Twilight's power, along with that of Celestia, Luna, and Cadance, has been claimed by Tirek. Drunk on power, the demon-centaur is unleashing destruction upon Equestria, his reign of terror just beginning.

But there is hope. A crystalline chest, a gift from the Tree of Harmony, able to be opened by six keys. Keys which Twilight has now claimed the last of. All they can do is hope, hope that whatever is contained inside the chest is enough to stop Tirek.

And then something goes wrong ...

Note: This story is in no way connected with my other fanfics. It's very much a one-off in good fun.

This story is a sequel to Just Tell Me The Nasty Bits

Left at a loose end, the local human ends up being asked another question by the eternally-curious Rainbow. He doesn't think too much about why she might ask about what she's asking about. He probably should.
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I only put this up yesterday, what featured do? Huh?

Hearts and Hooves Day. Anon wants a pizza; Cadance wants to find him a marefriend. Only one of them is going to get what they want today.

There exists in any given location either an inn or bar where the locals meet at the end of a long work day and trade drinks and stories. By the ancient laws of happenstance, the same must be true for areas where the permanent population is exactly one. Now, most would assume it would default to those creatures preferred drinking area in their own house. These people have never been to the only truly lonely place in Equestria. On the border of the unending sea and the badlands there sits an Inn, with a strange bartender. If one comes seeking riches or fame, he will gladly kick you out, stating the only riches here are booze and misery. But if you come for a strong drink and an ear to listen to your problems, then you have found your home.

Rocking the featured box again. Can I get a hoorah? 2/12/19 for those curious.

It has been one of the closest guarded secrets of Canterlot's royalty. Deep in a specially constructed dungeon, surrounded by warding spells and powerful magic barriers, exists an enigma. Within a cage that could only be described as something out of a nightmare, it waits and watches all of Equestria. A creature that cannot age, is immune to disease, does not thirst nor hunger, and resists all injury. But, it also holds secrets and knowledge that could safeguard the kingdom. Its powers are frightening, but it is civil enough for debate when patience permits.

Princess Celestia has sought counsel with the creature before, enduring it making deal after deal for its services. The Princess walks a fine line when dealing with it, knowing full well anything could give it an advantage despite its imprisonment. She has had to go back on her word in these dealings, and from this a deep animosity between them has been born. It is a necessary evil as she is convinced this is a being capable of untold evil far and above anything Equestria has ever dreamed of. So long as it remains within the confines of its cell, her kingdom is made safe. So much magic has been woven to ensure that, there is little chance of escape.

So long as the magic holds, there is no danger. So long as the cage remains strong, the nameless creature stays enthralled in his cavernous dwelling. If that were to change--if the magic failed--not even the wisest could say. But one thing is assured, it does not bode well for Equestria.

TTS Reading of the entire fiction: Courtesy of the FanFiction Reader on Youtube.

Character List: Courtesy of TruthHut (A work in progress)

Handy is not a happy man at the best of times.

He was even less happy to find himself in an alien world that offended the very laws of physics and got injured for his own stubborn refusal to accept the obvious path fate had apparently laid out for him.

For his trouble he is now on a journey, with the long term goal of finding his way back home, only to find himself involved in plots and machinations so far above his head and cares that he quickly becomes a pawn in a game played by powers who care not for his well-being.

Quite like his life back on Earth if you think about it.

Needless to say, Handy does not care for any of it. He is much more preoccupied with the more immediate and pressing mundane concerns of day to day life a human needs to worry about while in Equestria.

Obtaining a new pair of shoes for example.

All this and one almighty hangover, what's the worst that could happen?

Rated teen for harsh language and minor violence

Proofread by JBL, Jude and Usurper

This story is a sequel to Changeling Space Program

Twilight Sparkle's experimental interplanetary drive has malfunctioned, stranding Starlight Glimmer, Spitfire, Cherry Berry, a changeling and a dragon on a hostile planet in another universe. With limited food supplies, very little magic, no communications with home, and no way to leave the planet, they must survive until somepony rescues them.

Fortunately they crashed right next door to another creature with the exact same problem- a creature named Mark Watney.

They're going to science the buck out of everything- and do whatever it takes to survive Mars and get everybody home.

TVTropes page here! Thanks to GymQuirk for making it!

Commissioned art and fan works from the readers! Thanks, everybody!

This experiment in an updates-daily story was made possible by a generous grant from Canary in the Coal Mine and viewers like you.

(Sex tag for crude talk about sex, but no actual sex in the story.)