Twilight died today, and then she woke up.
Edited by Pegasusmesa
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 28th Oct, 2011
- offline last seen Apr 9th, 2022
Rainedash
That semi-known writer with a few successes and an admin for Rage Reviews.
Rainedash
Joined 28th Oct, 2011 ·
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This story is sexyyyyyyy.
And also really thought provoking. Although I want to see a sequel where you tell us if Pinkie actually died or if Rainbow Dash managed to save her in time.
7008094
The upvotes and favorites of this story are biased.
This whole comment section is biased.
Everything's biased.
You're biased.
...
In other news, great story.
i wont downvote but im not a fan of stories that dont have definitive endings
A...And then what?? Sequel please!
That was creepy. Well done.
Yeah, I would've liked more plot and explanation, rather than all the mysticism.
Odd to say the least
Odd, but amusing. A mystery tag seems to be in order though.
I have no clue what happened here.
Interesting. It felt more like the start of a story, rather than a one-shot though. I'd also agree with 7008623 as well. A mystery tag would fit well.
7008720
Since I didn't spot anything that outright screamed 'Dark Story' the tag could be removed and replaced with a lone mystery tag without loosing any story impact. Then again I'm just not very sensitive to death so perhaps the dark tag is warranted.
7008731
I considered it dark because of the possibility of Twilight's body going through a transformation in another dimension that she has no control over and she has no idea what kind of creature she'd become, though she definitely wouldn't actually be a pony afterward. Though I guess it could count as a supernatural mystery, so I went ahead and added it.
7008776
*gives you a cookie*
Interesting, but the writing feels rushed. Not even the good kind of rushed, where you get the "chaotic" vibe of dreams through the flow of the story. The writing as a whole just comes across as a first draft with rather awkward jumps between scenes. One could maybe chalk that up to the whole thing being a fever dream, but still...
On that note, when combined with the rushed feel, leaving so much of the plot vague doesn't help a lot either. I'm not entirely sure what the message of the fic is, if I was supposed to spot anything explicit at all. I'm sure you have a clearer vision on what is going on, but at the moment it feels more like cutting corners than genuinely setting up mysteries.
That's my two cents. If I'm missing something, enlighten me.
7008459
Me too. Like, what is the point of this whole mess? Why bother weaving this whole illusory life for Twilight when it's just going to be done away with eventually anyway? If the truth is hard to handle from the perspective of her life in Equestria, why instill that perspective in her in the first place? If she had known from the beginning that she was a pod projecting some kind of astral puppet, she wouldn't question it or be horrified at the revelation, it would simply be an ordinary part of her everyday existence that had always been that way.
i feel stupid; i don't get it...
7008776
You know, maybe I'm just dense, but that one paragraph explained more than the entirety of the story did. By the end of it, the only guess I could make as to what was going on was that she was trapped by the Changelings in a pod, and the "Being Sick" part was a dream. I can't really recommend this story, as it's exceptionally vague, and seems to go nowhere. Add more, then maybe. But as it is, no.
Sorry. Just my opinion.
7008846
In short, Twilight was potentially assassinated, discovered that she her life might be a lie as her physical body is in a cocoon and she's become an old god type entity. Then she wakes up and isn't sure if what she saw was real or not, despite the fact that she can't get the image of the cocoon out of her.
7008843
The simplest explanation is that Celestia wanted to keep her in the dark so that she wouldn't interfere with her growth into something else, and so she wouldn't wake up prematurely. Luna on the other hand was willing to take that risk because she wanted to see how Twilight would handle the truth.
7008731 well you can say that Celestia is saving her, temporarily , from the truth that her body does not matter anymore and everyone that she knows and loves minus Celestia , Luna, and Cadence is going to die. more than that really, Celestia is at least more than 1000 years old and still going strong. she is going to see everyone she knows present and future wither and die in front of her while she stays the same. kind of dark really, don't you think.
7008906 I kind of took it as "Twilight Sparkle was assassinated, but being an alicorn her body is just a projection; the cocoon is just her next physical projection getting ready to launch. Celestia doesn't want her to know the truth just yet for some reason, and Luna's opinion differs. New body boots up and Celestia tries to explain it away as a fever dream."
good premise, makes me think of what meaning it has but it feels like you could get a sequal going
My interpretation.
Chrysalis is a failed Alicorn, she is the princess from the Love Poison legend, the poison twisted her Alicorn form into the horrible succu-bug she is now.
When Alicorns are gravely injured they go into a regenerative cocoon state, Twilight was fed what should have been fatal poison and she entered into the state.
Luna is tired of hiding how alicorn Immortality works, but Celestia put her hoof down and insisted on the "Flu" cover story because she doesn't feel Twilight is ready to know everything.
The changeling assassin got killed by Celestia or Luna before reporting to Chrysalis
7009162
That's actually a decent idea too.
Ah, Kos, or some say Kosm. Do you hear our prayers? As you once did for the vacuous Rom, grant us eyes, grant us eyes. Plant eyes on our brains, to cleanse our beastly idiocy.
Wow.......... I don't know what to think............ wow...........
My interpretation:
Celestia has Twilight growing in the cocoon but she isn't mature enough yet to handle her true form. Twilight is going through mortal life to learn the lessons needed to be able to properly connect with mortal ponies. If she knew what she was before hoof then it would interfere with her mental development. Celestia knows this and is insisting that her daughter be raised properly and able to connect emotionally with those that she will be governing. Yes the puppet got killed but that can be easily reconstructed. The effect of reconstruction though is fever and illness due to the new body needing time to complete and acclimate.
"We are born of the blood, made equine by the blood. Undone by the blood. Our eyes have yet to open..Fear the old blood. By the gods..fear it"
7009130
Not to me, I'm weird like that.
Man, you need to write another chapter. I need to know how this turns out.
Adding to my watch list just in case.
u wot m8
Mysterious and strange in the best possible way! I like stories that portray alicorns as ageless Beings of a completely different nature to mortals. Your Luna was flawless here, speaking eloquently without being archaic, and showing Twilight respect without acknowledging her as an equal. And Celestia's deceptive-but-caring Dumbledore impersonation is just the sort of thing she'd do in these circumstances. Apparently it was the changelings that got Twilight in the end? (Or rather, an end.) I didn't see that coming, but it makes a lot of sense; sneaky underhanded tactics would work much better against her than a giant monster fight.
The scenery was a bit underwhelming; the horizon shenanigans were strange for the sake of being strange, and I expected them to be more significant than they were. And I didn't understand until reading the comments that the unseen object was meant to be another Twilight's body, let alone what the significance of two Twilights in the same space was. If they were in a dream or dream-like artificial space, being in two places at once would be practically normal for dream logic.
So you lost me a bit when you went into depth describing Twilight's emotions but they didn't sync up with mine. Despite being inside Twilight's head, I didn't always understand the reasons why she reacted the way she did.
But you ended in exactly the right place, leaving me (and some of the comments below me!) begging for more. All in all, well done!
this paragraph mentioned some grammatical mistakes which are gone now
7009130 Honestly I can't accept this argument. Yeah it's tragic that she's going to watch her loved ones die, but after awhile she would learn to move on past the tragedy. She would be mentally unhealthy if she was unable to do so.
Celestia and Luna are living proof. They aren't nihilistic or emotionless, they show genuine care for those around them despite knowing the truth that they will outlive them. I'd think an immortal being would learn to value the good memories of their loved one's living years and understand that any friend would not want another grieving for them for eternity.
Of course, it helps that Twi still has constants; Celestia loves her as much as any mother would, Luna and Spike are both close friends, and Cadance is like a sister.
SilFoe's "Royal Sketchbook" Tumblr blog handled immortality blues quite well:
derpicdn.net/img/2015/10/22/1007659/medium.jpeg
7009769
You bastard, now I can't get that out of my head again
7009769
7010314
7010934
Head cages intensify
7010752
Fuck. When I was fixing that I meant to write a couple sips. Fixed.
7010769
And fixed those mistakes.
7011271
One tiny typo left:
As for the fic itself; maybe (tiny maybe) it could use a few more clues.
Until I read the comments I was thinking that changelings got a drop on Twilight (and still had her "body") and Luna was making a point that it didn't matter 'cause Alicorns so play along etc.
Shows how dense I am. ;)
7011005
Whenever I kill Micholas, I end the fight by screaming "WHO CALLS HIM KOS'M NOW, BITCH?" It's good for the nerves.
7010816 yea, i don't think she would be impacted for too long with the death of her friends, but the death of her first ever friends is going to hit her harder than even she believes. it wont last that long of a time and she will get over it in time, but knowing it as she does now will go one of two ways: 1 she finds a way to keep the alive longer/as long as she is alive, or 2 time travel mishap of some sort.
I read this on the way to Spanish class today and decided to come back to it so I could leave something.
This is interesting, and I kind of wish there was more past what this ended with.
But with the way this ended, it really leaves my mind boggling so to be completely honest this is fine.
Y'did good, author. Y'did good.
Fascinating. At first, I thought Twilight's death knocked her awareness into a different level of reality accessible only to alicorns until her physical substrate in conventional Equestria repaired itself enough to support her consciousness once more, with the cocoon being her true form on that plane. The pain caused by looking at the horizon represents her unreadiness to consistently exist at such a level, as does her relatively mundane presence there. It seems I wasn't too far off the mark.
I do love strange stories that operate on a cosmic scope. What princess, her hour come round at last, slouches towards Ponyville to be born?
Wow, part of me wants a sequel, but a larger part of me is happy with this ending and if more we're to be added, it would ruin the effect.
Well done, the only other story to do something really close to that is this.
Amazing story, though I notices a few spacing issues in the first couple of paragraphs. Sorry I couldn't copy it here so you could easily find it.
7010816 Gosh, Silfoe ponys so well.
I have to agree that a lot of fics seem to... overexaggerate Immortal!Twilight's reactions to the loss of her friends and family over time. I mean, obviously the loss will hurt, it's only natural that it does. But it isn't anything that every being - mortal or otherwise - doesn't go through at some point in their life. And for the most part, they go on.
We grieve, we heal, we fondly reminisce.
img05.deviantart.net/2662/i/2015/082/6/9/forever_close_by_template93-d8muc0l.jpg
Intriguing, but I would really like something less open-ended. Nothing is really set in stone here and Twilight isn't the best narrator at the moment. She is either dead, has a terrible flu, or is stuck in a lie.
I don't get it.
What? Twilight is evolving!
Congratulations! Your Twilight evolved in to Orr'e hupadgh n'gha ng lw'nafh!
7013458
I think I do...
If I'm right, this story is saying that alicorns are just to vast in power, scope and mind to be confined to the physical realm. They are actually creatures of the astral plane and they simply control an avatar in the form of a pony's body. What happened when Twilight was poisoned was that she temporarily lost connection with her avatar and, therefore, her mind was able to see the astral plane where the majority of her essence is kept.
Luna implied strongly that Twilight still has much to learn about living as a being of pure energy and mind and that this is why she has been kept unaware of these facts and the reason why her essence is currently restricted to Celestia and Luna's private meeting room.
7013485
This is more or less how I envisioned it. And Twilight's true form is still going through its metamorphosis, so Celestia simply thinks she's not ready to truly understand what she is and what the other higher beings of Equestria really are.
I really enjoyed that, stories that make the ponies question reality are always ones that stand out to me.
Thought-provoking
I liked it.