• Member Since 2nd Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen July 6th

Lunar_Twilight


Buy me a drink first.

T

This story is a sequel to Foal Necromancer


Unofficial Sequel to Kytranis's Foal Necromancer. I highly recommend reading the original before reading this story, unless you enjoy being completely lost.

Its been almost a month since Night-shade first arrived in Equestia, though to him, it feels like like its been a lot longer. While he's been there, he has begun to get used to his new life, but can he truely find a fresh start for himself, or is he bound to repeat old mistakes?

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 81 )

Well, this is interesting, can't rightly say I've ever seen a sequel (unofficial or not) come out for something not even finished yet. If this story has the original author's approval then all for you on picking this up, if not well that's a whole different kettle of fish. All in all not a bad start, I hope this goes somewhere.

5453250 well the original author hasn't been on for 58 weeks with no blog or anything explaining why.

If the original author comes back I hope he lets this stay. Looks like this will be a good read in the future.

A sequel for Foal Necromancer :pinkiegasp: And its good :pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp: like and favourite :pinkiehappy:

5453333
If Kytranis were to return, I would gladly slap an AU label on this story and leave it to him. Until then, I hope to at least try to give one of my favorate stories closer.

it's about time somebody brought our favorite Necromancer back to life

Thank you for bringing this story up. It's nice to see our favorite necromancers return.

IMN

Hello there, I am a big fan of Kytranis's work. However, after I saw that the story isn't going to be updating any time in the foreseeable future, I often contemplated making a sequel myself.

And since you seemed to have beaten me to the punch, (not that I am complaining) I'd like to extend a helping hand in this endeavor of yours.

Let me start by pointing some editing mistakes:

“Leave this place, monster!

"Leave this place, monster!"

He lunge at me, intent on running my through.

Either that is "running my heart through" or "running me through"

the squire (now a knight)’s grudge

the squire's, now a knight's grudge

“How long where you watching? I ask.

“Long enough. “

How long where you watching?" I ask.

"Long enough." (you really need to pay closer attention to you quotation mark)

As me continue along

As I continue along? (this can be better phrased)

Anyway, these are the mistakes I managed to pick up. I am not a top tier editor, mind you, but I like the original story enough that I'd like to see this one reach a decent level of popularity.

5454231
Thanks for pointing those out. I always miss a few. :facehoof:

If you were planning your own sequel at some point, I wouldn't mind having some help with this one. Like I said, all that matters to me is that I stay true to the original.

If you have any chapter ideas, let me know. (Also Flutter-pony shorts --> hint hint :raritystarry: )

IMN

5454365

Chapter idea? I might come up with something if I have time. As for my sequel, it's nowhere near being short, which is why I'm putting it off till I'm done with the baggage I currently have to deal with.

If you need any help at all, just shoot me a PM. I'm always eager to help.

It's back back back, back again

5454365 is this officially part of the story line or is this more of a spin-off?

never mind saw your comments on his page

This is actually pretty dam close to the original. Kudos.

My only fear now is that Kytranis sees this story as an excuse to leave the original unfinished.

5459150

well you kinda talking about guy who wosnt online in last 58 weeks :P
we can be pretty sure taht he wont finish itm but hey is story aboiut necromancy so ther is always chance it gonna come back from dead :>

Well sir, I have to thank you for firstly introducing me to the original story, and then for continuing it in a manner rather close to the original, so yeah, thanks.

Spacecowboy
Moderator

Will have to take a look. Only nitpicking on the surface is that Foal Necro is labeled as Slice of Life, whereas you have Adventure labeled here and added Dark. While I'll admit sections of Foal Necro could be considered Dark, I wouldn't call it the overriding tag. Really a 50/50 shot though, been awhile since I've read Foal Necro.

5461655
You raise a valid point. Slice of life does better suit this story. Thanks for pointing that out to me. :twilightsmile:

5459773 I've followed stories on fanfiction. net that have gone on 4-10 year hiatus's (10 years and 3 months being the record. Stories on this site have just finished a two year hiatus- ironically one called 'The end'.

5462484
True, but I'm guessing that those authors still at least came online more than once a year for other reasons, right?

5468112 Don't know either way. Fanficiton doesn't tell you the last time someone was online, and the only stories they had faved were completed in 2005.

5468112
I'm...intrigued, to say the least. I just finished Foal Necromancer, so I can say that it did leave me wanting more, so I will fav, but withhold my like for now. I look forward to your future posts.

5468188
Actually it does tell you, if you click on them and look in top right corner it will tell you how long they were offline for, simple math will reveal the true date.

Will give this one a go when i find time I'm intrigued by your complete lack of faith in yourself, hold on, what i mean is that you've opened up yourself to feedback and help from others to make this story as close as possible to the original, which i admire.

5468755 Don't see anything like that.

5469325 read the comment again. I said FANFICITON.NET not fimficiton. Fimficton hasn't even existed for 10 years...

5469629 woops...
#can'treadbutincollege
sorreh

white crystal bond to a chain around her neck

bound

Looks well so far can't wait to see the "continuation" of a favorite story.

Looks good. I hope for more. With that amaata or w/e her name was imortal white woman from the previous story coming for him.

You got a fav from me. Can't wait to see more :pinkiesmile:

Anu

I'm excited by the revival of an enjoyable story :pinkiehappy:. Good luck :yay:!

DF

I like what little there is so far, so I am cautiously optimistic about this. I really liked the original, and I hope that this will live up to it.

That said, there are some minor grammar problems, and the "Ye olde English" is really bad. Not quite LOLcat levels of bad, but still quite bad.

Edit: I guess the grammar problems were a bit bigger originally, going by the comments. Of course, getting an editor would fix that.

Ok, as much as I love Foal Necromancer, I am sort of disappointed. But then this is just a first chapter. I am curious what are you going to do with this story.

5537192
I've got a few ideas myself, but for the most part, I'm planning to stay as true to the original as I can. Let me know if you think I've started to stray.

5537418 Well, so far there is nothing to say about straying, since all that was a dream. But if you want to stay true to the original (I personally want see Nightshade in school - and it was hinted in the original that that is what was to come) I cant wait for more.

And just like that month went by without any more updates ... seems like the update rate of the original will be reflected in this story as well. Staying as true to the original as can be - I like it.

But seriously - have you killed it already or can we expect more soon-ish?

5560992

No, it's not dead... again. :ajbemused:
I'm working on the next chapter, life just keeps getting in the way

finally, somepony as decided to continue this story :raritycry: I was so hannoid :ajbemused:that there was no more deeding material to go through, even if it ended on a cute note:fluttershysad:. I am looking forward on reeding more about this. Still whit what little is already made, it is very difficile to make a real opinion of this:rainbowhuh:.

Looking forward to more, though can't really say much about it so far.

Love too see where this goes... Keep on keeping on. :twilightsmile:

So ... update? Please?

skin and bones; my skeletal hands
[either]
--bones; my skeletal hands appeared to be
--bones, my skeletal hands appearing
“Leave this place, monster!
[you forgot " at the end]
He lunge at me
--He lunges at me [present tense]
aside. I bet he wasn’t expecting that.
His response leaves me speechless.
[new paragraph, hit Enter one more time]
times I’ve heard thoughs exact
--those
I was alone again, so I set about my journey
[you seem to be using present tense a lot, so switch to --I am--.]
[Though it may be easier for some for everything to be in past]
anymore.
My mind drifts away into the darkness…
[new paragraph]
I was scaling up the
--I am
the top window was a beauty
--is a
Her skin was lightly tanned
--is
drew me in were her eyes
--are
they stared at me
--stare
Returning my attention
[extra space]
the squire (now a knight)’s
--squire's (now a knight's)
I saw as the young
--I see the young
necromancer faced conflict after
--face conflict
I continued to watch
--I continue
as the he went thought environs that would
--as he went through (environments? situations?)
as my younger self cradled the bodies
--younger self cradle
“What art we to do with thou”
[period]
As me continue along
--we
“What we mean is,”
--"What we mean is --"
[or em dash. I don't know how to use that, so I just use double dashes]

I did say I was willing to help. All you need to do is give me your docs
i.ytimg.com/vi/-6G6tGHbSqQ/maxresdefault.jpg

5815298
I know I'm behind on this, and I apologize. My only excuse is that I just moved halfway across the country, and my attention has been on other things. Hope to start up with again soon.

5818354
I can fix some stuff for you. Just, you know, give me all your links.
:twilightsmile:

5818679
You'll be the first to know. :pinkiehappy:

Looks very good so far! :pinkiehappy:

Any news from Kytranis?

Please don't leave this story too

6026009
I haven't forgotten this story, it's just life's been keeping me from writing. I have been getting my ideas together though, and I have at least the next two arcs planned out.

Please bear with me! :fluttershysad:

6026170 nono I mean like the other guy did

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