A Survivors Guide to Equestria

by Onomonopia


The Six Agents of Chaos

"Hello again Zecora," Luna said with a smile when the zebra opened to door, Zecora smiling up at Luna as she moved to the side to allow the three of them inside. The silver mare gave Zecora a look as she passed, still not liking the fact that the zebra could see through her strongest spells.

"Hello there, princess of the night," Zecora greeted back as the three entered, Ryan surprised to see that Lyra was sitting in Zecora's hut as well. "I probably shouldn't ask if everything is alright. The clouds in the sky act of their own accord, which can only be the cause of the annoyance Discord?"

"You have nailed the problem yet again my friend," Luna said with a sigh as she sat down on a chair that Zecora provided for the princess, Ryan looking from her to Zecora with a raised eyebrow.

"You two actually know each other? And here I thought that you had no friends." Luna chuckled a bit at the string of insults Ryan said to Zecora as he clutched the back of his head, Zecora smiling as well as she leaned her staff back up against the wall.

"Yes, I often come to her for advice when I am dealing with a problem that I do not know the answer to," Luna said with a sad look as she looked out Zecora's window to see buildings floating off in the distance. "In fact human, you were the most recent problem that had to come see Zecora for advice. She told me that if I was patient enough that you would come to us eventually, which you did so not too long ago."

"Wait a minute, you're the reason that they set up that trap for me in the first place?" Ryan asked Zecora in disbelief

"I simply said if they baited you would come."

"I'ma gonna kill you zebra!" Luna prepared to help Zecora fight off the human, but she disposed of him so quickly and efficiently that all she could do was look down at the crumpled body of who she used to consider a dangerous threat.

"I'm glad to see that at least a few of my subjects made it away safely," Luna said as she looked over at Lyra, who looked from the human picking himself off the floor to the princess. "I had thought that all ponies of Equestria had fallen to the Chaos Elements spell, but how did you manage to escape?"

"Honestly your highness, it's because I was here with Zecora when the whole thing happened," Lyra said. "I could see Discord and the Elements using their power on the land, but for some reason neither he nor they came to the Everfree forest. I just assumed it was because that they didn't care about the creatures or Zecora living here. Ryan, are you alright?" Lyra asked the human as he finally got vertical.

"Please, I've gotten used to having my ass kicked by everything in this world," Ryan grumbled as he looked at the princess with a smirk. "Actually princess, I've been beaten up by a regular pegasi and by a tiny fairy, yet you and your sister are the only beings that haven't beaten me yet. Heh, guess you're not so powerful after all."

"If you wish to hit him, be my guest," Zecora said as she hoofed out tea to all of her guests. "It is a great way to relieve stress."

"You're a shitty teacher, you know that?" Ryan asked her with a growl. "And that wasn't exactly a rhyme."

"Do I have to get the staff back out?" Zecora retorted as both Ryan and Zecora started to fight again while Luna watched, the last piece of the puzzle falling into place for her. She had wondered for a while how the human had managed to survive the Everfree forest for so long by himself, without heading into Ponyville for supplies and food. He would probably have died a long time ago if it hadn't been for Zecora's kindness.

"Ryan," Luna said, causing both Ryan (who was in an armbar) and Zecora to look over at her. "I believe that is what Lyra called you. Is that your name?" The look Ryan gave Lyra confirmed this for the princess. "Do not worry. I Pinkie promise that I will not reveal your name to another unless I have your permission. But what I wanted to ask you was what is your plan for dealing with the Elements of Chaos? Ryan kicked Zecora off of him as he stood up, frowning as he rested against the wall.

"Honestly, I'm not that certain what we're going to do," Ryan muttered. "I don't know these ponies or what strengths or weaknesses that they have. More information on them would be nice, but right now my biggest concern is where did they go? When Twilight was blasting me apart she mentioned about how Ponyville was now hers."

"That is where I can help." Luna created a map with a frown, showing six separate areas of what Ryan assumed was Equestria. "While I was confined by my own dungeon, that infernal Discord came to my cell and bragged about how he converted the Elements to his side. He then went on to say how each one of them had taken a separate section of Equestria to spread his chaos, meaning that they have spread out across the land."

'So we know where they are, but there is still the issue of mo...Celestia.' Lyra fell out of her chair as the silver mare seemed to materialize out of nowhere, getting a chuckle out of Ryan before Luna spoke.

"My sister was the first one corrupted by Discord's power. She has placed all of Canterlot under her control and now she rules over it as the Solar Empress." Luna looked away with tears in her eyes while Ryan looked at the map and took a closer look at the six separate areas, each of which had an Element matching to its wielder.

"We should liberate Ponyville first," Ryan said with a nod as he looked at the others. "Twilight, according to the little I know about her, is the strongest magically of the group and we could use someone like her on our side."

"Yet as the strongest, you do know that she will be the hardest opponent to fight?" Luna asked, Ryan smirking as he pulled out the twin golden batons that caused the ponies around him to back away.

"Please, I've got the gods on my side for once. There's little chance that I can lose to anypony now," he said with a grin, before Zecora cleared her throat and gave him a look. "I said anypony, not zebra. We all know that you'd win, so stop bringing it up."

"Then we have a plan, but in their corrupted state I'm not sure if the Elements will go easy on us," Luna said as she stood up. "We cannot hold back against them though. Everything depends on whether we can defeat them and restore Harmony back to the land of Equestria."

"Fine with me, I still owe Twilight for trying to tie me up when I got chased out of the village," Ryan said with a smirk as he placed the batons back in his bag. Zecora took up her staff again and added a number of vials off her shelves to her repertoire, but Lyra remained seated with a nervous look.

"I might just stay here." All eyes turned to her and she lowered herself a bit under the others looks. "I mean, I'm not powerful like Luna and I can't fight like Zecora. I don't even know who the silver pony is, but I know that she's powerful. And I can't take a beating like Ryan." Ryan grumbled about how that was the only skill others spoke of when they talked about him. "I feel like I'd just hinder everypony in this battle."

"Probably would. Let's go."

"Just because you cannot fight does not me you cannot aid us in our plight," Zecora said to Lyra with a comforting smile while Ryan hopped up and down holding his foot, swearing at the zebra. "We will need all the help we can get if Discord we are to restrain. We all fight for the same cause, even if some of us are a pain."

"You want pain? Try having your everything broken by a crazy zebra."

'As much as I enjoy watching this spectacle, I believe that it is time we made a plan,' the silver mare interjected. The other members of the group agreed and they all gathered around her. 'Luna, out of all of us you know the best about this worlds Twilight. Please tell us what she's like.'

"Great, they're all rhyming now. Just tell us her strengths without using similar sounding words."

"I can do better than that, I can also tell you her few weaknesses," Luna said with a smile. "And they are fairly easy to exploit."

\\ //
//; ;\\

This was not how Ponyville was supposed to look. Despite having been there only a few times and spent most of those times running for his life, Ryan could tell that this wasn't how things were supposed to be. The streets were empty, even though there were ponies walking down them. But there was no one home. Ryan considered the streets empty even with the ponies, because they barely made a difference.

"How could this have happened in such a short time?" Luna whispered to herself, Ryan able to hear the sadness in her voice. He could feel his own rage boiling a bit at this site. These ponies were innocent, having done nothing to evoke the pain that had been brought down upon them. Humanity had sealed their fate long ago, but the ponies...they still had a chance to live.

"It doesn't matter how it happened, all that matters is that we put a stop to it," Ryan said with little emotion, steeling himself as he walked past Derpy, the same pony that had given him the armor he wore under his jacket. He never really repaid her for doing that and Ryan hated not repaying his debts. 'This can be how I do it. By saving her and the rest of this land.'

"We know where she will be, but I see she has made some improvements to her tree." The group looked to where Zecora was pointing to find that their task had just gotten a lot more difficult. The tree that used to be the library was now a massive castle, with books flying around it as if they were birds of the skies and spell potions walked around with a broom, reminding Ryan of a movie he had seen a long time ago.

"With Discords power flooding through her along with her own Element she will be even stronger than before," Luna said as she looked back at her group. "If any of you do not wish to undertake this task, I am more than willing to face this trial by myself. It is my fault that I could not stop Discord in the first place, so I should be the one to pay."

"And give Discord another alicorn to turn even evil? No thanks, I'm already dreading the fight that I'll have with your sister," Ryan said as he walked by her with a antagonist smirk, causing Luan to flair her nostrils as she and the others followed him up to the gates of the library castle. Ryan placed a hand against the door and was throw backwards by a sudden gust of magic, the silver mare moving to the side so he wouldn't hit her as he fell.

"Alright, which one of you has the magic hocus pocus that's going to get us through this door?" Ryan asked as he pulled his body off the ground.

'I believe this is where I can help.' The silver mare glowed with a power of the unknown as she placed a hoof against the door, sending her own spells spiraling up the gate as they cast off the enchantments that had been placed upon it. She turned back to the group with a hidden smile as a creaking could be heard and the gates began to raise themselves, allowing the five to enter the castle as each of them prepared for battle in their own way.

"So this is what it would look like if these cute and cuddly creatures went bat shit crazy," Ryan said as a number of dancing candlesticks marched by him and upon one of those sticks he burned his foot when he tried to walk past.

"I never imagined that she had such a side," Luna muttered allowed as her eyes looked around the room in awe, seeing ponies from all over taking the flying books out of the air and placing them in bookshelves that reached the roof. Parchments flew back and forth across the room as the group moved on, Luna discovering that they held instructions to be carried out by the ponies and all of them were signed by Empress Sparkle. "Or that she had such a huge obsessions with books and order."

"We should probably tread lightly. Upsetting one of these might prove unsightly," Zecora warned the group as she gently moved around a shelf that was in the center of the room, the others doing the same despite Ryan's sudden urge to kick it over. Ryan spotted among the hypnotized ponies the dragon known as Spike, who was lifting far more than he should have been able to as he moved books to another section of the castle.

"Is...Is this where Twilight is?" Lyra stammered as they all spotted the gargantuan doors that had magnificent carvings on the front that showed images of Twilight in all of her glory, with the other three princesses under her hooves as she lifted both the sun and the moon.

"Man does she have an ego."

"There is a key hole here, but I spy no key far or near," Zecora muttered as she pointed out the hole in the moon. "What do you think, oh silver one. Can you undo what her magic has done?"

'I am...not certain,' the mare said as she approached the door and placed her hoof against it, channeling her magic into the door but found that this one resisted with far greater force than the previous one had. 'I do not know if I possess the destructive magic necessary to break through these enchantments.'

"Stand back everyone, I believe that I've got just the thing," Ryan said as he pushed past the ponies, taking off his armband and spinning it around his finger as he showed the glowing gold item to the others. "The gods that kidnapped me said that they upgraded all of my tools with super magic, so I bet that I can use this to fuck up whatever spells that unicorn is using. Stand back!" He drove the armband into the lock as he said this and a loud shattering sound could be heard as the magic barrier shattered. Ryan took a step back to admire the destruction before the twin doors slowly creaked open, revealing a blinding light that cast itself down upon the group.

"Oh, it seems that I have visitors," the voice said from the other room, but all of those who heard it knew who it belonged to immediately. Yet it sounded slightly different than the Twilight they were used to, for this voice sounded more demented, more like Ryan when he lost his mind. "I apologize for not cleaning up, but I thought that all of you were already under my control. But we can fix that right away. Please," she said as a staircase descended down in front of the group that led up into the light. "Step into the light."

"I hope you realize that when we get up there you're in for one hell of an ass kicking!" Ryan yelled up, only to be met with an insane cackle that echoed throughout the entire castle. Once the laugh died down the five began to climb the stairs, while Twilight allowed one last sentence to echo across her castle.

"You are welcome to try."