The Maretian

by Kris Overstreet

Sol 494

MISSION LOG – SOL 494

Three years ago, if you’d told me that one day I would find Mars boring, I’d have said you were crazy. Wait a minute, that’s not exactly true. I’d have told you to go fuck yourself, because I’d just been selected as prime crew for Ares III and was totally into every aspect of the hardcore training we had to do before we shipped out. But you get the idea.

Anyway, whaddaya know? I’m on Mars, and I’m bored.

Aside from the little bit of mildly life-threatening weather we had, we’ve been in a rut, so to speak. Every sol we drive seventy-odd kilometers across terrain that, truth be told, tends to look a lot alike. (Seventy-four km each of the last three days; we’ve used over 200 kg of food and over 200 kg of our emergency quartz supply, and the lighter load is showing in our power efficiency.)

After every sol of driving, I set out the rover solar panels so the batteries can recharge, then go in to exchange a quick message with Hermes- we’re only about four light-minutes apart now, and the signal is getting pretty clear. After that lunch, reading time (everyone has their own book they’re reading silently, but for some reason we still like reading aloud from one book together, even if it is Agatha Christie). Every three afternoons we have a D&D session; Starlight comes up with basic scenarios, and I fill in the actual challenges and run the game. It’s more fun for everyone that way, since Starlight tends to get a little TPK when players piss her off.

On sols that we don’t do D&D, we watch television, or we work on the various reports we owe NASA and the pony space programs once we get to the MAV. We don’t stay up too long after dark, because we have to wake up well before dawn to have breakfast, suit up, pick up the solar panels, and then start driving again just as the pre-dawn light begins filling the sky. Besides, when the sun sets it gets damn cold in the bridge.

Drive, eat, read, write, game, sleep, repeat. You might not believe it, but it does get a little tedious. Sometimes I’m so bored I even forget to be terrified out of my mind at the hundred million ways this fucking planet could still kill us. That lasts about a few minutes.

Today it was my turn to walk Spitfire. She insists she needs to exercise to regain her health, and Cherry Berry won’t let her run off alone without someone beside her to pick her up and rush back to the trailer if her patched-up suit springs a leak. I have patch kits, of course, but they only work if the hole is less than nine inches wide. The wing flaps cut out of the sides of her suit are a lot bigger than that, so if one of those unravels all at once I suspect I’ll get to find out if the ponies have an equivalent of CPR.

But it didn’t happen today. All that happened is that Spitfire gave me a lot of dirty looks when I refused to even so much as work my way up to a jog. There are reasons for that, the biggest one being that I still don’t know how to run properly in a space suit in Martian gravity. It comes out as huge leaps and bounds, and I’m scared shitless that I’ll trip over something and hit face-first, shattering this fucking idiotic safety-glass visor (again). So I took it slowly, she trotted orbits around me for half an hour, and we went back into the ship with our suits still holding pressure.

I wonder when Spitfire will figure out she could use someone else's suit out on these little trips. If she doesn’t think of it herself, I might suggest it to her, if Cherry ever annoys me at some point.

Anyway, it’s almost bedtime. I mentioned we turn in early. Well, that’s not quite accurate. We lie down early, but we spend as much as an hour talking after we turn the light off. It reminds me of a TV show my parents told me about called The Waltons. They watched it with their grandparents when they were little. They showed me a few episodes, and I thought it was pretty dreadful. (Come to think of it, I’m pretty sure it was a 1970s TV show, so why didn’t Lewis have it in her collection of shitty TV?)

The reason our nighttime routine reminds me of The Waltons is this; at the end of every episode, just as the huge Walton family is going to bed, the family members hold conversations through the paper-thin walls of their house. We don’t see them doing this; all we see is the house with one or two lit windows and a lot of voiceover. And they talk about whatever the episode was about, not saying much of anything important, like families do if they live in old houses with zero soundproofing.

We do that too. Granted, we have an excuse, because we’re in the same room- hell, we’re in the same pile. We gave up even trying to sleep separately weeks ago.

But some of those conversations can get pretty weird.

Not saying how… just saying that they do. I don’t intend to record any of them, so the secrets of our lights-out conversations will go to our graves.

---

The habitat deck lights went out with the merest flicker of magic from Starlight Glimmer’s horn. As usual, Mark and Fireball were on the bottom of the pile, with Dragonfly wedged between them and Cherry, Starlight and Spitfire sprawled on top of them. A couple of goodnights were said, and a couple of bodies shifted, seeking a slightly more comfortable position in the pile.

And then, as Mark had known it would, the first question got asked- one of those questions that never occurred to anyone to ask during daylight, when there was tons of nothing much to do.

“Mark? Tell me again how long your world has had space rockets.” This time it was Starlight Glimmer. Usually it was Dragonfly or Cherry Berry. Mark had started it a couple of times, asking about bits of pony culture he ran across during the day. Spitfire and Fireball never started it, but for all their complaints about the conversations happening at all, they contributed as often as not once it got started.

“Hm… rockets that make it to space? Ninety years. Rockets that can take a person? Seventy-five years, give or take. Why?”

“I was just thinking,” Starlight said. “You humans in the TV shows we see, you’re always in a hurry to get places. Cars, airplanes, all sorts of stuff. But we never see you use rockets to get around. Why is that?”

“Well, why don’t you?”

“We ponies aren’t in a hurry like that most of the time. But you humans live faster lives! A rocket flight is as fast as you get, without magic!”

“It’s also dangerous,” Mark said. “And expensive as shit.”

“That didn’t stop my queen,” Dragonfly buzzed from the depths of the body-pile. It tickled.

“That’s because, pardon the insult, your queen is crazy,” Mark said. “But SpaceX was going to do it, at one point. What became Red Falcon was originally going to be a suborbital transport system. Get from one side of the globe to the other- literally one side to the other- in less than two hours. But it was too expensive and dangerous. Only a couple of countries, not including the USA, would license it for commercial passenger flight. They couldn’t fill up fifty seats for the first flight at a million bucks a head, not with a three percent landing failure rate. And then Project Ares suddenly took up SpaceX’s full production capacity, and the idea kind of faded away.”

“Huh. Only a million bucks?” Dragonfly shifted position under the pile. “The queen charges fifteen million bits for a tourist flight. Of course we actually give them full orbit, not just a ballistic shot. And for forty million bits you get a night on the space station.”

“That just shows Chrysalis is crazy but not stupid,” Fireball muttered.

“I go crazy,” Spitfire warned, “if you all not go to sleep!”

“Sorry.”

“Sorry.”

“Yeah, okay.”

“But,” Starlight pressed, ignoring the warning, “there are enough rich people for all those airplanes, right? Those big jets must cost a lot of money to ride on.”

“Mmm,” Mark grunted. “Week’s take-home pay for a low-end worker. Less if they get a bargain deal.”

“A week’s pay??” Starlight gasped. “Only a week’s pay? Why, anybody could fly for that, at least once a year!”

“How much do you get paid anyway, Starlight?” Cherry Berry asked.

“Well, I… um… actually, I don’t,” Starlight admitted. “I just get whatever I need from Twilight by asking. If I want something special I help her reorganize her books or something like that.”

“You’re her chief assistant and you don’t get a paycheck??” Cherry asked.

“You think she too poor, give some of yours,” Spitfire growled. “I know you make three times my leader pay. Now go to sleep!!”

“Go to sleep what?”

“Go to sleep, ma’am.”

“That’s better.”

“I don’t get paid either,” Dragonfly said. “The queen does give us spending money from time to time. I usually spend it on video games.”

“Really?” Mark asked. “I thought you said you didn’t have home consoles in your world.”

“We don’t. I buy big cabinets. Fourteen so far. Last I bought was ‘Unicorn of Ur.’ Plays great as two-player.”

“Unicorn of your what?” Mark asked.

“Huh?”

“You said ‘Unicorn of Your.’”

“When we get to Earth,” Starlight Glimmer said decisively, “I’m going to buy a jet plane ticket.”

“I pay,” Spitfire snarled, “if it just shut you up!!”

“All right, all right. Good night, Spitfire.”

“Night, Starlight.”

“Night, boss pony.”

“Good night, Dragonfly.”

“Night, Cherry.”

“Good night, Fireball.”

“G’night, John-boy,” Mark mumbled.

Beat.

“Whaaaaaat?” four voices asked.

“Good night everybody!” Spitfire, the lone dissenting voice, had the last word.

Author's Note:

Today I put the desktop in the repair shop and took one of my cats to the vet for an ear infection.

Tomorrow I find out just how impending, if at all, is my future heart attack.

In the meantime, have some sillies.

(And no, I haven't got unlimited faith in the vision of Elon Musk.)

Comments

[Moonblaze]

9162343

Oh man. I'd actually watch that. It could be the next The Room

[Adderbane]

Walton's bit at the end cracked me up.

[Alaborn]

Unicorn of Ur: Pony equivalent of Wizard of Wor?

[Georg]

This does bring up a point.

Where did the resupply missions land? If they did. I thought they would wind up on Mars ahead of Hermes.

[Misplaced Mage]

“G’night, John-boy,” Mark mumbled.

(And no, I haven't got unlimited faith in the vision of Elon Musk.)

Nor do I, but his visions aren't that much different from those from the days of Wernher von Braun. It's just that:

1. After the loss of two Space Shuttle Orbiters and their crews, NASA has become horribly risk adverse
2. NASA and the Soviet Space Program (and its successor, Roscosmos) stagnated once the political imperative to reach the Moon had been met and the blank budget checks were withdrawn
3. Technology has advanced enormously along numerous lines relevant to space flight, faster than any political imperative to keep aerospace workers employed in various congressional districts
4. Musk had sufficient seed money to fund SpaceX to the break-even point while taking risks with new technology to simplify the hardware while building on the advantages offered by combining common components with mass production, e.g., the Falcon 9 second stage engine is just a modified first stage engine, using the same propellants

[TL_One]

Last couple of chapter I've been getting a Seinfeld vibe ... and I love it

[Kris Overstreet]

9164359 Bingo.

9164362 Only one of the Sleipnir probes made it to Mars Injection Orbit, and it won't arrive until forty-odd days after Hermes. Pre-supply launches for Ares IV aren't scheduled to begin for months yet.

[Seawolf]

9164370

LOL on Selphinr

[Gym Quirk]

9164362
Sleipnir 2 is scheduled to land a bit south of the hab on Sol 585. 34 days after Hermes’ flyby.

Such are the wonders of orbital mechanics and people willing to play on the edge of normal safety margins.

[Winter Quill]

Love these character pieces :)

[Blaster M]

"I have multiple questions!" - every economist ever after hearing how Equestria does money

[DashEight]

Every decade or so someone floats the idea of commercial suborbital flights. My pre-Elon favorite was liquid-hydrogen precooled jet aircraft. It’s just too expensive and risky though, the air transportation industry got to where it is by being super-conservative as far as safety goes. The airlines tend to be the last places to adopt anything new, military and private aviation usually get the new stuff first. Maybe there’s a market for thrill-seeking billionaires who want their own private rockets?

[titanhades70]

I don't agree with Mark here. The Waltons was a very good show. One of the best in the 70's. It and MASH. I'd watch them over anything they have playing nowadays. Except MLP.

[Misplaced Mage]

9164412

The airlines tend to be the last places to adopt anything new, military and private aviation usually get the new stuff first.

It usually seems to take the occasional airplane crash or fuel shortage rendering it economically advantageous, i.e., "We'll fine you if you don't comply!" for the airlines today to adopt new technologies instead of accepting the known, but acceptable losses that accompany the old. Militaries are always interested in achieving or maintaining air superiority, sometimes without consideration of cost, and private users run the gamut from those looking for the safest, most reliable way to get from point A to point B to those in the "Let's stick an engine on it and see if it flies!" set.

[Night_Moon60606]

9164412
anytime a market like that pops up, it very rapidly gets smaller...

[Mad Library Scientist]

Question:

I know in the macrocosm, Mars isn't that far from Earth, but do they have significantly different night skies? In other words, can a person on Mars recognize the star constellations that we get on earth, or is everything jumbled around? I know from the book that the Martian North Star isn't Polaris (it's Denab, or something; not sure on the spelling)

Because if not, that's something to kill some boredom one night: naming Martian constellations and whatnot.

[Mad Library Scientist]

And no, I haven't got unlimited faith in the vision of Elon Musk.

Fun fact, I only learned a few months ago that Elon Musk was the name of a person; I had thought for years that it was the name of some obscure university or company, funding all these science-y things for publicity

[MrCakeandRice]

9164421
Mash is great!
I’ve been catching the reruns on my TV, but haven’t worked up the balls to watch Goodbye, Farewell and Amen. I think that’s what the final episode was called.

[Evident Disaster]

I very rarely post on this site anymore, but I just thought of something interesting.
If the distance between Hermes and the rover and the team are so short, why didn't the crew just think to send some transmissions of music over to the crew? I mean it might help stave off boredom. Heck an audio book might be worth sending over the closing distance unless for some contrived reason NASA didn't think to send or upload or think about transmitting media over?

[Valhuir]

9164491
For the most part, it's the same constellations, just angled slightly differently.

[M1_A4_Abrams]

9164508
That's the name all right. And it's vastly different from the tone of the rest show. Personally I prefer seasons 1 - 7.

[Dracon_Pyrothayan]

9164500
It's short for "Elongated Muskrat"

[Sir Mediocre]

9164491
If you were to look at any constellation directly outward from the orbital plane from Mars (parallel), it would appear identical or nearly so as it would from Earth. If you were to look at one "above" the orbital plane (or perpendicular or at a significant angle), there would be a miniscule shift in perspective, but probably not that you could perceive without precise instrumentation.

The difference in position relative to those constellations, many lightyears-distant as they are, would be a fraction of a degree many zeros removed from the decimal.

The reason for Mars having a different north star is its difference in axial tilt.

[Tech_Priest]

9164491
The locations themselves would be a bit weird due to orbital inclination and planetary axis differences, but the constelations would look exactly the same. Waaaaaay to little difference in angle from Earth to Mars to move them.

[Dogman15]

I wonder when Spitfire will figure out she doesn’t need to wear her suit out on these little trips. I don't understand this part.

All of the extra weight leaves them when they dump their poop outside, right? That's what eventually happens to the food their bodies don't absorb.

Also, I see you're having to write new history of what happened from 2019 to 2035, since this story was originally told in 2011/2015, and SpaceX rose to prominence in the last seven years.

[borgvicugna]

How will it smell...? Elon's Musk?

[Kvagram]

In my headcannon, Twilight is legally Starlight's parole officer and caretaker, and they are being typically Equestrian light about it.
And this is why Starlight can't legally get paid.

[Kvagram]

9164370
So Hermes get there long before the supplies? What a waste.
Well, I hope you get to mention it in the story soon. It is a loose thread, and not everyone reads the comment section.

[Production Run]

9164491
If you were on Mars, you'd see all the same stars you do on Earth, plus a few more due to the thinner atmosphere and complete and total absence of light pollution. The biggest difference would obviously be the moons. You might have a harder time seeing Mercury and Venus, an easier time seeing the outer planets, and, of course, Earth would be there and Mars wouldn't. And you'd have different comets visible at different times. Honestly, unless you have a decent amount of experience with astronomy, you probably won't notice much difference between Mars and a particularly dark area on Earth. Of course, everyone who'll be in a position to see the Martian night sky in at least the next century will almost certainly have that experience.

[EdBecerra]

I feel for you. I just took Simone in to the tech to have the drive cloned - it's just too damned much to try and transfer over 800 gigs to a new machine, so I'm paying for a professional cloning and I'll stick the new drive in as just a slave. (And I'll try to remember to wipe Win7.)

The tech and I were making jokes about "640K should be enough for anyone" and "There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in his home"...

Anyone know a good list of names of fictional female computers? That's how I name my machines, and I can't really think of another one. (Simone was from the Al Pacino movie.)

[titanhades70]

9164508
I always preferred Winchester to Burns on MASH. Despite being at odds with Pierce and BJ alot, he was a more likeable character who could really trade verbal blows with Pierce. I found the rivalry with Burns a little too one sided.

[Latrans]

9164430

"Let's stick an engine on it and see if it flies!"

You can make anything fly, really. Making something fly a second time is the real trick.

[Darkstarling]

I love these bits. I guess the Equestrians have just gotten over the human smell at this point through sheer overexposure. It's like hanging around a skunk really...

Starlight not being paid is sort of a mixed blessing really. On the one hand, your spending money is an allowance and that's always galling. On the other hand, your Princess can mostly write you a blank check for any research supplies you could possibly want and we know that's what Starlight is happiest doing.

And now I'm imagining an episode where Applejack and Twilight get into an argument about how Twilight really doesn't understand money or that other people have to work for a living due to being Celestia's protege since she was a teenager. Heck, have that happen with Sunset if you want to actually get into how she survived as a human at first.

9164572
I figure she's that too, but only technically at this point. And Starlight is getting treatment for Abstract Cutie Mark Syndrome offscreen.

[StarlightSparkle]

9164615
Everything with a surface can fly. There is a ratio for surface area/wing area to velocity and it is high, but not infinite. Missles don't have much wing area but they fly anyway using sheer speed

[Latrans]

9164527
Mark and Co. Are still limited to the Pathfinder radio which is pretty low bandwidth even with the increased signal strength. I'm also guessing that radio use is being kept to a minimum to conserve power for driving. And if not, it is likely being used to upload as many photos as possible. If you recall, the D&D books took days to download and those were plaintext. Music is going to be right out.

[Marker]

9164597
I name mine after AIs, there's GLaDOS, Legion, SHODAN, EDI, and HAL.

[tsaukpaetra]

Yeah, remember the last time y'all got bored?

[tsaukpaetra]

Why can I submit a blank comment. 😕

[GeoffWatson]

9164559
Mark means that Spitfire could use one of the other suits.
The author should have emphasized the word "her".

[Dogman15]

9164659
Ah, now it makes sense. She doesn't have to wear her suit.

[EdBecerra]

9164635
I named my old Vaio laptop after SHODAN, and a netbook after Nicole, with two of my older towers after the world-controlling computers of Robert Heinlein's Lazarus Long novels.

Trouble is, I'm running out of names of female computers. And I'm worried that if I use "Cortana", Windows 10 might get wonky about it...

[TheifofZ]

9164659
Sounds about right. I had to mentally add in the italics to stop tripping over it after I re-read it 3 times.

9164680
I personally use the names of gods of wisdom and knowledge.
My desktop is named Odin, and my phone is Huginn, for example.

[The Wind King]

9164680

Go for the old, old, old classics with Hel, from Metroplis

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metropolis_(1927_film)

(frackin' autocorrect)

[Raistlin]

9164370

I don't want to sound pessimistic, but considering the logistic problems how feasible is to permanently leave Earth in the future?

[azeazezar]

9164680
Cortana will be fine. Don't worry about it.

[ANTIcarrot]

(And no, I haven't got unlimited faith in the vision of Elon Musk.)

SpaceX has hit 100% recovery for Falcon9 in some years. Problem is that the BFR lower stage isn't just intended to land, but land on the specific supports pylons it then launches from. That's a much trickier problem. If they can do that, the BFR will be a monster, but if they can't, they may lose half or more of their payload, and all of their rapid turnaround capability. It'll still be a good idea, just not a great one.

[Darkstarling]

9164641
File a bug report

[Booster Spice]

I was expecting the last lines to go,

Goodnight Everypony.

Goodnight Pinkie.

............................................

[Shinkicker]

Hehe, adorable chapter.

I guess once it gets out that Bestbug is a gamer she’d have Sony and Microsoft after her for endorsement. All that sleek black chitin, could look vaguely console-ish.

Pity Starlight can’t ride in a Concorde. But I guess she will have to “settle” for whatever luxury Dreamliner first class she can get into. Because she sure as shit won’t have to pay for a seat.

Wonder what they’d think of ocean liners, that are basically floating cities.