AMICITAS FLIGHT THREE – MISSION DAY 113
ARES III SOL 114
Starlight Glimmer looked up from her work on the whiteboard to see Mark take out a fresh food pack from his supply. “Mark, may I ask something?” she asked. “You haven’t eaten a potato in two days. Why not?”
Mark’s expression told her why not, but Starlight didn’t feel particularly sympathetic. She, Spitfire and Cherry Berry were stuck with alfalfa-and-the-occasional-potato meals three times a day for the duration. Mark still had some variety in his diet.
“Because I need to keep protein in my diet,” Mark said. “Potatoes have some proteins in the skin, but not all and not enough. So I’m saving the potatoes for last.”
Starlight didn’t bother to keep the pull-the-fourth-one-it-has-bells-on look off her face. “Really,” she said.
“Really,” Mark repeated. “The fact that I already dread the day the ketchup runs out has nothing to do with it.”
“If you don’t eat any potatoes until you have to,” Starlight said, “when do your meals run out?”
Mark didn’t even pause for thought. “Sol 302,” he said.
“So what happens,” Starlight said carefully, “if you eat one meal pack a sol and eat the rest in potatoes?”
Mark didn’t answer. He just made the face again, then shrugged and put the unopened meal pack back in its cabinet. Then, thinking again, he opened the cabinet wide and began pulling out trays of meal packs, one after another.
Starlight shrugged and turned her attention back to the equations from Earth. She didn’t know what possible use this could be. Mark’s people wanted performance data for the Sparkle Drive, but apparently not for the remnants of Amicitas. None of the seven different masses matched up with Amicitas, either new or stripped as it was.
They didn’t have another ship to put the Drive in, and without magic you couldn’t build one on Earth, so why did they want the information?
She shrugged to herself and double-checked an annoying bit of long division.
MISSION LOG – SOL 114
I just finished re-counting the food packs that I’m not reserving for the ponies. It’s a good thing I did, too, because between the first several days on full rations, occasional non-ration days, and other cheating here and there, I’m not quite as flush as I thought I was.
I currently have 394 food packs remaining. I thought I had enough to get me to Sol 302 without eating another potato, but at three-quarter rations it’s more like Sol 289. On the one hand, it’s embarrassing that poor management on my part has cost me thirteen days of food. On the other hand, it’s good I caught this now so I can plan around it.
Why did I do this today? Because Starlight gave me a guilt trip. Here I am with hundreds of meals, over sixty different flavors of meal still in inventory. Fireball has one flavor of meal. The ponies have two. But here I am, sticking to the meal packs even though we have close to enough potatoes for me to eat them exclusively until the next harvest, because I don’t feel like eating between fifteen and twenty potatoes a day until I have to.
Yeah, I can be a real chickenshit sometimes. Starlight didn’t call me out on it in words, but she made her point anyway. And she’s right.
But she made a suggestion that I like: if I eat one food pack per day, I still get that pack’s protein (plus the not-a-potato flavor). And if I eat the skins, I get a bit of protein from the potatoes, too. It’s maybe not as good as the meal packs, but it’s better than straight potatoes, and it slows down protein loss… and keeps me from wanting to commit murder over the last ketchup packet, when that day comes.
Three hundred and ninety-four food packs, at one per day, would mean that my last Earth-cooked meal will come up on Sol 508. I’d still have to go about three months on potatoes alone (with a few alfalfa leaves tossed in, maybe), but that’s better than going three hundred sols on potatoes alone. Of course I’m not going to go all the way down to Sol 508; I’ll keep a small reserve of packs, just as I did for the ponies, in case something unforeseen happens. And then, once the resupply lands, I can eat them and forget about the whole thing.
But for now I’m eating my late lunch… of potatoes. And only potatoes. Without even salt. Because guilt. Also to get one sol of that three to four month all-tater diet out of the way now.
And after this delightful repast I get to do the interview thing on the pony radio. NASA says it looks funny that the only one who hasn’t done it is the one native English speaker. So I’ll answer the same questions, and then I’ll hope Hermes’s reception drops below voice before the follow-ups.
INTERVIEW #6
What is your name? Mark Watney.
What did you do on your ship? I was the mission botanist and ship’s engineer for the Ares III Mars mission.
How did you get into space flight? I was finishing up my master’s work in botany when NASA and SpaceX announced the joint Ares program. I figured any decent Mars mission would want a botanist, and I was young and healthy enough to be a good candidate. So instead of getting my doctorate like I’d planned, I got a second master’s in mechanical engineering, because I figured NASA would want someone who could do more than one thing. Turns out I was right.
But when I graduated they’d closed applications for Ares I. So I did field work developing land reclamation systems for high-altitude deserts for a couple of years. I knew there wouldn’t be much botany science on the first two missions, so I didn’t mind sitting on my application. But when they called for more applicants, I put it in.
I was one of two dozen botanists invited for physicals and preliminary training, and I was one of three selected out of the group. And let me tell you, it wasn’t luck. It’s long, hard work becoming an astronaut. You have to have your head in the right place.
Who do you have waiting for you back home? My mom and dad. They really want me to come home safe.
What are your impressions of the aliens? Well, you’ve seen the photos. I wake up every morning and see those innocent, cute little faces. And Fireball’s, but even he’s hard to take seriously. I mean, that big adorable schnozz? C’mon, you can’t help but love him!
But seriously, they’re the strangest mix of grit and goofiness. Some days it’s like I’m the babysitter and they all want me to explain things to them. Other days it’s like being part of a crew, as if the ponies are Ares III that might have been. Part of that is that they come from this magical world where everything’s easier.
Do you look forward to visiting the pony world after your rescue? This may sound chicken to you, but once I have Earth’s atmosphere wrapped around me I don’t plan on ever leaving again. Don’t get me wrong- I’m grateful to NASA for picking me for Ares, and I’ll never forget this experience. But being stranded here for a hundred days has really made it clear just how hostile this place is. Ares was meant to lay the foundation for a future permanent settlement, but as much as we’ve accomplished, we’ve got a long way to go.
Now, if the pony rescue mission gets here first, I’ll gladly go with them to their home. And yeah, I’m curious about their homeworld. But I want to go home one hell of a lot more. And the ponies, well, I’m sure they all want it too.
What will you do when you finally go home? I’m going to eat a pizza. A real, honest-to-God Chicago deep dish pizza. Have you ever had one, a real one I mean? It’s so hot and gooey when it first comes out of the oven. You take one look and you know it’s going to taste SO good. A good Chicago pizza, man, it keeps you warm on a winter night, you know what I mean? And then the next day I pull a leftover slice from the fridge, I stick it in the oven, and it’s just as good as fresh. God, how I want pizza right now.
What is your favorite disco song? “Celebration.” No, seriously, I didn’t know it was disco until I found it in Lewis’s music collection. That song was everywhere when I was a kid. And the ponies all like it, too. I wish you could see Spitfire shaking her butt to the music.
If there were one little thing (not a ship) you could have from home, what would it be? A book called 1001 Recipes When Your Only Ingredient is Potatoes? No, wait, seriously. You know what I really want? I want my bag of D&D dice from home. I haven’t played since college, but the more I’m around unicorns and pegasi and dragons the more I want to play again. I want my dice. I want to feel them in my hands. I’d love to introduce my guests here to that form of human entertainment. Pen, paper, Dew, nachos, and my best friend’s basement- that’s how you make a fun evening.
What message do you have for the people of Earth? I’d like to say this. NASA won’t like me saying this, because we don’t like to remind people that astronauts risk their lives just being up here. But the fact is, I could die up here. We all could. Mars is a dangerous place. But it’s worth it. Space is worth the price.
What I’m doing here, now, is making a path for more people to follow later. My grandchildren will live to see ships flying back and forth from Mars colonies, and I’m a part of that. So if something happens to me, don’t let that stop you. Don’t even let it slow you down.
As crazy as the ponies are sometimes, they understand. They’re not wasting time with their space program. One day they just decided, “Let’s go to space!” And from that day they threw everything they had at it- magic, science, courage, and political will. For most of my lifetime we had the science and the courage, but not the will. Now we’ve got it back. Don’t give it up again.
Love the way Starlight helped Mark out here.
the last couple of paragraphs i wholeheartedly agree with. if there was a good chance to start up the foundations needed for a colony on mars, i would be among the first to sign up even if it meant an untimely end (although i would rather succeed and live). i believe that if we are to survive as a species, we must set our sights to the stars, our population is just going to keep increasing (unless world war 3 occurs, but im sure most sane people would rather not have that) and we must find a safe solution sooner rather than later.
Lack of will... and profit margin. We (humans) still launch communication satellites because they facilitate the generation of wealth. Martian botany won't do that for at least 30 years.
8796394
Earth is the cradle of humanity, but one cannot stay in the cradle forever.
I hope some wonderful person figures out a way to make some D&D dice out of what they have available and sneaks the procedure for it to them.
8795513
Well, they are owned by Marvel again, so it might be possible now.
Since FOX was bought by Disney, they get the X-Men, Deadpool, and Fantastic Four back. Which means they can be added to the MCU.
Still can't believe that. Disney now owns the Alien franchise, the Predator franchise, the X-Files, the Simpsons, Family Guy, Futurama, Avatar,ect,
They'll probably by Hasbro next. And bring MLP under the Disney umbrella.
8796406
Shouldn't be hard. Just get starlight to cut a icosahedron from rock or some scrap metal. The indent the sides and use te computer to keep track of caracther sheets and map.
As I mentioned before, Mark! One food pack a day, split between three meals so you get flavoring. And maybe share the non-meat parts with the ponies, so they get some flavor as well. A ratio of 10:1 between potato and other food isn't great, but plenty of people get by with a 5:1 ratio between starch and flavor-component.
Putting aside a week's worth of packs to match the pony "emergency" supplies would be a good idea too. Glad you're doing it.
And Mark? You're not just getting that one sol of potato-only out of the way. You're also acclimating for when you need to space out those remaining non-emergency meal packs so you don't go insane from a month of all-potato.
Also, yeah, Mark's last three sentences. Maybe it's just the recent excitement surrounding Falcon Heavy, but it seems like we might just be moving in that direction again
So what is the possibility that one of those meal packs contains a tomato seed? Perhaps viable.
8796430
Or send him a program that randomizes the numbers on D&D dice to download on his computer. Might be impractical to send through Pathfinder though. I know NOTHING about programing so I wouldn't know.
So, I read that line, and all I could think of was this.
Anybody else?
8796438
I can't say with 100% certainty but most likely 0, those food packs are not made in a way that would allow a seed to live... unless it was a bad pack, but then the seed would also probably not likely survive long enough for them to find and use.
Protein is coming into play... Time for mark to learn how to milk a pony... I wonder which pony is gonna take to it first... Im putting money on starlight (starlight x mark shipping for the win)
8796468
Can you fucking not.
I was having a good day.
We were ALL having a better day.
Please, don't. Just don't. It isn't kind, or helpful, or intelligent, or thoughtful. You have not contributed anything at all. If anything, you have taken worth away from something of value. Please stop.
8796475
Who invited you? Besides that topic was discussed before and also not every comment has to be packed full of science talk
8796434
8796400
Imesb thr Apollo program faded because funding was cut and the public attention moved to other stuff. Only reason Apollo 13 is mentioned is because something went wrong
8796480
No. That's disgusting. YOU'RE disgusting. I did not want or need that mental image. I had enough of human x pony in my cancerous tween days. I'd rather not revisit it, thanks.
EDIT: ~30 mins later
Lol the downvotes. Edgy little tweenagers. Ahhhh, memories. Cringey memories, but memories nonetheless.
8796468
Yeah, no.
1) This is not that kind of story
2) Equines don't lactate unless they have a foal that needs it. Most mammals are this way.
3) That's not an efficient use of nutrients, since the unfortunate pony would need to consume more nutrients if they were to lactate it out without a net loss for themselves.
I’ll surrender my reality to common sense if you find a two by four on Mars.
Oh she did that with quartz?
8796493
I see your point that is really all the info needed to discredit (not)my idea so could there just be no more fighting over this and im talking to everyone/everypony
Roll dice on the PC? Now Im trying to remember the DosShell commands and autoexec.bat for a randomised select at start or something.
Now which code page and ASCII caracters were they for the three shades of grey, dotted patterns, Space for black and Solid for white? 32, 176,177,178? 219?
8796466 Yep, totally meant to reply to you
Fair point about the name not being translated though, yeah.
Well, considering these are alien sapient ponies, there wouldn't actually be anything wrong with it.
It would be no different then when Sarek and Amanda got together. Or Deanna Troi's parents or B'Lanna Torres parents. Unless some weirdo finds something wrong with those relationships as well.
I've seen stranger ones on Star Trek. And there's nothing wrong with that. The form means nothing. It's the person/mind/soul in that form that matters.
8796499
Not to insult you, but I'm going to hazard a guess and say you aren't older than 15, or, if you are, you're 30-40 years old and still use uwu in internet convos.
Anyone notice that sex was added to the description? Did I miss something or is that yet to come?
8796510
18 is the correct answer, i dont know wtf "uwu" is and i am asking you to please just at least be quiet because nobody/nopony likes whiners or stereotypers which you are most definitely being if anything you deserve those dislikes because you are being such a little asshat now the only forseeable solution is for you to go away and stop thinking you own the place and for everyone else to just drop it already
8796515
Oh my.
8796486
Hmmm. Not to put down the anti horse on human concept, but milking a mare is "technically" feasible. Mares milk was part of the common diet in ancient Greece, especially in Sparta, primaril due to it's high protein content. However, I have to agree with 8796493 on his points as yes, shipping is not the point of the story, and none of the mares are suitable for milkining at the time. Were there, oh I dunno, some form of spell Starlight to could use to encourage/cause lactation, it might become an option...I doubt it though...the option, not the existence of that spell.
8796510
Dude you are being the only negative nancy here, for everyone's sake just drop it and chill the hell out
8796400
I see you are an optimist.
8796515
I think that might have something to do with Mark and Starlight's little "thing" in the rover.
PIZZA ANYONE!?
8796515
Probably because of Mark and Starlight's misadventure with morning wood when they were traveling. It's not actual sex, but it's enough to qualify for the tag.
8796510
Not to insult you, but (insert ageism)
Not cool.
They are texting him books. have them text him a copy of Gurps Lite (or other d6 system) and as many world books as they can. if he has pencils, he can make Shaft, or stick dice. (My screwdriver 's handle has eight sides.)Heck, cut some dice from a potato.
8796598
I don't think there pencils or paper, since every bit of writing they've done has been on whiteboards.
I still remember him calling them naive awhile back, and how politicians would tie them in knots, or the like. Disclaimer: I get why, really I do. But set aside that Mark considers politicians masters of subtle manipulation, implying that his accusation of naivete is a projection. The above quote brings us back to that. Mark is sharing Harry Potter and all kinds of other Earth media, but he has learned very little of Equestria and the crap that goes down there. Hey, Mark, how many times did your hometown get attacked by monsters, growing up? I mean, mine was zero, but that was the 80s, so maybe Earth has changed in your time. How often did you face down a predator that was bigger than you? How many world threatening conflicts did you personally have to get involved in? Take on any dragons naked lately that didn't involve dice? ...Granted, Spitfire didn't exactly cover herself in glory in that encounter, but my point remains. Mark's accomplishments are amazing. Two Master's? I couldn't even be bothered to get my first... yet. But magic has its own complications and a world full of horrors that are possible only because they draw from the same magic as the cute little horses. There are predators and dangers on Equus that humans never had to face (unless you consider the Flintstones a documentary). And two of those magic horses have to keep the planet alive using magic (no matter how you envision the sun/moon/Equus movement working out in your head), while here physics does all the work and we can sit on our asses and just enjoy.
Keep in mind I'm verbose, not annoyed. I'm not genuinely bothered. His naivete is the same as theirs: no fault of his own. I do wonder though how he'd react to, in particular, Starlight's past (and not just 'cause I ship it...). How easy is a world where a leader can talk you into giving up, and then literally take, a piece of your soul? I love Star, really the character is great. She's had a much more convincing character arc in terms of redemption (complete with believable, in character setbacks) than a certain other 'flipped a switch, now I'm a good guy! Sorry all!' formerly villainous unicorn (no hate there either). But she's a perfect example of how magic doesn't necessarily make things easier, because the belief that it does is basically her biggest stumbling block to personal growth. Set aside the G rating and set some fridge horror sink in, because Mark is actually pretty good at analyzing fridge horror on other subjects. Astronaut training is quite thorough.
...And speaking of 'set aside the G rating'... hello, new tag. Now just what might you be doing up there?
8796610
Does he have spare nuts, and bolts?
Making dice out of random stuff is something that bored people do.
Rich Purnell wants them to launch the Hab to Earth with the Sparkle Drive, doesn't he.
Or maybe a rover.
8796510
8796526
Been a while since I've seen people get their panties in a twist like this. Let's keep it going!
8796447
Depending on how much programming he understands. Coding up a simple random number generator is trivial.
As far as the whole 'milk the ponies' angle, I think if it came down to that, it would be done between them behind a curtain, if milking even worked, considering the absolute lack of biological stimulation to start the process. And it would likely be Dragonfly doing the milking, because changeling shape change for the required accessories to do the task. Mark and fireball would be, by virtue of being male, all but kicked out during the process, if only to save the ladies on SOME modesty and dignity.
And honestly, I WOULDN'T look forward to something that awkward. But it would not surprise me if it came down to that being a thing. You do what you must to survive, and Mars isn't exactly presenting any alternatives. Keep in mind, as a society today, we're pretty coddled. Sailors just a few hundred years ago had to contend with tasks such as washing their mouths out with urine.
Have fun with THAT mental image.
Really, consider what Mark has already had to endure from the 'squick' perspective. Namely, a shitbox that has the combined fecal matter of a human, several equinoids, and a dragon, in a confined space... With absolutely no options to step outside for a breath of fresh air. And he's being faced with the inevitable switch to food so bland, he'd almost rather take his chances with a lung full of fresh martian air.
Overall, between that and his injuries throughout this story, he's taken quite a beating. For those who are squicking at 'milk the pony', if he has to drink it to survive, he has to drink it to survive. The End. The choice is mentally scaring the audience, or dying a slow death of malnutrition. If he doesn't, one less bit of pride to swallow and squick even to endure. And for those who almost seem to be awaiting such a thing with glee and are wearing the shipping goggles, I emphasize that they'd likely find any way to keep Watney OUT of dealing with the actual activity of collecting said milk... Because dignity.
In reality, such a thing probably ends up having all the decorum and procedure of taking a drug test.
Spitfire: "Alright, Starlight, Dragonfly, behind the curtain. I'll be back with the container in a minute. Mark, Fireball, suit up, you're going to the cave to check on the farm. You'll stay there at least an hour. Anyone here argues, they spend the night in the rover. So let's get this done, keep our dignity, and forget it happened in good time."
Downvotes lel.
Man, don't you just hate it when someone gives you some advice you know is right, but you really just don't want to do it?
8796706
Id rather us not
8796468
8796480
Whizzard pls
8796720
But...FINGERS WITH OPPOSABLE THUMBS! Fireball and mark are the only ones on the crew that have those they are the only ones with enough manual dexterity to accomplish such a task besides mark would probably advise against them using magic in favor of them saving it for a time when its more needed after all lets see YOU milk a pony using HOOVES and btw i think dragonfly would be feeling quite drained after a transformation as that would require a lot more magic than they would like to use so i think the option of mark being the one to do it is logical. As it uses minimum energy expenditure and shortest time fewest question marks for safety as well as lowest risk of a failed transformation turning dragonfly into something straight out of one of star trek's transporter malfunctions(trust me it aint pretty when the transporter breaks and is used anyways some of the results are actually pretty horrifying)
Urgh. F*ck Allergies. Just urgh.
Hate hate hate.
That was, among other things, the reason i never wanted to go outside, and made gym class and summer camp horrid.