• Member Since 5th Sep, 2012
  • offline last seen Last Thursday

Wages of Sin


As the newly coronated princess of Equestria, Twilight attempts to go back to the everyday life with her friends that she had grown used to.

...but being a alicorn princess living with her newly acquired royal retainers in the small town of Ponyville can lead to some... problems.

Chapters (26)
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Comments ( 600 )

interesting to say the least i actually can see an episode or two being like this bravo

Oh my ... :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

I look forward to the followin chapters :pinkiehappy:

Hmm...That is a good question.

I think that when the cutie marks (and by extension, their destinies) were changed by Twilight's errant spell, it manifested itself in what they do first. Let's look at Rainbow Dash for example. Obviously, she is extraordinarily astute at her duties of being a weathermare, and taking care of Ponyville's climate. We know that her lifelong dream is to be a member of the Wonderbolts, but dream does not necessarily has to be exclusive to duty. Rainbow's the only one out of all of them where their destiny has not been completely lined out, since everypony else has shown out who their respective destinies are gonna be or are right now. Another thing is her cutie mark, the cloud with rainbow bolts, what that represented originally is that she is exceedingly fast (she's the only creature so far to perform the Sonic Rainboom), not that she's a future Wonderbolt or weather mare. So hers has not been fully decided.

I smell a bit of Trolling on Celestia's part. Sounds fun

2148997 I know we had the Wonderbolt Academy episode, but i do thing that the points you presented need to be addressed in a future episode. Most series wouldn't do so until the grand finale or even in a post credits ending of the final episode.

...but then again Twilight just became an alicorn so who knows!

Anyway, thanks for the input!

Funny concept, may want to get some pre-readers though.

"My dearest Twilight, while I have no doubt that you could fulfill all the duties of a princess right now, there is no need. I ran the kingdom alone for a thousand years, and now with Luna's help there really wouldn't be anything for you to do. So for now just go back to Ponyville and continue to learn the magic of friendship."

"Now don't go thinking that everything is going back to the way it was though. You may not have royal responsibilities here in Canterlot, but you are still a princess. Before you head back I'll be introducing you to your royal guard and entourage."

Those two quotes seem like something the writers could put at the start of Season 4. Someone better send this to Hasbro because I have a feeling This is how the fandom will want to see Alicorn Twilight. :twilightsmile:

2148997 Really I thought it was obvious that Rainbow Dash's destiny will most likely be her joining the Wonderbolts. Really only Pinkie Pie is the one who's destiny we don't really know about since well what happens when her apprenticeship with the Cakes ends?

Funny thing about size...

Twilight is not only slightly taller than all her friends, but her wings are also bigger than either Rainbow Dash or Fluttershy's.

this seems interesting X3 Can't wait for more!:twilightsmile:

In regards to the author's note: I think that's only going skin deep.

Weather patrol is a career that manages to let RD do what she does best; flying through the sky in record times, clearing out clouds. Being a Wonderbolt is one thing, but the weather is something in RD's current path of life. It also appeals to Rarity's actual talent of designing, showing that while RD's mark compelled her to work with the skies, her true innate senses were shining through..

Please do not end the story after only 20k words :twilightsheepish:
Like it!:twilightsmile:

Interesting idea that the blonde quads and the guards are part of Twi's new 'household'. Of course, making use of them is going to be a completely different issue. I mean, Twilight strikes me as a fairly independent Mare. She's likely looked after herself all her life and is quite happy with that.

The first step would be to introduce them to Spike and make sure they realise he has been working with Twilight for a long time. That means he has seniority and what he says goes, no matter what they taught them at the Canterlot School of Service. Additionally, if the Princess wants to dress or groom herself, she dresses or grooms herself. If she want to make her own snack, she makes her own snacks... Yeah, I think their help keeping the place tidy is probably needed. Similarly with the guards - the Princess does not have a problem with being touched by her friends and will wish to mix with Her Little Ponies in Ponyville without them jumping on them (or her) all the time. Get used to it.

I think Twilight should be able to find a book or two... Maybe Polite Company's "Managing the Noble Household" or Waiting Serve's seminal "The Gentlepony's Gentlepony". Once she knows the roles the girls (and guys) need to play, she can integrate them - it's really just a question of research and organisation, something that we all know she's good at.

FWIW, I think she'll be grateful for the girls when there is a formal state event. I bet they've forgotten more about the Royal Canterlot Mane-Style and putting on Royal Vestments than Twilight has ever known!

Regarding your A/N, I think that Larson just baulked at working out how a Rarity who thought she needed to be a stunt-pony would behave. He did actually almost get it right with AJ - Rarity's cutie mark is about making things beautiful, not gems or dresses.

Continue man, it seems to have the feel of an actual episode.

twilight x her royal entourage

here is a question about the cutie mark thing as well...

If everyone lived where the other person lived when they switched cutie marks where did rarity live at?

rainbow dash's cloud house of course!:ajsmug:

Everyone stated at Rainbow for a moment until Fluttershy explained. "Pegasus wings go through a growth spurt when we're young, so now since your an alicorn, it is possible" she was cut off, "your going to grow all big and tall like Celestia!" Pinkie finished.

You used the wrong your twice.

You're - You are
Your - Ownership

Waking up to find your mom covered by blonde women that helped undress her. NOT a good day.


The plot you have going on is interesting, and I'm quite amused by the idea of Twilight dealing with suddenly having eight ponies serving her.

However, you should be careful. Your writing comes off as somewhat rushed and sloppy. I have two recommendations for you:

1. Try to build up a bit more material before you submit a chapter. Your chapters up to now are very short, and end just about when I start really getting into it.

2. Brush up on your grammar and run a spellcheck over your chapters. If possible, get a friend or a prereader to look over your work. You seem to miss many commas and capital letters.

"Where do you think Rarity would live if she suddenly lost the boutique?"

Well, In "Bad Seed" we have seen that Sweetie Belle have a room in both her sister boutique and parents' home, and it's not unreasonable to think that, even if Rarity don't use it anymore, she still have her foalhood room waiting for her, just in case.

Aside from the Rainbow Dash-esque pacing, my only complaint is the irregular capitalization. Remember, names and the beginning of sentences.

Fun Story :)
Where do you think Rarity would live if she suddenly lost the boutique?
Rainbow Dash's House with a long term Cloud walking spell or a ground based Weather Station Office//Home

2153030 Yeah, sorry, I have an itchy shift (and comma) finger. :twilightblush:

As for slowing down the pacing, do you think I should have more non-plot-developing side jokes or what? I realize that I'm bookin' it when it comes to pacing, but I just don't know how to slow it down without making the action die... Suggestions would be appreciated! :pinkiesmile:

(and I'll get on that CaPiTaLiZaTiOn thing) :pinkiehappy:

2153104 A recurring gag involving King Sombra's complete infatuation with the new princess wouldn't hurt, no it would not.

You should try setting a minimum word count. Try to reach 2000-2500 words per chapter for the start, without relying on overelaborate descriptions.

Also I'm really liking the story so far. :P

2153141 :pinkiegasp: best idea ever, of all time
If you get the reference i'll give you a cuteness coma

Yes, I agree, that lack of respect for proper nouns has my eye twitching.

Periodic errors aside, Why is this not featured?!? :rainbowhuh:

2153752 I keep checking, I'm one F#$%ing spot away!!! :pinkiecrazy:

2151687 Now think closely on that statement. How does she get there and how does she walk on clouds. She doesn't know the cloud walking spell and she can't fly up to it.

"0oh ooh! If Twilight's new friends are staying in Ponyville that means I can make it a "Thanks for fixing our cutiemarks/congratulations on becoming an alicorn/ congratulations on becoming a princess/ welcome to Ponyville" party all in one!

There is a zero there.:rainbowderp:

Why is there a zero there :rainbowhuh:

Nice but a bit rushed. Still not bad.

I have an idea for a joke. Discord returns, the guards attack him, he gives the whole "Is that how you treat an guest of the princess" routine, and Twilight explains that Discord has been reformed to the guards. Then Twilight asks why Discord isn't surprised to see her new form and he simply says "I'm a spirit of chaos and disharmony nothing surprises me."

Or how about Trixie returning to challenge Twilight only to find out she's an alicorn and Trixie says "How is the Great and Humble Trixie suppose to compete with that?'

2154165 Ooh! I like both of those! I might use them later on!

Thanks for the suggestions! :pinkiesmile:

The ending man! I can't stop cracking! XD

:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh: oh those poor poor guards:rainbowlaugh: they're going to have ulcers and Tia's going to get swamped by "For the love of Celestia, PLEASE re-assigne us" letters with in a couple of days

CHANGELINGS! Oh wait that's dye.

answer of the day: As in human society pains are taken to ensure that people may eat what ever their personal beleifs allow them to. it is reasonable then to assume that ponies and griffians do the same. so then either meat or some kind of simulation of meat would be the answer

I take it there will be a chapter devoted to the guards too, dood?

As for your question...I'm half sure she eats the same as the ponies did while she was there, despite the fact that most myths revolving around griffins have stated that the primary source of food for them were horses...see as the shows isn't telling us about the griffin society...I'm sure they have pork, or beef...or chicken, dood.

Didn't princess that Princess Cadenza turn out to be the Changling Queen?

Changling needs an "e" in it (this mistake is also made in the preview)
"princess that" should be dropped

To answer your A/N question, it is highly probable that Equestrians are used to carnivores seeing as how they have pet dogs, owls, etc.
Not to mention, Equestrian ponies regularly eat cake which contain eggs as a key ingredient.

2167745 Fixed! Thanks for catching that, and as for the eggs thing, that opens up a whole lot of new questions doesn't it.

At first i was :ajbemused:
then I was :rainbowhuh:
now i'm like :pinkiehappy: + :flutterrage:


fluttershy was shown feeding fish to her otters (or weasles?) in one episode. Gilda was shown to be able to eat fruit. The eggs that you eat are not really a meat product, also they are unfertilized and therefore would just rot if left alone.

Answer to your question: The slow pegasi. It was motivation to work harder for Dear Leader Celestia

bravo bravo bravo... i love this story don't let it end please keep this story going as long as possible

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