You are Anon, and you have been sent to a magical land of ponies and mythical creatures. At first, you thought you had everything you wanted. That was, until you realized you were missing something very dear. Something that consumed your thoughts until you couldn't take it anymore.

(someone made this image for me and I thank them for doing that for me)

Congratulations Prince Shining Armor, you have been selected out of every pony in Equestria and her neighboring lands to be this year’s winner in the “Best Equestrian Butt” contest.

This grand tournament is when we, the Committee Logistics Of Plots, judge every rump of every pony in size, shape, firmness, softness, flabbiness, edginess, and overall use of it in all forms both practical and sexual. As the winner, you will need to present yourself in Canterlot for the award ceremony. You are the first stallion to ever win this award since it’s founding over two thousand years ago. We hope you feel accomplished today and look forward to you and your butt appearing at the awards.

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Despite what you might think, there is no clop in this. And I have Silver Quill's permission to use this art.

Pre Read and Edited by: ugugg93, Seether 00, and WIL_I_ZEN

This story is a sequel to Cheating Death

Equestria is a land filled with many amazing myths, legends, ponies, creatures, and monsters. But what happens when something new is thrown into the mix?

After the events of 'Cheating Death', Felix awakes to find he had survived his excursion into Equestria. Now a much different man then when he first set out, Felix decides to go and explore the Equestrian countryside. Change isn't the only thing that followed Felix though, as Death, or Harvey Stir in this universe, has been made his guardian until the ramifications of his actions can be fully calculated by the celestial bureaucracy. Harvey Stir keeps a close eye on him, hoping that Felix won't cause any major problems.

Such as, being involved in a bank robbery, starting random musical numbers, getting captured by a murderous cult, setting fire to a nest of changelings, or inadvertently releasing a dark god of destruction from ages long past...

...Not that any of that would happen... right?

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Special thanks to: Hortense, Wazaga, Fantoche the 13th, Sallythemanatee, munomana, and Alamais.

Celestia, the ever regal and gentle princess...

Celestia, who along her sister, rules over the land for eons...

Celestia, holder of unlimited knowledge and the power over the sun itself...

Is still a mare. And a very lonely mare.

She always wanted a foal to call her son, but she was a princess. Something desirable by many, approachable by none.
So what happens when Celestia finds a young colt?

Why she will adopt him of course. And she will love him forever.

Despite his cursing, senseless mumbling and apparent delirious mind.
Yes, she will love him, even if appearances can be deceiving...

Adam, the ever lazy and impulsive teen...

Adam, who wants nothing more than some peace and quiet, even if he's doing jack-shit to achieve anything...

Adam, holder of limited knowledge and power over his own laptop...

Is a pony. Or a colt, more precisely.

He was not always like that, though it doesn't change the fact that he is now. So, what will our human do in a foreign world, trapped in a foreign body?

Why he gets adopted of course.

And despite his cursing, senseless mumbling and apparent childish mind.
His adoptive 'Mother' will love him.

And why does her sister looks at him that way?

The sequel to this story: Sweetie Belle and the Quest for Knowledge is now available!

When Sweetie Belle finds a mysterious artifact of a now lost civilization, how will she come to terms with the wealth of knowledge it provides? It says it can be ignored, it says it will never try to influence her, but can an artifact of such power really be so harmless?

Book I of III

Prologue and Chapter 1: Thanks to TheOtherSideOfFluttershy for pre-reading and editing.
The whole story: Thanks to RaylanKrios for editing.
Chapter 4: Thanks to AuthorGenesis for editing.
Epilogue:
Thanks to Malefactory for editing.

A regular human arrives in Equestria and to most it would be a dream come true. But this human knows pratically nothing about the ponies or their world. With no home to return to, he is forced to brave this new world. So he does what any human in his situation would do. He survives.

Rated teen for swearing, blood and how it gets kinda dark. Written after season two. Updated after season 4.

Applejack and Pinkie Pie don't mind looking up to see Fluttershy flying in the sky,
or knowing that Rainbow Dash can rest on soft, fluffy, comfortable pillows while they can't,
or seeing bright, flashing lights that blind and burn their eyes when Twilight perform spells,
or knowing that Rarity can carry things and teleport without lifting a hoof while THEY need to lift THEIR hooves to do that.
Nope, they don't mind knowing that they can't do those things. Not one bit.

But when Discord get's rid of their friend's wings and horns before they head into a maze, and he doesn't take ANYTHING away from them, and their friends freak out, knowing they can't do those things now.
The two earth ponies start realizing some things.
Some very, VERY, VERY interesting things.

Cover art by Iron Hooves. Availible for takedown upon request.

Blessed with a RAGE REVIEW by Pen Brush! Thank you!
(Link to review)

If you're reading this, send help.

I don't know what vile force decided to dump me on this planet without the courtesy of letting me change out of my PJs, but he/she/it had less than benevolent intentions. I came to that conclusion the moment I woke up next next to an irritable, jumbo-sized bird of prey by the name of Gilda.

The good news is that human doesn't seem to be on the local diet, Gilda's family are far more docile than her, and there may just be a shot at seeing Earth again if this world's magic is to be trusted.

The bad? Said chance at getting home is far too interested in picking my brains apart or otherwise using me up for comfort. Then there’s the small matter of the many crushing, stabbing, and get-blown-to-bits, hazards associated with a world full of mythical creatures. Oh, did I mention that I was allergic to the natives?

Seriously, if this is the cosmos' idea of entertainment, something's gone terribly wrong.

A changeling gets a very risky and clever idea.
Pretending to be an advanced magic doll left as an anonymous gift in front of Twilight Sparkle's home.
It's so audaciously stupid there is no way it's not going to work.

In Equestria, humans serve the ruling pony class. Their lack of magic makes it near impossible to survive on their own, and so they depend on their rulers to protect and help them, and put a roof over their heads. But on Earth, and in many other solar systems, their strength is the pinnacle of hope, as they assist those they can in their frantic search for the ones who came before.

Near the edge of the humans' empire, The USSF Monarch stumbles upon Pony kind on Tango 126, one of the many targets during their hunt for the Precursors. Their curiosity is peaked, and John Punch, a high ranking Elite, is sent in disguised as one of the many Human occupants on the planet, to learn of their culture, and the Precursors' presence on this planet.

Now the respected veteran must face the social challenges of being thrust into a gender reversed, pony dominated society.