset didn't exist yet and Moondancer was just the pony that Twilight skipped out on.
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There was supposed to be a subtle hint about Blueblood. I think it might have been too subtle and mistaken for something else.